Lisa Ch. 07a: Jessica

"I don't know. Sorry. But Jess, you said so yourself, the things I did to you were way worse than what the other men did, even Josh. How can I ever make up for that? How can I ever be equal?"

Jessica slipped into his arms. Bringing her hands to his cheeks she gently ran her thumbs over the cuts and bruises, trying to soothe him. "We talked about this, remember, in the car?" she began, her cheeks turning pink when Angus' expression made it evident that he remembered the car clearly. "I've moved on. And so have you, and this oath is a new beginning for all of us. Let's just start over okay, clean slate for all of us."

"Okay." Angus said the tension leaving his body. Jessica felt him melt around her. Pecking his lips she turned so she could see the other men. She looked around at the them. The blood on their faces was drying, eyes, lips, cheekbones were swelling and apart from the dejected expressions on their faces, they looked tired and broken. She wished they could take a break to clean up and rest but she recognized the wisdom in completing the oath before anything else.

"This oath symbolizes a new beginning for us." She said holding Riley's gaze, then Scott's, Jim's, Josh's, looking over her shoulder at Angus, and then reversing the pattern, "In my mind, we go forward from today by letting go of the past. We have an opportunity for a new beginning, let's use it ... please."

"Starting from scratch?" Angus asked into her hair.

Jessica nodded, "Complete scratch."

"I'm in." Scott said. Jim, Josh, Riley and Angus agreed too.

"Josh." Jim said. "You must have been feeling like shit for a long time about Pam."

Josh nodded. "I'm sorry Jim. You have no idea."

Jim stuck his hand out, "I appreciate it. I'm not sure that I should be the one to offer forgiveness ... you didn't rape me. But for what it's worth, I forgive you."

Eyes rimmed red, Josh shook Jim's hand. "Thank you." Josh said.

"One more thing," Jim said once both he and Josh composed themselves, "Before we write and take the oath ... Jess, you hate the name Jessica. It'll take some getting used to but we can go back to calling you Lisa."

Jim's question was met with stunned silence. The men were taken aback but Jessica looked completely derailed. Her reaction cut the men to the core. Guilt weighed down on each of them as they remembered everything they did to make her accept her new name. It was clear Jessica remembered too.

"Jessica ... Lisa ... fuck ... I'm sorry." Angus said in a dejected tone. God, if there was one thing she had to resent all of them for, especially him, it was that. They'd taken her very identity, the one thing that she'd clung to with such veracity.

Riley groaned. Just like all the other horrible things they'd done to her, he had given the order to change her name. It occurred to him that she could change her mind about the oath, now, remembering this. She could change her mind and he couldn't blame her.

Scott and Josh shifted their eyes between Jessica's frozen expression and Jim's earnest one ... once again struck dumb by Jim's abilities to think of everything. The biggest freedom they could give her ... her identity back, Jim was without doubt a genius.

Jessica gaped at Jim. Her initial response to Jim's question was astonishment. Her name, the first battle she'd had with the men. The first thing they'd taken from her ... arguably the most damaging thing they'd done to her, and she had all but forgot about it. But her second response was a fierce and absolute repulsion. Her mind reeled. Lisa was a different person. She existed at another drastically different time in her life. She was Jessica now and to change that was just as much a personal assault on Jessica as the first name change had been.

"I resented the name for a very long time." Jessica finally said shuddering at the memories of that time. "But Lisa belonged to my parents, my brothers, to my old life ... she doesn't belong here. I'm Jessica now and I want to stay Jessica."

"But you resent it." Riley said.

Jessica shook her head, "No. I don't resent it. I don't think we would be where we are if I was still Lisa, and I like where we are. Please, I just want to be Jessica ... your Jessica."

"You're sure?" Angus asked.

Jessica nodded, "I'm positive."

"Okay." Jim said, "So to recap, we're going to do as much together as we can. Riley and Angus, you should join us for workouts and target practice ..."

"And fucking." Angus said, "We fuck Jessica together from now on." He continued in a low, sexy, growl in Jessica's ear. Jessica shivered in anticipation and pressed herself back against Angus as hard as she could. Feeling his cock straining against her, and his arms, his body, so strong and powerful holding her, made her want him so bad.

"Fuck yes!" Scott hissed. Riley and Josh grunting their agreement.

Jim nodded his agreement, then cleared his throat, "We'll keep our assigned days with Jess. One on one fucking when it's our day is fine, but no tag teaming. More than one of us with Jess means all of us... to keep things fair. Angus, Scott ... no experimenting on your own, it's all of us together or only one of us."

"Sure thing Jim." Angus replied.

"No problem Jimbo," Scott added locking his eyes with Jessica's when she glanced at him, "We'll wait for the rest of you to make Jess' eyes roll to the back of her head ... curl her toes ... squirt across the room ..."

A collective groan from the men and a very distinct moan from Jessica had Scott, Riley and Josh moving toward Angus and Jessica while Jim sat on the sofa panting and frustrated with his inability to move.

"Fuck guys ... can we finish this fucking oath first?" Jim demanded. "And I want my fucking ribs taped up before Jessica squirts anywhere."

"Guys." Josh said grabbing Scott and Riley's arms before they made it to Angus and Jessica, "Jim's right. Let's make Jess our wife first."

Struggling for control Riley and Scott stopped. The sound of panting filled the room. Angus worked hard to control his need to strip Jessica down, bend her over and fuck her ass, and it wasn't long before he realized he was going to fail unless he got some distance from her. Looking around his saw Riley staring at Jessica and he realized that it was still Riley's night with Jessica and once again he'd managed to get in Riley's way.

"This is going to fucking kill me." Angus said into Jessica's ear, "But it's still Riley's night with you ... you should be with him."

Jessica nodded and moved to Riley who more than willingly pulled her into his arms. But then he looked around at the other men who were still struggling to get themselves under control and it occurred to him that if they were going to share Jessica sexually, all of them at the same time, it would get pretty ugly if they thought only of themselves and spent the time jockeying for their turn with her. To avoid any future issues, he thought it best if he start to set an example of sharing now. The men were seating themselves, Scott in the armchair, Josh and Angus on dining room chairs that they'd hauled into the living room. The only fair thing to do seemed to be to let Jessica decide who she wanted to sit with. First anyway. Maybe she'd rotate. God, she'd have to rotate when they were having sex ... The mechanics of how that was going to work escaped him. But for now, he'd stick with seating arrangements and hope he could avoid feeling jealous if she didn't pick him. Man, if he got jealous over that he was afraid to see what he'd do during sex.

He took a deep breath and exhaled before asking, "Jess, who do you want to sit with?"

The other men looked at him in surprise. But Jessica didn't miss a beat.

"Jim." She said. But froze when she saw the looks on the other men's faces.

"What's wrong?" she asked.

"Are you always going to pick Jim first?" Angus asked.

"Um. No." Jessica said carefully. She realized that she had to be careful with how much attention she paid Jim. Even a new beginning wouldn't remove old resentments. And then a thought occurred to her. She loved them all. And she honestly enjoyed the company of each of them. But in her heart of hearts, Jim was her best friend. She looked at Angus, and then at the others. How was this going to work? Couldn't she love one of them in a different way? Just as a friend?

"I picked Jim because I want to make sure he's okay." She added. "Although, I guess you guys are pretty battered too." She said raising a hand to Riley's face and gently caressing his bruised cheek.

Angus felt like shit ... Jim was practically an invalid because of him and he had the nerve to be jealous of Jessica wanting to comfort him. He was beginning to get a good picture of how much of an asshole he really was and he didn't like it. He was relieved Jessica seemed capable of seeing past that. "Jess, Jim's hurt way more than we are. Just go sit with him."

"Okay. But aside from that, we do have a problem." Jessica said.

"What problem?" Angus grumbled.

Jessica took a deep breath and looked up at them. "Okay. I don't know how to explain this so that you all can truly know what I feel and believe me when I say that I love you all equally ... but I'll try because I want to be as honest as possible. You men, are all friends, right?" she asked.

"Right?" she repeated when all she got were stares. The men nodded their acknowledgement. "Okay. You all love each other, you'd do anything for each other ... but wouldn't you say that Angus and Riley are 'best friends'."

Angus and Riley exchanged looks.

"Jim, Josh and Scott, I'm not sure really who's best friends between the three of you. From what I've observed I'd say that the three of you are best friends. You have the same interests ... same humor, that kind of stuff. And I don't think any of you get jealous of each other because you have best friends in the group ... or do you?"

Jessica didn't wait for a response because she could tell that Riley was just about to interrupt her.

"So ... so I think that subtlety may be what you're picking up between Jim and I. I see part of Jim like I see all of you. My soon to be husbands. And then there's part of Jim that I see more like my ... " Jessica shrugged. "brother I guess. He's my best friend just like Riley is your best friend Angus ... And Scott and Josh, like you're best friends."

"So you feel like you're having sex with your brother?" Josh asked.

"Oh no ..." Jim groaned and closed his eyes.

"No, no, no, no ..." Jessica said shaking her head emphatically while twisting up her face in disgust. "For me there are two Jims ... Jim my boyfriend, and Jim my best friend. I guess that's probably why it took us so long to be intimate to begin with. I don't think either of us could see ourselves having sex."

"Are you trying to explain that you love Jim more?" Angus demanded.

"No!" Jessica replied.

"I think I get what you're saying Jess." Riley said.

"Then enlighten us." Scott said, "'Cause I'm completely missing it."

"Okay ... Angus you know how we just hang out sometimes. Have a few drinks, shoot the shit? And you know how it's perfectly fine if the other guys are there ... but somehow it's not quite the same as when we're alone? I mean, I don't know about you but there are lots of times I'm glad it's just us."

Angus nodded.

"Well, that's what Jess means. There's something between them at a friend level. Hell, Jess could be a man for all it matters ... or Jim a girl. They're just best friends."

"I'm not going to favor anyone." Jessica said, looking around at them. "Or at least I'll try not to. But there's that friend part that I won't be able to change and trying to hide it will be totally against the oath. Will you guys always be upset when I pick Jim? I'm going to be as fair as I can."

"Trying to be too fair could turn it into reverse discrimination." Scott said. "You know ... not giving Jim his fair share just to make sure no one thinks he's getting favors." Scott added when they all looked at him like he was nuts.

"I hadn't thought of that ..." Jessica said glancing at Jim, distress dancing across her face.

"It's not your responsibility Jess." Jim said. "Guys, you're going to give her a fucking ulcer if she thinks she has to keep everything perfectly even. Just let her do what comes naturally for a while. If it becomes too one sided, we'll talk about it and adjust. But her point about being best friends is valid. Because she is my best friend."

"I'm not getting it." Josh said. "Jess, you told Scott and I that we're all friends, and that as time goes on we'll get to be better friends. Isn't there a chance that we'll all be best friends?"

"That's true." Jessica said. "We are all friends and we keep getting to be better friends ."

"But there's something different about Jim?" Angus asked in a quiet voice. He looked sad. They all looked sad. Jessica nodded and looked down at her hands.

"Can you give us some examples?" Scott asked. "Examples of things Jim did that makes him your best friend?"

"Okay. Remember when you decided to take me off the leash?" Jessica asked.

"How can we forget?" Angus asked scowling at Jim. That had been one of the times that Jim had been more frustrating than usual.

Jessica hesitated as she looked back and forth between Angus and Jim. The hostility rolling off of Angus was overwhelming. She didn't understand why Angus was so mad but she instantly wished she hadn't brought it up.

"Yes, we remember." Riley said working hard at not letting his anger show. "Go on, what about it?"

"Maybe that's not a good example ..." Jessica muttered, looking at the men and seeing unhappy faces on all of them.

"Never mind us, just keep going Jessica." Scott said.

"Jim?" Jessica asked. Jim was already pale from his injuries, and fatigue, but now he looked downright sick.

"Keep going." He wheezed.

"Okay. Well, Jim was working at that for a really long time. Really early on ... before I realized that Jim cared about me, he promised me he'd get me off the leash. He knew I hated it. I thought he was crazy. It took him a long time to convince me that things would be better if I co-operated. I thought he was just trying to hurt me somehow. But over and over, time after time, he told me what I could do differently so that you could trust me off of the leash. I couldn't understand why he bothered. But he kept saying that things could get better for all of us. That's all he's ever tried to do. Make me happier. Make us ..." she swept the air with her hand to indicate all of the men, "happier. It wasn't easy. I think he could have made his life easier if he hadn't bothered. And there are hundreds of examples like that, where Jim could have taken the easy path but he didn't. He fought for me."

"Like the time with Ebony." Scott added. Scott looked at Riley and Angus. "That time Jessica rode Ebony and fell off, remember?"

"Fuck yeah." Riley said.

"Vividly." Angus added.

"Well, there'd been a misunderstanding. Jim hadn't really told Jessica she could ride. But he took the heat for it. Remember when we thought he was the dumbest person on the face of the earth?"

"Jesus Christ Jim." Riley stated, staring at Jim in complete amazement.

"All of that shit. You went through all of that shit on purpose?" Angus demanded.

"We were assholes to you." Riley said quietly, replaying all of the times they'd bullied, berated, fought, with him.

"And I was a chicken shit." Josh said. "There were times I considered arguing for Jessica but then I thought about how Riley and Angus treated you when you did, and I chose not to. Jim, I'm sorry." He said looking at Jim with reverence. And then he turned to Jessica, "I see why Jim's your best friend Jess. You won't hear any complaints from me when you want friend time with him. I promise."

"Me too." Scott said.

"I don't understand why you did that Jim." Angus said. "To do it now, I can understand. Hell, I'd do it now. But back then? Jessica was the enemy, we intended to torture and then kill her. None of us could have imagined ... this ..." he opened his arms to encompass all of them.

"Jimmy did." Jessica said. "That's what I mean about vision. He knew even back then that we were meant to be more to each other. He told me so. I thought he was either crazy or he tricking me to break me down. But again and again Jim would tell me that we had to change things. Time and time again he'd stand up for me when it meant pain for him. I couldn't help but love him. He's my best friend."

"Okay. Okay." Riley said raising his hands in surrender. "I get it. I really get it. I won't hold your friend time against you ... or at least I'll try not to."

"How the hell are we going to tell the difference?" Angus asked, looking at Jessica. "I'm sorry, but lover wise, soul mate wise ... and if there was a way to measure up to Jim on the best friend front I'd include that too but I'm not sure that's possible ... but in all other ways I want to be equal. How do we know when your time with Jim is a friend thing and not a love thing?"

"I don't know." Jessica said.

"We could just tell you." Jim said. "When we're doing something together that's friend only, then we'll just call it friend time."

"Do you have a lot of these 'friend' times?" Angus asked suddenly seeing this label as an excuse to exclude him and the others.

Jim exhaled in exasperation. "I don't know." He said. "Why don't we see how it goes and adjust if we have to?"

"What kind of friend things do you do?" Riley asked.

Jim shrugged his shoulders, gasping in pain almost immediately. "Normal stuff. Play cards, watch TV, sing, dance, hang out ..."

"You did all of that on your nights alone? In your room?" Scott asked.

"Yeah."

"Maybe you can do them out here now. You know, we'll stay out of it, but you don't have to hide away in your room." Scott continued. "I would really love to see it happening."

"Okay," Jim said looking at Scott in a way that made it obvious that he couldn't see the point behind his request.

"So we can learn." Angus said for Scott. "I'd like to see it too. I have no clue how to be friends with Jessica."

"It's not hard Angus. You just have to be creative." Jim said.

Angus thought about that. How could he be creative? Finally he snickered. "I haven't got a fucking creative bone in my body."

"That's not true." Jessica said. "You made such a beautiful dinner for us that one night. That takes creativity. And yesterday ... in the car. That took creativity. But to be honest, I'd just be happy spending time together. One on one, and all together. That doesn't take a lot of creativity. Working on the cars with you ... maybe even doing some handiwork around here ..."

Suddenly a thought came to Angus. The perfect way to excite Jessica. He'd get her a car of her own to work on. Some broken down jalopy that she could restore. That would be perfect! Suddenly Angus had some hope.

"That's okay Jess, I have just the thing." Angus said and smiled at her. Really smiled at her. He felt relieved and excited. It was perfect. Tomorrow he'd go and find one ... and haul it back here so she could start working on it.

"You do?" Riley asked surprised. "I can't think of a thing I could do."

"What was all that Kung Fu shit back at the clearing?" Angus asked.

"Oh yeah." Josh said, "Jessica was saying that she'd taken some self-defense courses. You could help her practice ... couldn't you Riley?"

"You mean put some Kung in her Fu?" Riley asked with a laugh. "Yeah. I could do that. " Riley watched Jessica's face light up. She looked really excited. "Just curious though, why are you interested in fighting?"

Jessica shrugged. "I don't know. My parents always had me in self-defense classes. I guess I kind of enjoyed it. Though it didn't really help me any."