All Comments on 'Little Bitty Piece of Pumpkin Pie'

The good guy wins and the bad guy lost as did the cheating wife. Thanks for the story.

Nice little story.

Of course with just a pencil stuck in the barrel, the odds are high our hero would end up with both the bullet and the pencil in himself.

Perhaps the barrel was made of tinfoil?

Other than that, I agree it was sort of cute.

While the story outline was okay, the plot had holes in it big enough to drive trucks through.

Also, the writing was just terrible. Take for instance:

"Does this mean that what happened to my wife was?"

What the hell does that mean? and then there was this one:

"Mr. Lawson, I'm sorry to inform you but you wife is dead. Be."

Can't you at least friggin proofread?

Sorry, this was a decent idea shot to hell.

Not too bad for a start, short, simplistic, but to the point. What should have happened given her one & only statement.

I enjoyed it. It was a good twist on the typical cheating wife stuff.

I didn't understand why he left afterwards. He did nothing wrong and he could have stayed there a gloated for bit.

I'd you'd wanted to make it a little darker you could have had the EIDE and asshole live for just a few minutes so he coukd goad them and let them slowly die while suffering. It might be a little dark, but I think cheating spouses should really really suffer.

I really like the story.

Short sweet and simple. Don't need any more sometimes

Short and fast moving, tightly written and smooth flowing. A nice quick read.

Thanks

While I agree that better work could have been done on the editing the story held together fairly well. I think it was funny that he thought to protect himself from getting shot and it accidentally eliminated his enemies. I'm a little doubtful that a gun misfire could do such damage but I'm not an expert so I am willing to let it pass. It's nice that he got the money. Short and sweet.

I enjoyed this and gave it 4/5, mainly for effort and originality. But there were some writing errors and I question the plot to some degree. I gather that the interloper had left his clothes and his weapon out in the living room while our "hero" could hear the two of them upstairs getting it on, as it were. Better than a pencil would have been a nail, or more effective still, a screw tightly forced into the end of the barrel. But what I did not understand was the way in which Mr. interloper grabbed the gun after getting himself unplugged from the wife, when the gun was downstairs (i.e., visible when just entering the house), yet he and the wife were upstairs exiting the bedroom. I guess it wasn't clear, or I'm being too technical, but a story needs a bit of clarity and this part somehow did not gel. An editor might have helped clarify this part.

....this one had, all the other stuff seems irrelevant.Thanks for the chuckle...

Short and sweet a feel good story. "Thank You"

with a great ending. Some small plot technicalities that needed fixing but it really didn't stop me from enjoying the story.

A different take on a cheating slut wife story.

Well down and thanks for your hard work.

This is stretching the truth to the max. I was for two years, a member of a gun club, firing rim-fire and centre-fire handguns, mostly semiautomatic Walther, and Glocks, Centre-fire was generally S&W club issue.

All centre-fire ammunition is reloaded by club members, generally by what is termed wad-cutters and half loads, and sometimes it happens that one of the shells can be loaded without powder if the loading personnel don't keep their minds on the job.

New members are given someone to watch over them by the Range Master. On this occasion the new member fired his gun and I immediately knew that it was a dud round. The percussion cap went off, but there was no loud bang as the powder ignites, the ignition of the percussion cap was enough to effectively send the projectile into the barrel, but no further.

Normally you can tell when you have a misfire, there is no recoil to start with, but this was the first time he had fired a gun and didn’t know that he had a misfire, and fired a second prijectile straight after that. By the time his minder got to him, he had fired four rounds, none of which left the barrel.

The gun didn’t blow up, but he had effectively destroyed it, by fracturing the barrel and filling it with lead.

The idea that a pencil would go anywhere near causing a gun to explode in some ones face is at least implausable and at best laughable. I suspect that the poor husband would most likely have been hit with both pencil fragments and projectile, effectively capping his arse, not the baddy.

Just thought your reader would like to know. Apart from that little bit of oversight, and yes, proofrading, I found the story entertaining.

Amanda

Maybe I should do a little bit of proof-READING myself...rofl

Great Story, with a HAPPY ENDING. As an American gun guy with a couple hundred thousand hand gun rounds under my belt, I don't think jamming a pencil down the gun barrel would cause that kind of catastrophic failure. Possibly damage the muzzle where the barrels is thinnest, but not the breach, which is the strongest part of the gun. I have seen mud plugged muzzles damaged on high powered combat rifles but, it is more likely he would be shot with pencil lead as well as bullet lead. (LOL!) Although accuracy would probably be way off at any sort of distance. Any way I digress and apologize, it is a moot point to a great story.

It was a good story. I am a gun collector. The others are right. Most catastrophic handgun failures are caused by double charged hand loaded bullets. That is a double dose of powder in one round. It also happens when the reloader is not paying enough attention. Good one.

Full of errors and disconnected. Resulted in very uncomfortable reading. What surprised me were immature and even feeble-minded comments by Mandy01 ! I suppose this is a level of readers of those stories.

Taking a quick look at the author's body of work makes it clear that he has great and original plot ideas, but the execution is a bit wanting, both in the word smithing and the technical details. It sounds like he ought to learn to redo his work a few times to take advantage of his creative capacity.

is that the attorney told him not to talk to the police. He didn't talk so he didn't go to prison. If he had talked, most certainly he would have gone to prison because no matter what someone tell the police, whether innocient or guilty, it will be used to convict.

and now you have more filling for the dessert. TK U MLJ LV NV

1ST PARAGRAPH..I DROVE UP TO MY LITTLE HOUSE.....AT THE END,,,,LANDLORD WANTS YOU OUT AND WILL REIMBURSE FOR ALL DEPOSITS,,,,,,CITY IS SORRY ETC.....SUE THE CITY AND P,D,, TK U MLJ LV NV

This was a smart man, he knew what type of slut he was married to and put the right amount of insurance on her.

she got fired from a blow job

The sad thing is that Dwornock doesn't know how dumb she is

the cheaters got wat all cheats deserve ,death

nice ending

... I liked this one best. It was silly, fairly light-hearted, and the characters (shallow though they were) made sense. I'd give it 3.5 if I could, which is pretty good for a 1 page story from me.

Not JUST the exploding weapon, but the fact that Hubby was fired on in the first place! Hubby had plenty of time to clear the area before the Bull and Sweetie come downstairs. It seems to be suggested that Bull is a 'gangsta' so he might be experienced in gunning down people. However, in this case, everything would work against anyone shooting the homeowner, especially if that person had any 'priors.'

Don't you just love a happy ending? The cheaters die and the spouse collects life insurance. It doesn't get any better.

The cheating bitch got hers in the end. A woman is a life support system for a cunt.

Sometimes when the stars align, everything falls in place.

even tho it wasn't planned. TK U MLJ LV NV

first time reading this lil gem. Not bad at all for a Flash tale.

4*'s

See what you can do with factual info about a serial cheating wife near Helena Montana

Visit Facebook profile of dearbornmt@yahoo.com for basics

Married college instructor uses her position to get student in bed

Facts of that harassment come out

She loses job

Husbands knows she cheats

She continues to have affairs

Has married friend also cheater have done threeway as birthday present for lover

Shoving anything up a gun barrel will cause the barrel to explode. When the first M16s were issued to our troops, they were notorious for exploding barrels since they weren't cleaned regularly.

You screwed up your comments by stating that your ammunition was half load or wad cutters. That had significantly less energy release than a regular bullet. If the energy can not be transfered to the bullet by its leaving the barrel at a high velocity then the energy must go somewhere else. In the case of this story, this energy was forced back in the opposite direction. Excessive energy against the rear of a gun can result in the gun exploding apart backwards. So my dear Amanda, you should have paid more attention in high school physic class rather than staring at me, hoping that I would date you, the class dummy!

And that's all She wrote! Thanks★★★★★ WOOF!

Nice work I enjoyed your story. Thanks author.

I'm not worried about the ballistics, or the probability of the catastrophic gun failure. I just love justice and a good story. This was fun and had extremely poetic justice. Enjoyed it.

I have a good question-or rather a hypothetical similarities to a British Cop Show ....In the show ...The two good guys got a handgun and shoved onother bullet in the barrel of this gun.... then fired the gun..with the two bullets giving longer range alerting their chief who was in his car going past!....OK !.... Now in the story he had a pencil stuck in the barrel! !!!!! To make this a ....Memorable Moment!!!... When he pull the trigger out popped the pencil with a rag hanging off it and written bold letters BANG!!!!!........SEE YA!! ....PD55

...until she called for her lover to shoot so she gets the insurance money. It was all good from that point on! That was fun! Thank you.

This was fun, very much worth reading often. Good author.

Unless the gun was 500 years old, and made of glass, then a wooden pencil would just have splintered and added shrapnel to the bullet that hit the husband between the eyes.

Usually pistols below 9mm are blowback operated.

When these fire the internal action blows back from the barrel and the case is ejected.

If the barrel is plugged, the case and the action is really blown back and if caught by your neck less than ten feet away, you are going to have a major cut.

If that cut occurs into one of your major artery s, it's goodbye forever.

Granted damn rare but at least it will be a major hurt to your hand.

I don't know why I originally said I was a little hopeful for her at the start. She deserves what she got. I love it when the good guy wins!

Keep it up

I will read more of yours

First

Love cheaters caught and punishment

No wimps allowed definitely no cuckolds

Loved The Ending a Lot .. Keep on Writing ..

Some people here want to read the same story over and over again. They want something bad to happen to the cheat, something worse to happen to the BF, and they want the innocent husband to win the lottery. That isn't life and I'm not one of them.

That said, I want more stories like this!!! That was great and when the barrel of the gun landed at his feet so he just walks away, that was PERFECT! Thank you for a fun story.

Short and... well, maybe not so sweet but well done.

It really makes no sense when you think about it. I mean the guy with the gun was going to shoot the husband in his own house and the wife thought she would get insurance for his murder? How? Also I doubt there was enough energy to kill two people, most of the force FROM the ONE bullet would have went to expelling the piece of the gun through the guys neck as described in the story wouldn't have left enough to do much more damage. I can see that there might be shrapnel that maybe hurt the wife but that's it. It was all too convenient and not really thought out. Anyway, meh. I didn't care for any of the poorly described characters and in the end felt nothing.

Pathetic

Loved the story, loved the end for wife and her toy. LP

I have to agree there was no logic in the idea the lover could shoot the husband to death in the couple's home and not face criminal liability. To shoot an unidentified intruder in someone else's home is a very different kettle of fish than it is to shoot an unidentified intruder in your own home.

A short tale with a beginning, a middle and an END. Good job!!

If the author had really wanted to get more mileage out of the story with just a couple of more words it would have been Det. Freight Train Oliver, thus the gun, from Narcotic, the flash car and the city on the hook for millions. Reckless discharge of a firearm. What was he doing nude with a married woman in her house playing with his big or little loaded gun and why was the barrel blocked?

Oh what had he'd been shooting before with his other gun. Her autopsy would show that

The way all cheating cunts should pay for with their slutty ways.