Lois Myra and Me

"Why did you ask this question honey?"

"Grandma told me to tell you that dinner would be ready in a couple secs."

The crowd roared with laughter and he followed that one up with:

"There was this guy and he was pretty smart. He had degrees in both Electrical and Mechanical Engineering and one day as he was driving home he heard a commercial on his car radio that he figured was an outright lie. He thought about it and when he got home he sat down in his den and drew up the plans for a lie detecting robot.

"When he was satisfied with his plan he went down to his basement workshop and started building it. It took him six weeks and when it was done he was ready to test it. It just happened that he had the robot with him in the living room when his fourteen year old son came home two hours late. The man asked his son why he was so late. His son said that he had been playing cards with his buddies and he had lost track of time. The robot wheeled over to the boy and slapped him. The man said:

"Tell me the truth now. Why are you late?"

The boy said, "It wasn't nothing. We was just looking at some porn that Johnny's father had."

The man shook his head and said, "When I was your age we didn't look at porn" and the robot slapped him. His wife laughed and said:

"He takes after you George. He certainly is your son."

And the robot slapped her.

That got another roar from the crowd.

There was a break in the action so I finished my beer and went on home.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++

The next day two good things happened. The first was my attorney calling to tell me that he had been contacted by an attorney representing Lois and had been told that she was going to fight the divorce. That caused me to smile.

The second thing was that my black leather couch was delivered. I went with leather because I figured to clean up the cum stains that were bound to get on it. It turned out that it was a wise move on my part because Myra and I did leave some deposits on it later that afternoon.

The next couple of weeks slid by without much happening. Myra and I got it on three or four times a week, mostly on the couch after hours, but we did do the conference room three times because face it, just as the couch was better than the desk a bed was better than a couch.

Also during that period Lois called me almost daily telling me that she needed me and telling me that I simply could not win so why not just accept things as being in the past and best forgotten and get on with our lives together. I could have put a stop to the calls by getting a new cell phone with a different number and getting the number on the home phone changed, but I got some sort of perverse pleasure out of telling her that she was wasting her time. All the while knowing that she had no idea of what was going to fall on her.

Meanwhile Ellsworth and the attorney that Lois had hired spent time hashing things out. I hoped that Myra's attorney was being paid by the hour and driving up her tab. I had negotiated a flat fee with Ellsworth so I didn't care how long things were drug out. Ellsworth knew about the tape and in fact he had it in his possession, but he never told Lois's attorney that it existed.

They haggled back and forth with the other attorney arguing that Lois would stop fighting the divorce if I changed the grounds from adultery to irreconcilable differences and agreed to an equal split of the assets. To give Lois some hope I told Ellsworth he could drop it from 70/30 to 65/35 knowing full well that she wouldn't take it.

Ellsworth told me that he was going to have to let the opposition know of the tapes existence before going in front of a judge. He said that the judge would be pissed - extremely pissed - if we hadn't made every attempt to come to an agreement before coming in front of him. I told Ellsworth to use his best judgment. What the hell! It was what I was paying him for right?

Lois did put someone on me or at least I was pretty sure that she had. I was suddenly seeing a guy around that I had never seen before. I never caught him actually looking at me, but h seemed to be around no matter where I was. Maybe it was me being paranoid, but then again maybe not.

Another week went by and I got a call from Ellsworth. Lois and her attorney wanted a meeting. I told him to set it up and let me know when. He called me back and said Friday at ten in the morning. I was there at nine-thirty and talked things over with Bert. We decided to bring the tape into play at the meeting, but I wanted to fuck with Lois one last time.

The meeting started with the usual bullshit. Lois denied committing adultery and said I was being unreasonable. Then I said:

"You keep forgetting that I have the tape that you and my asshole cousin made."

"No you don't! You have nothing to prove your claim and you know it."

"I'll tell you what I'll do Lois. If you will sign the papers right now I'll go for a 60/40 split. That offer is good for the next two minutes. If you don't sign I guess the judge will be the one to set the split."

"I'm not accepting it Dave. You have no proof."

"Of course I do Lois; I have the tape of you fucking Ralph."

And then Lois did what I'd hoped she would do. She got pissed and let her mouth run away from her.

"Damn it Dave! I already told you I destroyed that damned tape!"

"Oh? So you admit that you committed adultery and then destroyed the evidence?"

Her eyes got big as she realized what she had just said.

"No. I didn't mean it that way."

"Doesn't matter Lois. I offered to cut you some slack, but you being your usual pig-headed self turned my offer down. We will just have to let the courts decide."

Then Lois's attorney spoke. "If you do indeed have the evidence it would be best to bring it out into the open now."

I nodded at Ellsworth and as he went to push the play button on the TV/VCR setup on the end of the table I said:

"Last chance Lois. I'll go 60/40, but once he pushes the play button the offer is withdrawn and we will go to court.

"Fuck you Dave. You don't have a thing you can use."

Bert pushed the play button and I stood up and said, "See you in court Lois" and I left the room.

I wasn't out of the building when my cell went off. It was Burt.

"They want to deal."

"No thanks. I gave her an out and she wouldn't take it so full speed ahead."

All that did was increase the number of phone calls I was getting from Lois. I'd unplugged the home phone and Myra knew not to put any calls from Lois through to me so the only way Lois could get to me was my cell. I kept the cell and the number just to fuck with Lois. It tickled me to see the number of calls I got from her that I never took.

+++++++++++++++++

As far as my sex life was concerned Myra was giving me almost more than I could handle, but I wasn't going to complain.

Three days after the meeting with Lois and the attorneys Myra said:

"We have a problem; a very big problem."

"Oh shit!" I thought, her hubby has found out about us.

"How bad is it" I asked.

"Pretty bad. Harold has to fly back to Ohio to handle something pertaining to his parent's estate. He will be gone a week."

"So what's the problem?"

"How are we going to manage spending a week together?"

I thought for a minute and then said, "Easy. You leave work a half hour before I do and drive to my house. Park one block over and then go into the house and make sure that all the curtains and blinds are shut tight. Then when I come home we play. I leave for work in the morning and if I am being watched that will pull them after me. You wait ten or fifteen minutes to let me get clear and then you leave and come to work. We will just keep repeating it until the weekend and then come up with another plan."

"How about this for a weekend plan. I do the same thing that I do all week only Friday when you get home we just never leave the house for the entire weekend. Think you can handle two and a half days with me?"

"What I'm not sure of sweetie is that I can survive two and a half days with you."

"We won't know until we give it a shot."

And that is just what we did and I did manage to survive the weekend, but the weekend - as good as it was - caused me to get a bit moody when it was over and Myra went home so she could be there to greet hubby when he came home.

I had gotten too used to Myra. Besides the sex she was good company and I got along great with her, but I knew me well enough to know that once my divorce was final I was going to be looking for a replacement for Lois. I had liked being married. I was going to want a fulltime relationship. I wanted to be able to go to sleep at night cuddled up to a woman who would be there in the morning when I woke up.

I could very well see me doing it with Myra, but Myra never gave any indication that she would ever dump Harold. I'd always gotten the feeling that she was happy with him (except for his fucking around on her) and was content to stay with him as long as she was able to repay him in kind.

I remembered the list she had shown me that had been the impetus for our affair and I mentally reviewed it. There were three that I would love to fuck, but I couldn't see any of them as wife material. Two of them smoked and I didn't and from living with my parents I knew I couldn't live with a smoker. Both of my parents were two pack a day smokers and the house always smelled like a wet ashtray. The stink was on everything; clothes, furniture, curtains and the list could go on and on.

The one non-smoker was Liz from Accounting and she was also the sexiest of the three, but I thought that she was too young for me and the age difference meant that it wasn't likely we would have enough common ground to work with. I'd once gone to her office to check with her about an item on one of my expense reports and she was listening to rap music (if it could indeed be called music) and I can't stand the stuff. Liz might be fun to play with for a while, but I couldn't imagine that we could make it long term.

++++++++++++++++++

Those were the thoughts I was having as I drove to work on Monday. Once at work I got too busy to spend any time thinking of personal problems. I was so busy I had to say no when Myra stuck her head in the office and asked me if we were on for a long lunch,

Just before quitting time I got a call from Bert Ellsworth. He said that Lois was desperate to settle.

"I know that for you it is all about sticking it to her, but I think you would be wise to offer her 60/40 to get her to sign now. I know that in most cases adultery does play a big part in getting the aggrieved party a bigger share of the assets, but two of the seven judges who sit on divorce cases are women and they tend to go 50/50 regardless of the cause and we just might be unlucky enough to draw one of them. I think it would be in your best interest to settle."

I gave it maybe thirty seconds of thought and then I told him to offer her 65/35 and see if she would go for it.

At quitting time Myra came into the office and said, "I didn't get my long lunch so can I at least get some couch time?"

She could and did.

The next morning at ten Ellsworth called and said that Lois had accepted the 65/35 offer. He said that she would be in at five on Wednesday to sign the papers and had asked for a short meeting with me. I couldn't see any benefit to it other that to give me one more chance to snarl at her, but I wanted to get things over with so I didn't have to sneak around with Myra any more. I told Bert that I would be there at two and give her the meeting that she wanted.

We went into a conference room and I took a seat and waited for her to speak her piece. She saw that I wasn't going to say anything so she took a deep breath and said:

"I don't want this Dave. I know you don't believe it, but I do love you. Is there anyway at all that we can work things out and stay together?"

"Not a prayer Lois. Not after finding out how long you had been doing it. I'll be straight with you here. If you had gone through a short affair with someone I might - just might - have let it pass. Say maybe you had a few large cocks before we married and then were a faithful wife for years until you somehow discovered that someone had a big one and you remembered how good it felt and fell into a short relationship with him I might have been able to get by it.

"But a continuing affair since before we even said I do? Not a chance in hell Lois. No way we can get by that. The guy you say you barely like is getting steady pussy from you and the man you profess to love gets to go without anywhere from three weeks to two months? It won't wash Lois; it just won't wash. Is that it? Is that all you have to say?"

"Please Dave. Please give us a chance."

"Can't do it Lois. I'd never trust you again and I won't live like that."

I stood up and walked to the door. I turned and said, "You are a good looking woman Lois so I doubt that you will be alone for long. When you do hook up with someone I can only hope that he fucks over you as badly as you fucked over me."

I left the room and headed for the Landing Strip. I took a seat at the bar and Karen came over, set a PBR in front of me and said:

"Where you been hiding handsome?"

"Been going through a divorce and haven't been feeling all that sociable. I thought I'd come in and have a beer or two and unwind.

"Divorce huh? That mean that I might be able to bring you under my spell?"

"I thought you were spoken for. I've been flirting with you for years and you've always told me how great you had it with your guy."

"Hah! Had it great but only because I thought he was something he wasn't."

Before she could go any farther another customer called for her attention and I watched her nicely shaped tight ass as she walked toward him. She was busy most of the time my two beers took up so I didn't get a chance to talk too much with her.

I'd had enough so I waved Karen over to settle my tab. She took my money and when she came back with my change she gave me a smile and said:

"When the divorce stuff is over and done with keep me in mind okay?"

"I can do that. Take care" and I headed for the house in a damned fine mood. Karen interested in me? Who would have ever thunk it.

++++++++++++++++++

As far as I was concerned once Lois signed the papers it was a done deal and even though there would be a wait for the final decree I could move on with my life. To me that meant freedom from worrying about being watched. Myra and I could stop sneaking around.

Around ten Myra came into the office and asked if we were on for a long lunch and I told her yes.

"I'll leave around eleven-twenty and get the room" she said.

"No need for that any more. Lois signed the papers yesterday so we don't need to try and avoid something that might have never been there anyway."

We left for the Marriott at eleven-thirty and we were alone in the elevator on the way down to the lobby when Myra grabbed my hand, picked up her skirt and placed my hand on her naked pussy.

"I just want you to know how eager I am."

I worked a finger into her pussy and she moaned just as the dinger sounded that said the door was opening. We hurriedly rearranged ourselves and then rushed out of the building.

When the door to room 403 closed behind us we went at each other like wild animals after downed prey. No foreplay - just straight into missionary. Then came sixty-nine, doggie, sixty-nine and then the doggie position with me rooting around in Myra's root cellar.

As we dressed Myra asked, "What now?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean that now you are free are we done being fuck buddies?"

That caught me flat footed, but it didn't take long for me to come up with the answer to the question.

"As long as you want me sweetie I'll be around, but eventually I'm going to want to find me a wife. I liked being married."

"What would you be looking for in a wife?"

"She would need to be reasonably good looking, love sex, be strong enough to put up with me and be a pretty good cook."

"I can cook."

I looked at her for the second or two it took for what she was actually saying to register on me and then said:

"If you are applying for the position I will move your application to the top of the pile. There is one small requirement however. I won't be party to committing bigamy."

She looked at me with a confused expression on her face and then it hit her. She gave me a big smile and said:

"Not to worry lover; he doesn't know it yet, but Harold is history."

Then a thought hit me and Myra saw the expression on my face change and she asked:

"What is it baby? What's wrong?"

"We just got to where we don't have to hide things from Lois, but now we have to hide things from Harold while you go through your divorce process."

"I might be wrong, but I don't think that will need to happen. I'll give him a choice between adultery or irreconcilable differences. I've more that enough evidence to make adultery stick and if I go that route and say I'm going to broadcast it to the world he might quickly accept irreconcilable differences. Harold is a ladder climber where he works and he has his eyes on a VP position. The CEO is a fanatic born again Christian and so are a couple of the board members. I don't believe Harold's prospects would be all that great if I let the word out on his adultery. It might mean a motel room for me for a week or two, but we know how to work around that right?"

+++++++++++++++++++++++

Myra's game plan worked out pretty much as she thought it would and she didn't waste any time putting it into affect. She called Ellsworth (on my recommendation) and had an appointment for Friday. She had Bert draw up two sets of papers; one for adultery and one for irreconcilable differences. Saturday at eleven forty-five, just before the bank closed, she took half of the checking account, all of the savings and four of the six CDs out of their safe deposit box.

She went home, packed (Harold was off playing gold) and moved her stuff into her car and by three she was moved into a motel room. She went home, fixed dinner, opened a bottle of wine and as she and Harold had dinner she informed him that she knew of his affairs, had PI reports on three of them and that she'd had enough and was going to divorce him. She told him what she had done with the money and that she would sign her share of the house over to him. She considered that more than fair since her share of the equity in the house was more than she'd taken out of the bank.

She gave him the divorce paperwork and told him what his options were and told him he had until ten o'clock Monday morning to let her know which way he wanted her to go and then she got up and left the house smiling because she left Harold the dirty dishes.

She was not surprised when Harold called her on her cell and said he would prefer to go the irreconcilable differences route. The two of them met at Bert's office on Wednesday and Harold signed on the dotted line.

++++++++++++++++++++++++

Myra decided to stay at the motel through the weekend to give the dust time to settle and then I moved her in with me and we were going to live together until our divorces were final and then we would get married.

Once that happened we were going to have another problem to face. Myra was damned good at her job and didn't want to give it up. The problem was that the company we worked for had a policy of family members not being allowed to work together. We could both still work for the company but one of us would have to transfer. The problem with that is that the closest company facility we could transfer to was ninety miles away and that just wasn't going to work for us.

We decided to lie. We just wouldn't tell the company that we were married. Myra wouldn't change her name and would keep her company health insurance. We would do it until we were caught (if we were) and then Myra would resign and find another job. If she wanted to. She really didn't need to work since I was very well compensated for what I did.