All Comments on 'Mine...Yours Pt. 03'

Truly

This is a great story! I love how you compartmentalized his fears, Trust and Justice. the way you weaved his healing and hers was nice. I also love the running commentary in his head, so ADD! (Attention Deficit Disorder)

This story is great. I really enjoy how you represent sex offenders. sometimes people get shafted and end up "taking it in the ass"

great story

I really like this one very good for your first story ranks up near path of the necomancer looking forward to the next chapter and any future stories you put up

So many twists in this tale with our character with a new companion added to this weaving story and his mysterious power s that yet to be uncovered and such a slow burn but still wanting more. Can' t wait to see what happens next.

It's so detailed and interesting. But the best part is how quickly you're updating. I'm gonna have to bookmark this one.

Absolutely Amazing. I could not put your story down. I read all three chapters in a single sitting. Please continue writing.

MORE!

That is all I have to say.

I had just bookmarked you...

I really love this story. I like where you're going with it and can't wait for more. Thank you.

Great story so far touching moments and I every time I start a chapter I don't want to stop reading

I started reading your story with the intention (that many indeviduals who use this site have) of reading a erotic story that I could mastrubate too and move on with my life. Thankfully, I was wholly disappointed in that goal, and instead found a story that I have been enthralled with. Stories of this caliber are hidden jewels within this site, waiting to be found by those who yearn for something more (even if they were not actively looking for it) than a a "quick fix". I would definitely rate this as among one of my absolute favorite stories I have come across while perusing this site, alongside (what I consider an apex story) The Preacher Man. Your story, while posted on an erotica site, is beautifully crafted.

It causes your reader to be confused at just the right time as to which major plot points have a much larger (and inherently more effective) impact on the reader. All of my questions that burned to be answered were not only satisfyingly answered, but done so in an beautifully interesting and memorable fashion. I also greatly enjoyed the internal ramblings Greg has as they playa major role in defining his character. Not to mention how you use language that fits the character you have crafted, and embellishes him to someone you feel could be absolutely real. You almost feel you know how he'd react if you were to meet him, and in part due to that, become enamoured by him. Greg is someone you form a attachment to and try sly care about, a feat that even famous authors and directors have failed to accomplish.

There is so much praise I could write, but would not even come close to conveying my true thoughts about your work. Go get yourself a cookie, you earned it.

TL;DR: You wrote a awesome story, I absolutely loved it.

I truely enjoy your story. The format is a little confusing, such as his whole "inner door" thing at the begining, but it gradually made sense. I'll admit, some parts are still a but fuzzy, not cause of the story but cause how you wrote it. But the story is very strong. Unexpected twists and a charater you can relate too, even if its only a bit. At leadt I relate with him. Unlike most stories here, he isnt consumed with lust till he's stupid. It's annoying how many stories like that are here. Though I expected him to stay with the witch. Im very interested in how it turns out. Also good how you incorporate background info. Its part of the story, not extra information that helps the reader. Its subtle, not demanding too much attention but you know its there. Thanks for actually comtinue writing!

loved the story.

This one manged to 'flesh out' the story nicely. While at the same time leaving plenty of meat on the bone for the next chapters. Excellent work.

Critique.

Not too much for this one. It read very well. You still have the dialog issue with it at times being a little hard to decipher who is speaking. I know to you it seems plain and easy to see, that is because in your head you are seeing the arguments taking place. A simple 'He said' 'she said' seems redundant but they are important. They are strangely enough also over looked by the reader. We expect to see them and they guide us but we don't pay them any attention. They don't distract. Think of them as dialog road reflectors. When they are not there you always end up drifting into the oncoming lane.

MST

Great characters and the change of focus on the characters is wonderful. Thanks

Someone has been making snarky comments on my stories and asked me why I didn't comment on this one. Since he kept nagging me I finally decided to make a few snarky comments back... I am still looking for something snarky but ain't got nothing at the moment. Check back later and I will see what I can come up with.

Having said that I do have to say that I greatly enjoyed this chapter. There is just something about his mother that simply adds to the story. I know as of this point we have barely seen or heard from her but there is just something almost inviting about her. Makes you want to sit down with crumpets and tea (well battery acid and bagels in my case) and chat. In the first chapter when her giggle was described I had to snicker. It almost set the tone for the character.

Now as far as Mother... She makes me twitch. It is obvious she cares for Lucretia (really Lucretia? You couldn't come up with a name like fluffy or cuddles? Okay, snarky comment one) and wants what is best for her. It is also obvious that Greg interests Mother, sort of in the puzzle I want to figure out but if not kill him and keep going. When teeth are mentioned, both hers and her daughters I am sorry but the idea of knob job from either or makes my winky vanish. (Damn it there it goes again)

All in all they are wonderful characters and very fleshed out (all puns intended). It is like I could almost be sitting at the same table and having a conversation with them they are that real.

I am loving your story so far. I like the main character, I feel like I can relate to him as I mostly keep to myself too. I'm looking forward to reading more. Keep up the good work.

Hmm.

I say, with a certain amount of relish, that, after a little proofreading and editing, I would pay for this.

It's rather invigorating to occasionally find a story on Literotica that has publishable quality.

Montanos

onto ch.5

ch.4 i mean...

I hope this is not another unfinished story

The quirky nature of Mr. ADD (ADHD?) had already coaxed 5's out of me for the previous installments, but now I wish I'd given them 4's so i could give this one a 5. Or have some way to offer a bonus point or something. This was excellent. MINE was a clever binding conract, and her response, YOURS, was obviously perfect.

A sort of marriage contract, in a way. (Far too imbalanced, but still reminiscent.)

This makes me think, though, that it would be nice if the readers could have/earn a limited number of somethings (bonus points?) that we could give out to what we consider the very best stories. Like, five per month, or one for every 25 stories we read and rate. Something like that. You'd have one from me on this installment.

It would be excellenter (ha, I can make up words too) if you learn the meaning of "to" and "too".

So dammed good!

I'm really not sure what else to say except Thank You.

Jason

been awhile since i last read this chapter, still so good! feels so fresh and immediate which is entirely unusual for any story, and i've read this story over 10x. great emotions.

excellence!

Imagine toddling off to bed, thinking you'll hop on for a monotonic little piece to read, to lull you to sleep. Instead, I finally find a great story that has been keeping me awake for three hours, on the night I'm trying to get to sleep at normal, functional human being hours. The eyes... How they water!!!

Needless to say, this was a great find for me. Thank you so much for sharing your snarky, banter filled world with us!

~ Anonymous K

That scene when Mother heals his mom, brings tears everytime.

Excellent use of emotion in your writing. I almost didn't make it this far because of the odd writing style (I had misjudged your satire for immaturity at first) and the frequent errors and awkward sentences, but I am certainly glad that I did! You have hooked me. I will definitely be reading the rest of this story. I just wish I had found it in time to offer to help you edit it.

I find this story as captivating as jazcullen's stories

You have made me fall in love with your characters and with this story.

Thank you.

Your writing style is truly one of a kind!

The line "are you going to be another thing i have to survive" made me cringe so hard, but i really like this story 👍keep it up👍

Just great..! I really like the story so far! I’m looking forward to the rest

Talk about your magically induced shot gun wedding. I did not see that coming.

Oh, wow. This was in a list of good reads on the forum and for the first two chapters I was puzzled as to why, but I see it now.

Wowowowowowowowowow

So far, the best story I've ever read. Don't know what will happen next, but I'm really excited.

-kapat99

Very promising. Well done.

Wow!

Keeps getting better!

I believe in love and I believe Greg has found someone to love.

......Blown......Away......

Abso-frickin’lutely awesome, there are stories and there are entrancing, wonderful, fascinating stories that rise above and draw you in, demanding you to read the next part. I stand amazed, Thank You!

I won't say this the best story I have read, because I won't compare a perfect steak to a perfect cake either. But damn is this good!

I was waiting for when the name of the story starts making sense, and I am glad it didn't take till the end of the story.

I have a strong suspicion about what is still left behind the Door....

this story is getting better and better. I have high hopes for the rest.

If I had to guess, then I'd say that love was the one trapped in the Door. His trust and justice were betrayed causing him to lock them away so it's only logical that love is there seeing as how Dawn betrayed that with the false charges.