All Comments on 'Mr. Basketball Ch. 01'

God start to what could be a very good series. There's some good tension building between Jake and the team, and the imagery is hot.

Sam could use more story; I'm hoping to have more development and was heartened that her quickly-mentioned relationship got some air time at the end of the story - flesh her out more, please.

I'm not a basketball person but the setting doesn't detract for me. I think Tegan may be falling too quickly... A bit afraid that the protagonist is being set up as a sex god, which doesn't make for a good story. Keep it realistic; the less suspension of disbelief, the more immersed in the tale the reader can be.

This could even be taken through the rest of the season. Write on.

i've think that everything perfectly written ......... i'm immediately

wanting more the series { buttttttt } woulda preferred ` jake + teagan `

have screwed each other BEFORE ` jake & samantha ` especially with

them going all over each other like that from all the scenes ... i've also

woulda had ` jake + teagan ` literally screw each other right there being on

basketball court when all the others not around (( b.t.w. )) i've didn't

read everything i've did actually read more half of it

I don't think only one more chapter is called for. This is screaming for a series treatment.

I too have no clue about the basketball terminology or on about half what was going on on court. But it really didn't detract from some very hot visuals I had reading this first chapter.

Please continue, this is a great start.

I'm submitting the second chapter tonight. This one took a week to post so I assume the site is flooded with submissions right now. Keep checking back for chapter 2. I'm sorry if some of you don't understand basketball that much. I tried to keep it basic. Hope you enjoyed reading it anyway and I hope you like #2.

we don't come here for basketball lessons WHERES THE INCEST? if you want to write a basketball story find a sports site, you need to cut way back on the fluff and get to the reason for the story INCEST he hardly interacted with his cousin at all.

having an actual story to set things up is way better than just straight to the sex. gives a nice device to work with and use to structure the story around. keep that up. agree with the comment about not turning him into a sex god. don't get too crazy with the sex too fast, and you could have a real winner on your hands as you develop it over time. going to go read pt ii now.

I look forward to future chapters.

@ "read the first page and was BORED TO DEATH"

Apparently you didn't read the first sentence. Idiot.

most of the story right here {[( the1chapter )]} .... there's something

that i've find that's extremely weird < can't believe no comment said it

so now here goes > `* samantha,,22 // jake,,18 *` when they made out

real quick his graduation family party .......... soooooo - - she's not

actual classmate with players ?? she's teacher this school\she's teacher

this college ?? ORRR you messed up there ?? WHICH MEANS other players

older than you made them seem ??!!!! :-) :-) that's it that's all :D :D

was finally able finish ....... it's hilarious that you've got down - if " jake "

fucked " teagan " &&& " teagan's " father found out " jake " instantly

moves away { butttttttt } you have " jake " + " teagan " in relationship some point

The part about Sam and Jake is obviously a flash back. Considering he was 18 and now he is 25 means it was a flash back to explain why they have tension. Sam is a teacher and the coach in a high school. It says it right in the text. Considering how bad your comments are, you must not read too well either.

Good chapter, Jakes fees like a human being, somrare here. Teagan and Sam are almost as good, they need a little improvement. Lots of grammar mistakes. And whats up with super baggy shorts? They should be able to steal somethings, not a detailed account. But it's good. Sex scene felt a little awkward.

and real taboo/tension with hot high school athlete

Really looking forward to following chapters

5 and fave...

Teagan sounds so hot. Is she based on anyone?