Law of the Heart: Consequential...Ch. 02

"Last night when Juan came on to me, I figured something out. I don't think he even knew the real reason I broke up with him. He didn't think that sharing me with his brother was that big a deal. He never saw how much that bothered me."

Jill glared at me. "I know you said you didn't want context, but you need to know this. I've always remembered the humiliation that I felt when I caught Juan and Hector switching off. That is why I got so bothered when I thought you were trying to force me on other guys. It brought back everything that I felt back in law school."

Jill's confession was a total surprise. During the entire time we had been together, she had never told me why she broke up with Juan. I had assumed that it was because of the law review article. It made me wonder what other secrets that she may be hiding. I motioned for her to go on.

"So, last night, when Juan asked me to forgive him for stealing the law review idea, I said OK. I never really hated him; I just didn't trust him. I knew that when it came to women he had the morals of a snake. As a boyfriend, he was a disaster, but he can be a fun guy to hang around with, just as long as you realize he only thinks about himself.

"But did he hit on you?" I interrupted. "What about his comment that he told you that he wanted to get back together with you? Did that happen or was he just full of shit?"

"Yes, he hit on me. I told you that he has the morals of a snake. He gave me a whole line about how much he missed me. When he told me that he wanted to steal me away from you and for us to get back together again, I laughed in his face. I told him that all he was looking for was some easy pussy and that he could peddle his bullshit somewhere else. We all had a good laugh over it because he was so obviously full of shit."

Jill looked at me seriously. "Jake, I know Juan pretty well. He was just trying to piss you off and get back at me for rejecting him. He didn't want to get back together with me; he just wanted me to fuck him. He likes to play around too much. I won't deny that he has been trying to get me into bed since I got here.

"But, for him it's just a game. He's never been faithful to anyone in his life and he can't believe that anyone else can be faithful either. He doesn't understand how important trust is to a marriage. All he was looking for was someone to fuck for a few days before we all went back to our lives. "

"Is it supposed to make me feel any better that all he wanted was to fuck you for a few days? That he was willing to jeopardize our marriage for a casual fuck?" I asked Jill bitterly. "Why in the hell did you keep on hanging around with him if he was hitting with you? I'm going to kill that asshole!"

Jill looked at me with a look of exasperation. "Jake, you told me earlier that you trusted me to take care of myself. There is no way that I am going to fall for a line of bullshit like that. I've been dealing with wolves like that since I was sixteen. If I avoided every asshole that hit on me, I'd never leave the house."

"Why did you tell him that you wouldn't run around on me behind my back?" I asked.

"You've got to understand what was going on. We were all sitting there drinking and getting silly. After I laughed in his face, his hitting on me became the running joke for the evening. Nobody, including me, thought that his pick up attempts were serious.

Everyone was ragging on him for getting shot down and he kept giving me worse and worse lines while we all laughed ourselves silly. I kept on telling him no. Right before the end of the night, he gave me the worst line that I had ever heard and begged me to stay with him forever. I told him to dream on and started to walk away. At that, he said enough with the bullshit, and flat out asked me what it would take for me to sleep with him again. I was getting annoyed at that point and told him that I would never run around on you behind your back. It was a stupid comment that didn't mean anything.

"You've got to believe me," Jill pleaded, "I can't believe that Juan even mentioned it. Everyone knew I was joking. Ask Steve if you don't believe me. Juan was just trying to make trouble for us because he tried to get me into bed again tonight and he thought that he had succeeded. When I let him know he had got shot down again and wasn't going to get laid, he wasn't happy. I think he hoped that if he pissed you off and you stormed out that I would run crying to his arms."

For the moment, I decided not to ask Jill any more questions about the previous night. I had no way of corroborating her statements. I was disturbed that she had never told me the truth about her and Juan, but, to be honest, we rarely talked about our old relationships.

What bothered me more was why she had decided to renew their friendship. She admitted that she knew he would hit on her. How could I harmonize that fact with her prior statements that it bothered her when she got hit on? Why was Juan different? How could she be so blasé about it? Couldn't she see how that might look to other people?

I also was not ready to confront her on the reasons why Juan thought he was going get her into bed tonight. I needed more facts first. So, it was time to ask her about something else.

"Can you explain to me why you were out on that boat with Juan and Hector today? I thought you would be out on the cruise with the rest of the reunion. What were you doing out there?"

Jill got up from the table and went into the other room. A few minutes later she walked in with a bottle of our favorite wine and two glasses. She poured us each a glass and looked at me with a wry expression on her face. "I picked this up Thursday thinking that we could have a romantic drink by candlelight the night you came down. Might as well open it now since I don't know how much romance we are going to have tonight.

"O.K., the boat," she went on with a sigh. "The quick answer to your question is that while we were drinking last night, we got to talking about the events that the reunion committee had planned. None of us were that excited about spending an afternoon on a tour boat floating around Miami harbor. When Juan and Hector invited us out on their boat for the afternoon to go snorkeling on the reef we jumped at the chance. You know how much I used to love to snorkel when we lived down here. I thought it would be safe since Steve, Meredith and Sally was invited too."

Jill looked at me nervously. 'Don't get mad, Jake. We did get a little wild on the boat. We were all drinking and Juan brought out some really good pot. After we got done snorkeling, Hector's wife Maria took off her bikini to sunbathe. I couldn't believe it. Then, the guys start to tease us too and Sally, Meredith and I got talked into taking our tops off too. I swear nothing else happened. I know I shouldn't have done it without you there, but you never object to my taking off my top when we go to topless beaches."

"So all that happened is that you took your top off and got wasted?" I asked incredulously. "How about Juan? Did he flirt or hit on you any more?"

"Of course he did. He has a one track mind." She replied, "but I shot him down. Jake, you know he's a pussy hound, but he's harmless. I know how to handle him."

As Jill was talking, I could see the realization dawn in her eyes. "You're worried about Juan and the way I acted tonight. You think I'm attracted to him. I told you, I don't want to have an affair with anyone, especially Juan. After that crap he pulled on me with Hector I wouldn't sleep with him if you paid me.

"Tonight started out as a setup to see how you would react. I was using him because you knew about our past history. Come on Jake, even if I did want to cheat on you, do you think I would be so dumb as to do it in front of Steve and Meredith? The only thing that happened was we all got a little stupid and took out tops off."

Jill was right. I was still worried about her and Juan. I had seen how they had danced tonight and how she had let him touch her in the hot tub. The prevarication in her comments bothered me too. She was acting like the lawyer she was and leaving herself some wiggle room.

Another problem was that she still hadn't told me the whole truth about what happened on the boat. From what I had seen through the binoculars, I knew that she wasn't telling me everything. I saw her behavior. She had not acted like she was rejecting Juan. If anything, she seemed to be encouraging him. But I wanted to give her one last chance to come clean. "What happened to the top of your bikini? You didn't have it on when you came ashore."

Jill frowned at this question and played with the edge of her glass for a moment while deciding how to phrase her answer. "It got lost. On the way back in, I went to put my top back on and couldn't find it. Sally had tied it to one of the bumpers. When she told me, I went out on deck to get it before we reached shore and Juan came with me to give me a hand. He was finally able to reach out and grab it, but the son of a bitch started to play around and wanted to play keep away with me. He wanted me to rub up against him while I was reaching for the top so he could grab a cheap feel. When I told him to stop playing around and give me the top, he let it go."

I shook my head. She still was not telling me everything. "Jill, I saw you on the boat. It sure looked like you were having a good time with Juan. I'm having a hard time believing you when you say nothing happened."

"What? How did you see us?" she sputtered.

"I was sitting on the dock waiting for the boat. Someone lent me a pair of binoculars and I watched you as the boat came into the marina. I saw you standing next to Juan on the deck topless. You two seemed pretty affectionate. I watched him throw your bikini top away. You weren't mad. It looked like the two of you thought it was a big joke."

Jill was getting annoyed that I wasn't accepting her explanation. She took a deep breath to calm down and tried to explain her behavior again. "Jake, I told you, we were pretty wasted. You know how stupid things seem funny when you're high. Of course Juan was laughing; he thought that it was a hoot that he had tossed my new bikini top overboard. I've already told you that he was hitting on me, but I had it under control.

"Yes I might have been laughing too. I was trying to be a good sport about it, but I was angry with him too. That was a brand new bikini and you never really got a chance to see me in it except for a few seconds the night before I left. What you saw was my telling him that he was going to replace that bikini if he knew what was good for him."

Suddenly Jill got a horrified look on her face, as she thought about what I had said. "Oh shit, I know what's bothering you. If you saw Juan fooling around with my top, you saw him grab me too. Please. Tell me what you saw. Please tell me you saw everything."

With a toneless voice, I told her, "I saw him say something to you and then grab you around the waist and hold you tight. I didn't see you pull away. You seemed pretty happy to be in his arms. The boat hit a wave and I saw your nipples bouncing up and down on his chest. That was when I stopped looking.

"I thought you told me nothing happened." I accused.

"Nothing did happen Jake!" She pleaded. "When I told Juan he owed me a bikini, he laughed at me and told me that he would gladly buy me one, but that he needed to check my measurements. He was fooling around and grabbed me for a hug. I lost my balance when he grabbed me and we hit that wake. The only reason I grabbed him back was because I was trying to get my balance.

"I pushed him away as soon as I could. I got pissed and told him that he had gone too far. I wasn't happy about it at all. Ask Steve if you don't believe me. Please tell me you saw me whack him and walk off. The whole thing didn't last for more than a few seconds before I was able to get him off me. I then went downstairs to get a shirt on."

I shook my head to let Jill know that I hadn't seen her push Juan away. Once again, my investigation has hit a dead end until I could talk to Steve. I had no way of knowing whether Jill was being honest with me. When Juan had grabbed her, I wasn't looking at her reaction; the sight of her nipples bouncing over his chest mesmerized me. Frank had taken back the binoculars after only a couple of seconds so I hadn't been able to see anything else. Had this been an unlikely coincidence? I needed to find out more.

"What happened after you got off the boat?" I continued.

"As we were pulling up to the dock, I recognized you. I could see you sitting there in the sand in that ridiculous hat with your pant legs rolled up. I was curious as to why you were sitting there and hadn't changed, but I was glad to see you. I waved to you as we were getting tied up, but you didn't respond. I don't know if you could see me.

"I hurried into the cabin to grab my stuff and started to walk up the dock with Sally. I was expecting you to stop us when we got off the dock. When you let Steve and Meredith walk by you without your saying hi, I figured that you wanted to surprise me first. That is why I walked by you. I kept on expecting you to grab me and give me a hug.

"When you just sat there, I wasn't sure what to do so I kept on walking up the path to the hotel. I was confused and hurt. I didn't know why you were pretending not to know me. I was wondering what type of game you were playing. I just kept walking back to the hotel while I tried to figure it out.

"The closer I got to the hotel, the more confused I got. I needed to talk to you, but I didn't feel right about announcing to everyone that you had been sitting there and just let us all walk by. I couldn't understand your behavior and I didn't want to embarrass you. I was trying to figure out a way to get away when I remembered that I had left my rings on the boat."

"Your rings?" I interrupted.

"Yes, my wedding and engagement rings. I took them off before we went snorkeling so I wouldn't lose them. I left them in a cup in the cabin. When I saw you at the dock, I wanted to get off the boat as soon as possible to see you and forgot that I hadn't put them back on yet.

"Getting my rings gave me the excuse I needed to get back to the dock. I told everyone that I needed to go back to the boat to get my rings and that I would see them later. Juan wanted to come with me, but I told him that he needed to go buy me a bikini for the Luau. I was still pissed with him for grabbing me and I didn't want to be alone with him.

"Besides, I didn't want anyone to come with me because I wanted to talk to you alone. I wanted to find out why you didn't stop me. I needed to find out what was going on. So I started to walk back to the dock. I saw that guy you had been sitting with on the path and he kind of leered at me as he walked by.

"Oh shit," she exclaimed with a rueful laugh, "he saw me topless too, didn't he?"

I gave her a terse nod to let her know she was correct. She shook her head and went on.

"When I got to the dock, I started to look for you, but I didn't see you anywhere. I saw your briefcase next to where you had been sitting, but you weren't there. I walked down the dock and walked past Juan and Hector's boat to see if you had walked out to the end of the dock.
"When I turned around, I saw you get off of Juan and Hector's boat and almost run down the dock. I started to walk back down the dock to you, but you grabbed your stuff and headed towards the marina. I couldn't understand why you were ignoring me, it really hurt," she said quietly.

As Jill told her story, I began to feel uncomfortable. Was I was partially to blame for what had happened? Had my passivity driven her into Juan's arms?

"I didn't see you." I told her honestly. "When I got off the dock, I looked up and saw someone coming down the path from the hotel and I was afraid that they would wonder why I was hanging around the boat. So, I went over to the marina."

"I still want to know, Jake. Why did you let us walk by you at the dock? Why didn't you stop me?" Jill asked earnestly.

"I'm not really sure," I admitted. "The stuff I saw you doing with Juan through the binoculars surprised me and I wasn't thinking very clearly. What I saw was my wife behaving in a way that I did not expect. I guess I needed some time to think and calm down before I started to talk to you."

Jill nodded thoughtfully. "I think I understand. When someone you love acts in a way that you don't understand, it hurts. I know that it hurt me when you walked away from me. I couldn't understand why you were pretending that you didn't know me. I thought about chasing after you, but I was getting angry with you. The whole situation just seemed like an escalation of the way you have been behaving these last few years. I was wondering why you had come down if you weren't going to let me know you were there. I got so upset that I just couldn't face you."

Jill shook her head and grimaced. "You didn't let me know you were there because you didn't understand my behavior. I didn't talk to you because I was upset at your behavior. How the fuck did we get ourselves into this mess?"

"I don't know Jill," I replied. "I'm still looking for answers. Tell me what else happened."

"I watched you walk towards the marina. I was getting angrier and angrier with you. I decided that I was going to get my rings while I thought about what to do. I went out to the boat to pick up my rings." Jill looked at me with an anxious expression. "Jake, please tell me that you have my rings. I couldn't find them anywhere on the boat."

Without a word, I pulled the lace from around my neck. At first, she let out a sigh of relief when she saw her rings, but then her eyes widened when she saw that there were three rings on the lace. She quickly glanced down at my finger to confirm that I had taken my ring off. I just dropped the lace on the table between us and let it lie there. With a trembling hand, she started to reach for the rings, but I lifted my hand to stop her. "Let's finish the story first."

Jill paled when I stopped her from picking up her rings. She looked at me for a long time gazing into my eyes trying to tell what I was thinking and feeling. I did my best to keep my emotions in check and just waited for her to continue. She finally took a sip of her wine and went on.

"When I couldn't find my rings, I almost panicked. I didn't know if you had taken them or if they had been stolen by one of the dockhands. I thought about telling Juan or Hector, but I didn't want to get you into trouble if you were the one who had taken them. I looked over at the marina but I couldn't see where you had gone. I didn't know whether I should look for you or not. I decided that the best thing to do was to go back to my room in the hope that you would meet me there.

"On the way back, I stopped at the front desk to see if you had left a message for me. The clerk told me that you had stopped in earlier and explained that she couldn't let you in because you were not on the registration. She also said that you had told her that you would meet me at the dock.

"That let me know why you hadn't changed, but it still didn't explain your behavior. I explained to the clerk that you must have missed me. I fixed the registration and picked up your key."

Jill stood up and went over to the bedside table where she picked up a key card. With a pointed glance down at the rings still sitting on the table she presented the key to me. I took it without comment and gestured for her to continue.

"Juan found me in the lobby and came over. Now that he had sobered up a bit, he was apologetic for grabbing me and for throwing the top overboard. I think he realized he went too far. He took me into the resort boutique and showed me the bikini he had picked out for me. He bought me that new bikini that you saw me wearing tonight. He wanted to buy me some other stuff too, but I wouldn't let him." Jill snorted. "That was Juan all over. When we were going out he would screw up and then try to make it up to me by buying me a gift."