Mew's Meow

--------------------------------------------------------

Startling awake, I bolted upright.What happened?I remembered bits and pieces. I knew I should be dead. I knew I wasn't.Why?I felt like hell and cuddled back down. It sucked to know I wasn't back as an eight year old. It sucked to know that I couldn't even die properly. It sucked to not know what the hell had happened. Staring at the ceiling I whispered "What the hell."

"That's my question Mew."

I bolted again. "P.J?" He was sitting in my desk chair, looking at me. "Cat. I mean Cat. Sorry."

"I prefer Cat, Mew. P.J. is too much."

"Mew?" It sounded like a kitten, soft and questioning. "Why'd you call me Mew? No one calls me Mew." Everything hurt. My chest hurt, my head hurt, and my brain was heading into melt down mode. I couldn't decide if I was cold or not and wished for more than the boxers and t-shirt I was wearing.

"Mew's Meow. I like 'Mew' better than 'Bart.' But call me 'P.J.' again and I'll slug you." Standing, he crossed the room in three steps. His weight shifted the mattress and I fought the urge to roll over away from him. "Why'd you do it Mew? Please, I need to understand this. I need to know so I can make sure it never happens again. I don't want to lose you." The honey-gold of his eyes glittered like he was going to cry.

"Why not?" I mumbled. "What do you care anyway? Don't you have a grown up job to do and a chick to sing to?" It was too hard to get angry, to get defensive. Numb was best.

"Chick? What?" The confusion in his eyes was obvious as he shifted next to me until he was lying sidelong next to me, head propped on his hand. His beautiful hair spilled across my pillow, as it had in countless fantasies and I choked back a sob. "It's ok Mew." His other arm curled around me and stroked my back as he curled me against him. "What's wrong?"

"I love you!" It came out suddenly and made me tense as I awaited the laughter.

"I love you too." He squeezed me close and kissed my scar. "So why'd you try to kill yourself?"

"Wait, what?" Heart thudding in my ears, I was sure I'd heard him wrong. I had to be dreaming. Or I was in Hell. I'd died and was in Hell, doomed to be tortured by a shade of the man I loved.

"I love you." He said it simply, like I should have known. "I thought you'd figured it out when I was singing to you. About you. When you left, I thought you were rejecting me. I made a mess of things that day. I should have said things differently."

Confusion tore through me. "What things? Singing to me? I'm dead. I've got to be. This makes no sense." His chest rumbled as he chuckled at my confusion and the warmth from his body made me ache. Not from familiar pain, but a new ache. Longing mixed with hope.

"I went and got a job. I wanted to prove I was an adult, not a child, and that I could be there for you. You're not much younger than me age wise, but emotionally..." he broke off.

"I'm broken." I finished.

"You're not broken. You're undernourished. You haven't been loved in a very long time have you? I wanted to make myself someone that you would realize you could depend on. I was trying to tell you at our last lesson. But I messed it up. And then last night when you said goodbye on that blog I - " His voice broke and I unfolded from his arms to look at him. The tears were falling now and his lip quivered as he spoke, "I couldn't believe it. Every moment it took to get here to stop you was agony, but I didn't know where to find you. When I found you, it was almost too late. You were dead Mew. I had to do CPR."

My eyes widened and my own tears fell as I buried myself against him again. I felt so ashamed. The warm chest against mine shook as he began to cry in earnest. "I lost you and it tore me apart inside. It was bad enough when I thought you rejected me, but when you were just lying on the floor..."

"You read my blog?" I would have done anything to take that hurt from him, but I didn't know how. Distraction maybe. "When did you read my blog?"

"Always. I was screwing around online and found it. I thought Mew's Meow was a cute name and supposed it would be worth a read. By the time I figured out I knew you, I also figured out that you ... liked me. I knew that very first time you talked about P.J. you meant me. It was hard for me to accept. Not because of how you look, but because you're so defensive, so careful. I made excuses to 'find' you and tried so hard to get through to you. I suggested lessons to try to get to know you through more than just words. And I fell in love with you."

He had been stroking my hair with a thumb and I realized he was petting my white patch. "You're so exotic. So dangerous looking. So strong. And I wanted you. All of you." Then his fingertips found my chin and tilted my face up to his. The kiss was gentle. Soft and yet electric. "You're so beautiful" he whispered against my lips and kissed me again.

Years of training almost made me say it. Almost made me ruin the moment with a 'no I'm not,' but I couldn't do it. I melted into him and wrapped my arms around his neck. I ground my hips against him, growing hard from his heat. Breaking the kiss, he glanced down between us, noting my erection against his thigh.

"Really?" It wasn't an accusation but disbelief. Like he couldn't believe that I wanted him.

"Since the moment I saw you. I've wanted you. But I didn't think I would ever get you. Not like this." Motioning to us, to the bed we shared, I stared at him. "I thought you wouldn't want me. You still may change your mind once I tell you about myself." He shook his head trying to deny it, but I kept talking. "I'm broken. I really am. Therapy and meds and depression. My family died the day I got these scars and I've been on my own ever since. No one would take me like this. I gave up. I never thought about much until I saw you. You filled my thoughts, and when you sang I thought you were telling me that you were off limits. You can't imagine the things I pictured in my head. The life you were telling me you wanted. The life without me. I left. I finally realized that no matter what I felt, you didn't feel the same. And it was like my life was ripped away again. I couldn't do it. I couldn't lose everything again, even if I never had it in the first place. That's why I did it." My erection had wilted with the confession and I felt foolish.

While talking, I'd sat up and started to get out of the bed. I had to cross over his body to get out and I had one leg over his hip when he caught me. He held my leg in place, and then slowly turned so he was on his back. Suddenly straddling his lap, I felt my cock throb. I moaned softly, not sure what was going to happen. One hand cupped my jaw and the other rested on my thigh as he stared up at me.

"You haven't lost anything. I'm right here. I love you. And I want you more than you can imagine." His hips shifted and suddenly I could feel him through his jeans and the thin cotton of my boxer shorts. I rocked my hips a fraction of an inch and felt the bulge beneath me throb and grow.

My cock was thrumming to life, head poking out of my shorts like a groundhog looking for a shadow. The hand moved from my jaw to trace down my arm. He made little circles with his fingertips on the gnarled flesh, feeling my muscles beneath. When he got to my elbow where the scars trailed off, so did he. He started tracing my damaged chest. Lower and lower his fingers circled until they left scars behind and stroked across my dick. I moaned, I couldn't help it. I had never been touched like this. Not just the scars, but like this at all. I wasn't sure I could control myself.

"I can't. I haven't. I mean..." stammering, I tried to think of how to tell him that I was a complete virgin.

"Shhhhh Mew. I know. It's on your blog remember?" Pulling me down to lay flat against his chest, he kissed my eyebrow again. "You have Bowie eyes" he whispered as he started into them. "Mismatched, but sexy as hell. Striking. And I feel like you can look right through me to my core." His voice was soft as he spoke, hand continuing to explore my body.

I couldn't breathe. I was sure I was going to cum all over him, just from his light touch. When he rolled us, I gasped. When he stood up from the bed, I almost cried. He took his shirt off in a fluid motion and tossed it to the floor. The jeans disappeared so fast I never saw if he had underwear on. Before I could say anything he was naked before me, and it was just as magnificent as any fantasy I'd ever had.

He was well muscled all over. He had a strong chest, sculpted ab muscles and a dark patch of hair leading from his navel to his... I think I drooled a little. His erect member was fully as large as mine, but thicker. He smiled at me. "Take off the clothes?" It was a request I was happy to fulfill. "Stand up." This time it was an order, not a question, but I did it anyway. I stood, naked, trembling and waiting for his judgment. When he stepped close, I realized we were almost the same height.

"So strong... so clever..." The light touch of fingertips sent thrills through me. "So beautiful..." He kissed me again, pulling us together until there wasn't enough room for a breath in between our bodies. When he broke the kiss, he knelt. Kneeling he was eye to eye with my manhood, which felt like it was going to burst. "So, so beautiful." The flick of his tongue tore a gasp from my throat.

"Mmmmm" was all I could manage.

"I don't want to scare you. I won't do anything you don't want me to do since I'm your first. But you have to let me do this." He looked up from the floor, crooked smile on his face and a dark glint in those honey eyes.

"Please," I whispered. "Please.

He took me into his mouth and the pleasure was almost too much. My knees threatened to buckle and he pushed us back until I could collapse back onto my bed. One hand wrapped around the base of my penis and the other gripped my ass as he bobbed up and down, sucking me into his mouth. "Oh, oh, oh God!" I had never been so turned on in my life. I panted, "Cat, stop. Cat, I'm gonna cum!" He never wavered as my balls clenched and I shot wads of semen into his mouth. When I was spent and twitching, he released me with a soft pop. Licking his lips, he grinned.

"What'd you think?"

My brain was a melted mess. I had just had the orgasm of a life time and he wanted a critique? I made incoherent noises as he chuckled and pushed me to lie down. He lay against me again, magnificent cock rubbing against mine. He curled into me and held me. Slowly, my breathing returned to normal.

I reached down and captured him in my hand. Clumsily I started to work him. The angle was wrong, but I wanted to make him cum for me and I felt a desperate need to bring him pleasure.

"You don't have –" I shushed him and slid down his body until I was at his waist. He tried again, "Seriously, I want you to feel good tonight. You don't have to-"

"I want to. I've wanted to since I first saw you." I tentatively licked him. His cock twitched and I moaned softly. It felt like my own, but warmer somehow. His skin was silken as I explored his shaft. I'd never held something so hard, so soft, so ready. Inhaling deeply, I took him into my mouth. I tried to mimic his technique, but faltered. Feeling my ineptitude, he reached for me, I thought to pull me off. I curled my fingers in the short dark hairs of his genitals to keep my place, but he was just guiding me. He cupped himself in one hand and held the back of my head with the other.

"Should I show you?"

I nodded and relaxed as he helped maneuver his meat into my mouth. We developed a rhythm and soon I realized he was no longer holding my head. I moaned in pleasure around his flesh and heard a sharp intake of air. "Mmmmm do that again!" I complied, never stopping my thrusts as I moaned and hummed around his cock. "Mew, let me go. I'm gonna cum!" He tried to pull away from me and I let him get almost away before I flicked my tongue across his slitted head. "Oh God!" Muscles tensed and he hissed out a long breath of air as the first load I'd ever seen besides my own poured out. I lapped at him, tasting the salty tang of cum for the first time.

Pulling me up to lie against him again, he panted and turned my face to his. The kiss was sweet. "Thank you," he said. "I've wanted that for so, so long."

"Me too. That and more." Rolling my hips against him I let him feel that I was hard and ready again. "I want you to fuck me."

"I'm not sure that's –" I cut him off with a finger across his lips.

"Please? I've never been so turned on in my life, and I think if you don't take me right now I'll explode."

"If you think you're ready... Remember, you can tell me to stop any time you want to." His cock certainly was ready. He was still long and hard and I ached to have him inside me. "Do you have any ... supplies?"

Nodding, I slipped out of bed and fetched a tub of water-based moisturizer from my shelf. "It's to keep my scars from tightening up. But it will work for this too." He took the tube and popped the cap.

"Condoms?"

I nodded again and pulled some from the same shelf. "Never thought I'd use them, unless it was for water balloons." The chuckle he gave me melted me to my toes. I watched eagerly as he tore the packet and rolled the latex down his shaft.

Pulling me over to the bed, he got up and made me take his place. "On your back. I want to watch your face. If it hurts, you can't lie to me. I will stop if you want me too." He squirted some lotion onto his fingertips. "I want you to be ready for me." Writhing just a little in anticipation, I stared up at him. His hair had come completely loose from his customary pony tail and it streamed around his face making him look like a god. When his index finger found my virgin hole, I moaned. He circled me, making me sigh. The feeling as his finger broke through my bud made me cry out. Freezing, he looked like he was going to stop, to leave me empty again.

I wiggled against him, encouraging. He smiled and I felt another finger pop into my tightness. I thought I was going to cum all over myself from the feeling. "More!" He complied and soon I had three fingers thrusting in and out of my ass. He added more lube with the other hand and the sensation of cold liquid coupled with hot fingers made me whimper in ecstasy.

"I think you're ready" he said after a few minutes of finger fucking me. More lube dribbled down on me, and he splashed some on my balls. It seeped down my crack and I wanted so badly to be fucked that I think I would have begged had he not made his next move, raising my legs into the air and exposing my asshole.

His cock head was much bigger than his fingers and I thought I was going to come apart with pain. He paused, waiting for me to relax. Seeing the tension ease from my face, he thrust himself into me, slowly, an inch at a time, watching my eyes the whole time. I tried to make sure that my face showed the pleasure that started building as he rubbed that spot inside of me.

"You're so beautiful right now." My cock was at attention and my ass was speared in front of him as he gazed down at me.

"Fuck me" was all I could say.

The pain started again as he began to work in and out but soon I was able to relax. When he thrust as far into me as he could, his pubic hair tickled my balls. It was the sexiest thing I could imagine. Placing my ankles on his shoulders, he grabbed my hips and began pumping in earnest.

"Mmmm fuck me Cat. Fuck me Cat. Fuck me Cat!" I panted over and over. Releasing a hip, he wrapped his hand around my cock.

"I want you to cum with me." I was so close I could just moan. Suddenly he spasmed, and I could feel his cock pulse within me as he came in my ass. It was such a sweet sensation that I came too, filling his hand with seed. We were both breathing hard, sweat beading on our skin and our pulses racing. He pulled out and I felt empty. Flicking the condom off and into the trash can beside the bed, he collapsed against me, cradling me to him.

"Oh. My. God." He panted. "That was amazing. I didn't hurt you did I?"

"Only if the biggest pleasure I've ever felt counts as hurting me." I rested my face against him, not caring that my scars were against his perfect neck. "Thank you." I finally whispered. I finally felt safe and loved.

--------------------------------------------------------

Epilogue

~Well readers, today is the big day. I'm going to be a happily married man. I won't be blogging anymore, so this is good bye. Not like last time good bye, but happy Good Bye. I'm starting over, with my new family. My husband who loves me. My P.J.~