All Comments on 'Lisa Returns Ch. 02'

quite original storyline, nice inner dialogue (greg's thoughts)...just needs cleaning up on grammar, etc. hot story...thanks!

You've mastered the literary technique of internal monologue, which can show a character's complexity and help a storyline progress toward a climax. (Take this to mean a literary climax, but this is erotica, so use your imagination.) As a chapter, your Lisa-Greg scene works well. The reader senses a growing conflict, such as that between Greg and Lisa's onetime on-line lover, George. Just be sure that all your chapters, going forward, are not internal monologues. Shakespeare penned brilliant soliloquies -- for example, those in Hamlet, which the author used as a device to show the protagonist's internal flaw of procrastination. If you plan to use internal monologue as a device, do not lose track of the overall story's plot development. No one would want to read an entire book of soliloquies.

"She cried out that bastard's name! She was still in love with her, she must be".

An editor might be in order.