Memories! Ch. 01

A.J., previously so animated, now became anchored in place. His eyes locked on her own, his left elbow crushing the clean line of the hat beneath his arm.

"Sarah...Colonel, I found myself nearby...on business..and Commander Rabb said that you weren't feeling well, so I thought I'd drop in and see how you were doing for myself. "I called...left messages, but I didn't hear from you."

His gaze now scanned her features. She'd lost weight, and it didn't look good on her. Her skin had lost its luminous quality, and instead appeared dull and pale. Dark circles underlined the sunken hollows of her eyes. She wasn't well.

His concern was evident. "Sarah! My God...look at you! What have you done to yourself?" Rabb was right, Sarah was a 911 call, waiting to happen.

A month of sleeplessness and neglect had taken its toll. Sarah knew she looked terrible, but their time of separation had been no kinder on him. The strong and vital man who had driven her to the stars, now appeared subdued, the life drained from his very being.

He fumbled with his hat. "Mac...Sarah, maybe we should talk. Maybe we should have talked this out a month ago. I think we're overdue, don't you?"

Silently, she nodded, the resignation evident in her demeanor. It was time. He couldn't have been more right, but somehow the words eluded her.

They crossed to the couch, he on one side...she on the other. "This was all my fault, Sarah. I knew better. I let...things...happen that never should have happened. I was your commanding officer. You were in a vulnerable position...I was suppose to be taking care of you, not..." He couldn't finish the sentence.

He stared fixedly into her eyes. "I'm too old for you, Sarah." There, he'd said the unspeakable truth, the one irrefutable, irreversible barrier that remained between them. He hesitated. "I was a fool to believe I could ever offer you the man I was twenty years ago. Time isn't that forgiving."

"Too old? A.J., is that what you think this is all about? I've been...with...men my own age. I married one, but none of them ever made me feel the way you do. When I was with you, I felt more alive than with anyone I've ever known. How could you think that!"

A.J. was astonished. "Then why did you leave? Why haven't you called me...contacted me in some way? I've been going out of my mind thinking about you, worrying about you."

Gently, she reached up to stroke his cheek. "I wanted to remove myself from your chain of command... to give us a chance to see what kind of future we might have together without endangering your career. But then you were so formal, so cold, I thought you didn't want me anymore. I thought that maybe the transfer was still the best answer for both of us...so I left."

The silence was deafening.

They sat, as though carved from a single block of stone, forever together, yet forever apart.

It was A.J. who finally broke the spell. "Sarah...I love you." he said simply. "I think I must have loved you from your first day at JAG. A relationship between us just never seemed possible, until now. I don't know what else to say..." he began again.

She recalled a conversation, much like this, more than a month ago...she, dressed in nothing but a towel from his bathroom.

"Then don't say anything." she repeated, the passion rising in her eyes amid the ruins of the shattered barriers they had lain to waste.

Covering the distance between them, he pressed his lips to hers, drawing her very breath into his body, joining them together as one. "Darlin'," he breathed sensuously..."It's good to be home."

Later, as he gently covered her body with his, he remembered an old quote, one that had seemed rational at the time.

"You can't live on love." it had maintained.

So much for old quotes, he reflected, as he once again buried himself within her and watched her face transform with a passion borne of love. We'll just have to invent some new ones...