by poisonivy69
it would be nice if you edited it and tried to draw out the story more. It all happens way too fast, but you have good ideas YOu're trying to fit too much in and losing the quality. The ideas however are well thought out, It's a good storyline.
depend on how it finishes........A little quick, but a cheating spouse story if I ever heard one. Male or female, what a bitch and on their anniversary. She is still a cheater.
You should really have laura find someone who loves her more than anything and let it make Rachel jealous at the wedding. Rachel is a crappy person. She deserves to be unhappy with Ron. Laura shouldnt have agreed to be in the wedding. Thats wrong on so many levels.
overall the plot is decent but it moves way too fast and needs some editing. within two days of meeting they're declaring love and halfway though the first date they have pet names for each other. this could have easily been a well written 4-5 page story if you'd have drawn out the plot and given the character's some depth.
"stud" when you meant "stood". I couldn't really get into story after that stupid error.
Not a bad story, just needs some editing. Stood instead of stud, and brush her teeth not wash them. Little things.