by Stewart05
granted it could be written a little better but that doesn't really bother me, it's still enjoyable to read and pretty hot :D I'm looking forward to more chapters
but kept alive the lust, love and romance of chap 1. The changes in mood and statements are what add to the story excitement. From never again; to a short time later "Upstairs...Now!" I felt like I was living the excitement of the moment. Thank you.
Yes please add more chapters. It's getting interesting and I would like to know what ground rules his sister has and I also would like to see where it will go with them. But please don't ruin it by bring in other people as some writers do. Please keep it on the brother and sister!!
Please don't torture us with more of this garbage; either learn to write, or give it up a a bad job. No chance of any stars at all, this sucks big, I'm sorry I read it. Go away
Not bad, but it needs more. You definitely could have extended the tension between them while they were talking to their parents. A little more dialogue with them would draw it out better. Still needs some editing and proofreading for grammatical errors. I'd be happy to help with that for later chapters if you'd like.
A little short. Hope you will keep adding chapters and give a more detail.
Both brother and sister are turning into good fuck buddies, as she is hooked on his cock mmmmmmmmm, great let's have more.....
Firstly, I would like to thank everyone who read it ;)
Secondly, I would like to thank all of the people who provided comments, good and bad. Constructive criticism is an important part of writing and I appreciate it immensely, I will be sure to take all comments on board before writing more. This was only my second attempt at writing a story like this, so I'm pretty new with a lot to learn, but I look forward to writing more.
thanks ;)
Is her brother going to try to keep her from fucking other guys, and keep her all to himself.
I hope that he can admit to his sister that he is in love with her and wants her and only her from now on.
Perhaps mom and dad wouldn't be upset at all, about the two of them fucking since they are in love with each other,or perhaps mom fucks her brother and dad fucks his sister any time they get a chance and wish they could be together as a big family.
Thanks for the read.
Excellent work. Your writing really drew me in. It made me really feel like the brother!
Keep it up!
I read the first chapter and it was pretty good but not great. This chapter I can see improvement in and enjoyed the story more. Please continue
do all serious readers and yourself a favor and delete both chapters and run them through a GOOD EDITOR then repost them. as is they suck and are almost unreadable you sound like you poorly translated them from some southeast asian language.
I am not a writer but I Love to read and Am sure you do more but what I Read was good and I am looking forward to reading more.
One word that is it otherwise I wouldn't be complaining. You had one job, one job and you screwed it up, I was fine with a few missing commas but 'pyjamas' really?
I'm only trying to help, if you want more people to appreciate your work you have to take the time to read over it. Maybe even ask a trustworthy friend to read over it but honestly I read the previous and you have not improved. But in terms to the story itself I enjoyed it. I wish you luck in your future endeavors.
I read this after the car crash that is Ch.01 The story is thin and underdeveloped. Nothing new in it. But the errors are so bad as to render the thing practically worthless. I only read to the end to spot the errors because you had lost my interest so error strewn is it.
I am not an english teacher so I'm not trying to grade your punctuation or spelling.However I do have question's #1 is it normal for a 6' man to have a little 7'' peenie.I am for sure no expert but I do happen to have a pecker ,I'm only 5'8''&1/2 and have bean pole beat by nearly 2''.Just wondering!
Great story so far, don't stop now for it seams as their love for eachother is coming to the surface.Now is the time for you to quit reading and start writing again. I'll keep an eye open for chap. 3 and more . Keep up with the great work !
Short and therefore very boring. And get someone to proofread your story first b4 u add to this.
spelling, grammar. It's a shame that kids find it to difficult to proofread, must be an horrendous strain on their physical and mental abilities. It's a sad state of affairs when someone thinks that typing words that appear on a computer screen actually believes that doing so, somehow makes them a writer, and even some believes it makes them an author. (Definitely, they cannot think this is true, as they have proven thinking is beyond their abilities.) At least this kid is not so ashamed of what he types that he doesn't prevent comments.
Too short and too rushed. Are they just fucking? Or do they care about each other? You actually lost a full point from the score that I gave you because they both said that their copulation didn't mean anything. I hope that they both were lying to each other.
Yeah, just now noticed that both of these were published back to back many many years ago. A little more than 9 years to be exact.
So this story is what I call an 'Orphan'. Someone started it and never finished it for whatever the reason may have been. It would suit me well if LIT developed an algorithm to detect and find these and delete them all. They serve no purpose since they have no conclusion or ending. Just junk files sitting out there wasting space.