Love, Trust and Communication

In the end she was right. I got a case of the 'crabs', a curable case from him. I got to hold on to his big screen TV and computer that he had just moved in. When he protested, she said that she would file, and it would be in the weekly local paper. He paid all of the medical bills at full, not the insurance discount rate before he got his toys back. That had to be very painful for him financially. The way that things get around in small towns, everybody knew sooner or later. He had a hard time getting any dates for quite a while. He ended up moving out of town to a small city.

After I sent Scott that letter about Ryan, there were a couple of weeks where there no letters back. It was in his court. The funny thing about it, I knew that he could say good bye. I would not like it, but I would be at peace with it. Gene was right. Honesty allowed me to be at peace with myself. I also knew that Scott sometimes got pulled away at a moments notice for weeks at a time. It's happened before. Then I received a short letter back.

"Dear Emma,

We've been deployed and I have not been able to properly respond to what you said to me. There are so many good things about you and what you've said that I am a bit overwhelmed. However, I don't have any time. Right now, I don't know if it will be some politician or General showing up on site. It's all the same to us. But we are at a location now.

I have to ask you a big favor. Your lawyer, Mrs. Genevieve Hansen is in need of some help, but she is a very proud person. So proud that she won't ask anything of anyone to help. She and her husband have been having a hard time getting to the grocery store and new doctor appointments. I've asked my friends to help out, and they will. The problem is that none of them have seen her since the hearing over two years ago. Could you initiate contact with her and see if you could find a way to have her and Curt use their help? This would mean much to me.

If you can do this, use this list of my friends that agreed to help and their phone numbers and email addresses. They know that I have been conversing with you. It would not be a surprise if you contact them about my request.

Your friend,

Scott"

So this has been why I get a call to visit with Gene after I get an exchange of letters from Scott. Well, turnabout is fair play, and she is going to get hers - companionship and transportation that is. It's payback time for that little old sneaky lady.

First things first, the Wednesday food ads, then a phone call to Gene.

"Hello Gene, I know that it's Saturday, but the weather is cool but clear. It's been a long winter, and I was going to take a trip to the super Wal-Mart for groceries. It's a 40 mile trip, and I was wondering if you would like to go along and keep me company."

"Emma no, its..."

"I won't take no for an answer. It'll be a girls day out. I'll be there in 20 minutes. Get ready. See you soon. Bye." She never had a chance.

She was ready at the door, with her walker and the oxygen tank. There was also a smile on her face. The super Wal-Mart has a motorized wheelchair, and I reserved it from the manger directly. We do a bit of work for him and our HVAC guy goes out 24-7 at need. This is the thanks you get for saving someone's $50,000 of frozen foods on a blistering July 4th weekend.

Gene and I had a wonderful time visiting on the way out and walking and driving through the store. We were able to do a monthly stock up grocery run, as well as a weekly fresh grocery run for Gene. Between her and my stuff, we filled the car. The last things I bought were 3 bottles of merlot that I was going to smuggle into her kitchen.

Getting back to her home, I got her into the living room and then unloaded and stocked the groceries. She was pretty tired and happily collasped on her chair. I uncorked a bottle of wine and placed it on the counter top to breath. I knew that she and Curt liked a glass occasionally and I remember her saying that they had run out.

By the time I was half finished, she was sleeping. Curt walked into the kitchen after covering her up with a blanket. He and I had spoken a few times before. He is a charming man. He was just diagnosed with early stage Parkinson's disease, something that each of his brothers were living with. No surprises for him on that.

Curt thanked me profusely for what I had done. We chit-chatted for about 15 minutes when I casually asked him a question. "How are you going to be getting to your doctor's visits? It must be difficult as neither of you should drive anymore."

He looked at me a little bit sheepishly. "We've been thinking about moving to a bigger city, somewhere that we can get a cab. Neither Gene or I want to leave this place. It's where we have had our best and worst moments. Now, only good. I don't want to go."

"Curt, would you be open to a few people playing driver for you? You know your wife. There's a bunch of people who want to do this for you and her. With enough people, it's minor for everyone. It won't be a burden. Besides, you and Gene are delightful to be around. I think that you are going to have to give out numbers to keep the crowds down."

At that point, I reached out and held his hand. I could feel a slight tremor of the disease. He smiled and gripped my hand. "That's the best news that I've heard in a long time."

This was the start of a new social club, the Gene and Curt club. I contacted Scott's friends and within a week, their grocery shopping and doctor visits for the next two months were covered.

That was when I needed to write to Scott about what happened.

"Dear Scott,

I am going to take it for granted that you have a relationship with Gene. I was not aware of that. I also have a relationship with Gene. Mine started when your counselor asked Gene to deliver a letter to me. She has said nothing about being in contact with you.

As we said that we were going to be honest with each other, please tell me if you were aware that she and I were conversing.

That lady and her husband is a gem. It was really my pleasure to do this for them. Everything is set for them for the next two months. I will be monitoring their needs and will keep you posted.

Your friend,

Emma"

"Dear Emma,

No, I was not aware that you were talking with her too.

I had no idea.

I only had contact with her because she was a friend of my counselor.

That was the 'in' to allow you to read my letter to you.

I sent a thank you note to Gene for having contacted you. We just kept up a conversation after that.

Yes, I am very thankful for what you have done for her. As you said, she and Curt are gems. Neither of us have any parents or grandparents anymore, and she and Curt are filling the Grandparent roles for me. I think that is also true for you.

It is time for me to address what you said to me after you found out about Ryan.

I have not been completely honest. I knew of Ryan from before. I could have warned you that he was untrustworthy. But I felt that it would be better if you found out your self.

The real problem is that I also really care about you, but I don't want to direct your life. I didn't want to be the cause of your breaking up with him. I hope you understand. If I didn't feel so strong about you, then I would have been more of a man and let you know. I would have let you know even at the possible cost of our friendship. But I couldn't do it. Instead, I waited and prayed for the best. Yes, I said prayed. There are things outside of my hands. I can only do what I can do, the rest I have to accept. Your being with Ryan was one of those things I'd have to accept.

The last two years of my life have been difficult. Funny thing, my being a possessive jerk to you so long ago actually freed me. In a short time, I started to do the right things in life. Taking care of the holes in my life, figuring out that I have to be responsible, listening to the people I care about. Telling the people I really care about them.

You have been my anchor in all of this. First by breaking off with me, and then becoming my friend again. I don't know what the future will be.

What I do know is that you knew I was not OK with Ryan. We didn't speak to one another about it, we only wrote letters, but you knew. Just like I knew you were having trouble with telling me about him. We started this relationship again saying that we were going to be honest. I think that we have to get back to that. What ever we say, we do know that the other is being truthful and not vicious or underhanded. We have to count on each other for that. Even if is at risk of breaking this friendship.

Your friend,

Scott"

Our letters to each other continued at their normal uneven pace.

"Dear Scott,

I can't believe that it's been 2 and a half years since you've joined the Marines. You've told me about so many places in the world that I'll never see. I know you've told me about the dullness and boring parts. I guess sand anyplace still looks like sand anyplace. But to have seen the pyramids and Greece and Rome and Spain. It is just so beyond my world. I know that you've told me that I could enlist. Sorry, I just don't have the courage for that.

Speaking of courage, I've got a problem. Do you remember me telling you about Gina and her boyfriend Mark? Well, they are going to get married next month, but I'm not happy for her. I know that it is not my marriage, it's not my life. Mark is a deadbeat. He spends his off time smoking weed and with his play station. She thinks he'll get better after they marry. He's starting to play something else. He started to hit on me, hard. This is not playing, this is real and serious. I've seen him seriously flirt with anything in a skirt and a couple of times, I saw him grope willing young women when he didn't think he was being noticed. You know, some 18 year-olds love the attention of a 25 year old man. Scott, I know that I should tell her, but I'm afraid it will kill our friendship. She has worked so hard to get him to grow up. I can understand that she has invested years into that man, but this is no way to live.

What do you think?

Your friend,

Emma"

Only five days later I got a reply.

"Dear Emma,

When we had the problem with Ryan, we both were afraid to say what we felt. We didn't trust each other enough. You were afraid of hurting me and I was afraid of tell you that he was untrustworthy.

It's no different with you and Gina. I understand that you are afraid that you may lose your friendship. Look at it this way. If she becomes his wife and he runs around, are you in any better place? Living life with 'I could have' doesn't work either.

You are between a rock and a hard place. I can't make a decision for you, but you remember what it felt like when I told you later that that man was untrustworthy.

Trust your relationship with Gina. Like you told me, if something like that happens again and I tell you, you might get pissed as hell. Maybe forever. But if you find out I was right, it's your task to own it. Real friends will do that.

Good luck on what you decide to do. I'm sure you will do the right thing.

Your Friend,

Scott"

A month later, I wrote back to him.

"Dear Scott,

Thank you for being the sounding board about Gina. I did tell her, and she was so mad that she disowned me completely. It was three weeks before the wedding. She needed to get a new maid of honor. I was hurt, but I understood. You really helped me on this. Thank you once again.

But the situation did improve. The ceremony and the reception was held at the Holiday Inn Express, by the Wal-Mart and the highway. It was a couple of hours before the wedding when Gina and her soon to be mother-in-law Mary went looking for Mark. They found him. He was screwing one of the out-of-town guests in their room while the woman's husband watched. Somebody said something about it being a present for Mark, but I'm not sure about that.

Gina was in shock, but his mother went ballistic. She ripped up all of their clothes, tossed his wallet down the toilette along with his keys. Then she grabbed Gina and one of her daughters and drove back to Gina's apartment that she shared with Mark. There were a couple of phone calls along the way and a slew of people showed up. Some of them were dressed in their wedding and reception clothes. The mother and the crew got everything out of the apartment on to the lawn that Mark owned.

This is where you come in because you're famous for this. She did a Scott. She watered every thing he had and followed it up by having a monster truck roll over what remained. That's now called a Mother Mary. Sorry, but you've now slipped to second place.

I hope that you can laugh about this. Scott, no one speaks about what you did in a negative way. They talk about 'doing a Scott' as being so damn hurt and mad that all hell breaks loose.

I immediately sent flowers and a card to Gina. I understood how hurt she must be. We got back together and hugged and cried. You were right, being honest was better.

When I heard what happened and what Mary did, I really began to understand on a new level how you felt. It wasn't as if I couldn't understand before, but I know so much better now. The pain is more than anyone should have.

I've shared some of your story with Gina, nothing I hope that you would feel is damaging or embarrassing to you. I can say that it is helping her to heal. She has a long way to go.

Your friend,

Emma"

"Dear Emma,

At three years in the Corps I need to make a decision. Do I make this my career, or do I leave? If I sign up for more years, I get more training and advance in rank. I don't have to make a decision right away. I just have to think about it. I've generally been happy with my life here. Not everything in life is good, but its more than OK for now.

I have to think more about life and longer term.

Your friend,

Scott"

"Dear Scott,

You have been hashing out with me your decision to stay in the Corps or leave the Corps with me for months now. I know that it's been rough on you. Like you have said, you accomplished the goals you had when you signed up 3 and a half years ago. I been hearing you say 'What about my goals now?' for awhile.

What we have not spoken about is us.

Twice in these years, we talked about being honest, even if it would mean that the relationship was at serious risk. This is one of those times for me. You have to do what you want to do, and I will accept it. We can continue our relationship as we have done, you can choose to end it or we can try something else. I won't argue with you or question you about it.

I want you to come back home and try again with you.

If it works out, that would be great and wonderful. We may have also changed to the point where it will not work out. I don't know the answer. I know that I have had a wonderful thing with you these past several years. I'd like to see if it can continue.

Your Emma"

I didn't get a letter back, and it's been weeks, then months. Scott never spoke about being involved with someone else, but he could have been. He could also be deployed. I talked it over with Gene. Months ago we had discussed this three-way relationship between us. Boy, I hate that term. She said that she never broke a confidence, and never would. Being a lawyer gave her a bit of practice on that. Scott and I were both OK on that. We trusted her.

Physically, things were not going well for Gene and Curt. His disease was progressing. For safety, he needed to use a walker in the home or a motorized scooter for longer distances. The problem was getting to the cars. He needed a ramp. She called Max, then Max and I looked at what could be done.

Gene and Curt had an attached two car garage with a door directly from the kitchen to the garage. However, the garage floor was over two feet lower then the kitchen. The easiest thing to do would be to put in a wider door from the kitchen and a winding ramp in the garage. The ramp, Gene and Curt, and the motorized scooter would all be protected from the weather. That solved safety and comfort issues. The other garage space would need to be emptied. Right now, it was occupied by Scott's things.

In the past year, Bob Hinckley who was part of the Gene and Curt club of drivers had gotten married. Bob has been storing many of Scott's things. A baby was now expected and Bob needed the space. With Curt's and Scott's blessing, Gene allowed him to store those things in the unused garage parking space. Unfortunately, that space was now needed for the ramp and the other space for loading into vehicles.

I wanted these changes for Gene and Curt. I have a spare bedroom that I could clear out and stash his stuff. I did not want to make any assumptions about Scott. I met with Gene and showed her about the several plans that we came up with. She agreed that the garage plan was the best. That was when I said I would store Scott's things, even if I didn't know if he would ever come back. Gene gave me a pained look, but agreed. I hardened myself, she must have slipped up. I tried to not let it show and went on with all the plans to take care of everything.

We were able to finish all the work in 4 days. They both loved it, it was a great workable mobility solution for them both. It also made loading groceries into the kitchen easier.

It was Wednesday night and we were going out to a bar to celebrate Gina's birthday. She still has been having a rough time since her near wedding to Mark.

I was feeling a bit down from what Gene slipped out, but knew that was life. It's been a real roller coaster ride with Scott these past years. Maybe staying away, maybe staying at arms length... maybe... maybe that was all wrong. I know that I've always loved him. Even when he was a possessive pain in the ass, even after I got over being mad at him when we started to communicate with each other again. Even when he told me about his girlfriends, or I talked about my boyfriends. I know that I've really cared about him. These last years allowed each other to get to know each other, without acting on our hormones. He was a good lover, considerate and fun. I was safe with him. He's a great person. Some woman is going to be a lucky wife one day.

Well, my life has to go on, again, again without Scott. Gina's birthday party at the bar tonight is right after work. I need to be with her. When I got there, Gina was laughing and having a good time with our girlfriends. She hasn't been that happy for a while. The bar owner John turned on the karaoke machine and we egged each other on to sing. We all took a turn. It got easier after two drinks. The owner has an old VW mini bus that he takes people home with if they drink more than they should. His bar is pretty popular that way.

My girlfriends pushed me out and I had to sing. The bar owner John is more than a couple of years older than us. I think that he's an old hippy. He's a big fan of Janis Joplin and picked up every song for karaoke of hers that she sang. Tonight, I needed to sing a special one.

I took the microphone and got into the feeling of that song. It's one of her very quiet soft ones, full of feeling. I didn't need to read the words because I knew them by heart. Singing these blues with my eyes closed.

"A woman left lonely,

will soon grow tired of waitin'

she'll do crazy things, yeah, on lonely occasions."