All Comments on 'Lyin' Eyes Ch. 04'

I didn't like everything, I like Mark don't like the whole pshyc thing, but overall I liked this story. I find it amazing that this story and The Call Of Blood happened at about the same time. Two of the best stories I have read on THIS sight in a LOOOOOONG time.

Thank you for a wonderful story that made me laugh and made me cry.

I look forward to what you write next.

CW

i really didnt see that ending coming though the psychology stuff was interesting and some of it kinda made since i dont think i would have went for it i would have dumped luara and moved on.

While the story was great I found that the easy reasoning a little weak. The wife was dealing with husbands mortality and slept with some other guy? I mean while you did a great follow up and reasoning I dont believe it at all. im my opinion you forgot one of the most important parts and thats the daughter. While she would have been dealing with husbands mortality wouldnt she then try to be closer to the daughter?q

Well written--but I am going to have to read it several more times to work it out. A really big suprise in that ending. It works---sort of, like I said. JimDinMN

Did a good job here in showing how not only the cheater suffers, but all those cheated against as well.

The disconnect is between the way Laura was portrayed in the first three installments as being so cold and aloof. Now it's all being dismissed with some psychological mumbo jumbo (as you put it). Just too big a pill to swallow - and this from someone who welcomes the "happily ever after" ending.

Despite this weaker final chapter, an excellent start and I'll be looking for future submissions.

is what we got. She started cheating with her eyes wide open. He begged her to stop and she refused. The psycologist just gave her some half assed excuses for it to happen, and he bit hook, line, and sinker. What excuse will the doctor find for her the next time she cheats? It is a well written story, and I enjoyed it until the doctor blinded him with her babble.

The first three chapters where great.Whore wife cheats, gets caught and gets what she deserves.This chapter really sucked.All that physco babble from the shrink.I mean come on, whats her next excuse going to be, that she has mutiple personality's.I somewhat knew that something stupid like this was going to happen.That there was going to be some twist and the husband would take her back.

Sorry but this ending is so bad it makes me sad I read your story. The bitch is nuts so what? Let the husband and child move on and get the fuck away from her. I'm betting she'll do it again and might even hate the child. He's an ass for taking her back and you're an ass for writing this ending!

Three chapters of a great set up, all of it thrown away by a force, phony happy ending that goes against everything that came before it. If this was a movie, half the audience would have walked out and the other half would have thrown their popcorn at the screen. It's an insult to the rest of the story, and it's an insult to the readers. This was nothing but a big FUCK YOU to everyone who read the prior chapters.

You had such promise, and you threw it all away and shat on the readers. A 0 is too good for this shit.

Great beginning Psycobabble ending. No intelligent person believes this sh*t. Too bad, the actual writing was decent.

The "happy" ending is not the problem

The contrivance and lack of character consistency is the problem.

After page 1 of chapter 4, I skipped to the end. Couldn't take it anymore.

I could aaaalmost buy the psychological excuses and the reunion. Almost, but not quite. Unfortunately, you made her far too over the top willfully evil to pull this surprise twist off successfully.

Nice try, though. I hope you write more and let's see where the other stories go.

LONGHORN YOU FUCKED UP A VERY GOOD STORY, BOY WHAT A CROCK OF SHIT YOU FINISHED WITH, I SHOULD HAVE STOPPED AFTER THE LAST CHAPTER, YOU FUCKED UP WORSE THAN HER, IN FACT STOP WRITING AND GO BACK TO BEING A RANCHHAND SHOVELING COW SHIT.

the psycho babble was just that, and quite unbelievable.

and it was not varified in any way - no checking, no feedback from the wife, no second opinion. quite unbelievale.

the husband character was switching with another double without the personality the original had.

I enjoy your writing style, but I can't understand what you did to the plot. Over 50% of husbands would have divorced her, and left her to live out a miserable life. The rest might agree to trying to reconcile, but it would take a very long time ( 2 - 3 years at least). Ok, she is getting her head checked out by a doctor. I don't buy your thesis one bit. I can understand bi-polar, depression, and even schizophrenia, but not your excuse. At the very least he should require her to get a full physical with STD testing - probably every month for at least 6 months, then maybe every 3 months. He should also insist on random lie detector tests. His playing the father figure is WRONG! Either she gets it right in her head, and can prove to him that she deserves to be in his life, or she should be kicked to the curb.

Writing it your way, well that is your right as it is your story.

However, when your 3 chapters worth of logic and steadfastness of an intelligent CEO type character dumbed down from a serge of physo-babble that couldn't possibly boggle the inescapeable documented truth - how could you possibly believe anyone could accept those mind blunderings of babble? Well, your braindead husband did.

However, recovering from that loss of control, I thought wait a minute, even assuming dumbo the psycho is right, how many times will he have to play daddy again so his wife can have her purging cuckolding affairs to be forgiven again and again and again while he watches tapes A, B, C, D, etc. - well you get the drift. He must understand this right - but perhaps he didn't read this story - yet. He doesn't know yet that his author has programed him to be a willing cuckold - repeatedly - forever.

Author author author wherefore have you gone - to neverland? I'm insulted that you felt that I/we could be sold something like this but - I say but - it was your first effort wasn't it. A mulligan so to speak is tentatively granted. But remember for the future you cannot shift from credible land to fantasy babble land and retain any credibilty. It doesn't wear well here or on you.

At first I was unsure if I should like your ending, even though it made me FEEL good. Then I realized that you took one hell of a risk. You were asking me as a reader to buy into a resolution that does a complete 180 degree turn from the story you set up. But writing in this forum is ABOUT TAKING RISKS. I applaud you for venturing into an area where you probably knew ahead of time, that the comments you elicited would be mostly negative.

As for me, I bought into your story. Perhaps it’s the father in me that understands how far one might temporarily sublimate one’s feelings for the welfare their child, and thus find healing with their spouse in the process. That to me is not so farfetched. Thank you for a very enjoyable read.

First of all, I talkedwith my sister and brother-in-law about this. One is a social worker and the other a licensed theapist and both agreed that NO therapist would advise the child to be allowed to see a parent that had so totally devasted the child unsupervised. Second, any reponsible parent who allowed the offending parent to see the child was pretty irresposible themselves...That should have been done in a totally controlled and supervsed environment. Their FIRST concern would be for the child not even their own patient would take precedence.

Let me put it this way, you Blew It wIth the plotline. You painted a story in which the only responsible thing is for the parents to split and seek treatment. The child is probably scared for a good part of her life. You painted yourself into a writerscorner and the only way you can resolve it is to suspend all disbelief and have everyone behave irreponsibly?!

the writing was OK but you need to really work on motivations and characterization.

I never laughed so hard in my life. I even forgot to check out the flow of the writting, but this was somehting else. First Laura came to see Mark when there was a restraining order against her to see, or get in touch with Mark and HIS daughter. I was very surpised that you had Mark visit the shrik.

The shrink had Mark wrapped around her little finger the moment Mark walked into her office and she admitted it. Mark should have put the shrink on the defense from the beginning. As they say, the best offense is a good defense and Mark should have controlled the conversations from the beginning. He should have walked in and told the shrink that she had 15 minutes to plead Laura's case and her time started NOW. See what happens when when you see a shrink. Laura was made out to be the good person and it was all Mark's loving influence that drove her away from her family into another man's arms. This is CRAP. Then it was HIS daugher's fault for being born and taking up part of Mark's life and she was not Number 1. This is also CRAP. Boy, Laura is a selfish bitch that told the shrink part of the story to make Mark and His daughter the evil vilins and her the heroine. If Laura wanted to get caught for her infidelity, why didn't she just tell Mark?

The last thing Mark should do is go running back to Laura. He still should make life a living hell for Laura. Mark should keep Laura out of his and HIS daughter life. I think the shrink might have hpynotized him and put a ring in his nose so Laura could attach a leash to it and lead him around and show him off as her pet. Now, Mark you have make Mark as a whimp and a chuckhold that he will never be able to live down because too many people know about Laura's affair and have seen the tape including Mark's co-workers, attorney, and the shrink to name a few. Why hasn't Mark demanded that Laura be checked out for STD's or to see if she is pregnent?

I said in the very beginning, it is the children that are hurt in these cases, but they are young and can get over a family divorce easier that a loving husband can. If this is the best ending you could come up with, forget it and go back to the darkroom.

because he had a little experience when they were married, because she met someone who flowered her with pretty words, because he loved his daughter and spent time with her, because she "had a bad hair day or stepped on a crack," because of all these things she cheated on him for over 6 months and treated him like crap for 6 months before that; is that what you're trying to say? I say that's a load of bullshit! She is an adult human who has the power to make a decision, she CHOSE to cheat! She chose to treat her family like shit and now that she is caught she wants her "Daddy" to forgive her. What happens if he breaks a bone or something, will she go have a gangbang so her "Daddy" can forgive her again?

You know, I remember a time (a long time ago) when people took responsibility for their own actions, when a person who fucked up owned up to the event and took the punishment meted out. I am sure you, the author, remember that time too.

The husbands character changed completely--nothing about him in the first three chapters would indicate that he would do this. I have a feeling the whole thing is a set up for something else--or just a bad ending. Sorry--doesn't work. JimDinMN

Weak. The good Doctor cannot bring herself to treat another person on an equal basis. He has to be Mark while she Must be Doctor. She laughs at him in delight every time he is coaxed into giving her half-baked ideas any credence. He starts to nuy her bull and she practically taunts him with her assertion that he willwind up taking her back and forgiving her. This may be plausible physhology, but it is in reality total crap. I appreciate your writing ability, but I do not appreciate you changing your protaginists character in midstream. Certainly the bitch should learn from her mistakes and forgive herself when she manages to change, but her actions, AND her supposed psychological flaws, make it unsafe for her to have anything but supervised and limited vistation rights with her daughter. As for Mark, he should have the Doc investigated. She is a loon.

Seems everyone is upset with the good doctors answers. I can't quite buy it either, although the mind is very complex and some are very much weaker that others!!

I assumed he AND the doctor were there at the mother and daughter meeting---safe enough, no?

So far, I have heard very little about trust and the vows that signify that trust. More later?

More clarification later. I mean, noone is buying it right now!

The old "Anyone who would go to a shrink needs their head examined".

Longhorn:

You certainly stirred up another hornet's nest with chapter 4. You're getting pretty good at it. As for me I'm going to re-read the story a couple of times to see if I can sort it out in my mind because it seems the character's changed personalities somewhere in chapter three and even more so in chapter 4. Can't say it can't happen because in life it does but I'm not sure that it could be to the degree it seemed to happen in the story. What the hell, you got people talking although the usual foul-mouthed Anonymous' seemed to scream the loudest as usual. Ronnie W.

For the first three chapters I thought we had a pretty good story.......you just put it in the shitter with chapter 4, what a load of crap.....you want psycho babble bullshit......you just wrote a fucking truckload of it, give this story up, it's trash now!

When she cheets on you again, what will you say?

I don't know.

I don't mean her, I mean the author.

Let me see if I understand the psychobabble: Anything Laura does to him, castration, disfigurement, amputation, can be traced back to some psychological event in her past so he must forgive her because he loves her. Is that it?

Then we have the psychoatrist (misspelling intended) who MUST maintain a professional atmosphere by being called , "Doctor." And she says, "Mark, honey..." And in this professional atmosphere, talking about the charred remains of his life: '"Give up?" she asked with another one of those smirks on her lips.' If I got those responses during this kind of session with an alleged psychiatrist, my response would be, "Am I on Candid Camera?"

Also, she's embarrassed to talk about Laura's pre-marital masturbation in the context of everything she did? Where did she get her degree, Playskool?

And if she wanted to get caught, why didn't she tell him? And if she was doing it all subconsciously not realizing her motivations, why did she get so upset about what she yelled at him? The outburst would have made for an even more satisfying forgiveness from daddy if she showed no remorse. How did she suddenly snap out of it? And why did she show such complete disinterest in her daughter up until the moment she said, "YOU GO TO HELL AND TAKE HER WITH YOU?" What did she have to do with the daddy nonsense? Then: "She staggered over to the bed and motioned to Brian to get back in position. He did and his prick was soon sliding in and out of my wife's cunt." Some time later, before he finished, she was suddenly, unaccountably overcome with remorse and tried to call. Was there no other point at which she could have felt an iota of remorse, let alone have been overcome by it?

Maybe if you had started chapter 1 with, "Once upon a time, on a planet far, far away, there were these creatures who were not human beings, although that had names that humans use," we could stretch our credulity.

Maybe these things go in cycles. There has been virulent condemnation of the wimp cuckold stories which seemed to be taking over Loving Wives. Now there seems to be a plethora of get-them-back-together-no-matter-what stories infesting it. I'm happy to see them get back together. But, in a story that purports to be something that could happen, you actually need to tell a story that could happen. I'm sure the way it's going that one of these days we're going to see a story where the guy comes back from the dead to forgive his wife who killed him and reconcile with her, probably because she had psychological reasons for humiliating and killing him.

First time I ever disagreed with Salamis. I always told my kids to try things. What is the worst that could happen? You could be a complete, total, miserable humiliating failure. I can say nothing against the author for trying. But, IMO, it was a complete, total, miserable humiliating failure.

It editing the comment, somehow it lost my pseudonynm.

But what if I had just used "anonymous"? Is that less revealing than "sorry54321"? I doubt one in 10000 here uses their actual name and, given the dangers of exposing your identity in cyberspace, why would they?

More pseudo-moralistic shoveling of ersatz psychological bovine organic material. A total waste of words.

so disappointing, you trashed your own story!

Mark said he wasn't interested in any phychobabble. thats exactly what the good doctor handed Mark and you handed your readers. all the justifications presented by the doctor are problems most adults will face in a lifetime.somehow we cope.

i'm not the 'slash and burn', 'dump the bitch' type mentality.but some marriages need to be terminated in spite of feelings of love. when you add Laura's distain for her childs feelings and wellbeing,its hard to see any reason to continue this relationship.

don

A great story. Never mind the rabble.

You sold them the pup with the first three chapters. All were convinced, and happy, there would be the “revenge ending.” Too many failed to read between the lines, their minds bigoted and narrow.

You have a clever mind and write a good story. Please continue and please, please just be yourself.

My very best regards

Robert

The end is a piece of crap. Serial killers have reasons. Should they be left on the street? Usually trust is the main issue in betrayals. How can Mark ever trust his psychotic wife? He would have a little chance if he could read her mind at all times, but can he? What if she killed her daughter for some other reason because of some old experience Mark does not know about? The end portray Laura as a mentally sick person. She belongs in a mental hospital not anywhere near a child.

I guess it is very hard to be perfect or very close to that.

Thanks anyway. It was a very well written story in general.

You had the makings of an excellent story but then you had to create a wimp,albeit a wealthy one. In the near future when she is out cheating again, he can sit down and analyze all of the reasons he took her back, and how her drove her to cheat---again.

You lost the momentum you had at the begining. Too bad it could have been good.

Isn't there always a but? I enjoyed this story and thought it was well written with a theme that I enjoy. I did find it a bit difficult to accept the total turnaround and remose of this wife. The fact that she is seeing a phsyciatrist is encouraging, for her previous actions warrented an examination into her psyche. I do thing that the reconcilaition should have been more protracted and filled with a lot more anguish in order to be believable. All in all tho, a good read and kudos to the author.

LONGHORN PUT HER ON THE FAST TRACK FOR SAINT HOOD LIKE MOTHER THERESA, HER WORK WAS SO GOOD THAT SHE TOLD HER HUSBAND TO GO TO HELL AND TAKE THEIR CHILD WITH HIM, EXCELLENT MOTHER, CHARLES MANSON SHOULD HAVE LONGHORN GET HIM THE SAME DOCTOR. FROM A TOUGH TALKING MAN TO A CUM LICKING CUCKOLD, WHAT A ENDING.

You destroyed the story bro.. part 4 doesnt seem to be a continution of the earlier ones. You tried hard but your efforts r all lost in vain..

Although I liked the story in Chapters 1-3 I did not like the ending. The ending of them being together would not be so short and only after he talked to the shrink. I think Chapter 4 could be expanded.

I would expect him to not budge on the shrink wanting to be called Doctor while he was called Mark in their meeting. He owns a company and is forceful when needed or in uncomfortable situations. Being an Engineer and a Manager he is not going to give easily.

His agreeing to the hypothesis of the reason for cheating is not plausible. I would think that he may listen but then keep his same direction - divorce. He may agree to counseling. I could see a thawing and a possible remarriage after many months (over a year) of counseling, but not 7 months. The hurt on him and her daughter is too great to make a quick change back to the way it was.

While they would be in counseling I would expect him to make it clear: no men. STD testing, surveillance of the wife, and possible lie detector use would be required by him. Surveillance and lie detectors are part of his normal work activity and he would use them.

I do think them being back together could happen but it would be long and painful, and you need to show that more. Keep up the writing.

TO ALL YOU 100%...ESP ROBERT 12UK...oh yea.. forget that Kathy was with Mr Pathetic in the Vegas bedroom...de-virginizing Laura...yea...you know Kathy, Laura's good friend ..not Mr Pathetic's...yea..."I am so insecure calling out for help ...yea look at me choke down some cock with my best friend and telling you to good to hell".

I think Laura really needed an exorcist not that psycho doctor.

Actually, though over all well written, the last chapter dealt with characters that did not exist in the first three..there is too long of a stretch to conjoin the actions of the original characters to those that appeared in the last chapter...only the daughter's character remained the same. To include the doctor's character only weakened the story line.

The author must rewrite the first three chapters to allow the last chapter to develop...otherwise..wasted garbage to be recycled into another story.

By the way, Mark can always blame his actions on being born and when his maternal grandfather died, he went back into the womb and found she wasn't there to support him.

Make any sense?...just as much as your last chapter., "nuff said.

The parallels in these two stories are just too close. In the first chapters of both the husband just knows that the wife is cheating. In the second chapters the wife denies it. In the middle chapters he collects proof of the cheating and then starts divorce proceedings. In the last chapter he has the wife going to counseling because there is some pyschological problem that caused her to cheat in the first place and the husband is planning to take her back. I believe both of these stories were written by the same author, and are just different variations on the same theme.

wimp. same shit. different day

A really interesting story, weel crafted and realistic...sucked in the reader well. The ending however completely loses me, find myself wondering if you got bored and wrote this ending to finish quick...or you did not not where to take it....whihc by the way would have been a much more valid ending...leaving your readers to complete the story in their own minds is not brilliant but certainly much better than your own ending efforts....

Over all good effort but you need to really work hard on those endings....your killing the whole story with them.

Some readers here will go "wimp" and all that crap but I think this was a good try to get into the motivations of characters. I'd rather see reconciliation---if possible. I don't know whether I accept the doctor's analysis, but it is an attempt to give meaning to a difficult situation. I think most women wouldn't reject their child like Laura did. It does happen but I think it is rare(but that is an opinion w/o experience--being a man--or statistics). Maybe Mark, being the success in business, in his daughter's eyes, his savoir faire in the world, were too intimidating for Laura.

The problem with the story is that Laura was set up as evil incarnate. There was no gentleness, no redeeming qualities, nothing of the attraction which caught Mark's love in the first place. The opening up at the end doesn't really seem to be about the same character.

But you---if you are not a Neanderthal---have to give the author credit for trying to make more of the story than usual. I give it a 75% rating because of that attempt, but it doesn't work totally, in my opinion.

Like many others, I thought the first three chapters were great and then felt let down by Chapter 4.

The business with the doctor is pure psycho=babble. An aunt's death and his supportive response made her think of him in a fatherly mannerly, so she wanted to give hime a reason to forgive him for something and had a series of miserable sexaual experiences to be de-flowered in the manner she thought a virgin should so she could be caught and forgiven???? What a crock.

Even if you accept that line of reasoning there are still two problems. First, she chose to act on her feelings. Ignoring her wedding vows, ignoring the needs of her child, we are to believe that she acted on this bizarre mind set. She gave up the right to act without regard to the effect of her acts on others when she married and even further when she pro-created.

Second, again, even if we accept the pshyco-bablle premise, where is the long-term effect? You went from pshyco-babble to forgiveness. Where is the time to work through both parties damaged selves, and self-respect? Where is the recognition that love may still exist my trust is gone, maybe forever? (Although if he buys the psycho-babble crap maybe he thinks he can trust her in the future.)

If I were him I might take her back, but it would be with the recognition that she was, in academic terms, on final probation. If there was any mis-step to further erode the trust she was history. If she did anything else to further damage my daughter (use of the first person pronoun is intentional) and she would be on her way out the door before she even realized it.

I am a sucker for a happy ending, but I am also a believer in consequences. I don't see any consequences for the wife here except a few months apart from her husband and daughter.

Maybe you should take a page out of KK's book. He went back and amended a story not long ago. Why don't you try another go at this ending. The first three chapters held too much promise to be tied to this ending. Whether you do that or not, I will continue to look for your efforts. I enjoyed the early chapter enough to warrant feel that you have more good work comning.

Fun cheating wife story until you demonized Brian Collier with the psych-babble in Ch. 4. So he's evil and she is misunderstood. Boy-oh-boy! I still give the story high marks for writing but not for the substance of chapter 4. ugh! Anyway, lots of good ideas and development. I was REALLY interested in these people as I read about them. Plenty of room for more chapters and development of Brian Collier, and Laura.

Honestly I wasn't expecting this ending. Though I do like how different it was from the norm. What I mainly enjoyed about this chapter was the whole interaction between the husband and the doctor. The drew me in.

Also I don't think they went from divorce to forgiveness. At the end it says "seven months later" I believe. Meaning that even after the visit with the doctor it took a good deal of time for the two of them to work things out. Seeing as the cheating only last 6 months and was "pathetic" the amount of time is reasonable. From the time she was serve to the meeting in his office was 4 months. After that another 7 months pass to when he and the daughter to to pick her up. So a year passed before they got back together and I doubt things would be prefect even with that right away.

Actually I think the fact that the guy was pathetic would lessen the pain and hurt the husband felt about her cheating to a degree. It's one thing to find out the person is cheating cause they think you can't satisfy them or finding that someoen else is pleasuring them. To find out that you actually have nothing to worry about on that front is a nice and interesting twist.

The human mind is a confusing thing. Though I still have problems with the wife wellingly choosing to act on certain feelings and still did what she did. Though her quickly trying to contact him after screaming at him over the phone was a nice touch to her realizing just what she was doing but it a little to late. I liked that husband realized this as well. Even though he understood what the doctor was saying and it made sense to him he still remember that she willing choose to do what she did. The main drive for him was to do whatever he could as to not harm his daughter after how she had been acting after the mother was served with divorce papers. If it hadn't been for that element in the story I wouldn't have liked them gettting back together.

I like how this story turned out. Not in any normal way either which is good. Twist like this are needed at times I feel.

I actually like the phycho babble. I thought it was well thought out and well written. I just feel the their should be another chapter describing her reaction to them showng up and them getting past it mentally, physically, and emotionally. I want to her about her being more experimental.

Longhorn, this was very well written and I'm glad you took the risk of writing a reconciliation story line. While I don't accept all the rationalization that the Dr. gave for her behavior, it is a different twist.

I'm willing to make the assumption that a whole lot of talking went on in the months between Mark's meeting and the ending. And I'm willing to accept the possibility that he would swallow his pride somewhat for the sake of his daughter. But, as a man who is portrayed as being totally devoted to the daughter, I would be wondering if he would feel safe with Laura near his daughter.

There is one big hole, however. I have to echo the complaint, what about Kathy??? In chapter three you have Laura getting into the sex a whole lot more when Kathy is involved that when it is just Brian. The bisexuality never comes up at all and doesn't seem to fit in with the explanation given?

Or is her bisexuality one of the new sexual things that they will be trying when they get back together. Also, while it may be a reach, is there significance to the fact that the Dr. is a woman too? Is there a whole other layer to be unraveled?

I think that this could use some further exploration.

Like many of other readers who left feedback here, I felt that the ending was a betrayal. As the author, your job is to portray the situation and the characters so that the reader can gain an understanding of your characters as the story progresses. You did that quite well in the first three chapters, but a complete about-face at the ending, such as this story shoveled at us, means that everything you told us about the characters earlier was a lie; the conclusion drawn is that you, as an author, can't be trusted. I hope that that wasn't the effect you were aiming for, because in other respects, you write well.

This ending is such a reversal that I'm tempted to post feedback on the earlier chapters warning new readers who liked the story to that point to stop reading at chapter 3.

I know that some people complain about the twist, but the problem with the ending is that you simply get the doctor-patient relationship and the nature of psychoanalysis wrong.

1. If the wife had problems like those revealed in this last chapter, her husband's understanding of why she cheated is the least of her problems.

2. This level of psychological talk may have flown in the 1950's or early 1960's. It may still live in the simplest kind of romance novels, but I don't read those and don't know.

I happen to have a story in the works that has the same general plotline. It's interesting to figure out a way to create a reconciliation or a new romance. This isn't it. I applaud the concept but not the realization.

someone who receives pure pleasure from punishment....and that is what this story series about. it had nothing to do with loving wives. it instead had to do with two demented souls torturing everyone around them.

reconciliation was the end, but reconciled to what? two lunatics setting the same spiral down into effect by psychoanalysts who get off punishing each other over love which is not love. talk about sicko

the one person in the story that should be protected from these two nuts is the child.

go punish yourself on your own time as I have had more than enough of your thoughts.

Total BS.

You’ ve written an intriguing story, and done it very well. But you are running afoul of a certain type of reader who falls into one of several, intermingled categories regarding their opinions:

1) Cheating wives should be treated like whores, and no matter who gets hurt, the cuckold should get revenge;

2) Cheating is wrong, and anybody who would write a story about it needs counseling;

3) Cheating wives should suffer a horrible death, with everyone else living happily after, and

4) Only a wimp would stay in a marriage with a cheating wife.

This is obviously not a complete list, but you get the idea! Sad but true, a LOT of readers are going to give you extremely low votes because they fall into one of these groups.

As a fellow Literotica writer, I’ve been there. Naturally the most hostile critic is usually Anonymous. Instead of giving you a 5 for an excellent story, Anonymous will give you the lowest vote possible, and likely as many times as he get away with it.

Anyway, since my stories are also eligible for voting, I’ve almost never voted for any stories, particularly if I have a submission in the same category at approximately the same time. I feel that my own voting distorts the validity of the vote. Well, so does the voting by Anonymous. So I’m violating my own standards, and I’m giving you a 5 for this one. It’s a deep, interesting, story. As I said before, it’s also exceptionally well-written. We need more stories like this! Ignore Anonymous!

I was particularly impressed with the shrink in your story. In my own experience about 90% of the individuals in psychiatry, psychology, and counseling are mentally disturbed. Frankly I’ve never encountered one as astute as the one in your story. Of course you needed someone to provide the insights and wisdom which would enable you to take your wife back. Although nearly unbelievable (to me), your shrink was perfect for that role.

So please ignore Anonymous and keep writing. I look forward to reading other stories from you. But be warned: No matter how you handle cheating in your stories, you’re going to make a lot of people angry!

LeoDavis

After all, we know it can never be a woman's fault that she cheats. Every woman who cheats has been drugged, at least the first time. Thanks for bringing the drug angle in. Some people forget that every man who has ever slept with a married woman has drugged her to do so. That's because every man who has ever slept with a married woman is a sexual predator.

C'mon, how could she possibly say no?? He told her she was pretty. No married woman could possibly keep her clothes on after such smooth talk as that, especially from a sexual predator.

And really, when you get right down to it, it is the husband's fault. It always is. I mean, she needed him to always be perfect, and the thoughtless bastard goes and breaks his foot. What woman WOULDN'T be driven into the arms of another man by that sort of cruelty?

If only men would realize that women can never be held responsible for their actions, we would all be a lot better off.

Something about the Shrink bothered me.. Maybe it's just me but it seems like she's got an agenda. I'm not ready to write this off just yet. Something's going on, and it may not be all bad yet. Yeah, I didn't like what the doctor said, it explains it (kinda), but doesn't excuse it. But he thinks so too.

I want to see where this leads before I condemn it. Although I didn't like this one as much as your previous, It may just be because this is a transition. We'll see.

enough said. keep up the good work.

I read all four chapters, and I loved the first three. However the Laura from the fourth chapter doesn't fit with the Laura from the first three chapters. I just can't see how a mother could be that indifferent to her child all of the sudden regardless of the emotional trauma she went through.

How about the way she treated her husband? He gets hurt and has to spend a night or two in the hospital, and she becomes cold to him? Especially after the way he was there for her, comforting her when she needed to cry? This woman was very self centered, and clearly didn't deserve to have him as a husband.

Also the explanation that she felt she should have lost her virginity in a bumbling manner as opposed to losing it to her experienced husband is too unbelievable. Then when a man hits on her, she decides to put her entire marriage in trouble just so she can experience bad sex? Maybe once, but not a continuing affair. People have affairs because they are exciting and fufilling, not to repeat bad experiences. All the psychobabble in the world cannot excuse what she did. It does not excuse the cruelty she showed her husband on the phone, when she taunted him about finding a lover, and when she told him to go to hell and take her daughter with him? No amount of psychiatric treatment will heal the wound caused by those words.

I think you should have stopped at chapter three, it's ending was sufficient enough for this story. I do think that you are a teriffic writer, and I look forward to your next submission.

I liked the story and liked the ending too.

I thought about commenting on previous chapters and telling you how much I would dislike pat endings. I was going to say how disappointing a wife that was just as evil and shallow as she seems, or a claiming blackmail but all the while loving the husband, etc, ending would be. I decided not to comment given the quality of the story though. Seemed to me that there would be some sort of curve coming. I didnt know if you could pull a reconciliation out of the hat or if they could never get over it but something would be offered to make the wife less hurtful.

Im happy that I didnt try to second guess you and Im happy that the story ended as well as I thought it would.

Ascetic did have a point about the shrink though. She didnt really hurt the story much though so I just wrote it off as her (shrink) being somewhat of a deluded feminist (by this I mean a woman who thinks she is a feminist but is actually the opposite - instead of ensuring woman are the equals of men, she makes excuses). Since the real theme was forgiveness and love, not excuses and laying off the blame, I dont think the shrink's apologetic undertones were a major flaw. Seemed to me that the wife's mental problems were just a distraction to make the reader more ammenable to reconciliation (and they worked very well for that).

I like reconciliations and suprises and I really liked this story. Thanks for writing and please keep them coming.

p.s. Im also self-aware enough to realize that writing the lover as being shitty in bed and having a smaller dick helped me to get over my insecurities enough to make reconciliaiton palatable - this was another great idea from a plotting pov.

Your a very talented writer and started and developed a wonderful story but... The ending Sucks and I cant believe that you would do that. Suggestion: go back and rewrite it as it is such a shame to end this story so badly.

This was a very good story and i like the way the ending started but it seemed rusted to me. with as much time as you took with the other chapters one more chapter on the ending would not have hurt. But still a very nice story

This was a very good story and i like the way the ending started but it seemed rusted to me. with as much time as you took with the other chapters one more chapter on the ending would not have hurt. But still a very nice story

Surprised me with the ending, but not totally liked it. If Laura wasn't potrayed as the bitch she was, we would have been more pleased.

Either way, hope you write soon!

I agree with "Something going on here..." something's wrong with that Doctor adgenda..

In the first three chapters of your story, Laura is a heartless bitch who doesn't give a shit about her husband or daughter, Whie husband is a timid wimpy type who begs his wife not to have sex even when he sees her on video having sex. Suddenly in Chapter 4 Laura is a heartbroken loving wife who misses her husband and daughter terribly and Mark becomes tough decisive man who defies even psychiatrist , demands straight answers and appears ready to reconcile with wife. How can you rationalize such radical role reversals? The "pschobabel"from Doctor just doesn't do it. the Ct Yankee

I'm sorry. I don't understand anything that went on in this chapter! Here he spends all his energy to get the goods on his cheating wife. He spends thousands of dollars to get the evidence. He goes to her office to watch the divorce papers get served, coldly enjoying it all THEN after going through all of this he has one meeting with a psychiatrist and he falls that line of BALONEY? Are you sure this is the same author? Maybe he's on the same kind of drugs Laura was on when she was screwing her honey and told him to take the kid and go to hell!

NONE of this makes any sense and it was totally out of left field. Maybe the author got lazy and didn't want to go to 8 or 9 chapters it would take to get Mark and Laura back together like was done in "The Accident", which was another let down. There was such a build up of hate and now nothing. "Daddy" forgives his little girl for fucking around on him for the sake of the baby because she lied to him about having four other lovers before him, have I got that right? If that makes any sense at all, somebody please explain it to ME!

Like others have said, this was a good story for three chapters but this last chapter was worse than useless and I'm very disappointed in it. While the author writes very well, hell he can spell and use periods and commas, which is more than most here can do, but this ending was a major disappointment considering the way the story had been going. I'm sorry it had to end like this.

Ray

First three chapters were great, however the ending isn't credible. After 7 months apart, no way he'd be ready to take her back. Would take alot longer and would take much work - no way a man who was told "Go to hell and take her with you" would forgive (especially considering his daughter) for a long long time (if ever).

The other part leading up to the ending which isn't credible is her professed love for him - her behavior (especially the long phone calls) indicates that she was in love with the other guy, not her husband. She clearly cared little for their daughter.

More credible (especially considering that the other guy got thrown out of his house too) is that wifey and boyfriend end up together. The strong, wealthy, and decisive hubby in the first three chapters would quickly attract somebody younger, prettier, and smarter who would be faithful.

My heart went out to Mark the first 3 chapter especially Mark pleaded with her not to go sleep around with Brian yet she was adamant that she was not sleeping around and even threatened she 'would' eventually sleep around just to prove him right? Honestly Laura is a total first class bloody lying scumbag bitch. Pyscho or not. She clearly knew what she was doing and she meant to go out and hurt Mark.

Mark gave her a chance and she kept screwing it. In the end you make Mark so pathetic it hardly deserves my sympathy. There must be no other women in the world to love except Laura. Cheating once is bad enough, twice is totally unacceptable. Third time is down right insulting to all men.

If my wife even cheat on me once and come up with this bull shit that she didn't know why she do it, I'll divorce her faster than I can say 'I do' to another more well deserve lady for my love.

My god, jealous of her own daughter. Totally insane.

Sorry Longhorn really bad wimpy ending.

Psychiatry is crap! She just needs exercise and focus! No drugs and no mumbo-jumbo! I am an authority on this shit.

I have to agree with most of the other comments. Great story and early development but the very end was a terrible disappointment. It was "way beneath" your beginning efforts. Please rewrite as I really did enjoy the story.

The first three chapters were great,but the ending really sucked. I mean what the hell is up with all that pshyco babble.Even if it were true how the hell can he forgive laura for the way she treated their daughter. I would not have only divorced the whore but i would have made sure i made her life a living hell. But i do have to say that i pretty much new that something this drastic(stupid)was going to happen because of two lines that were wrote from chapter three right before she was served.First one is "she was not happy this morning"Second is "something was bothering her and it showed on her face" I have to give the first three chapter a 100, but the last one i have to give it a 0.But since we have to vote on the whole story, i give it a 0 because of the outrageous and stupid ending.

The phrase "My soon to be ex-wife" should not be juxtaposed with the phrase "we are on our way to get her home" (after all, she's been suffering so much in 7 months already!),,,,

The pains and sorrows that were put forth as the heart wrenching things that bound the reader to/with the husband and his little girl --- the reflections, the tears, and anger, and, finally, the decision to go ahead with the divorce --- all came to nothing, the author says, simple because Laura the wife asked him, when they were supposed to meet with their lawyers to hammer out the divorce?, to see her shrink, supposedly simply to have him put in some of his thoughts, so the doc could make a better diagnosis of "what went wrong in your head (the loving wife who screamed from her Vegas hotel room, as she's being reared by her stud, with other participants, that he and her little daughter should go straight to hell and later, a bit later, regretting such obscenity and then decided to call, both he and she said! lol!) ---- all, within a few short, insignificant paragraphs, ended up with him getting their little girl to go and get the suffering cheating mother, whom the munky husband (he's a CEO, yeah!) begged time and again, "please, honey, don't go,,, stay with us, please, for everyone's sake!, many, many times before that taped Vegas orgy,,,

Again, it started out well; whether it ended up positive or negative --- I don't care. But whichever way, develop the story in a more credible way!

I'm probably older than most readers (I was born in 1926), and my second marriage ended under almost the same circumstances that your characters experienced. I was deeply in love with a straying spouse, yet she was the one who filed for divorce (it was a "no-fault" state) presumably so she could make their affair permanent. However, as I read the dialogue between the psychiatrist and Mark, I began to see how my marriage might have been saved, and consequently, I'll remember it for a long time. Good work!

doctoe is crazy and the whore of a wife is crazy and you are crazy if you beleive what doctor is saying.

I enjoyed the whole story, not just the first three chapters like so many others. I guess I'm a romantic at heart as I like happy endings. So many seem to think that this is real and not just fiction.. I would have liked to have seen something written about the peeeriod of time between the serving of the papers and the meeting between the two of them. I would also liked to have seen something about the reunion of these three. I hope I will be seeing a lot of stories from you in the future.

I have to agree that the bs at the end really takes away from the rest of a great story. It just does not fit with the other actions that the charcters have taken. You tried too hard to make a happy ending by explaining away her excesses. This would have been better if he had just slowly built back some interaction due to their daughter's need for her mother and his lingering love for his ex amplified by her own suffering. Unsure how it should have ended as he was looking at other women and his wife had become bi.

I have written some stories here and had one that I tried real hard to have end happily. I was reminded by my peers that the story and the charcters needed to follow the path to the bitter end rather than make a 90 degree turn that is out of charcter to make the story end happily.

Fallen Angel

I especially LIKED the ending...the ONLY thing I would have changed is that she greeted them at the cottage with open and understanding arms from both sides. I think the 'shrink' was very believeable and I think she was hitting it mostly on the head and I think the characters you wanted to portray were sooooo much more technical and intricate than most of the readers could handle...thus the negative feedback from them...most readers are VERY clueless on the human phsyche...GREAT JOB!!!!!

I agree with the other readers, the ending was forced and unrealistic, It would have made more sense if the marriage ended

Good Story but the ending was WEAK WEAK WEAK

Waiting with bated breath the pending revision you're working on; as I said in my earlier comment (5th one offered so long ago), she was such a monstrous creature at the start that the turnabout here was enough to give us whiplash.

I'll be watching that other site tomorrow to see what happens.

Author's Comment: I've finished the rewrite of "Lyin' Eyes" and I submitted revised Chapters 1 through 4 to the website on Monday, 1Aug05. Just as soon as the revised text is posted in the server, I'll send in new Chapters 5, 6, and 7.

Looking forward to the rewrite and most importantly the new characters.

Sorry about that. I meant new chapters.

Author's Note:

A revision for the first four chapters of this story was submitted to LE 9 days ago. So far, not one of the revised chapters has even been reviewed by the folks who run this site. I don't know why. When they do post the changes, I will be adding chapters 5, 6, and 7. Sorry for the delay but it's out of my control. :(

Interesting dynamics in your revised story. It would be interesting to see how it ends.

You have done the Literotica readers, and yourself, a great disservice. I read this story in its long form elsewhere, and it was fantastic! What happened? Post the full story here, please? I have never seen a story which explains more fully the subconscious drives for our conscious actions! POST THE FULL WORK! Show these people EXACTLY how good a writer you are!

Author's Comment:

For those who have asked, revised versions of Chapters 2, 3, and 4 of "Lyin' Eyes" has been posted on this site. The revision to Chapter 1 was corrupted when the folks at LE got it and I'm trying to work with them to delete the corrupted revision so I can resubmit. Someday that will happen. I have faith that it will. I hope. Anyway, LE has the new chapters 5, 6, and 7 and will presumably post them when they work through their backlog.

Author's Note:

It appears Chapters 5, 6, and 7 will be posted soon. Because I didn't understand how LE processes revisions and because of two files corrupted in transmission, it's been an experience getting the story resubmitted. Chapters 1 and 2 are the old versions of those chapters while Chapters 3 and 4 are revised on the site. Chapters 1 and 2 had few changes anyway so that's no big deal. The biggest change is in Chapter 4 which has been rewritten, expanded, and made into Chapters 4, 5, 6, and 7. Those appear to be working their way through the processing que normally and I'm hoping they'll show up any day now. I've got my fingers crossed.

Author's Update:

If I'm reading the author's submission area correctly, chapters 5, 6, and 7 will be posted on the updates for 29, 30, and 31 August. I apologize for continuing with a chapter by chapter (day by day) separation on this story but it started out that way and I didn't think it looked right to have a chapter 5 that was twice the size of the first four all put together. <shrug> I'm sure I'll be told if my reasoning (such as it was) is correct on that point or not.

The website already has revised versions of chapters 2, 3, and 4. Chapter 1's revisions were minimal and will not affect the read. The revised chapters need to be read in context with the new chapter 5. If you read the old version, this new chapter won't make much sense. I hope you enjoy the rewritten version of the story.

The whole story could have been told in about 10 sentences.

I'm speaking of Chapters 1 thru ???

In other words very, very, BORING

this don't even sound right.either your ego is out of this world or yyou need a reality check.

I was wondering where the rest of the story is. It left me hanging .... still hanging. It was a great story and I would like to finish it to see what happens. Is there another website that I can go to find the rest of it?

It doesnt matter who. It doesnt matter how many times. It doesnt matter what was or was not done. It doesnt matter if she/he is sorry. It doesnt matter if it will never happen again, and it will. It only matters that betrayal of trust, love, and the marriage contract occurred. Nothing will ever set that straight. It is over once it happened, forget the forgive and forget, it aint gonna happen.

The writing is okay technically but the storyline? I can excuse a lot of things, but a mother that say that her little daughter can go to hell is not one of them. She obviously has mental problems ans should not be trusted anymore. So a divorce and him getting a new wife or a caretaker for his daughter is the obvious solution. The way he tells his daughter that she has lost her mother makes him a total sh*head though. Thats such an ass sucking sick revenge that it... Well, F* them both, the only one clean here seems to be the little one :) Cheers Yoron.

the why has its place, but all other stuff broken irrepably. for the child, not her; any measure of consideration. good that brian was suitably punished.

You got this fellow as an ceo of a company if he runs it the way he begs his wife or uses his daughter to try to get his wife to stop then you the author are an idiot, either that or you don't read your own stories because this story justs gets worst the longer it gets.

cost stories. In 99 % of reconciliation cases where the wife has run off and had affairs and virtually abandoned the family, they do it again after the reconciliation. A one very famous writer once wrote, it doesnt matter why she cheated, it only mattered that she loved her husband, her child, and her marriage so little she cheated. There is no excuse for totally betraying your family and yourself, none!

I realize this story is OLD however I'd like to comment on it upon reading it again.

The old trite dialogue is tiring since the useage is meant to defray guilt the main fem character is supposed to be feeling. The dialogue of the main male character is even worse. No real man ever lets his emotions run away with him to the extent this and other puta writers want them to. And yeah I sure do know this is a story not meant to reflect real life BUT! MiGawd she must be taking dialogue and scenes from the trauma drama slopehead daytime TV operas she's been watching!

Until you hit the part about reconciliation you were doing ok. This mentally little girl, you cant really call her a woman she is to stupid and dumb, yes they mean different things. She is a whore first of all fucking at work, being paid for sex and fucking coworkers is a form of prostitution. She had no feelings for her husband at all constantly lying, deceiving, cheating, humiliating, and abusing him. One has to ask why she hated him so much to hurt him so much. Since she crossed state lines for sexual activities that involved her business she is in violation of the Mann Act, read about it. It will take miles of psychobabble from a Univ of T diplomaed head doctor to give her the justificaitons for her fucking around, placing herself, her husband, and her child in physical, financial, and medical risk. As most of us know and realize, it doesnt matter why she did it, it only matters that she did it and cared to little for the ones it would harm. Placing her in a mental hospital would be a good thing for her but makes no real difference to the ones harmed by her actions. Probably the best two things that could be done for her is to first sterilize her to prevent future mentally defective offspring and to ship her off to somewhere prostitution is legal so she can continue to fuck around. He is rich enough of course that she could have had an accident in her car which unfortunately happened to terminate her life. You dont keep trash you throw it away. Or as our eco friends like to say recycle, trade her in for a new and improved model with better genes.

Sorry Buddy.

This whole story is so contrived, from the start, that I had trouble reading the bits that I generally like (being where the husband busts the wife being a whore).

She married a guy who is making his money supplying spy equipment to the DoD, and thinks she can get away with treating him like a cuck?

Then, she holds so little respect for him that she busts his balls in the middle of a fuckfest... which indicates that she has ZERO respect for him...

Then, she is all sorry for the things she did wrong and you know it's going to all work out rosey.

I can normally suspend disbelief for the sake of satiating my need to see a slut shown for what she is, but not this time.

You have a good writing style. You have a fine command of literal structure... better than a lot on here. But when it comes to the main ingredient, the story itself, it's obvious you dont have a clue.

Sorry again. I normally don't like to be negative, but this is beyond the pale.

Better luck nest time

I thought the first 3 chapters were very well written and to that point the story line was acceptable. You introduced and developed your characters in a through and well paced manner. But once you expose any character to be a worthless piece of crap in the eyes of the reader, how can you expect the reader to forgive that piece of crap later in the story? Once that you as the author has formed our opinion of the characters, with very skillful writing we might be able to modify it slightly, but don't expect us to reverse it entirely. That is just to upsetting to the flow of the story. What I would really like to see is if you could use your writing skills to write another last half of the story where the couple and child react in a believeable manner. Few of any husband would be able to forgive a tramp like that wife. What would really happen to young child in that situation (without a lot of psychobable). And as for the wife, there are certain paths in life, that are once taken, cannot be reversed. Learn that as a life lesson. So I see good writing skills but a totally unacceptable storyline. I hope this helps. anon jerry