Majgen Ch. 019

Joone hummed gently while working on his designs. In his experience Majgen's nightmares were less frequent when he hummed. Sometimes he could even soothe her out of nightmares without waking her, by picking her up and humming. Other times he couldn't.

This sleeping period passed uneventfully though, Majgen was well rested by the time she woke.

"Morning greetings, my love," Joone greeted when she sat up.

"Morning greetings. What time is it?"

"It's goo time," replied Joone. "A bit past it actually, almost exactly halfway through the eight miui."

"Ou," said Majgen, she had become accustomed to saying ou instead of aha and oh. "Lovely." She wrinkled her nose. "Breakfast goo."

Majgen received all her nourishment from fully synthesised food. Her diet consisted solely of purified water and a slimy, practically tasteless, mechanically produced, gelatinous substance. In the long term, that unnatural diet had the side effect of lessening natural hunger signals from her body. Her body didn't get hungry often enough, and upon receiving the goo informed her it was sated too early. Majgen's meals were timed, scheduled and portioned out, to ensure she neither received too little, nor too much, nourishment.

She had grown used to it though, had learned to swallow the synthetic slime fast, and did her best not to remember what real food was like. Never feeling hungry aided to that end. She missed actual food, of course. But even just growing one apple-tree, required so much more than an apple seed, and water and sunlight. The roots would need either a complex computer controlled life support system, or genuine living soil with the appropriate microorganisms.

Occasionally, Majgen had toyed with daydreams of having a human greenhouse, a miniature habitat with plants which weren't toxic to her. Fruit trees, berry-bushes, and vegetables. In reality such a simple thing would not be simple at all here in yijejoan space. The cost of gaining the necessary biological ingredients to start such a thing would be immense.

For yijejos inter-species trading was legal, but on the human side it wasn't. The penalties were extreme, ranging from death (verdict - unforgivable crime committed while insane) to death by torture (verdict - treason). Human inter-species traders, smugglers, didn't risk their lives for tiny amounts of income.

The expenses wouldn't stop there though.

Sensory equipment of high scientific standards would be needed to keep the microbiology of such a closed system viable. And large-scale toxin permits would need to be paid annually. The plants in a greenhouse suitable for a human, would be as toxic to yijejos as their plants were to her.

All in all, an immense amount of expenses and trouble, to be able to enjoy a piece of fruit once in a rare while.

Majgen had long since thought it all through and decided she could live without pleasant taste experiences.

Joone watched as Majgen gobbled the goo down, and handed her purified water when she was done.

"I've been thinking about the Legend of Princess Owane," he said, while she rinsed her mouth. The goo didn't taste like much, but Majgen still preferred to wash the slimy feeling away after eating.

"It's a very romantic story," commented Majgen in between sips.

"It isn't all fiction you know. It is possible for a man to become mated like that, without actually penetrating the woman. It's not likely to happen by accident like in the Legend, by him simply being too close during a mating. But it can easily happen during a double-mating."

"It can?"

"Yes, sometimes in the heat of the moment of a double mating, one of the men ends up only participating empathically, while the other man performs a physical mating. Of course when it happens that way the woman is mated with both, because of the empathic bonding. So it is not a tragedy. The second man's sperm being delivered in the wrong location doesn't affect the mating bond as long as the empathic connection was mutual."

"I didn't know. I thought the mating occurred with the intercourse itself."

"No. The mating occurs with the release," explained Joone. "The empathic bond during the act ensures release is simultaneous for all involved. It is very primal, very natural."

"I'm glad accidents don't happen easily. After all, for yijejos mating is a life-long thing. Once a man bursts those pheromone glands, he is bound for life."

"The woman too," added Joone, "mating is mutual."

"I know. But it is still different for her, isn't it? She can get more mates than one, but for the man it is over when those glands bursts. No second chances. If he made a wrong choice, he will never get another chance."

"Many men never get a single chance at mating love at all." Joone looked seriously at Majgen. "It is horrible for a woman to make a wrong choice too. Even though she can have multiple mates the longing for each of the ones she has never goes away. You could actually say women have it worse, they can make more than one mistake, and pay dearly for each."

"Love can be cruel." Talking of the drawbacks of love made Majgen a bit sad. It reminded her of Aejoa.'The ten days will have passed soon. I wonder if he will come home then.'

"You miss him," said Joone, sensing who Majgen was thinking of. "He won't stay away forever, Maijien." Joone reached out offering a comforting hug. Majgen accepted gratefully.

"You like him a lot," Joone whispered to her, soothingly. "Maybe one day you will fall in love with him and make him as happy as me."

"You really aren't the least bit jealous at that notion," perceived Majgen.

"Of course not. It would be marvellous to have the Winin as a co-mate."

"Ou!" said Majgen. "I knew there was a reason for you to court me, you evil fiend. You are using me to get closer to the Winin!"

Joone giggled mischievously at her joke. "Of course. You didn't really think I lovedyou did you?"

Majgen giggled back, and snuggled in his limbs. "Sometimes I'd wish I was a yijejo too, so we could mate, and get children, and grandchildren."

"Actually, I think we can mate. That's what I wanted to tell you."

"What do you mean?"

"I think that if I leave hormonal treatment, then I might be able to mate you when we make love. Your ecstasy is so strong when we do. I think it is strong enough to start the process even without pheromones."

"Ou," said Majgen. "So by sating my lust you would become my life long love slave."

"I am already your life long love slave, Maijien," stated Joone, and then rustled his reaching limbs deviously, "and you, little helpless creature, you are my life long tickling victim."

Majgen screeched and crawled out of his hold. Giggling, she got on her feet and started running.

"You can run, but you can't run faster than me! I am coming to get you."

The nights belonged to Majgen and Joone.

----=(o)=----

Alone in the garden, Majgen sat on a table. She enjoyed the sunlight and the view, but her mind was occupied with waiting. Aejoa was coming home. She had felt inclined to wait in the foyer, staring at the door, ready to run to him as soon as he came. In the end she had decided against that. If she remained here he could settle in, shower and change clothes, feel at home, and seek her out when ready.

Majgen couldn't help but wonder if Aejoa was home yet. If he was inside settling, or not yet home.

'I'd wish the message had been more specific,' she thought.'Sometime in the first quarter of the second miui. That's a five hour time span. I should have taken a clock out here with me.' "Of course if I had done that, all I would be seeing would be digits," she admitted to herself.'I wouldn't have been able to wrestle my eyes off it, to enjoy the view, for long at a time.'

Abruptly her waiting ended, as she felt a familiar presence.

"Aejoa," she said, and turned round while getting to her feet.

"Maijien." He was already at the table, having moved to her at yijejoan speed.

"I've missed you," said Majgen, standing still. Not sure if she should run the three steps to him or not. Not sure if he was ready to hold her tight like he always had in the past when coming home.

She wasn't sure, because he wasn't sure.

"I've missed you too, Maijien."

"Ten days is a long time."- Eighty-three human days. "Please don't leave again," she added, perceiving he was thinking of taking another long haul away from home.

"I wanted to stay away long enough to get past my crush on you, Maijien," explained Aejoa. "I thought ten days would be enough."

"But it wasn't."

"No, it wasn't," confirmed Aejoa. "I'm not sure another ten days will do the trick either."

"I don't want you to leave my life, Aejoa. You are very dear to me."

Aejoa closed his eyes. He took a step back - away from Majgen - before opening them again.

"I am a dear friend to you. Maijien, it means a lot to me that you love me as a friend. A lot. But, I can't help it; I want more."

"I can't give you more."

"I know." Aejoa studied the little human on the table. "It's so strange. Before you told me you were in love with Joone, I never realised I wanted more than your friendship. Now that I know what I want, I can't stop thinking about it. Even though I know I can't have it."

"I do love you." Majgen's voice croaked, but she was still trying not to cry.

"But you don't love me the way you love Joone, do you?"

"No. Not that way." Now Majgen did cry. "I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault, Maijien. You can't force yourself to fall in love with me."

"I would if I could." Her friend's agony pushed her back in her old pattern of putting everyone else before herself. It had only been a few months since Majgen had understood that side of herself and decided to grow up and be her own person. She was still prone to relapses.

"I love you," said Aejoa, and moved another step back. "I want us to be friends again, but I need more time."

"Please don't leave me." Majgen went to the edge of the table, to be closer to him.

"I will come back, eventually. I promise."

Majgen regretted having waited for him on a table.'He can run away faster than I can climb down from this stupid piece of furniture.'

"Take good care of yourself while I'm gone." Aejoa took yet another step back. Majgen perceived he was about to make his escape.

"Don't leave me you shit-eating, moronic dimwit!" Majgen aimed to catch his attention, and succeeded. Surprised by the sudden insults, Aejoa forgot he had been about to leave.

"I've been hurt too," she continued. "I've missed you. I've been worried about you. At least stay with me a few hours before you leave again to figure out your emotions in aloof dignity and solitude. If we have to hurt like this then let's at least hurt together a little while."

"I don't want you to see me like this," he explained. "I have feelings I am ashamed of. Jealousy, pointless anger. I am haunted by contemptible daydreams. Because of your special perceptivity I won't be able to hide any of those things from you, Maijien. It's better if I stay away till I have it under control."

"Because you are afraid I will be ashamed of you?"

"Maijien, I have daydreams about beating Joone into a whimpering pile of bloody meat. I..." Aejoa paused. "Yes," he admitted. "I am afraid you will be ashamed of me."

"Stay with me, Aejoa. I promise I will ask you to leave if I start feeling ashamed of you." She reached her arms out towards him. "Pick me up. I want a hug."

Aejoa hesitated.

"Don't be such a coward, Aejoa. Pick me up!"

"I'm not a coward. I am being sensible."

"If you are afraid of a single unarmed human, you are a coward," stated Majgen, arms still outstretched.

"That would be funny. If I wasn't still suffering from broken love." Aejoa's voice was grim, and filled with self-pity.'She probably doesn't understand what it is like.'

'I do understand,' she thought, even though she knew he wouldn't perceive even a fraction of her thoughts just then.'I can feel how you feel. Your mind shield doesn't hide it.' Majgen lowered her arms.'You aren't used to feeling ashamed, my friend. Even embarrassment is a stranger to you. So, even though you know better, you assume such emotions are strangers to me too. That I can't understand your torment.'

Words could never speak as clearly about emotions, as emotions could speak about emotions. But sometimes words could reach through.

"I suffered from broken love once," said Majgen. "I was thirteen human years old, almost fourteen. About eight yijejoan calendar years. I was a child whose body had only just begun the change into adulthood. The human body changes in more ways than size from childhood to adulthood," she explained. "I had a crush on an older boy. He was only one human year from adulthood. He was sixteen human years old and he was gorgeous.

"I hadn't lived as an empath very long back then. I didn't know how to hide my emotions. Shortly after I fell in love with him all the other students knew about my crush. They laughed at him. Teased him. I didn't realise how ashamed he was of my innocent crush.

"One day, in the student cafeteria, he walked up to me. I wasn't as perceptive back then as I am now, and he had a mind shield up. 'Hi, pretty girl,' he said. It was the first time he ever talked to me. 'I am glad to see you,' he said. Hewas glad to see me, right there, right then, but not for liking me, Aejoa. I didn't perceive that, though, untrained as I was. His words made my heart pound, I thought I was going to faint from happiness.

"He moved closer, and I stayed where I was. He placed his hand on my cheeks and raised my face. He lowered his own gorgeous face to mine, and then pressed his mouth to mine. That is an intimate gesture amongst humans, Aejoa. It means something. We call it 'kiss.' That second I would have given my life for him, if he had asked me to, and died happy.

"But then I perceived it from him, Aejoa. His plan. Reality." Majgen's mouth clenched at the memory.

"He had approached me to play an evil trick on me, Aejoa. To humiliate me in front of everyone."

'It broke my heart,' she would have said if speaking to a human.

"I looked up into his beautiful eyes, in his gorgeous face, and I still loved him. Even though inside I was torn apart by broken love. I would have let him proceed with his despicable plan. I would have tried to pretend not to know better. He had broken my love, and I didn't think anything could be worse than that."

The memory tormented Majgen. Back when she had realised the boy was scheming it had been easier for her to hate herself than him.

"He never did get around to the rest of his plan, though, because suddenly my emanations got to him. They also got to his friends who had stayed nearby - to aid him with his scheme. As well as every other student in the vicinity."

Majgen didn't take her eyes of Aejoa while telling, and Aejoa didn't try to run away.

"I felt it happening. I felt their minds snap into a self-hypnotic state. And, still, I kept staring into those eyes, frozen, inactive. I probably wouldn't have been able to run away, but for years it tormented me that I didn't even try. In that moment at least. I was lucky it happened in the cafeteria, Aejoa. I was lucky he had chosen a very public place for his plan.

"If it had been in a secluded part of school, I might have been beaten to death.

"Because it was a public place security was alerted within a time frame that allowed me to survive with a dislocated shoulder, three bent ribs, and having been 'raped' by only three of them. The first of those was the boy I had a crush on." Majgen used the human word for rape, since there was no yijejoan word for it.

With disgust Aejoa muttered, "Unguarded eggs."

"Shut up about that, please. All human empaths are like unguarded eggs, Aejoa. Including me. Non-empaths give birth to us."

Some days back one of her friends had explained to her what an unguarded egg was.

"My apologies, Maijien."

Majgen shook her shoulders. She didn't really need an apology, as long as he would leave that topic be.

"This happened before they started the treatment which caused your Wjajwan syndrome, didn't it?" 'Brakwan syndrome' he meant, but couldn't pronounce.

"Yes, it did."

"So many horrible things have happened to you in the past, Maijien. I wish I could hold you in my arms for the rest of our lives, and comfort you, and make everything better."

"I wish you would hold me in your arms, Aejoa. And comfort me. And make things better. But, you are too afraid of shame to do it. I know what feeling ashamed is like. I know what it feels like to suffer from broken love. Aejoa, even though you have a crush on me, and I don't have a crush on you, I am still your friend."

Majgen went quiet a moment, just looking at him. Then she continued, "If you leave now, immediately, because you fear the shame, it will be an act of cowardice."

She raised her arms again. This time Aejoa walked to her, instead of away.

A couple of hours, became more than a couple of hours. Eventually Majgen had to sleep. Which she did in Aejoa's reaching limbs, to ensure he wouldn't sneak off without waking her to say good-bye. He had refused to promise not to leave while she slept.

'How long will it take?' he wondered, looking down at her sleeping face.'How long will I need to keep avoiding her to get over this?' Aejoa was planning to leave as soon as she drifted into a sleep deep enough for him to put her down without waking her. Majgen moved in her sleep, as if to burrow even deeper into his hold. The endearing movement woke a new thought.'If I manage to get over my crush, and return, how long will it take before I fall in love with her all over again?'

"Everything I never knew I wanted -- more than anything else," Aejoa whispered to her sleeping form. "That is what you are."'No matter how far I run, I can never escape that.'

Aejoa digested that thought a while, and came to another one.

'Maybe I should stop trying to escape.'

----=(o)=----

"You have been looking at me that way quite regularly lately," said Aejoa, pulling Majgen out of her thoughts.

"What way?" she asked.

"Like someone who has a secret and is trying to find the right time to tell it." Aejoa had decided to learn to live with his crush on Majgen, and had remained home. A few yijejoan days had passed since he came home. He was adjusting, was beginning to learn to live with the difference between what he desired and what he had.

"I guess I have," admitted Majgen.

"I'd prefer if you would stop doing it."

"I'm sorry, I just wasn't sure if you were ready for more secrets yet," began Majgen, preparing to tell the secret.

"I am not ready for more secrets." Aejoa's words surprised Majgen, she had been deeply embedded in contemplating when Aejoa first interrupted her, and had misunderstood his intentions.

"Whatever the secrets you have left are, Maijien, I would prefer if you keep them to yourself at least a while longer. I am still learning to live with the last secret you revealed to me." Aejoa offered a small, embarrassed smile. "You have brought the revered Winin of Naonun to his knees."

"It can wait, Aejoa. Just let me know when you are ready for more secrets."

"Thank you," he said, and returned his attention to his text-viewer, his work.

Majgen looked at him, and again fell into thoughts.'It doesn't feel right though. He is the only one of my friends who doesn't know I am the Founder of the Path of the Heart. He is the only one of my friends whom I haven't given the Path. Of course that is not because I don't want to, he just isn't ready to open his heart that way.

'Aejoa is also the only one of my friends who is bothered by the Path. He has received several reports about it so far and considers it a nuisance. I really don't like keeping this secret from him.'