All Comments on 'Lunar Dance Ch. 14'

I think over all as you wrote each chapter you became a improved writer. I am not so much a fan of your battle within your story but overall you did a good job. There is room for improvement upon revision just to make the whole story flow more smoothly. However, I believe you had a good plot and you did well. Thank you for the enjoyable story.

Great story I really enjoy the it the only thing is that I wish that the ending would of had more details the ending was kind of rushed...

Good story. A bit lacking on good sex scencw, but a good story.

Enjoyed reading your story (decent timekill), but these last few chapters fell short. In order to understand what I mean, I will give you an explanation.

Have you ever heard the analogy that One's life is a thread inthe weave of fate, and the thread's of his life and the threads of defining events and relationships: Friends, Family, Lovers, Teachers, Rivals, Enemies cross over each other and are bound together; however briefly?

Well I like my stories the same way. (am i confusing you) I mean when I reached the end of the story, there were too many lose ends. I like my stories to have everything tied down neatly by the end, the exception being if a sequel is fermenting away somewhere.

The Reader (in this case I) was left with too many unanswered questions. In the event you were planning no sequel, I would have made the wedding the last part of chapter 14 with an brief epilogue containing a snapshot of the the child of the two main Leads as a child. I mean you basically had him be the reincarnation of Nyyrikki, you must have been going somewhere with that, because currently it seems pointless.

Hear are the mysteries we are left with at the end of the series.

1.What powers if any does Nar have?

2. If Tabithi has celestial animals, what do Nar and Nyrikki have?

3.Did Nar inherent anything (property, powers) of his father after his death?

4. What happened to Nyyrikki's emissaries?

5. Why did Nature and Time have Nyyrikki reincarnated as Demir's son?

6. As the reincarnation of a god, will he retain a portion of his former prowess? (not that we even saw any of them @_@, you battle sucked)

8. At the end of Chapter 7 you promised an origin story for the gods titled, "The Beginning: A Creation Story" you even referenced it specifically during the resurrection scene, but you have not posted one. I searched your profile, as well as Literotica.

_____________________________________________________________________

Problems with the series:

1. I hated your color scheme. Too much Gold. Gold in Nyyrikki's thone room, Gold veined armor, Gold Armor, Gold Eyes, Gahh! it was maddening. Steel/Leather armor with Tabithi's symbol emblzoned on it would have been better.

2.Nyyrikki's Castle should have been more Hunting Lodge-Like.

3. I want to see/read about Nar and Demir's son more, I want them to grow up together.

4. Not enough Nar. If you write a kid into a story, you have to give me more than, "Moommmy!! I don't want you to go away T.T" should have written the scene where he is introduced to Demir

All that said I Give your series an 7/10. Slightly above average, but not a winner.

The story showed excellent progression of skill! Reading the other comments, I agree that if you revised it, you would get a better story and could expand it. You could also write a bit more on the followup stories (possibly about their kids getting into trouble?)