All Comments on 'Maggie'

I love the mood you set with this piece. Your descriptions were so good that, I could see and almost feel the whole scene. Great job!

More please !

Loved it! Please do continue with this storyline and write more. More. Would like to hear of Gus getting his clock cleaned. No not by Mitch or Maggie but by Gus' spouse for cheating on her and their kids. Keep up the good work.

You have a natural story-telling skill; that's pretty rare. It grabs a reader. Good balance between dialogue and prose. And the dialogue felt natural, not canned and melodramatic.

Only complaints were one or two instances of cliched metaphors. This one particularly bothered me: "We stayed hunched on the table, gasping for air, for what seemed like forever but was actually minutes." Don't do that forever but minutes thing. That and a character looking into a mirror to describe him/her is a amateur trap. And you're no amateur.

Also, avoid describing body parts by size. Saying she's a 36D or whatever is also an amateur move. When you're making love to a woman, do you estimate her bra size? No. You simply think, man these are huge, biggest I ever touched. Or, these are nice, pert and firm.

Stick with creative descriptions. I'll be looking out for more of your works.

I agree with everything the other four have said......very nice job.....thanks for sharing