by AliceInWonderland79
Like you said you were going too! I thought it was a great beginning!
A lousy read and too many damn exclamation points. Normal people don't talk like this: "!!!"
I really enjoyed the way the story began with more than just a description of two characters bodies and then they jump in the sack. (just like in real life) I liked the way you developed the personalities, and am looking forward to the continuation.
Loved the slow build up with the two characters. Thought the way this Writer handled this story was very clever. Switching between two characters can be wildly exciting and very anticipatory when done in such a logical fashion. Wonderful Read! Well Written!
Hope you will add more to this story - very interesting beginning