All Comments on 'Maylin'

Emap, this is my first time reading one of your stories, and I don't mean for this to sound rude, but this reads as though English is your second language. Many of the dialogue tags are missing subjects (e.g. "Squeak and turn red." "Grin and wink." are both missing subjects). If this technique was intentionally part of a broken-English first-person narrative then the effect was lost because of its inconsistency. I checked a couple other stories and noticed similar errors, so I don't believe it was intentional.

Using an editor to help clean things up would help earn you some votes, and hopefully more useful feedback. As the story stands right now, I believe many stop reading after the first page because of the grammar mistakes. A word of warning, though: basic understanding of sentence structure is critical to a good working relationship with volunteer editors. No one volunteering wants to teach someone primary school basics of writing. Nor will they rewrite an entire story for you.

You have good story ideas, as is evident by your numerous series. My recommendation: Keep at it, and spend time studying published works to familiarize yourself with 'good writing'.

Simple little question, when you laugh do you think I am laughing now that was so funny, or you think that was so funny?

There is actually a point and apparently many don't understand. The story is done in first person so why would the person that is living the story think I am giggling. Can you follow that or would you prefer more explanation?

Not the first to do this, and apparently not a single person has ever read the same thing. Odd considering the novels were best selling.

And poorly written tosh, too; please, find another hobby, or learn how to write, and yes, I've tried to read through your dreary series', and they're tosh too; if I were you I'd take up masturbating as a hobby, at least then it's over with quickly and you're the only one affected...

Your rejoinder has just won the " Most Mangled English of the Year" award, almost on par with Rumsfeld's infamous "Known unknown's" statement for sheer gibberish and dense unintelligibility. Congratualtions

You seemed to claim that you've written "best selling novels"? Did you bother to use an editor for those hypothetical novels? Regardless, it's pretty clear you didn't use an editor for this story. Very poor grammar, and barely understandable dialog. (Especially from a "best selling novelist" as you claim to be.)

I ignored the comments, preferrig to make up my own mind, and read it through to the end, then went back and read it again, trying to make sense of it, I really, honestly made the effort. I have to agree with all the other commenatators here; this really is disjointed, self-indulgent nonsense, and your reply to an obviously deleted comment is made even more irrelevant for being out of context (as well as being complete gibberish, gobbledegook of the highest order, like someone else noted, approaching Rumsfeld at his best). As an author, you have to be aware that the reader isn't party to the conversation playing out in your head, so it's up to you to translate that conversation into an accessible form; you haven't done that here, not even made the effort to, just assumed everyone else 'gets' you; we don't, as must be obvious from the previous comments. This "stream of consciousness" approach may work among the (I'm assuming) tiny minority of pseuds and art-house lurkers who allegedly rave over your work and propel it into the bestseller lists, but the average reader on this site wants accessible erotica, not artsy-fartsy cerebration and 'conversations with myself', so whatever you were aiming for with this, you missd the mark by a huge margin. Sorry, no stars, not even a 1* for actually typing this out, it was wasted effort.

Hah! Don't pay attention to these guys. All their comments expose is thier ignorance and limited understanding of the art of writing. I enjoyed you stylistic choice and it really worked for me. I liked the experiential and flow-of-consciousness manner of it.

These are the kind if readers that pick up a Doris Lessing or James Joyce work and never get past the 1st page because of the, "Very poor grammar."

Pearls before Swine, and re the earlier comment about pseuds and art-house lurkers, up you pop, right on cue; and by the way, comparing this drivel to Doris Lessing or James Joyce is tantamount to placing this pretentious dolt in their company as an equal, which is delusional to the point of retarded. Learn to spell...

James Joyce and Doris Lessing; you're actually equating this garbled nonsense with their work? Are you brain-damaged? Do you know how to wipe your own ass? because something tells me with perceptions like that, you 're probably the special, over-medicated one in your family, the one they don't allow to use any metal cutlery or china plates. Get your care-giver to take away your lap-top, you obviously haven't reached the minimum intellect or mental age to be allowed to use one