All Comments on 'Landlord Makes a Nude Day Barter'

I was delighted when I recieved your e-mail this afternoon - the one in which you offered to write the "Raajeev and his Sisters Saga".

I have sent your proffered contract to my lawyer in Mumbai but I would like to suuggest to you that while most of your terms seem reasonable I do believe the advance you require seems extravagant. 5,000 Rupees is a lot of money!

Especially when you'll only have to rewrite my diaries - no original work will be required of you.

I'd like to suggest a lower advance while conceding you a further 10% of the royalties. I'd think 10 Ruupees per 1000 words would be fair.

FYI I did send an email to LITEROTICA Headquarters asking why Mr. D.K.Moon was allowed to break the contest rules. As soon as I hear back I'll advise you.

Raajeev

You must take me for the idiot that you are.

You left out a comma, a few zeros, and a decimal point.

I want 500,000 rupees as a first advance and I'm being generous with that.

Let me know when the money is wired.

Normally, I don't read stories that are more than 2 Lit pages, but you got me with the title. I have a tenant that I wish I could make the same arrangements with her.

The part with her out back in her bikini, wow. My tenant does the same thing, suns in my backyard, whenever my wife isn't there and I'll go out and talk to her.

Then, I figured they'd never get together, but that last part was worth reading the whole thing. You built it up enough that it was believable, especially with the situation that I have and wish I had.

Great story. I gave you a 5. Good luck in the contest.

but, dearie me, the writing! You use 100 words when 10 would do. The man's repetitious introspection becomes boring, leaving the reader skipping entire paragraphs. Show, don't tell, dear author, is the first precept for writing a good story.

You undoubtedly have potential as a writer, but more does not mean better. This could be a really good story if a good editor savaged it for you.

Please keep writing, but remember, spare and lean is better than verbose and overblown. At least, in writing!

Too many words to say very little. The whole story could have been cut in half. When you have to start skipping paragraphs you lose touch with the story.

This is a great story, but as previously noted, you take to long to get there. Once you are there, it is a bit of a let down, a great BJ scene and then you just skip out from there. If you don't want to write about the sex, that's fine, but you have to put something else in there, something has to happen. There has to be something that advances the story, and as somebody else noted, if I can skip whole paragraphs and still know what's going on, you have to much fluff. I read once that Stephen King edits three times, and each time he cuts out 1/3 of the story.

I'm a reader and this story read like a novel. I was involved in the story from the first to the end.

The sex scenes were incredibly hot.

Another BFW story...wow...yippee...zzzz...zzzz....zzzz

Great story, Susan. I gave you a 5 vote. Good luck in the contest.

Liz

Thanks everyone for your comments.

Congratulations on your 2nd Nude Day contest story. You write nearly as much as I do (lol).

I'm not sure which one I like better, the brother and sister one or this landlord and college co-ed one.

Hmm, maybe I prefer this one just a bit more. It's more erotic.

Good luck in the contest.

This was a hot story. It makes me realize that we older men may have a chance with a young thing.

I wish literotica would allow one comment per ISP. You'd have two comments on your stories...one from you BFW/andtheend/nun/priest/idiot and one from scouries/sarahhh/gabby/deadhorse beater/mumbling lunatic. Maybe you're all one person, I don't know. It's sickening to read your forum posts and the comments on your stories. YOU are the reason the contests are a big joke. Any legit reader who comes here looking to vote will be turned off by the childish mumbojumbo that you and your ilk provide. The good writers, who actually bring value to the contests and the site, are easily overlooked because of it.

Stop now! You aren't fooling anyone. And you darn sure aren't entertaining anyone!

I loved the story. The way you developed your characters made me feel, as if I was there in the backyard with them.

Good job.

I had a religious experience, while reading this story. It was Heavenly inspired.

This story reminded me of what happened to my Mum, after my Dad left us. She used to have sex with the landlord to keep us there. As kids we didn't find out 'til much later. I paid the landlord a visit and gave him a good trashing, but this story was nothing like that. I was rather hot.

Thanks again for all your nice comments

You ought to be ashamed writing a story like this and having that old man take advantage of that sweet young girl.

You're going to go to Hell.

I loved it!

This was my kind of story, dirty, perverted, and sick.

You'll be going to Hell writer and I'll see you there. In the meantime, this was a hot story to see a man more than 40 years older than the girl having fantasy sex.

Very naughty......but......very nice.....

I write erotica, not X-rated sexual stories. If you want that, read someone else. My thing is telling a story with plenty of character build up and that takes plenty of narative, ala James Michner.

I prefer the slow, smoldering build up rather than the raging inferno.

Thanks for reading, voting, and commenting.

Maxfly, your comment is just silly.

The story flowed. The story is coherent. From the first paragraph to the last, it told a story of a lonely widower. Perhaps, if you read the story, you'd understand. Perhaps, if you lost a love one, you'd understand.

Yet, what you understand is how to bash the story of a writer.

If you didn't like the story, just pass it by and read something else. Why did this story bother you so much that you felt the need to bash it and the writer?

Sorry, no alts, just me.

To the poster below, apparently, you don't have any friends or any fans who read your story and maybe you're jealous that I have friends and fans, who read, vote for, and leave a comment on my stories.

I'm sorry you are so lonely, but I'll be your friend, if you can just be nicer and not so mean.

Thank you for taking the time to leave a comment on my story, even if it is a mean one.

Actually, the more mean and bashing comments you leave the higher up the new stories you raise my story giving me even more reads. Thank you for that.

I enjoyed the story but found the pace frustrating. The introspective pauses that let us into John's head tended to be a bit long I think. Steping away from moving the story along like that is fine if you don't stay away so long that the flow starts to feel jerky. Other than that, I did enjoy the story. I haven't read your work before but look forward to reading more soon.

but this story was incredibly erotic and had me throbbing. Well done, darlin. :)

I'm new year but I love the way you slowly build the stories... they are all about anticipation... delicious... so restrained and understated... it is always such a turn off for a reader (me) when graphic porno cliches are thrown in your face; yours instead, just insinuates ... you leave enough for my imagination to fill in... your patience pays off... how can he win her round to what he wants, unless he knows what she desires first, it has to proceed slowly... they are both unmasking themselves to each other... in a way a genuine relationship of equals is created... the story is equivalent to the writer seducing the reader... both the seduction and story have to proceed gently...well done!

Damn nice story. I quite like the slow buildup. Good job.