All Comments on 'Mending Broken Flowers'

And well done at that

Thank you for taking the time to write a nice piece and share it with us. I hope to read more of your work.

....more realistic than usual here. I just skimmed the story though, no way I'm devoting that much time to something on the internet.

...but more like "Romance" than LW. 5* for your effort and writing skills.

A very good romantic (not LW) story. One minor critic though... 13 pages is a lot and hard to read: when you write that long a story, it benefits when you split it up in parts.

I liked the story. There was some initial confusion as things seemed to skip around a lot. Once I got into the flow of it, things went well.

Your characters were decently drawn up. The plot was well paced as well. The story was long, but it did not plod along. It had the makings of a very good story.

Now for the critique. There were an unforgivable amount of grammatical errors. All those misspelled words were distracting. You need either to read over the story before you post it, or avail yourself of the services of an editor.

Still, all in all, a great effort! Congratulations.

You are a good writer, but could use an editor to eliminate some of the missing words and so on, which detract a bit from the flow of the story. That said, it was a great story, which moved me from sadness to happiness, to tears, to anger at stupidly stubborn people and every other emotion in between, which means you made the characters real. A lot of interracial interaction which may be prevalent in that part of the country, don't know, never been there. I did like that you used some stereotype characters to refute commonly held beliefs and biases.

Carmen was an interesting character who couldn't seem to say what she really wanted judging on how she reacted when he finally got back with Lily. Seems she couldn't follow her own advice about asking for what you wanted. The dialog between Gabriel and Lily when they finally got back together and bonded was very good and rang true with what should have been said. I did think the lesbian relationship between Heather and Maggie added nothing to the story and seemed to be tossed in just to add one more minority group into the mix.

The only real problem with the story, (actually there are two), are there are so many characters that it was sometimes hard to keep them straight in my mind. The other is the length, as it is a long read at one sitting. That said, I would rather get it all at once than in multiple parts, but consecutive days in two parts is pretty good.

but with love and togetherness all things are possible using care and nuturing it will happen. TK U MLJ LV NV

Loved the snappy gay barbed comments between Gabe and Ford, Gabe and the "girls" (when they traded insults)

You get a 5* for those alone.

Fine tale-thanks for posting

What time we waste when we don't listen to one another. Thanks for the story.

Boyd Percy

I loved the story and the characters. It would only have been better (a five instead of a four) if the grammar was cleaned up a bit and giving a few characters' lives after Gabriel's return.

Impressive, and you didn't rush it. That in and of itself rates 5 stars. Thanks for writing!

rate this five stars. I got tears on my cheeks from laughing so hard in vain to keep from crying . I've read a couple of your stories before & thought some were good & some cheesy but its clear with this story, you've taken tour storytelling game up to a new level. Ok. Done here. Gotta finish.

A very good read. A great story, well written and very entertaining. There were favourite characters and then some unlike-able ones too. So good to read a story that is actually a story, with depth, and story development and the sort of details that makes it such an interesting read. It read quickly thanks to the author's style and yet even after so many pages I felt I wanted the story to keep going. Thank you author, your efforts are greatly appreciated.

what the fuck is wrong with you? what pisses me off is that you've taken it right out of the story, and showed your personal feelings about black people.

why the fuck would you write n*gger? did you think that your black readers would be offended that you actually used real words in your story? news flash, you condescending fuck, blacks are not so weak-minded or feeble that we can't tolerate the letter "i". we say nigger to each other EVERY DAY. if you spent any time around black people, you'd know that.

This could've been a really great story. The character development is very strong and the motivational development is deep and there appears to be a tremendous amount of consistency throughout the story. Except for one problem which is a huge one... which for some reason this very talented and skill author has over looked.

We understand what's driving LILY.... and her intense dislike of Gabriel over the years. In kindergarten and elementary school I suppose we have all seen cases where LILY's behavior sort of makes sense. However by the time high schools rolls around it is no longer the acceptable or cute or funny or endearing. It's just plain bizarre and unacceptable and the speaks of a much more serious disturbed individual.

And that leads to a much bigger problem with the story.

When lilly finally begins to change and says or confesses to Gabriel that she actually loves him ...he is of course disgusted by her. Not by her physical appearance but by the internal workings of a personality and the disturbed mental picture that her actions / behavior have revealed.

Yet Gabriel falls in love with this mentally immature twisted mean cruel hdieous creature.... WHY? This is the Key point. It does NOT automatcally follow that Gabriel HAS to fall in love with Lily once she tells him that she is obessed with him and that her 2 decade long hatred is actually a mask of her intense love for him.

Its not that the relationship between Lily and Gabriel is 'wrong " .. its that it makes NO sense but the author does NOT explain WHY Gabrial falls in love with with a mentally disiturbed nutcase . It is VITAL no make that CRITICAL to this story... given Lily's 2 decade long hatred of Gabriel by lily ... for the author to explain How and WHY his attitude towards her changes... which is somethinbg this author does NOT do.

good stuff, well written and interesting, spell binding, couldn't stop reading

Hostage

JB44,

Enjoyed it thoroughly.

Thanks for sharing on Lit.

x

Very Good. Thanks.

You are one of my favorite writers my favorite story is "Ice Heart".... I loved this story I didn't mind that it was long, in fact I prefer longer good stories .,. I'm just dying to find out why Carmen is so angry at him towards the end? My female intuition tells me she's in love with him despite her claims, I couldn't understand why the anger & attitude..... she's the one that didn't want a relationship.... So I guess I'm asking what crawled up her ass? This story was awesome I thoroughly enjoyed every chapter & page. It was funny, sad, just a wonderful story.. Five stars of course... Please write more

You might be laughing but for two thirds of the story I thought next thing the devil will be laughing his ass off. I just was really really glad that I never had to live in a town with people like that. I mean there was not one likeable character; they were either assholes, morons or sluts or any combination thereof, both male and female. The cracker was when the supposed "hero" (who actually is a whiney loser) learns that his "friend" organizes parties where girls are drugged and raped and not only does "whiney loser" not go to the cops, no he even stays friends with mister serial rapist. You kinda salavaged the story with that happy end so we dont have to go to sleep feeling like shit.

Bottom line: The writing was good but I am really, really glad that I will never meet anyone of your characters.

It is blindingly obvious that Carmen was in love with him all the time. The very first meeting she practically yells at him because he is such a whiney loser, he kinda asserts himself but only for one bout of sex whereafter he apologizes.

EVERYTHING that happened between them after that, the kiss with the black guy, her telling him she is not IN love with him, the engagement to that other guy, even the trick to send him home was just her trying to get him to assert himself, discover his balls and CLAIM her, which he never did. So yes she loved him but she can not handle him beeing a whiney loser.

I've got to agree with count2three. The story was told well, but incredibly dismal.

but there is a lot of folks there who need some church going TK U MLJ LV NV

There was no closure with Carmen. She just says "fuck you" after all that and that's the end of it.

Gabriel is a bit undefined where it comes to his relationship with his mother - it is unclear when he began to dislike her so much although he got plenty of reasons to - also his relationship with Carmen - he never quite got how much in love with him she was -

We also do have to simply accept that he was in love with Lilly all the time even with her treatment of him (why she did that does make a strange sort of sense though)

All in all the story was well done, characters well developed and followed, Gabriel's inner conflicts explored if not fully explained, Lilly's issue understood, Carmen was about the best character IMHO. Gabriel's father did just sort of appear but he was a great character and the death of him and his Anita was truly painful -

Nice writing and well done work thank you -

One of the best tales its ever been my privilege to read - loved every word of it.

But you sir, are a master writer. Just amazing. Your dialog is truly awesome.

So very very impressed.

A good story that should of been an epic but was let down by far to many missing pieces.

Firstly, like Harry in VA said, Gabriel and Lilly's relationship just didn't work for me at all. No believable reason was given as to how or why he could fall for someone so batshit crazy and who made his life hell for the best part of twenty years.

Secondly, why was his mother such an out and out fucking cunt to her son for his entire life? If ever someone deserved to die alone and in pain it was her.

Thirdly, the lack of a real ending with Carmen was kinda lame for such an interesting character. Why was she so pissed off when she finally managed to push him away for good? She tells him non stop she's not in love with him, shows him how much of a slut she is by hooking up with other guys while there were together, gets knocked up by a slimeball and engaged to him, goes out of her way to push him into back Lilly's arms and is then all butthurt about it?

You have outdone yourself yet again. And contrary to what a previous commentor wrote, this story was an epic - and a damn good one at that.

While I'm at it, that commentor also wrote that he or she couldn't understand how Gabriel could fall for Lily or why his mother was such a bitch to him. Well, all I've got to say is that that commentor obviously doesn't have "Mommy" issues, because I could tell that Gabriel was going to end up with Lily from the very first time she picked on him on the bus in kindergarten. To anyone who just can't understand why, let me try to explain. Gabriel and Lily's relationship is a reflection of his relationship with his mother. However, where Annie never even once gave him the satisfaction of agreeing with him or made any concession toward acknowledging Gabriel's worth, Lily THREW herself at him and begged him to love her. She also APOLOGIZED for being such a bitch all those years, something that Annie would never do. Trust me, from a son whose mother has only apologized to him ONCE in his entire life, you can not imagine how incredibly validating it is to have another woman literally beg you for forgiveness when the woman who brought you into this world is too fucking proud to even acknowledge that she has ever caused you pain in the first place, much less ask for forgiveness. So yeah, I can definitely see how he would fall in love with Lily, and I don't think that any missing pieces were necessary. Sometimes it is what isn't said as much as what is that makes a story work the best.

13 pages of pure disconnected drivel. This shit just couldn't get any worse.

"1*" !

I liked this story very much, good characters and dialog. Lots of anger, but that's the way it is sometimes. A few typos but like I said well worth the read. Thanks

He's like a freaking magnet for psychotic women-folk...

Of course, he also has amazing taste in friends - drugging gals haphazardly...? Sleezeballs.

I think I liked this though must admit it had me confused some times... oddly enough, it was the attitude of those self-same women-folk that had me confused. What a surprise that, eh...?

I think the second half cut around to much but a great story overall.

Geeze, a college educated gypsy driver, huh? (owner operator) Interesting. I was one of Jimmy Hoffa's finest for 34 years. (IBT) Pretty good story. Sad what jealousy can do to a marital commitment. Cheers!

Typographical and grammatical errors notwithstanding, as a writer JimBob is a rough diamond. His choice of characters and their idiosyncrasies, although not the most congenial by today's mores, make a story interesting. Perhaps he should hire a good editor to iron out the kinks?

Solid '5'

Ignore all the comments about technical/spelling issues. The story line is very clear, your POV switching style is something I am totally at ease with after reading over half your stories. It makes the reader work to stay engaged. It makes me 'taste' the story even more. Great tale.

Good story but I know that you have got to be kin to "W" being as you both make up your own words, but a good story just like all of them that I have read so far.

5 stars but only 2 on the Budweiser Scale !!!

...but that's no surprise. In response to the previous commentator's remark that JB is making up his own words, other than a few typo's, he is reflecting the local vernacular. (in little words, that's the way they talk in the area.) I think it adds a good dose of "Cajun flavor" to these stories. JB, keep on doing what you do so well!

The line you wrote was: "Gabriel burst into deep racking sobs and hugged the two girls tightly." .... In the context of the story, especially considering the miserable bullshit that Gab had lived through, that line made no sense at all. As a strong willed man who's 'seen it all', that just wouldn't have happened.

I've read lots of your stories. I like what you do. Keep doing it.

But you can write your ass off!

Entertaining all the way! What a ride!

Thank you for sharing your stories with us!

....Diving into your longer works, but when I do, I'm always glad I did. For instance, I really enjoyed "Ice Heart" -- and liked that you broke it up into manageable pieces. This was another funny, sad, poignant read, even with the flaws that others have pointed out in the comments.

I applaud you for your contributions here, and thank you for continuing to grace us with your stories!

Overall I enjoyed the story very much. The beginning was REALLY weird to me but I continued reading and finally got through it. Thank you very much.

life is hard,,,,,,dont cheer up just yet,,,,,it dont get EZer with age, TK U MLJ LV NV

It sounds like it just come from asylum for insane. Though I just skimmed thru, it was extremely boring. One would wonder how the hell it got such a high ratings without this psychopath cheating on its ratings.

This is the most JimBob44 JimBob44 story. It has that crinkled, handled feel to it. It's overwhelming at first for me, I dint know when it starts getting better, but it's definitely started by page 6 or so.

The subtitle suggests the whole story is there to effect the Pamela induced rage and alienation, and watch the ripples. I guess Gabriel's continuous kindness does fix her. The only reason that could have been possible is having the sort of mom he did. Which was explicitly mentioned also. I think it's better to have the explanation than not, but not immediately if possible.

decent length too thankyou

decent lenth too thankyou

Another directional LA yarn from JB44. Spelling needs work, but I'm not asking for refund, no.

I love how you are able to squeeze the dregs of society, and come out with diamonds in the rough. Your story telling can be a tad disjointed at times, but they suck me in and i am hooked. 5 stars

I really feel sad for her kid who seemed to have bonded with Gabriel. I thought you should have had Carmen die of a nasty STD and have Gabriel and Psycho Bitch adopt him. Just my 2 cents.

I missed this one in my first run-through of JB’s stories. Quite enjoyable, although it does take a page or two to sort out the characters. But that’s typical in his stories. He throws them in fast and furious.

Unlike some, I enjoy the various dialects he throws in. That adds a lot of realism to his stories.

Simply wonderful

Missed this one on first read through, very glad I went back through the list. A definite 5 star story.

This author has the most distinctive voice on the site. And he’s a fantastic story teller.

The race my xing parts are gross af .

Would be a good story otherwise

Great.... Nothing more i can say....

Simply amazing

This is a wonderful, heart-warming story. does a great job at reminding us all at how we can be such ass-hats. It was well written and touched an old codger to his core. Thank-You from the bottom of my heart!! 5 Stars...wish I could give more.

5☆ Why are guys always anal?

"He heard three women shrill out when his name was called and he approached the Diaz to get his diploma." He approached a Spanish surname to get his diploma? There are more like that, but, he does warn us. Five stars.

Well done. Strong reminders of where I grew up. Thank you.

LWlurker

5 stars, bittersweet and beautiful.

I'd like to quote Scott Mathew:

'We all bear the scars

Yeah, we all feign a laugh

We all cry in the dark

Get cut off before we start'

I like this story, generally, but cannot for the life of me figure out why he put up with the crazy mother or the crazy girlfriend for so long.

A list of sporadic events at the start is discouraging. Once the main storyline begins, it is captivating.

The rest of the story just keeps getting better:

- Strong, decisive characters;

- Palpable emotions;

- Complex relationships;

- Fast-paced and adventures middle and ending;

This story really moved me. Thanks for sharing the inspiration.

2nd or 3rd read. Areal masterpiece. 5✨

Another "5"...

...I am amazed at your ability to run your stories far and wide, and then pull it all together at the very end.

EastCoaster

⭐⭐⭐⭐ Like the story, although very confusing to start. But the MC was a real dickhead about being an occasional nice guy.

Great story.

Way to long

The tale was way too long. Having said it was too long, I don’t know where to break it into sections in order to make it a series/chapters.

I must say that it was one of the best I have read recently. I am reading it 9 months after I found it in your list of tales that have been published. Because when I find one more than 3 pages I bookmark it and come back when I can read a couple of pages and save my page to start next time.

I look at this one as a great read an adventure thru a life. You did really well writing this one. Thanks for the journey through your adventure.

Keep Writing

JH4Fun

Great story, some really moving words.

Loved it. 5-stars. If I had one complaint it would be to many characters using ums and ahs when talking. Anyone that used that many in a sentence in real-life would-be way to annoying to talk to and would be likely accused of being mentally challenged.

Yep, a great story.

The evolution of your characters is astounding. The way you handle the emotions and interactions is captivating. Enough pain in it to make it seem true to life, made for an impactful tale.

As different as can be and a solid 5 stars from me. Can't believe that the wife is chaste and the hubby is the whorehound - in LovingWives of all places!

Putting this looong story on my favorite list

What was up with Carmen?she suddenly was IN love with him? And he was just supposed to guess that after she was engaged 6 days before.

The pissing cost a star

Another masterpiece of a story with, and about, real, flawed human beings. Thank you for sharing your extraordinary talent for storytelling with us!

Nice revisit after a while, sad end, obstinacy has a steep cost.

A bit of a roller coaster ride emotionally 😥😰😭😢😍, but a good read. Thanks