Kissing My Angel Goodnight

The only person I hated worse than him was me. I guess that was why I'd started cutting my arms and legs. I wasn't brave enough to actually take my own life but I could still cause myself pain. I was simply not strong enough to tell Grayson no. My weakness ruined my life. It cost me my marriage, my happiness and the love of the only man I'd ever really loved. Perhaps that wasn't really the truth. I did still love Dale with every breath I took.

I was just so hurt that he'd given up on me and us so easily. He was strong enough to take me away from Grayson. He just had to figure it out. Grayson was terrified of Dale. That was why he made me do all of those things to break Dale's spirit. The only weapon Grayson had that he could use against Dale was me.

Grayson had done this more than once. Usually the man just got angry, he told me. Sometimes they took their wives back when Grayson tired of them. Sometimes they divorced them and moved on leaving the woman a broken and used husk. In most cases the affairs only lasted a few days or a couple of weeks at most. There had been a couple of men who'd tried to fight Grayson and he beat them down either physically or he used his wife's money against them.

This time Grayson had bitten off more than he could chew. Dale had not only beaten Grayson's ass and done it almost casually. He'd gotten to Grayson's wife and got her to throw Grayson out on his ass. He'd cut off Grayson's money supply and fucked up his life.

That had driven Grayson nearly mad. He became desperate to prove that he was the alpha male here, not Dale. What Grayson wanted, what he needed, was to have Dale beg him for something. Like two wolves fighting, the defeated wolf has to bare his throat to the victor.

Both men had been bloodied and both had won after a fashion. But this battle would never be over until one of them was totally defeated.

I had originally thought that I was what they fought over. But the battle had become far different from the way it began. Grayson had seen us at the party and was jealous over the way we looked at each other. Our apparent love for each other, though we'd always thought it was our strength was our undoing. Our love was like a light in the forest. It not only warmed us and offered us protection, it became us. Unfortunately, like that light in the forest, it also brought the predators to our doorstep.

Grayson sensed the weakness in me and went after me. Dale never knew about that aspect of my personality and I thought that I'd outgrown it as well. I tried to warn Dale about it and instead of us talking about it or him taking me away he'd looked at it as a blow to his masculinity. When I'd asked him about us just going away somewhere he told me that we'd just run into someone like Grayson anywhere we went.

I was hurt because the man I loved thought that I was simply bored with him and wanted to fuck someone else. Dale simply didn't understand that I couldn't control this. Dale had always been strong, in fact I've begun to realize that he's some sort of closet alpha male. He never told me what to do or forced me to do anything. I thought at first that maybe he, like I, was some kind of submissive. But I've begun to realize that Dale is far stronger than I ever believed. He never forced me to do anything, not because he couldn't have, but because he loved me and wanted us to be equals. In fact, that man loved me so much that he ceded control to me.

As I said before, I was no longer the reason that Dale and Grayson battled. Lately, I'd simply become a tool in the war. Dale never used me against Grayson, but he'd begun to distance himself from me so I couldn't be used against him either.

In proving to Grayson that I was no longer a weapon that could be used against him, Dale had hurt me more than anything in my life. Why couldn't he see that I couldn't do this alone? I'd told him that several times. I'd even tried telling him that he was the only man I loved. All he ever had to do was take me back from Grayson. But I can see now that Dale thought that if he had to force me to do anything, then he was just as bad as Grayson was and our love meant nothing. I should be able to decide who I wanted to be with.

The worst pain I'd ever felt was when Dale came into that motel room. It wasn't when he caught me sucking Grayson off. That was embarrassing and I hated it, but that wasn't the worst. The worst was when he looked me in the eye and told me not to come home and that I wasn't his anymore. I belonged to Grayson. My heart broke then.

I'd barely come to terms with it when a few days later, I tried to go and talk to him. I'd been living with my sister, hiding from Grayson. Grayson had his own problems because after he'd been released from the hospital, Dale had him running scared. Grayson is a huge guy and my little Dale had not only beaten him in a fight, he'd done it straight up. Dale hadn't caught Grayson from behind or anything. He'd stepped up to Grayson and given him the best punch he had. When that wasn't enough he'd improvised. I still had to be careful having sex with Grayson because he still had damage to his testicles from where Dale had kicked him. And the funny thing about it was that since then, Grayson didn't seem to be able to ejaculate. That was why he'd made me tell Dale how good his sperm tasted.

On the other hand, the down side was that Grayson needed to reassure himself that he was still a macho man. So he made me have sex with him every chance he got. I don't know if he did it to hurt Dale who was beyond caring, or simply to try to restart his sperm flow, but he never shot anything since then, not even one pathetic drop. Dale had hurt his balls more than Grayson's pride would allow him to admit.

Grayson was going down incrementally. Every day he got weaker, only Dale didn't seem to know it. Dale was always one step ahead of Grayson but he didn't seem to realize he was winning. He also didn't seem to realize or care that he was destroying me in the process as well.

When I showed up at our house, I say our house because it was. I didn't work. Dale didn't want me to. So I didn't pay a penny for that house. But I picked it, I decorated it and I kept it clean. That house was as much mine as it was Dale's.

I went to that house to explain to the man I loved that what he'd seen had been against my will and beyond my control. I knew that seeing it had hurt Dale badly, but I needed him to know that it had hurt me as well. And if he really loved me, he'd hang on and Grayson would get tired of me and move on. I wanted to tell him that Grayson didn't love me, he just wanted to play with me and it would soon be over. I wanted to beg Dale to just let it end and to forgive me. Nothing that Grayson could do to me would stop me from loving Dale for a second, why couldn't either of them see that? Grayson saw something as beautiful as my marriage and since he couldn't have it, he wanted to destroy it. Dale on the other hand simply couldn't accept my weakness. He looked at it as me choosing Grayson over him. He'd also put me on a pedastal for all of our years together. So finding out that I wasn't really an angel, just a woman with failings like every other woman, devastated him.

When I got to the house, it was like being struck by lightning. Everything went white. For a few moments I forgot how to breathe. There on my deck, the deck that Dale and I had painstakingly stained and sanded, where I'd picked and arranged all of the furniture to create an oasis of comfort outside of our house where we could relax and just be together. That fucking deck was designed to send a message to friends and family alike. There was a two person hammock, a love seat and a tiny bistro table with two chairs around it. There also two lounge chairs near our tiny pool and a two person hot tub. The message I'd been trying to send was that occasionally visitors were welcome, but that there was no room for anyone to be comfortable there except for Dale and I.

That was one of the reasons why I hadn't gone off of the pill. It wasn't that I didn't want Dale's children. I did and if he takes me back after he destroys Grayson, we will have kids. But at this time in my life, I was simply being selfish. Even after all the years we'd had, I was still so completely in love with my husband that I didn't want to share him with anyone including our children yet.

Anyway, when I looked on my deck and saw that naked woman leaning over Dale, I just snapped. Dale knew me so well. He knew exactly how to hurt me the most. He knew that being nearly flat up top, I'd always felt inferior to full breasted women. That woman's breasts were incredible. And her skin was so clear. She didn't have a face full of freckles. I felt the way about her that Dale must've felt about Grayson. I hated that bitch on sight. I knew then that Dale had simply given me up to Grayson and upgraded.

We argued and I really don't even remember saying anything or what was said. But Dale had hurt me badly, nearly mortally. I didn't want to dwell on the fact that I'd hurt him first and at least he had a reason. All I thought about was Dale having sex with that woman in our house. I decided to hurt him back. And the best way for me to do that would be to go to Grayson willingly. At least now we were even I thought. I was sure that Dale would come and get me and take me back. But he didn't. In fact he never even tried to call me. Day after day, I sat by my phone. Those first few days nothing happened between Grayson and me because his balls were so sore that he couldn't perform.

He just sat there cursing Dale and threatening to kill him. He asked me all kinds of questions about Dale. Like whether he knew Karate or if he'd been a Navy Seal. I explained to him that he'd simply forced Dale's back against the wall by attacking the only thing he cared about, me.

Grayson had laughed. "You're not that pretty. You're not built very well. Why the fuck would he put himself through so much trouble over you?"

I hated Grayson even more then. I started calling Dale myself. I must have called him 50 times over the first few days. I realized then that he'd blocked my calls. I got my sister to call him and talk to him, without letting him know that I'd asked her to. It didn't work. He ended up arguing with Tina.

Grayson started calling him too. Grayson got even angrier when he found out that his wife was divorcing him and that he wouldn't get a dime. She even took his car back. She'd told him that she was going to get it repainted and offer it to Dale. I knew that Dale wouldn't want it. He was a Mustang guy through and through.

I cried that day for the stupidest of reasons. I think it was that day and that stupid car thing that made me see our lives. Dale made good money. He could afford to drive any car he wanted. He drove Mustangs because they were the car he chose and he loved them no matter what anyone said. He knew there were other cars out there. He'd seen them, all the domestics, the foreign cars, all of them and he picked the one he liked. I was a Mustang. Dale knew there were lots of women out there, but he'd fallen in love with me, not some big breasted blond with a fake laugh and perfect skin.

Grayson was sure that Dale was planning something. After all, he'd already cost him his car, his home, his marriage and all of his wife's money. Grayson didn't have anything left to lose. The only thing he had left was me and he was sure that I was the key to getting his victory over Dale and at least getting some seed money to start over again somewhere else. He started calling Dale again. He was upset that he couldn't get through either.

"Maybe he's just moved on with his life," I said, through my tears.

"If that was true then I wouldn't need you any more, would I?" snapped Grayson. "He's planning something, I just know it. That imbecile loves you too much to let you go without taking a piece out of my hide, or trying to. He still wants you back, I can feel it."

Grayson was so angry about his balls that he decided to take Dale's. The whole calling Dale while we were having sex thing was faked. Grayson had made me do it and gave me a choice. I could either make the call or he'd make me really do it in front of our house. I knew that it would hurt Dale, but I was sure that I'd be able to prove to Dale that it hadn't happened when we got back together. Dale isn't the only one with an iPhone. Without Grayson realizing it, I videotaped what was really going on during that phone call. When Dale took me back or Grayson let me go, I could just show my husband the tape. At least it would prove to him that I'd never hurt him like that no matter what. I was still on the pill and I still refused to fuck Grayson without a condom. Grayson's sperm couldn't taste good because he still wasn't ejaculating.

I literally felt Dale's pain all during that phone call. And when it was over I couldn't stop crying. I cut myself so many times that night that I was sure I'd bleed to death, but no such luck. Over the next few days Grayson played the waiting game but my Dale never called him.

Then came the night we actually saw Dale and that woman. He'd taken her out to dinner. We'd looked in through the window of the restaurant and seen them. Grayson took one look at me and was livid. He felt like he'd gotten the short end of the stick again. He was already angry because he'd found out that Dale had canceled my credit cards so he couldn't get any money. Dale had also left me a total of a couple of thousand dollars in my bank accounts and I'd used that to bail him out of jail. I wouldn't get that money back for 60 days. Grayson started to realize that Dale was winning so he decided to offer him a deal.

Grayson finally got Dale on the phone. I was glad that he did. He was going to make me go to the house and stand out there naked until Dale let me in otherwise. The thing was that this was finally over. Grayson wanted $50,000. If Dale gave him the money Grayson would leave town. Grayson also wanted to meet that cow that Dale had dated but I didn't consider her worth much. I think Grayson added her as a final dig at me. To let me know that he'd not only taken Dale's money and his wife, he'd taken the better woman too.

I didn't care. I looked forward to the meeting in the lawyer's office. For once I went willingly. I wanted to see this end. I knew that if Dale paid the money, it meant that he still loved me and still wanted me. That meant that there was a chance that we could somehow work this all out. I didn't care if it took decades. I just wanted my life back or at least a chance at it.

We sat in that lawyer's office for a very long time. There was nothing to break the silence except for the ticking of an old clock. It was maddening. Finally Grayson exploded and called Dale. He had the phone on speaker. I guess he wanted me to hear Dale begging him. But Dale didn't beg. He let Grayson know that he just didn't bother coming.

Grayson was livid. He was sure that Dale was jerking him around. We spent the rest of the day with him trying everything he could to get some kind of money from his ex-wife. That didn't work. She had a new security team. They wouldn't let him near her. I guess Grayson's appeal is based on pheromones or something. In order for it to work, you have to be near him. Since he couldn't get in, he got nothing. We got back in our motel room just as it got dark.

While Grayson ate some of the small amount of food that we had left, I got on the computer and wrote an email to Dale. I put all of my pride aside and told him the truth about everything. I told him about the guys before him who'd been able to control me and how his love had saved me from the road I was headed for. I told him the truth about the sex call with Grayson and I attached a copy of my video that proved it hadn't really happened. And more than anything else, I told him how much I still loved him and needed him. I also told him that even while I was under Grayson's influence I'd tried to get through to him. I explained to him how I kept telling him that Grayson owned my body, but that Dale owned my heart and my love and always would. Finally I begged him to come and take me back.

Just as I sent the email, Grayson came into the room and made me give him a blow job. Just like all the others, this one was fruitless. He couldn't cum. He blamed me and said that I wasn't trying hard enough to get him off. I felt strange. I felt for some reason that Dale was there with me and it made me stronger. Not strong enough to resist Grayson or to leave, but strong enough not to just give in to what he wanted. He had to push me onto the bed. And I just lay there and let him fuck me. I tried as hard as I could to just become a statue. He pounded me harder and harder trying to get me to moan or to react but I refused. He pounded me so hard he bruised my pussy, but I didn't give in.

I felt better than I'd felt in days. His attraction was weakening. Maybe the next day I'd be strong enough to leave. I felt so tired though. I felt like I couldn't get enough air, no matter how hard I breathed. I wanted to sleep. I wanted to sleep more than I ever had in my life. Maybe I could dream about this all ending and Dale taking me back. I closed my eyes and tried to sleep but it wouldn't come. Grayson was snoring heavily, beside me. After a while he stopped snoring. That was unusual but I was grateful for the quiet. It allowed me to concentrate on my dream. I was in and out of wakefulness for what seemed like hours. Then I fell asleep. I had a wonderful dream. I dreamed that Dale had come into the room. I dreamed that he'd called me his angel, like he always did. And I dreamed that he'd kissed me goodnight and told me that this would all be over soon.

I tried to tell him that I still loved him and begged him to take me with him. But the words wouldn't come out, no matter how hard I tried. I was finally able to croak out that I loved him not Grayson and that I'd been wrong. I wasn't sure whether or not he heard me. But I fell asleep happy for the first time in days. Maybe it was only a dream, a beautiful dream but for the first time in a long time I had hope.

* * * * * *

I went back to my house just as angry as I'd been for the past few days. Rage was the only emotion I could feel. I had to play my part in all of this. I composed myself before I went in because I knew that Page would be waiting for me inside. Her car was next to my Mustang in the driveway. I'd parked the rental car a block away and walked. I'd left it in the parking lot of the strip mall at the end of the block. Another light tan Honda civic would blend in with all of the rest. The car may as well have been invisible.

I plastered a smile across my face and went into the house as if I was excited. I grabbed Page and started taking her clothes off as soon as I got inside the house. She mistook my fake smile and my anger for lust that matched her own. I'm actually a little ashamed of the way I used her. We didn't make love; we had sex, angry sex, and rough sex. It was violent and I couldn't help it. I didn't treat Page like a person. I treated her like an object. I fucked her just as hard as Grayson had been fucking Sandy. In some odd sort of way, I felt as if I was getting even with him for the way he'd treated my wife. Unlike Sandy though, Page didn't just submit. Sandy had laid there and let that bastard do whatever he wanted to her. She just didn't give a fuck how much that hurt me. I was done crying over that bitch.

Page on the other hand matched my intensity. She fucked me back and clawed at me. She pulled my face to hers and demanded my tongue. She thrust her hips right into me matching every stroke and thrust and adding a few of her own. The silky walls of her vagina pulsated and drained me of all the fluid I could inject into her and demanded more. "Oh yessss," she screamed. "Take me, Dale. I love you so fucking much."