Little Things Ch. 04 of 04

"Sam." Forcefully, his body stiffening with disappointment.

Fuck. I cringe with failure, cursing my error. What the hell am I thinking? That's not his fantasy, not his type. "No, I mean," quickly reversing myself, my voice now more broken than seductive. "I mean, I'll be a virgin again for you. You won't be able to tell the difference. I'll...I'll scream when you enter me, I'll be innocent and surprised by everything." My hands clutch desperately at his shoulders. "I'll be a little girl if you want me to. A child, anything." Frustrated tears not far from my eyes. Why won't he just take this?

"Samantha, stop it." A pained command, as his hands rise to mine, latching around my wrists and pulling them down to the space between us. "I'm won't. We're not doing this."

"Why not?" My voice cracks with the demand, raw and aching as my vision blurs. A trembling of rejection pulsing at my breast, and a faint, unendurable fear, that he doesn't want me after all. That I'm not even good enough for him, that he's finally realized how poor a prize I make. "Damn it, David, don't be an idiot. This is your chance - I might not even let you, tomorrow." Trying to strike angrily at his chest, though his hands keep me well-contained.

"Because this isn't you." His tones come softer, tired and imploring. "Because you're hurting right now, and it's affecting you. Because...god, Sam, I don't want to 'deserve' you. I can't, even. You're not a reward, you're..." Trailing off, swallowing as he stares with sad affection into my eyes. "You're so much more special than that. If this ever happens...it has to be because you want it to happen, not because you think you owe it to me." And he lifts my hand to his lips, gentle contact on my knuckle. Not quite a kiss. "If it happens, I don't ever want you to regret it."

"I..." A ghost of a sound. My head shaking helplessly as tears fill my eyes. It's too much. I can't, can't handle it, can't cope. I know how unremarkable I am, a plain-faced girl too many times around the block. How little I'm worth. Everyone else understands it. Everyone except this one golden boy insisting I'm something amazing. And in my head I know he's wrong, that it's all just infatuation, fixation, neurosis, but my heart thuds so painfully in my chest, and I wish, oh god, I wish...

"You're crazy." An utterance like a sob, half-choking. All the stresses of the evening returning to me, all the fury and the fear and the failure fresh in my mind, and I can feel my composure collapsing beneath the weight of it. I wish I could be his angel. I wish I knew how, that I were as beautiful as he thinks I am, that I could be enough to justify it all...I feel so small and dirty, put up next to that dream.

Something inside me snaps, and the tears flow suddenly like a dam burst as I collapse weeping upon his chest. I can't hold it together anymore. Can't be the strong, collected woman I put up for others to see; I melt with sorrow, inadequacy, failure, flowing like water against him. A powerful gratitude, relief somewhere on the edge of my consciousness that at least I'm here, that I'm in his arms for this, the safest place I know. Of all the places I could be...here, I can fall apart, shatter, and know that he's there to pick up the pieces. That he'll keep them secure. Softly sobbing as his hand strokes gently along my back, as the comforting warmth of him flows up into me through his body, letting all my stress and sorrow thaw into a liquid and escape down my cheeks, messing my makeup to smear on his white shirt.

Slowly, the madness of misery within me begins to dissolve into fatigue, my eyelids fluttering heavily downward. My sniffles gradually quieting, the side of my head lying soothing on his strong chest. I scootch closer, curled up tightly in his arms, hiding away inside his jacket, breathing in the warm and sleepy smell of his skin. Going to have to go soon. We can't just stay out here. But there's so much of comfort in his embrace, such safety. Such love. I don't want to have to step away from it. And I'm so tired, after everything. I need to rest my eyes, just a little bit. Just for a moment.

---

When next they open, I'm staring up at the eggshell-white ceiling of our room, dim light of the early dawn trickling in through the picture window. Still wearing my blouse and jeans beneath the heavy covers. It takes a few moments, a few blinks, to place myself, to remember and to realize what happened. God, David must have driven home while I was asleep, carried me upstairs, put me to bed...a warm tingle of affection trembling in my heart. I feel better now, today, this morning. Myself again, not so shattered by the mistakes of the night before. Some self-confidence regained - Eric had no damned right. The asshole.

Not that I really want to think about him anymore. Slipping out from beneath the covers, I climb quietly down to the floor, listening to the soft creak of the bed's metal frame as I descend the ladder. David's there in the lower bunk, still asleep. Laying on his back, the bulk of his body stretched across the little bed; his mouth sits just open as he breathes, fine lips barely parted as though waiting for a kiss. Broad chest rising and falling in an even, calming rhythm. Beautiful. A smile crawls onto my face from somewhere deep inside. Yeah. Past the hunky body, beyond his handsome, craggy face and his adorable eyes, now softly shut...he must be the most beautiful person in the world.

How clear it all seems, suddenly. Reality fallen into a new configuration, the blinding haze of worry and appearance lifted from my eyes. Affection, desire, aching softly in my heart as I look upon his form. There's no one I care more about, no one with greater meaning than this gentle prince before me. I only have to think of him, and my body warms, a smile stretches my lips. All our history, all we've been to one another, and yet there's one role we've still not taken up. One intimacy we've yet to experience, that all my soul seems now to tremble for.

I don't even know anymore what I've been afraid of. Social judgment? Fuck society. It's a distant second. When we were kids, a lifetime ago, it was so often us two against the world. And now...now I finally know what I've lacked these years. Who I've lacked. Looking at him, at the charming mop of golden hair atop his head, the masculine outline of his form beneath the covers...I know that I love him, and that the word means more than family, more than mere regard. I want to be everything to him. For him to be everything to me.

Crazy. Maybe. But there's no more terror in the thought of it, only the trembling of possibility. Almost relief, tension snapped into a new certainty as I begin to strip off my clothes, shedding blouse, jeans, bra upon the floor until I stand there wholly naked, not knowing if the goosebumps that rise on my skin are from the chill in the air or the act that I contemplate. My heart pounding faster in my chest, a bright sparkle of excitement on my skin as I carefully pull up the corner of the covers and slip into the bunk beside him. Hardly enough room for me in here. I have to lay down half on top of him, slip my arm around his shoulder. Delight like a tingle of electricity in the feel of my bare legs sliding against his. Impish pleasure, recognizing the hot rigidity there at his waist. Wondering if he's been dreaming of me.

I can feel him shift slightly beneath me. The stirring of wakefulness, little movements of his arms and legs until at last his eyes flicker open, faintly bleary with the fuzz of sleep. They focus gradually on mine, flicker down to the tiny, joyous smile arched on my lips. His mouth opening in a croak of sleepy puzzlement. "Sam...?"

"Good morning, Davey." Whispering into him. His face bare inches from mine, dazzlingly handsome. Oh, those eyes...it's hard to breathe, hard to think of words. I don't try, sliding softly down instead to kiss at the bottom of his neck, my lips treasuring the feeling of his skin. My hand caressing slowly on the side of his chest.

"Good, um..." A surprised exhalation as his gaze drops lower, taking in my nakedness. His eyes darting back up to mine, wide and startled. "Are you-"

I don't let him finish the question. Rising back up, I silence him with a kiss on his lips, languid and tender. Inhaling his breath, encircling his neck with my arms to pull myself tightly against him. His body so warm beneath me - and growing only warmer as the moment presses onward, as my tongue ventures outward to taste the inner curve of his lips, to touch in gentle contact with its opposite. A thrill that arcs along my nerves, whetting the liquid flame of desire down inside me. Hunger. Want.

There's a look on his face almost dazed when I finally stop, pull away. His breathing heavy, thick - the little rasp as it rushes through his throat tickling in my mind, a sound like a caress. I'm smiling like an idiot, my heart aflutter. A warm cotton fuzz of affection, even as he shakes off his stupor, his gaze dropping into wary caution. His words pronounced slow and hesitant. "Sam, wait." What are you doing. "What are you..." He trails off, understanding flashing like lightning between us. God, I can all but feel his thoughts, read the flicker in his gaze and the faint movements of his limbs like words on a page. Language is an artifice. My answer given with a smile briefly sharpened, a thumb traced up soft along his cheek.

His heartbeat quickens beneath me, his hand grasping in breathless fear and desire at the side of my waist. Such sweetness in the feel of his fingers on my bare skin. I wish I could be nude all the time with him, have nothing ever between us...but his eyes are solicitous, still worried after the previous night. Speaking in hardly a whisper. "Are you sure?"

I am. It feels in this moment like I've never been more certain of anything, the world collapsed to a crystal clarity. Confirmation in my lopsided grin, in the squeezing of my legs on him. "I want you, David." My voice is husky, quiet, almost trembling with anticipation. A dream finally recognized as my own. "I want this." My body flush. I can feel his cock against my thigh, firm and full inside his briefs, and I shut my eyes, bite my lip for the shiver of sensation that runs up through me. My pussy pulsing with desire, trickling damply on the fine, downy hairs of his leg.

I can't delay. It feels like years already I've been waiting for this, all our lives a prelude. The covers thrown back as I sit up atop him, straddling his legs, and exultation in my soul to feel how his eyes caress deliciously across my form. "Touch me." The command soft, almost teasing. He eagerly obeys, and my hips rock with deep, slow instinct as his hands slide exquisitely on my skin, fingers tracing along my belly, oh god, squeezing at my breast, his thumb pushing gently at the rigid nipple. Pleasure aching through me. What lies before us...my hands tug at his briefs, forcing them downward, releasing his manhood to the air. How it bobbles faintly with the beating of his heart, with my motion atop him, how it makes the barest contact with my pubis at the furthest forward of my hips. A tiny kiss, his flesh scorching against mine.

I take him in hand, lifting him upright, a spear pointed to the ceiling. Inching forward - I'm above him, waiting, ready. More than ready. My mouth dry, heart tingling in my chest. A trace of worry at his size, but...it'll be okay. I'm wet enough almost to drip. Maybe one thing I could do, to prepare...my right hand ventures upward along his body, across his chest. Pressing gently at his lips, until they obligingly part, and my fingers probe into his mouth, coating with his saliva. Scooping it up to be carried back down, spread messily on the bulbous tip of his cock. Need throbbing in my mind. An emptiness, a void inside me crying out to be filled. I don't think I've ever wanted anyone as much.

His cockhead is nestled at my entrance, hot and tingling, a stallion at my gates. His eyes on mine, softer, shimmering with adoration. Something so perfect in it, in this moment...my hand presses solid at his chest, his palm larger on my thigh, and for an instant, a flash of flawless feeling passes between us, emotion beyond what words could hope to contain. A promise, eagerly received, in the tender curl of his fingers. Oh, god, David...and I let my knees relax, sliding down upon him, and his cock pushing up, up inside me. My flesh straining, stretching, screaming as he rises up, filling me, and it hurts, I can't pretend it doesn't - tears pricking in my eyes - but even the pain carries a primal satisfaction, and I moan from deep in my being as I keep pressing lower, until at last my mound touches on the golden thatch of his pubic hair, and he's totally inside me.

God. So full, so...complete. For a moment I just remain there, motionless, experiencing it. The sharpness of pain receded to a quiet throbbing, my body grudgingly accommodating his girth. This is where I belong. This is where he belongs. I'm his, he's mine...so deep inside me that I can't tell where he ends and I begin, like we're just one being now, two halves finally joined, made whole, and the thought of it makes me shiver. "Oh, David." A whisper, a murmur. My beautiful brother. His hands on my waist now, tight, close. I love his hands, love the feel of his skin, the smell of his body.

Lifting up again. Sensation stronger now, stimulation as his cock slides out of me, slick with my juices and his saliva. A cauldron between my legs, bubbling hot. His body the bellows beneath me, stoking the flame. So thick...there's an almost scraping that vibrates through to my clit, and I can hardly even breathe for the thrill that trembles up through me. I feel so soft inside, so raw, sensitive as our hips settle into a slow rhythm, my clit bumping with a paroxysm of pleasure at the bottom of every stroke. My eyes closed, head thrown back, almost bumping into the bunk above at each apex.

I can hear his quiet groan beneath me, wordless and deep. Tickling in my mind, empathic joy blending with carnal satisfaction, spurring me to greater hunger. In this pose, I can scarce go faster - have to fall forward onto his chest, my lips seeking his in a multitude of tiny kisses. One of his arms rising up tight around my waist, holding me close as he thrusts fierce and ferocious, and my skin sizzles everywhere he touches me. Faint awareness, a sensual drug in my mind. It's real. We're fucking - knowledge dangerous and exciting. Squeezing tight around his cock, as though to capture him, to hold him inside me. If we could just stay like this forever, in this active union...I could want nothing more, to be filled, fulfilled by him like this.

No time. No thought. Just sensation, feeling, ecstasy rising inside me in a slow tide, saturating my consciousness with the gentle buzz of felicity. The sapphire of David's gaze locked with mine as our bodies slide and rock together, fitting snug and close. A smile curved pink and perfect on his lips as he looks at me, his voice coming with a breathless ache of reverence, almost awe. "You're so beautiful..." And in this moment I believe him, feeling alluring and desirable here in his arms, here with him inside me. A glow of warmth burning in my breast. Arousal hot and sticky and delicious.

"God, I'm..." He speaks again, ragged and strained as his eyes close, the frantic edge of passion pounding in his voice. "I'm gonna...I think I'm..."

No, no, god, not yet. I'm not there, not quite. "Wait," insistent in his ear, my cheek pressed trembling at his. Panting from my exertions. "Hang on just a little longer, I...fuck, I want us to come together." And I lean in closer, pushing for my release. My chin hooked over his shoulder, sliding soft on the faint sheen of sweat between us. Focusing as best as I'm able on all the moment's pleasures, on his big hands between my shoulderblades and on the small of my back, his fingers spread wide, clasping me so tight, so close, enfolded divine and loving. My breasts mashed against his chest, nipples scraping at his flesh, sparking with delight like flint on steel. His manhood pounding deep within me, sending ripples of feeling to flow through my mind. Consciousness collapsing to a single point of perfection, rapture brilliant and blinding.

"Do it." A breathless whisper, my lips brushing upon his ear. My muscles stretched tight with explosive energy, hands clasped desperately around his back as I push down against him, as he plunges inside so deep, oh god, so full...a flood of ecstasy overflowing in my mind, crashing in my consciousness, and I can feel it when it happens, hear him grunt low in his throat, feel his cock pulse, painting my insides with his precious cum, jet after jet, hot and slick, and I writhe madly on top of him, limbs thrashing of their own accord. "Oh, David," a gasp as my mouth stumbles for his, hunger in the midst of this feast of pleasure. Kissing him ferociously, insatiably...oh, god, it's never felt so good, so strong, so intense my mind can't stand the strain...sensation bleeds into color, the thrill of sensual satisfaction whirling madly, dizzyingly, a maelstrom of feeling carrying me down where consciousness can't follow, where every atom of my being is given over to joy, and I'm diving down beneath the surface...

...darkness...

...ellipsis...

...light. Sound, sensation, slowly falling back in their proper places. Awareness sputtering back to life. I lay supine on top of him, his manhood still buried within me, just beginning to soften. My head next to his, our cheeks lightly touching; his arms gentler now around my back, tender and loving. Our urgent, panting breath gradually slowing as the world returns around us. Room now for thought, as I feebly raise up my head to look into dazzled blue eyes, to kiss him again, softly now on his lips. My strength so sapped that it takes both arms to lift myself up off his chest.

It's done. The thought fuzzy, lazy, as the wheels in my head begin again to turn. Almost more emotion than introspection, an enthralling chord of feeling, a burden lifted from my soul - god, it's done, and the sky didn't lash out with lightning and storm, the earth didn't swallow us up. The rising sun watches placid through the window, silent and accepting as it bathes us in a mild radiance. My heart beating strong and slow in my chest, warm with loving afterglow, free of guilt and shame. There's nothing to fear in this. I look down at his handsome face, at those beautiful blue eyes, and I can't help a little sniffle, a snicker of bittersweet humor and regret. All the time I've wasted, all the conflict and the heartache I've felt, when the man I love was just right here. Waiting for me, in the bunk below.

"Well?" A soft lightness as I finally speak, whispering the word. Feeling so wonderful, so right... "Was it everything you dreamed of?"

"Samantha..." My name sounds an incantation on his lips. One of his hands sneaking round to brush gently at my cheek, at my hair, his thumb strong, solicitous, sublime. His head shakes oh so slightly, overwhelmed. "It was...I can't even..." Swallowing, searching for words. "Nothing could be better. It..." A shadow of worry, of caution falls across his expression. "I mean...it was more than I ever hoped for. If you, um. Even if this is the only time, even if we can never do it again...I'd be happy. Just with this."

"You would, huh?" Laughter, quiet and low, as joyous tears mist at my eyes. God, this guy. I love him. I love him more than words can say, more than I can even think. This is who we are. This is what we're meant to be. Whatever happens from here, I know it'll be worth it, as long as I have him by my side. A smile curves helplessly on my lips as I lean down for one more kiss. "Well, you know...I wouldn't."