Molly & Marilyn & Me Ch. 01

"Tory ... that's not all. If I get the job, they want me to model at their stores around the country. I'll be travelling quite a bit. I may even have to move," she finished, unable to look at me.

"Oh ... wow ... that's ... something. Really something," was the best I could manage. "I can't imagine them not offering you the job. You're perfect for it. It will make you famous, too," I said, losing some of my enthusiasm as I went.

"I know we have ... feelings for each other. I feel like I'm letting you down. I didn't expect them to even reply to my application. It's all come as a big surprise. Molly encouraged me and now ... now I'm committed," she said with forlorn look.

"Did Molly apply too?" I asked.

She nodded. "They sent her a nice letter, but she wasn't chosen."

I sat quietly looking at the one woman I truly wanted in my life, realizing then that it wasn't going to happen. I don't think I'd ever felt quite this let down. All the air was gone from my balloon. That great uplift at the lunch celebration this afternoon had dissolved into nothing.

I took her hand in mine. "I'm happy for you, Marilyn. You deserve this. You're going to have a very good life, I know. Let's try and stay in touch if we can. I'm going to want to follow your career," I said with a forced smile.

We talked for a while longer, but I lost my focus and just wanted to go home and lick my wounds. My day went from great joy to misery in a few moments. A few moments that I wouldn't forget for a long time.

It didn't come as a surprise to anyone except Marilyn that she was hired. She phoned me Wednesday evening to tell me the news and I could hear the excitement in her voice. She was going to be living a life of glamour and fame and she could hardly wait to get started. We talked for a while, mostly her telling me about all the places she would be going and the events and sessions she would be involved in.

She would be starting the next week and already her employers were pressuring her to move to Chicago, their head office city, since that's where the studio photo shoots would take place. It sounded to me like she didn't have a choice.

In a way, it was better that she did move. I wouldn't see her around to remind me of what might have been. It would be a clean cut and both of us could get on with our lives.

Molly dropped by to commiserate with me, knowing how I felt about Marilyn. I got the impression she was willing to act as a stand-in; you know, friends with benefits. It wouldn't work for me and I politely declined. I think she was relieved. She admitted she let slip to Marilyn that she and I "hooked up" one night. She took all the blame, but I couldn't guess how Marilyn might have felt about that news. It didn't matter now.

I returned to my pre-volunteer life. Work, a pint, home, the usual. The girls regularly asked about Molly and Marilyn, but aside from the infrequent letter from Marilyn and an occasional phone call from Molly, I didn't have much news. Molly did mention that there was a new man in her life and she was hoping that he might be the "one."

Marilyn wrote me a couple of letters filled with the excitement of her new job and the places she had been. After a couple of months, the letters were few and far between. A post card now and then seemed to be her only communications.

I wasn't looking for a replacement. I wasn't sure anyone would measure up to my expectations. Oh, I went out on the odd date, but nothing happened, probably because I didn't let anything happen. The women I dated must have thought I was a total dud. I couldn't blame them.

I missed having lunch with them on Saturday. I went back to my little table for two in the solarium and my life resumed its previous course. I wasn't unhappy, just indifferent. My girls at the Pumpkin did their best to cheer me up and a couple of them came on to me, but like my dates, I just couldn't work up any enthusiasm. Besides, the last thing I wanted to do was piss in the pickles at my own personal place of worship.

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Part 2 to follow