Memories! Ch. 01

Yes...oh yes..." she gasped, her voice an alien rasp from an unknown source. "Now..."

He plunged his throbbing member into her moist depths, her body writhing, urging him deeper, seeking to devour him. He partially withdrew his enormous length, rock hard and straining for a comfort that only she could offer, and prepared to thrust again. Desperate for fulfillment, she twined her legs around his hips, holding him captive within her, pushing his control to its limits.

His mind went blank. Nothing existed but the heat that claimed their flesh, the primeval joining of their bodies, their desperate gasps, lost in the hush of this forest lair.

Then the world shattered into a million pieces, and a kaleidoscope of sensations threw Sarah into oblivion. Her lover felt the cataclysm that wracked her body, and allowed himself to indulge in the abandon that he had held at bay. His own release imminent, he plunged deeply, forcefully, into her soft interior, again and again, harder, faster, sending her on a mindless journey beyond the realms of reality into a world inhabited by them alone. Then, finally, he joined her flight of passion, and she felt her very essence fill with the warmth radiating from their pulsating union.

Breathless, they lay in each other's arms, her body once again moist from exertion. Never in the history of mankind had any woman flown so high or burned so brightly, of this she was sure. A.J. was a part of her, and she a part of him. No matter what that day or the rest of their lives would bring, this truth was immutable.

Tenderly, she touched his still form as he lay beside her, his breath coming in uneven intervals, his hand gently cupping her breast. If there was karma in the universe, then they were meant to be. Silently she closed her eyes, and fell into a world of dreams, filled with the essence of her lover.

1200 HOURS JAG Headquarters Falls Church, Virginia

A.J. had risen briefly to call the JAG office and inform Tiner that his battery had required charging (an apt excuse), and he would be late in arriving at the office. Now, at noon, he found himself sitting at his desk, suppressing the smile that threatened to overcome his features.

They had lain together that morning until passion had stirred them once again. Their second exploration had been slow, less demanding. It had been a voyage of discovery - he of the intimate mysteries that turned her composed facade into a realm of wild abandon; and she the touch and taste of his maleness, the essence of his sexuality.

Even now, separated by the densely populated bullpen, he felt her nearness, and longed to join her in intimate seclusion. But he knew that their relationship must be private, a secret shared between them alone until he could sort out its ramifications. He was aware that there would be complications, and he felt the need to insure both the longevity of their union, and the security of their careers.

He hated the duplicity this forced upon him. Chegwidden was an honorable man, a forthright man, subterfuge was not in his nature. He would gladly place it all on the altar of their passion, but he knew that Sarah would never accept such a sacrifice. A solution would have to be found...but where?

1230 HOURS Sarah MacKenzie's Office / JAG Headquarters

A soft tap on the office door brought Mac back from her reverie. Reflections on the morning before had further compromised her concentration, complicating the already frustrating process of trying to regain her memory.

"Come on in." she called, "It's open."

"The correct response is 'Enter." a soft voice prompted pleasantly. It was Harm. He'd popped in often over the last two days, each time with a pleasant smile or word of encouragement. This time was no exception.

Without invitation, he settled himself on the edge of her unused desk. "So, how's it going this afternoon? Any new revelations?"

"I feel like a giant, green paperweight." she stated dejectedly. "Nothing is coming back. Maybe it never will..." Her eyes told of her desperation, her sense of loss.

"Don't push it so hard. It'll come back, just relax and let it happen. As usual, you want everything, and you want it now." he chided, his boyish grin once again softening his assessment.

Another tap.

"Enter." she called, making a wry face at Harm.

This time it was Tiner, A.J.'s legal yeoman.

"What can I do for you, Tiner?"

"Ma'am, if your not busy, Commander Mattoni asked if I could get the Johannson file from you this afternoon."

"Certainly, Tiner." Mac rose and crossed the room to shuffle through a stack of case files, lying seemingly at random on top of a file cabinet. She had asked A.J. to reassign her cases until she was fully functional, fearing that her impairment would deny her clients adequate council, and now Commander Mattoni was to be her successor.

Deftly, she inserted her hand into the center of the pile. Then she halted. She'd known exactly where to look. The memory, small but sweet, flooded her mind, filling her with the first ray of hope since her accident.

Silently, Mac handed the file over to Petty Officer Tiner, the lump in her throat precluding a verbal reply.

"Thank you, Ma'am." Tiner acknowledged. "I'll expedite this right away, Ma'am". Tiner retreated, a puzzled look fixed upon his face.

If Tiner closed the door behind him, Mac missed it. Her thoughts were elsewhere, her mind preoccupied as she stared out of her single window, her back to the room, trying to compose her emotions.

"Mac?" Harm's voice invaded the stillness. "Are you okay?"

She could hear his footsteps draw nearer. His hand came to rest on her shoulder, his voice soft and reassuring.

"Mac, I know you don't remember the things we've been through together, the moments we've shared...but we were close. I've never been closer to anyone in my life. I just wanted you to know that you have a friend here...someone to listen...a shoulder to cry on if you need it. Don't shut me out. I want to help. I...miss you."

She turned to face him, her eyes luminous with unshed tears. "That's the first thing I've remembered since the accident. It's been so terrible, losing my career, my identity, everything else, but the worst was not knowing if there was any chance at recovering the life I've lost."

"Now I know there's at least a glimmer of hope! I've felt so empty these past few days. If it weren't for the Admiral, I don't know what I might have done."

Another knock.

A.J. walked silently through the office door, and looked in askance at the two JAG officers sequestered intimately by the window. He fixed his eyes upon Mac, and upon the hand which still rested on her shoulder. A strained expression crossed his face, leaving Harm both confused and curious. Had he missed a beat somewhere along the way? Had something changed?

A.J. cleared his throat. "Am I interrupting something Commander...Colonel?"

"No Sir. Mac's had a breakthrough. We were just talking about it."

The Admiral caught Mac's gaze. Her face was an open book. She wanted to talk to him alone.

"If that's all, Commander. I need to speak to the Colonel privately, if you don't mind."

"No Sir. Not at all, Sir." Harm retreated, a look of confusion marring his handsome features.

A.J. turned and looked at the woman who'd shared his bed only hours before. "Sarah," he began, "is it true? Why didn't you tell me?"

Her whole being was aglow, hope radiated from every pore. "It just happened! It wasn't much, but it was a start. Tiner wanted the Johannson file, and I knew right where it was, even in this mess."

He wanted to touch her, to taste the salty tears that threatened to flow in mad relief down her cheeks, but he couldn't. The staff in the bullpen could see their every move through the open blinds in her office. They were forced to remain apart, to maintain a professional distance.

"I'm glad, Sarah, really glad. You're on the road back. I couldn't be happier for you."

"Well, I need to get back to my office. I just wanted to know if you'd like to go out to dinner tonight. But, why don't we make it another night? I'll be ready to leave for home at 1800 hours. Does that meet with your approval?"

Mac nodded, her face a mask of concern. He was so detached, so impersonal. It was hard to see the man who had touched her very soul only a few hours before.

1830 HOURS On The Road

The ride home was both tense and silent. A.J. kept mostly to himself, lost in a private world of personal angst. Would Sarah, his Sarah, still want him if her memory returned? Had she ever loved Rabb? Did she still love him? Would his home...his life ever be the same without her in them.

Her memory was returning. The excuse to keep her near him could rapidly be drawing to a close. The thought filled him with dread, and he was instantly ashamed. What kind of man was he, to think of his own wants and desires, when they were so in conflict with the welfare of someone he loved?

Lost in his own thoughts, A.J. barely spoke to Mac at all for the first half of the trip home.

"A.J.?" Mac tested the water. "A.J.? Is something wrong? Have I done something to upset you?

He paused, but not long enough. "You and Rabb looked pretty cozy today in your office." He hadn't meant to say that! Was he "channeling" some jealous bastard from the Great Beyond?

Mac was stricken. Was that his opinion of her? Did he think that she could hop straight from his bed into the arms of another man? She felt the hackles on the back of her neck begin to rise.

"Well, looks like you caught us." she baited, angrily. "Imagine what would have happened if you hadn't shown up!"

He knew she was angry with him, and that he deserved it, but the barb still hurt like hell. Grimly, he set his firm jaw, and concentrated on the road before him.

They rode in silence, each smoldering dangerously as the road passed beneath them. Finally, pulling into the driveway, A.J. jerked the car to an abrupt halt. Slamming his fist on the steering wheel he began to talk in terse, controlled syllables.

"Damn it! I hate feeling this way. I've got to know. Is there anything between you and Rabb? Tell me the truth, Sarah."

Silence.

"Sarah...answer me!" he commanded, the admiral in him coming to the forefront. He turned his head, the words sticking in his throat.

Sarah sat as though frozen in time, her face twisted into a grotesque personification of pain and loss. "A.J., is that the kind of person I was? Am I a tramp...a manipulator? Is that why you're saying these things to me now? How could you even want me near you!

Realizing the agony his jealousy had caused her, he reached out to touch her face, to soften the cruelty of his words.

Mac cringed at his nearness, his touch sending shivers of anguish through her body. "Oh, A.J.," she whispered, "I'm so sorry. I didn't know that I...I mean nothing happened. Harm was just trying to get me through a rough moment. He said we'd been close friends in the past and offered me a friendly ear. I didn't think there was any harm. I never intended..."

"Stop, Sarah! You're not at fault here. It's me. I can't have you thinking you were some kind of a "slut" before the accident. You weren't. You don't have it in you. It's just that you and Rabb have always been close, and then I saw the two of you together today, and something just snapped inside. You don't deserve it...neither of you do. I promise you, it won't happen again!"

He was still angry, this time his anger was directed inward, creating an impenetrable barrier between them.

"A.J.?" Now it was her turn to reach for him. Far from cringing, he sat stone faced, a pillar of self-recrimination.

Silently, she slid across the seat, pressing her thigh alongside his, gently stroking the unforgiving line of his jaw. "A.J., you're just as human as the rest of us. You need to cut yourself some slack... Look at me!"

Silently, he allowed her to direct the force of his gaze with a delicate prompt of her fingertips. "I'm okay, A.J.. You could have made this all my fault...I would have believed you. But you didn't, because you couldn't. You're not that kind of man. I forgive you. Why can't you forgive yourself?"

Once more he found the truth in the deep, ebony pools of her eyes.

Gently, she pressed her lips to his, breathing in his masculine scent, tasting the passion within him.

He turned slightly, hesitantly, deepening their kiss as he slid his tongue between her teeth, pressing her back against the leather seat. His hand found her right breast, his thumb teasing the nipple through the fabric of her blouse.

Moisture flowed, unbidden between her thighs, and her hand sought between his legs for the source of her deliverance.

He gasped, his libido taking command, and laying her seatback into a prone position, began to insinuate his hand beneath her skirt."

He could feel the wet heat of her passion through her pantyhose, but the silken barrier precluded further exploration. "Damn! Why did they ever invent these things?" he swore fervently. "Let's get inside, Darlin', where we can do this right."

Quickly, they made a beeline for the door, and, fumbling with the key, burst into the interior of the living room. Sarah was first, but A.J., in a state of dire need, was quicker.

With a singularity of mind, Sarah began to cross the braided rug toward the bedroom, unbuttoning her blouse, her jacket folded across her left arm.

But A.J., driven by tumultuous need, caught up to her far short of her objective. In a silence born of desire, he pressed his swollen sex against her buttocks, his arms encircling her waist. His steady fingers finished peeling the blouse from her body, and undid the clasp of her bra, dropping each to the floor as his hands brazenly claimed her breasts. His lips traced a moist pathway down the side of her exposed neck, her respiration becoming uneven... labored...

She felt her nipples respond, hardening beneath his touch as she undid the zipper of her skirt and let it fall around her ankles. Sarah turned and began to fumble with A.J.'s belt, attempting to free the focus of her desire.

Quickly, he shed his clothing and wrapped his arms around her once again, pressing his hardened erection against the soft flesh of her abdomen. Then, silently, he lowered her to the floor, his determined fingers stripping away her pantyhose, caressing her bared skin as it materialized before him.

Without words, he knelt between her legs, as though paying mute homage to a vestal shrine. Then, rising above her, he rested his weight on his forearms, and once again probed between her lips with his tongue, mimicking the act they were about to perform.

Eagerly, she readied herself for the invasion she so longed for, but it was not to be. She began to tremble with desire, her body crying out for fulfillment, but he denied her completion.

Instead, his lips began a slow, maddening trek downward, lapping delicately at her heated flesh, suckling her dusky nipples.

She reached for him, attempting to capture him between her thighs, to imprison him within her heated core, but he was not to be deterred.

Lowering his head, he trailed his tongue wetly across her shivering abdomen, stopping minutely to taste each new discovery before continuing his tortuous journey toward the downy triangle nestled between her thighs.

Then, drawing back, he began to stroke the moist, quivering core of her sexuality, inserting his thumbs and opening her fully to his gaze.

Exposed, she flushed and reached for him once again...her very being crying for the release that only he could offer...hoping to end her torture and coax him into the intimate coupling she strained to achieve.

But again he eluded her, this time lowering his head between her thighs to delicately tease the heated flesh of her inner core with his lips. In full command, he suckled the rigid knob before him, his tongue thrusting, probing in an excruciating pantomime of the act she so desired.

Her body took up a rhythm as old as time, as her hips rose to meet his delicate titillation. She felt her senses reel, her breath coming in ragged gasps as the sensations built within her, growing rapidly, threatening her very sanity.

"Now...now." she pleaded, her hands shakily entreating him... encouraging him... enflaming him.

Then, mercifully, he raised his body above hers, and, supporting her legs with his forearms, he thrust his hips between her thighs, plunging deeply into her molten core.

She cried out, a moan of sensuous abandon filling the room. He paused, waiting for her to adjust to his engorged member, then thrust again, deeper yet... her desperate pleas of encouragement an aphrodisiac, his body responding with primeval intensity.

Assured that his assault was welcome, he plunged deeper still, bringing her to a state of mindlessness where only the juncture of their bodies could exist.

He felt the warm rush of her heated juices engulf his straining organ. Wordlessly, an unintelligible moan tore from her lips, and her body fought greedily to possess him still further, to consume him.

As the tide of her passion crested around him, he once again allowed himself the abandon he so desired. Tilting his head back, like a wild beast gazing at the full moon, his body began to thrust rhythmically, demandingly, within the darkened aperture between her legs... harder... faster, until finally, with a cataclysmic shudder, he spent his essence within her.

Sarah lay bare and exposed, her body refusing to obey her commands. A.J. reached up and pulled an afghan from the sofa to gently cover her still and sated form. Drained, she lay limply on the braided rug, as she watched her lover spark a blazing flame within the fireplace before her, then return to join her beneath the colorful spread.

"Sometimes I wonder what you're thinking when you send me flying out of control like that. You have such a look of intensity." she prodded.

Tenderly, he gazed upon the delicate women laying before him, a thin bead of moisture rimming her upper lip. He pressed his body against hers, gently tracing her nipple with the tips of his fingers.

"I love to see you come." he said simply, enjoying the rosy flush that spread across her features. "I love to feel your nipples harden against my chest, and see your eyes glaze over with passion. But, most of all, just as you reach 'terminal velocity', you arch your neck, exposing your throat. Then, if I press my lips right here (he lowered his head to demonstrate), I can taste your heartbeat racing out of control, and feel a low moan building inside of you. It carries me into your world, it connects us."

Then, silently, he drew her into the warmth of his embrace and watched the flames from the hearth play across her still features. Sarah curled contentedly against his chest, an intense lethargy rendering her helpless in his arms. "I love you." she whispered, then closed her eyes and drifted away in sleep.

Had she remained awake, she would have heard his response: "I've always loved you, Darlin'."

0900 HOURS A.J.'s Bedroom

The next day was Saturday.

Harm, realizing that Mac needed to regain the control over her life that had once been of such vital importance to her, had suggested Friday, that they begin looking at car dealerships for a new set of "wheels".

Harm dropped by at A.J.'s cabin at 0900, and, parking his SUV behind the Admiral's dignified sedan, he approached the doorway.

A.J. and Sarah were still in bed.

After recuperating, they had talked long into the night, each unwilling to break the intimate connection they had established. They'd picnicked on the floor at 0200, then made love again until the embers had cooled and the room had grown dark.

Now, as the morning sun filtered through the trees and peeked through their bedroom window, they lay like spoons, his body pressed intimately to hers, his arm draped protectively around her waist.