All Comments on 'Mrs. Hart's Ache Ch. 01'

lacks realism..... the hero is just too much.....He turned me off not on....

It reads like a want ad. If he's brilliant write him doing something brilliant. If he's in great shape write him doing impressive physical feats. A character telling the audience how awesome he is does nothing for the reader and comes off as extraordinarily lazy writing.

I like your style, the part of the story that I read, up to when you began describing James, then you lost me. When James describes his "Missy" the reader might be lead into thinking that, like any love sick 18 year old, he is a bit bias, but then you began with how perfect James is, and I mean PERFECT, that is when you lost me. Everything is just too "Soapy style faultless".

Yes we all dream, but James is just a bit too much to handle. I'm not a pro or anything, but make your main character a bit more human, someone the reader can associate with, then you will really have me hooked.

I did 4 active and 2 reserve in the Marines from the beginning of the 70's. It looks to me either you were a squid or talked to someone who was in the navy. No disrespect intended to you. But because of the knowledge of how it all works plus your writing style and 1'st person makes a very good story. From such good beginnings I plan to read the whole series. Thanks for your work and sharing it with us. I'll give you a shout and heads up at the end. I hope I can rate all section 5 stars.

I liked the descriptions of the various chapters, this sounded fun!

I know that this is a very old story, but I just have to get this out.

But oh my f-cking god, where did James come from? If you had given him X-ray vision too I would have thought you were talking about Superman. You would have saved us some time telling us what he CAN'T do. Expert on bloody everything, plus a big dick and very good looking, muscular, martial arts and all women falling for him... Jeez.

Such a pity too, the spoilers of things to come sounded great but I'm sorry I wont be able to finish this, I can't stomach so much bull. I'm amazed that it has a score above 4.

This guy must be an alien, or have magic powers or something. He's what? Twenty, twenty five,and he's done more, and BEEN more, than any TEN guys I've ever HEARD of. His writing is very reminiscent of someone of military bent; efficient, complete, detailed, and very sequential. (Lots of time outs to insert additional detail, also.) Very difficult to get any imagination involved, as it reads like an instruction manual. Passion seems to be a non-essential in the tale: I have high praise for the index. Outstanding! (Don't think many will achieve satisfaction reading this, however.)

I can't stand the main character. He is an unbelievably unreal unbelievable character.

if i met him in real life I would sum him up in one word. A bore.

Or 2 words. An arrogant bore.

Or 3 words and arrogant know-all bore.

As the old saying goes

If you talk to me about others, you are a gossip.

If you talk to me to me about yourself, you are a bore.

If you talk about me, then you are my friend.

He would be a friendless lonely bore.