All Comments on 'Life Sentence Ch. 03'

There is soooooomuch detail about what is really a build up to the present and Penny's relationship to Michael. Penny has been terribly abused and that is the reason Michael has acquired her. We'd surely want to know something about the abuse (although this chapter hardly qualifies as a description of the worse abuse), but I fail to see that the description of her abuse to this point is germane to our interest in Michael and his present ownership. You have already hinted (by tattoos and more) about that abuse. How does Michael feel about his part in the slavery trade, about Penny, and about the slave trade as a whole. He does never react in today's tale....not even a, "go on please," or an, "explain that," or, "what did you think.?" The description of her life to the moment that this chapter ends contains too little of her thoughts and too much description of her experiences (much of it---the other people--- not interesting or fleshed out. Your writing to this point (grammar and clarity) is excellent. Plot and narrative needs tightening. This reader will be waiting expectantly for your next chapter.

Really it is great to have such detailed and enthusiastic feedback. So few people bother to comment and it feels like I might as well be dropping these words down a hole in the ground ... (ok I admit it, I crave attention, why else would I write and publish?)

Okay, it is a bit of a slow build-up, but the next chapter is now finished, and I have had a bit of a writing burst so the 5th chapter is under way. To be frank, the next chapter is quite horrible - things get a lot worse for Penny, and we do see a little more of Michael's reaction, but the story takes off into the territory you seem so interested in in chapter 5 - what happens once Penny has told about her past, and how the pair deal with the future.

I can understand that this slow approach is perhaps not what you expected, but I wanted to draw the reader in, slowly going from light to dark, bringing the reader on the journey Penny had taken, from innocent pleasure and experimentation into claustrophobic horrific nightmare. The lack of detail about the other characters was quite deliberate - they are less and less human, less and less fleshed out as the story goes on and Penny stops seeing them as people, just as they have stopped seeing her as a person. So please bear with me, and even if the next chapter does not fully meet your hopes, I hope you will read on.

I don't expect many people will think the next chapter is very erotic. (indeed for parts of it I hope no one does - they would need to be very sick people) and perhaps I will loose readers who come to this site for entertainment and titillation, but for me it was necessary for my understanding of Penny.

Next chapter now submitted... please comment if you like it. Or if you don't.

It's erotic and horrific all at once, in part because there's a certain believability to Penny's ordeal. It's a story that could easily continue as erotica or branch into suspense thriller territory at any moment. Can't wait to start on the next one.

You are a great story teller, and I find myself becoming aroused by her experiences, UNTILL I think about how horrible it would be for anyone to be treated like this young lady has been (and I know that things like this really do happen). So I have to be honest with myself here and admit that while I love the story (hopefully this is fiction). I hate the thought of anyone being actually treated like this!!!