Love, Trust and Communication Ch. 03

"EMMA CALM DOWN. YOU HAVE TO KNOW I'M KIDDING YOU. ok? Give me credit. I may have initially a little concerned when I saw you two, but within a second I knew that there was a good explanation. I believed you then, I believe you now." He reached over and held my hand.

"I'm just lucky you love me, and waited to ask questions first this time. The look on your face when you came in at the exact time I tripped and she was all over me. That's when I remembered her telling me about her 'not stealing' your girlfriends. All I thought was 'Oh Shit'. But you didn't blow up. There I was, afraid of what it looked like, and stammering. I felt like my face was on fire and I could see Mary being red, and real worried looking. That spooked me the most. You stood there and helped everybody get up and waited until I could tell you what happened. You believed me. I could see it in your face, I could see it in your eyes, I felt it. "

"Emma, it was a shock at first. Did I think that something was going on? Well, it looked like it, but I made a big mistake before and that was overhearing you a couple of times. I couldn't ever make that mistake again. Besides, I know that she loves Jen, and she wouldn't do anything to hurt her. And I also know that you wouldn't do anything to hurt me." I grasped his hand and hugged it. Then he added "Except ream me a new ass hole if I ever cheated on you."

"A new one would be the smallest of your worries. I know your friends now. All I would have to do is ask and you'd be toast for being that stupid." He leaned over and kissed me on the neck and hugged me gently.

"Emma, what else did you like about the wedding? I loved the food. It was pot luck and we lucked out. Mary's father grilled the brats, chicken, veggie burgers, a round of veggies and the salmon."

"Jen's family brought some stuff I've never seen before. I'd never thought I'd like greens, but they were pretty good. Didn't her father bring that Korean dish, kimchi? That was different, but good. And those barbque short ribs. They were great. What were they called again?"

"Galbi, the marinated beef short ribs are called galbi. Jen was a Marine brat and her family lived in Korea for a while. I'll tell you, those short ribs were good."

"What was that strange dark sausage with the little round white things in it? It was different, good to try once. I don't think I'm ever going to get a taste for it."

"That was kiszka. Mary's Aunt Natalia brought it. Want to know what it's made out of?"

"Something tells me that I'm going to see it in my future anyway. You wolfed down quite a bit of it."

"Originally it's left overs, fresh pigs blood, vinegar, organ meats like kidney, liver, heart, there is also shoulder. Barley are those little white things. Every country in Europe has something like that. It is stuffed in hog intestines, just like good brats. Had a lot of stuff like that in Europe."

"Was it your friend Manny that brought the flautas? I've never had them so fresh in my life. Don't get me going about his salsa. I've also never had wine out of a barrel before. I take it that it was local? I heard Oregon makes wine."

"Yes, it was some friends from their church. I really liked how they handled the music. I never would have thought of doing music that way. They had the set up and people just plugged in their phones or mp3 players to the amp. Limiting it to three songs kept it different all day."

"Jen's father has a great Motown collection from the 60's. The country music was good. Even the little bit of opera while we were eating made it special. I'm not thrilled with Wagner."

"Scott, thank you for putting up with my dancing. I had to let you dance with all those women, especially with both brides. It was kind of strange to see so many women, and men, kissing and dancing with each other. We don't have much PDA's, public displays of affection like that at home, do we?

"I was watching you. I saw that you were a little bit bothered by it at first, but you loosened up. You got to dance with both brides too. How did you like to finally polka with me? You did know that Mary's Aunt was Polish. I almost died when she pulled me away from you to polka and Mary put that song on."

"Scott, how could I forget the look on your face when we heard 'I don't want her, you can have her, she's to fat for me, hey, she's to fat for me, hey, she's to fat for me'. I was looking at Mary's family and they were laughing so hard they had to sit down. Mary's Aunt wasn't bothered by it though. I guess it's a family thing. Boy, did she spin you around. You were still in better shape than she was. She ended up out of breath, you were only sweating."

"Emma, we really don't dance at home very much. Found out it's like that in a lot of small towns. Not all, but many. I hit a couple of ethnic weddings in the past several years. They're a blast. I was at an Indian wedding once, bride's mother and father came from somewhere near New Delhi I think. Or was it Madras? I don't remember. No one ever wanted to leave the dance floor. They had everybody on the floor for hours on end. Young kids to grandparents. The hand gestures are like screwing in overhead light bulbs. By the way, how did you feel about the polka?"

"Scott, even one of Mary's great uncles took pity on me. He outclassed me, and Zigmunt is in his 70's and walks with a cane."

"You did notice that he had his own bottle of whiskey on the table, didn't you? It was mostly gone by the time the night was over. He was feeling no pain that night."

"Scott, who had the bright idea of the honor guard in full marine dress with the swords? Did the brides ever get the idea that they both were going to get swatted on the butt by the last two guys with their swords?"

"I cannot tell a lie. So I can't say anything." I looked over at him with my puppy dog eyes and he folded. "Ok, it was Jen's father. Remember, he was an officer and a lifer. This was going to be his last chance."

We were quiet for a while, holding hands and feeling at peace. We made love at least twice a day since we got to Mary's house. We weathered some issues that would have been pretty big before, but we talked them out. I felt at peace and looked at Scott. "I don't know if this is the right time for this, but could you tell me about your relationship with Mary? It was hard not to notice that you and then I were treated like kings by them all, Mary and her parents."

Scott looked at me and smiled. "You know, I think that there's going to be more of these kind of questions before this trip is over. You ask them when you want to, I'll answer them. We'll have time.

"Mary was a bit fragile when I first met her. Don't get me wrong. Physically, she is as tough as nails. But I saw something behind the facade. You know, she is a wonderful woman, full of life, well now she's full of life. She was pretty haunted at first. I let her direct the relationship. We were friends at first. I asked nothing of her, she did the same for me. We got companionship, and trust. I do think that she was close to the breaking point then. Being a Marine is hard on you emotionally. Being away from everyone is rough. I got her to write to others. It was good for her.

"We moved together unexpectedly one night with the help of a handle of Jack. We became lovers. Jack Daniels will always be my friend, in less than handle sized portions that is. Well, maybe most of the time.

"Before you won't ask but are dying to know, Yes, she was good in bed. She added to what I thought making love was all about. We were together like that for a couple of months when things cooled off. A natural cool off, but we cooled. You and I were writing to one another and I realized that I wanted to be back with you, but the little thing of my remaining tour of duty and the Atlantic Ocean was going to keep me from working on it with you.

"I wouldn't give you the line to 'wait for me'. That just wasn't going to happen. You deserved better. Besides, from what you were doing, I saw that you had moved on in many ways. Well, by now I've realized that Mary is a much different person that she was when I met her at first. I saw her eyes light up around a certain woman. I know that look, and what it meant for her. That's when I let her know what her body was saying.

"She was pissed at me for weeks, and we didn't talk. When she finally admitted it to herself, she decided to act on it. I saw them both, they were in love. I was honestly happy for her. Dawn's tour was over and left to go home. Mary was really saddened by it. That was when I suggested that she finally tell her parents what was going on with her.

"Funny thing, she actually did that. She let her parents know who she is. What surprised the heck out of her was that her parents knew all along. They knew before Mary knew. I've found out that this happens with some regularity. It even happened with a recent vice president. Parents know their children. They also knew that I hung around and have been a stable influence for her. That's why we were treated like kings here. Does that answer your question?"

"Thanks for your answer on that. I've got another, but it's really not a question, but it is. We've made a lot of love and we've also had a lot of sex too." Scott leaned over and began to lick my ear. "Now stop that, this is important, OK?" and he pulled back and looked at me.

"There was something that you did that I really didn't like. It was a super turn off, so I have to tell you about it." I cleared my throat, "I'm not your whore, I'm not your bitch. I'm not your trick. I'm your love, your lover, I hopefully am your vixen. Do you understand what I'm saying? It doesn't feel good to be called those things. I know that it isn't for real, but it just strikes as wrong to me." I glanced sideways at him and watched his face.

"Emma, that's not a problem. I was just getting off on the excitement, the wrongness of the great fucking we were doing. But I can understand what you could feel about it. Won't be a problem for me."

"Thank you Scott. I didn't think you would really care, but it's great to be heard and valued."

"As long as we are on the subject of sexual relations. I've got a question for you?" I nodded. "Have you ever been tied up?"

"ARE YOU TALING ABOUT BEING BOUND AND GAGGED AND STRUNG UP.."

"No Emma, not like that. What I'm talking about is to be lightly restrained and your partner teases and pleases you. I'm talking about being blindfolded and having all your other senses take over. I'm talking about being used in a good and loving way to...."

"No. That's never happened to me. What's it like?"

"Which way Emma? The bonder or the bondee?"

"You've been both? Mary was right about being adventurous."

"To be honest, I was only restrained once, and we were pretty drunk at the time. But it was fun. First off, trust is the biggest factor. Then there's imagination. I got better the more I did it. There's a building of excitement, a feeling of helplessness along with knowing that your partner is going to give you the best time they can. Anticipation is key. And the reason I'm talking about it now is because of what you told me earlier. There can be bit of roll playing, that can be what ever you want it to be. All that I have been part of involved no pain, I don't even pretend pain."

I glanced at the scar on his neck and shuddered. He continued, "But I brought in her helplessness, her fantasies, toys. I'm not explaining it very well at all, but her happiness and fun was the top thing.

"I'm talking about your happiness and fun would be most important. It's not an everyday thing, but it does add a bit of spice to life. Sorry if this isn't coming out very well. It's hard to talk about and do it justice. I'd like to try it with you once and see what you think. What do you think?"

"I don't know what to think except that Bettendorf would be a good word to remember in case it was needed."

"I'd like to surprise you one day, and I hope that I'll never hear that word from you."

We had been at Scott's Uncle Time's place for about an hour. Ly is a Vietnamese immigrant that met Tim when she was 16. They met again in Thailand 4 years later and he dragged her to the states as his bride.

We were visiting for over anhour when his wife Ly was going walking into the kitchen as Tim came back into the living room with Scott. "Scott, I'd like to take you there now. We have time before dinner and that will give Ly space to do what she wants to do. I think that it'll be better if Emma can come with. It'll take about 10 minutes to drive there." Turning toward me, "Emma, you can come with if you want, or stay, but I think that it would be better if you came."

Scott was looking sad , "Are you going to take me to her now?" When Tim nodded yes, Scott looked at me "Please come with. We're going to see my mother. I'd like to have you close." Tears were in my eyes as we piled into Tim's ancient minivan for the drive. There was no conversation in words, but I held on to Scott's hand and he never let go.

We drove down the highway, passing industrial areas and rows of nursing homes until we left town and started going up into the hills. The air became cooler and the trees returned, well from no trees to an occasional one here or there. Those slowly increased in number. Then Tim pulled into a cemetery. I finally understood.

He drove in and stopped at a spot that was near the middle of a large number of graves. Tim opened the back of the mini-van and took out some silk flowers. Real flowers would never last from the lack of rain. He started slowly walking up the slight hill and we followed behind.

Near the top, he stopped and got on his good knee and cleared dried leaves and grasses from the head stone. There lay Scott's mother, she had died over 12 years before.

Scott stood there in silence while I held his hand. His face shown more of peace than sorrow or anger. He said a quiet prayer that I barely overheard, and he blessed himself. Straightening up, he hugged his Uncle, his last blood relative in the world. He hugged him with a fierceness and gratitude. Then wiping away his tears, he started walking down the hill, back to the car. This trip was about closure.

On the way back to the house, Scott and Tim spoke about Scott's mother's life. She had significant mental health problems that no one could fix or make better. After being discharged from a hospitalization in Iowa after she had a severe episode, she realized that she should not be a parent to Scott. She was dangerous not only to herself, but to him. On her own, she asked her parents to take over guardianship. Tim offered some oversight, some support out here in California. Her self medication and lack of proper medication continued to plague her and ultimately caused her death. Tim's friends in mental health and the police were able to let him know if she got into any trouble. He was able to visit her in the hospital before she died of complications.

Scott started to write to Tim at the time of his arrest, and as the months went on by, a close relationship grew between them. I found out that a period of time in which Scott was not writing to me was the same time that he found out about his mother's death.

We stopped off at a liquor store to pick up some wine on the way home, Tim wanted to celebrate our visit and have a memorial dinner for the four of us. I was going to find out what find out what wine goes with the Vietnamese food Ly was cooking for us.

Saying that we had time to kill, Tim took us first to the liquor store for a couple of bottles of pinot gringo and then to a coffee shop in town. I got to hear how Tim met Ly, and got her to come back with him.

"I was a marine in Nam from 72-74. I was stationed near Saigon and got discharged a year before South Viet Nam fell in '75. I had met Ly. She was working with the French Catholic church there. It helped that I knew a smattering of French from high school and she had picked up quite a bit more American. Notice I didn't say English. We had gone out a few times before I was shipped back, but I did continue to write. I got a letter back from a distant cousin of hers in the states that said it was dangerous for her to get my letters. So I stopped writing and got on with my life.

"I was a medic in the corps, so I decided to become a nurse. Knew I wasn't smart enough to be a doctor. After I graduated in the late 70's, there was a call to help from the UN with the refugees in Thailand. Everybody who couldn't get out and was caught in the war zone was heading there. Laotians, Hmong, Vietnamese and Cambodians, all fleeing. You know the stories about the Khmer Rouge. I got there and kept asking around for Ly. Had no knowledge she was anywhere or even alive. At the end of my third month there, I got a call and raced to another camp.

"It was Ly, quite a bit thinner, sick, covered with sores, but there and alive. She recognized me and smiled. Emma, is Scott stubborn?" I rolled my eyes and Scott broke out in laughter. "He comes by it honestly. I got her transferred to my camp and spent the next 3 months getting her well. I started the paperwork to get her to America before I even told her about it. When she found out, she was pissed. Not the 'I'm pissed at you' level pissed. It was 'HOW DARE YOU' level of pissed.

I 'bullied her' to marry me and come to California. I did give her the option to divorce me any time she wanted to. I told her that I was going to get her out of this war zone that she could do nothing about. From America she could help more people than she could from here. If she didn't want to be with me in America that was ok. I couldn't live with myself if she was in danger. She finally gave in. She's never left me since. A couple of times she's wanted to murder me, but never leave me." I laughed harder than Scott did on that one.

"Since then, we've sponsored over 5 of her relatives or friends to come here. Two of their sons became marines and have been in Iraq. She has gone back over the years to see relatives as the tensions decreased. I've been there with her a couple of times. She doesn't want to return to live there. We've made a good life here." He looked down at his watch, "Time to go, dinner will be soon."

I've never eaten Vietnamese food. I hope that this was going to be a treat and not something that I would have to heave. A week ago I would have passed on it. Since Scott came back into my life, I've gotten used to the idea that there a bunch of things I don't know about that are pretty good, or at least worth the effort to try.

Such a spread she put out. Ly explained that banh cam are the deep fried sesame balls with sweetened mung bean paste. Canh chua is hot and sour soup. Nem chua is cured fermented pork. I was able to identify the pork. One for me, the only one for me. We also had popiah, a spring roll. The three bottles of pinot, well, that was two things for me. This was followed by french press made decaf coffee. For desert, it was angel food cake with strawberries that Ly and Tim had canned along with some almond liquor poured over it.

I got to hear about their lives. They would also share with Scott stories about his mother. I came to realize very quickly that this part of the trip was the most important part of it all. He was hearing about is mother, and it was not all bad. She had difficulties when she was young, but had some months and years where she was pretty stable. Scott's early child hood was pretty normal, but after he was 7 she started to deteriorate. Those were the times he remembers most. Now he was able to hear the unvarnished truth about her, delivered by people who knew her and even loved her, as well as him.

It was a weekday night at 11 PM and Ly and I left to go to sleep. She showed me to our room while the two men spoke into the night.