More Short Stories

I am at a loss as to what category to put these into. If someone has a better idea as to how to list these please let me know. If either of the stories remind you of anyone you know I still feel sorry for them.

As a side note; I thought about loving wives to get more comments, but who cares about that. Most of you know my writing by now and can sort of expect to see sh-tuff like this from time to time.

Remember, I write what pleases me. If it does not please you then you are not as sick of a puppy as I am. Enjoy the ride.

PTBzzzz

JOHN, hey I like to use the name

John always felt it was his job to protect the park, even if he was not paid to do so. Hell, he had no use for money. He pretty much had everything he needed, except a steady girl. He really did not even need one of those either.

He liked being free, no entanglements what so ever. He pretty much hung around in the park and watched over the place as if he owned it.

He liked it there. The place was huge: there as a nice lake, 3 different picnic grounds, maybe 25 acres of woods to be walked through. There were fishing, many kinds of berry bushes and a meadow that stretched all over Robin Hood's barn.

There were not many visitors to his park; as it was well off the beaten path. Those visitors that came mostly stayed away from him, a few took pictures. You see, John was sort of a local celebrity.

Mostly John spent his time cleaning up the food that inconsiderate people left laying around, patrolling the grounds looking to keep the place safe and helping the staff by tearing out the parts of some of the structures so they could refurbish them.

He had a happy life. Every now and then he had a hankering for a female; but, alas those that came around never appealed to him.

He considered himself to be quite handsome, no one ever told him otherwise. I doubt he would have believed them if they dared to say so. He had a full head of dark brown, almost black hair. He was large; but not fat. And he kept himself in fabulous shape.

John was mature, but not old. Smart, there were none who had the knowledge he had amassed over the years. He was not conceited, just honest about how he felt.

One of his favorite pass times, when he was not busy taking care of things, was to watch all the animals in the park. There were many kinds of critters; dear, raccoons, possums, and more mice and snakes than you could shake a stick at. He loved to watch them all.

It was late June when the most gorgeous female he ever saw started to come around. She had the most beautiful hair, dark brown, just like his. She was plump, but not fat. In short just what he had looked for all his life.

He tried to get her attention, but she was not interested in him. John did everything he could think of to get close to her but she just walked away. He was starting feel like a fool; this made him a little mad.

She spent much of her time at one end of the meadow sunning herself and making a bit of a mess in some of the areas he had cleaned up.

One day he was able to get closer to her than he ever had before. She was startled when he walked up to her. She managed to sink her nails into the side of his face before scampering off. Lordy, that hurt!

It was late October when he finally managed to corner her. He just wanted to get to know her: she was having none of it.

OK, if she wants to play hard to get he would take matters into his own hands. He chased her around the park until she was exhausted and finally managed to corner her at the bottom of a cliff. She was trapped between the rocky cliff and a huge thicket of berry bushes, they were loaded with thorns.

If I were to tell you she was uncooperative, that would be an understatement. Finally John decided he had put up with all he could take. He forced himself on her. They went round and round: she fought him every step of the way. He was all torn up from her nails. Oh Hell, lets call them claws, she used them on him with devastating results. When they were done John headed down by the lake to wash up and recover.

She wandered away to another section of the park. John decided that he was through with the female of the species. You can have them; he had no use for that kind of treatment.

Now, I doubt that she was happy with John's actions either. John was not concerned; nothing ever became of it. The entire episode became a distant memory. Winter set in and John decided it was time to take it easy for a while. He had no idea where she went and was not interested in searching for her.

After a normal gestation period, somewhere near the far side of the park she gave birth to the most wonderful set of twin boys you could ever set your eyes on. She was a most attentive mother.

Toward the middle of the next summer she showed up, at the edge of John's meadow, with the most perfect bear cubs you ever saw. John saw them and did his best to avoid them.

ANN AND DAN

It was 9:36 PM, I just happened to look at the screen on her computer. There was an instant message from Beautifulchristina69. I told the wife about it, thinking it was spam. Then as a courtesy I deleted it from her screen. When she walked out 5 minutes later she was pissed. Bloody Hell, she always asked me to delete crap like that before, now she is raking me over the coals.

Well, I guess I should have asked if you wanted it deleted. Do you know this person? Who is she? No answer from her.

Wife replied that she was nobody. She sat down at the keyboard and started to look over her email and play her games on Facebook. Someone was asking for nails and grain, someone else was looking for bricks and penguins, a third person was complaining that their apple pies had disappeared. I never thought, or cared, too much about that stuff. Can you say waste of time?? Shoot, I knew you could.

My name is Dan, her name is Ann. We have been married for 364 years; at least it seems like it. We have 6 kids; I can't believe we even had sex 6 times, much less at the correct time to get her pregnant. But I made my bed, so I guess I'll lay in it.

I pursued her for over 3 years, stole her from the guy that the entire county assumed she would marry. He was so relieved that he became a missionary to get out of town. The last I heard he was running around in loin cloths and acting like a native somewhere.

At least I was a romantic, he was just a bully. He told her she would drop out of school, tend house and take the kids to church each Sunday. In her spare time she could take care of the barn yard animals. Meals would be ready at exactly 5:00PM., whether he was home or not, she would have to hold them until he got there.

Meals would be ready? She can't cook worth a damn, and she doesn't fuck much better. Only missionary position, could that be in honor of him? If I want anything else it ain't gonna happen. If I don't make a reservation at least a week in advance she says no. Most of the time it becomes no anyway, just because.

So tomorrow I will look on her computer to try to find out who Beautifulchristina69 is; only because she gave me so much Hell.

I kept watch over her computer for 3 months and never found out who Beautifulchristina69 is. I'll just file it away for a while.

Life continues as before, no sex, rotten food, and a filthy house. Yep, life sure is good. I go to work, 10 to 12 hours a day, six days a week. The debts keep piling up even though I make good money. It took me 12 years of hard work but I now make $8.55 an hour, we should be rolling in the dough.

The other day I came home on time, no overtime tonight. As I walked into the house she was talking to Beautifulchristina69 again. She tried to close the screen down but there was an incoming response that caused the screen to reopen. Some of the words I saw would make a sailor blush. How can a good churchgoing woman abide language like that?

I don't want my children to see or hear that sort of stuff, so I pulled the plug on the computer. Ann went off on me like never before. I guess the kids will have to hear it anyway. Some of what they were talking about was oral sex, between women.

Is my wife hot for another woman, lordy I hope not. That would surely be a sin. I had to talk to the parson to see how to handle this mess.

Sunday the parson had a sermon on fidelity, morality and the evils of the same sex getting it on. When we got home from church, the roof caved in, "How could I air our dirty laundry in public like that? I deserve to have a life and you won't run it." I guess it will be another year without getting to please her in bed.

It's been 4 weeks since I talked to the parson, we ran into each other at the hardware store yesterday. He asked how things were going. I told him we were saving a lot of money on air conditioning because things are so cold between us.

He told me his wife, Tina, was doing research for a book she intended to write. I commented on the fact that if she could write a book then she must be smart as well as really pretty. She is the most beautiful woman in the church; she still has all of her front teeth and most of her hair too. Did I mention she can sing like a bird, sounds like a cross between a turkey and a Buzzard. Not too shabby for a woman of 30.

On my drive home I realized I now knew who Beautifulchristina69 is.

When I got home I asked Ann if I was correct. She turned and ran out of the room. I'll give her some time to cool down and talk to her after the kids go to bed.

About 9PM she came out on the porch and sat beside me. She was sorry for the filth she was discussing on the computer. She and Tina had heard Jerry Springer talking about it that afternoon and could not believe that people did that sort of thing. I told her I had heard about it in the Air Force, and yes some people seem to enjoy those things.

When she came to bed she had scrubbed her face, brushed her hair, put on a little makeup instead of cold cream and wore a short tea shirt instead of her flannel night gown. We tried a few of the things they had talked about; she now has a new outlook on life. We have another form of birth control, instead of her constant headaches. I won't be sharing this with the parson.

The food has not improved, the house is still a mess, but Ann says the sex is much better.

Oh yeah, Tina got her book published. It is about a dog and an elephant who explore the world in a hot air balloon.