All Comments on 'Land of Men Ch. 01'

The first chapter was fascinating. Bring on the second!

1 star this is not bdsm

I agree with below that this is not yet BDSM and should probably be posted in NonConsent, but I loved it. Please post more, 5*'s for an excellent start.

Agree, not BDSM yet. I appreciate the intro and build up. This is a great start and I look forward to reading more.

I do hope you're planning several chapters. A buildup this elaborate deserves an extended treatment.

it is definitely one of the best well written first chapters i have ever had the pleasure reading. you have captured our attention in a way that few writers do thank you!

Thank you all for the votes and critiques. I apparently misunderstood how the category system works. When I categorized this chapter I was thinking of the full story which is based on BDSM concepts. However after reading the comments I reread the category FAQ and realized my mistake. Thank you all for pointing it out for me. I will put in for it to be properly categorized. I am happy to see so many enjoying this chapter. I will start on the second chapter asap. Thanks again and if you happen to find any more mistakes I didn't catch, please point them out to me or message me about them so that I can correct them.

You have caught my interest - anxious to see how the story developes

I really loved it....

I do hope you continue as their are enough stories on the site that get started and never finished

I really liked this. Sure it isn't plausible but its still well written and I can't wait to see what happens next!

Haha. And be descriptive..."as he slapped her breasts, a heat rushed through her..."

i enjoyed this,, please keep her fiesty and dont let her give in ,, give her some chances to get even and not become another statistic give the plot a few good twists ,, i really enjoyed this start ,,,a little more descriptive make things just a little more to think about but a bloody good start to what i hope it a good long story and lots more pages per chapter would be a heaven sent gift to story readers thank you

Damn she's going to give in. He's going to hold her sister over her. So is she going to allow him to have both her and her sister? Yuck, that's just a little too much family love for my liking. Talk about sloppy seconds.

Find someone to proof read your writings.

I love a good back story, but you use the word "large" about 10 times in the paragraph describing the bathroom. Thesaurus, that's all I'm gonna say about that.

Overall, I'm loving it so far! I agree with everyone else, don't let her give in too easily!! Keep her fighting!

Also I don't want him to get the little sister. I hope he just used her for bait and that's it. I'm no fan of incest.

Keep going!

I stopped reading when you introduced the male character. I guess you feel rape is okay if the man is handsome. I bet you're a huge fan of Jeremy Meeks too.

This is great ! Keep going!

Loved the beginning and the way vaiden thinks. Please keep going!

You are off to a great start. I hope to see Ch. 2 as soon as humanely possible. I was so enthralled in your story I didn't notice any grammar issues. And to the anon who critiqued your 'grammer' thanks for the chuckle.

You are pointing out the obvious all through the chapter. Using the characters thoughts to tell the reader a bit too much. It could be better if you allow the reader to enterpret some of your characters actions by them selves, and thereby allow the reader to use her/his imagination.

The more freedom you give the reader in terms of enterpretation, the more likely it will be your story will please a larger group of readers.

I feel your male character is a bit chaotic and poorly fleshed out. I would appreciate a bit of personality and perhaps background on him. Less aggressive chaos please. He is after all supposed to be a wealthy slave master, is he not? Perhaps a bit more in control? I do get the feeling that is what you are trying to get across, but him slapping her and choking her is a bit uncontrolled.

The female character is one hand feisty and proud, but on the other hand I get the feeling she is giving in far to easily. One example of this is the shower scene where she caves and not only does as she is told, but also calles him "master". It would be logical that she would be confused at that time, seeing as she is being manhandled in a cold shower, just captured and made a slave. Therefore it seems a bit odd that she is so rational.

However, I particularly liked the description of where she had him falling down in the shower. That was nicely done.

I think you have the makings of a good story here, and I really hope you don´t rush it.

Take your time to let us get attached to the characters and leave some good bits for later chapters. Everything doesn´t have to happen at once.

A slow burner will prevail :)

So want to see more please! Great writing ability and love the story :)

What happens next? Write the next chapter. It is good so far, and can get better

Awesome u gotta complete it just make it a bot more forced