All Comments on 'Man on Top Pt. 01'

not entirely what i expected but has potential for a really good read. Continue writing - have read much worse that i have had to pay for the book. Get a good editor and you have the stuff for an outstanding series.

Beyond the scenario, it is an excellent bit of erotica - very hot sex descriptions, with a nice noir/dark tone to the character descriptions and interactions. Erotic tension is maintained - foreshadowing establishes danger, the characters are mysterious (but have discernible motivations), the sex is well-paced, and pleasure is tempered by darkness. In good erotica, sex is desperate not trivial.

Just overly complicated world-building, I think. 8 of the first 10 paragraphs are eye-glazing infodump. The actual interesting parts are the characters. Simplify. Show, don't tell.

Some geeky quibbles:

Scenario is a bit odd - why is the government "matriarchal"? This is a "Children of Men" scenario, not a "Y: the Last Man" scenario. There should be plenty of (infertile) men around.

Also, in the world you posit, fertiles ought to be very well compensated for coming forward, rather than treated as criminals or lab rats. Scarcity breeds profit. Sure forced breeding is a plausible negative - but a human male can only generate so much sperm - even with only a few sessions every day, the fertilization rate falls. And less intensive forced breeding seems like a low price to pay for the future of humanity. And vivisections? In what universe does a researcher kill the last of his remaining subjects? Doing this - and failing to produce a cure - would be a good way to lose your grant money (and get vivisected yourself).

I am intrigued.

Really good start.