My Daughter, My Life

I wasn't sure what to do about it. My first impulse was to divorce her but that meant I would lose my little girl. I wasn't her biological father. I didn't know what to do. Confront Kara with it, and tell her I knew? Pretend I didn't know and just go on with my life? Amy was my problem. She was now my life. She was what I lived for and I knew she loved me and considered me her father. I waited a month to see if it would stop. Maybe it was just a fling. Something Kara needed to get out of her system. It wasn't and I knew I had to do something.

I confronted her with the facts and photos. She seemed a bit surprised but didn't apologize for any of her actions.

"Look," she said. "We both know I married you to give Amy a good home. We weren't in love even though the sex is good. I want more. I want to go out and party and try new things. I guess our age difference tells the story."

"No, Kara, our age difference has nothing to do with it. We have a wonderful daughter who didn't ask to be brought into this world but she is here. You should be thinking more about her and her wants, needs and desires rather than your own. You're so stuck on yourself that you can't see beyond your own wants, and who you can fuck next. To you it's all me, me, me. You don't care about Amy, you just care about yourself."

I knew what I was talking about. I'd lived it; I did the same thing to my boys. Not a day goes by that I don't remember what a horrible father I was. Here it was happening all over again but this time it was my wife doing it.

"So, what are you going to do about it? I leave and Amy is leaving with me. You will lose your little pride and joy."

I knew she was right. What was I willing to do to keep Amy in my life? She needed me and I needed her.

"You promise to keep your affairs private, and we'll stay married. I don't give a damn about you anymore but I am concerned with Amy finding out. I'll move into the guest room and you live your life and we'll live ours. If you hurt her, I promise you I'll kill you."

Kara looked a bit disturbed at my answer but she agreed to keep her affairs quiet. I moved my stuff into the guest room. I really didn't want to sleep with Kara any longer.

When Amy came in she asked me, "Daddy, did you and mom have a fight?"

"Yes, Honey, I'm afraid we did. I'm going to sleep in the guest room for a while. Don't worry, nothing else has changed. You're still my little gal pal and I promise you I will always be here for you."

"I love you, Daddy."

"I love you too, sweetheart."

For the next three years that is the way we lived. Kara had her affairs in private. She was always telling Amy and me that she had to travel overnight or was working late. I knew what was really going on. I just hoped Amy didn't. My friend Rick, the private investigator, kept track for me with names, addresses and places that Kara went. I guess she thought since I agreed to her indiscretions that I no longer had her followed. Wrong! Whenever she didn't come home I would call Rick and he had her followed. I had nearly three years worth of documentation on her affairs. Most men would call me cuckolded but I was doing it for Amy.

Amy and her mom had an up and down relationship. I guess Kara wanted to have it both ways - her affairs and a good relationship with her daughter. Too often she chose her boyfriends over Amy, but I was always there to see Amy in the school plays and at all her sporting events. For all intents and purposes I was her father and a very proud one at that.

Rick called me one day and told me he had some bad news.

"Brad, Kara's ex-husband has been released from prison."

"Where's he at, Rick? Do you think he will try and contact Kara?"

"He's in West Virginia but I think he has already contacted Kara according to my sources. I'll try to find out more for you."

"Thanks, Rick, you're a real friend. As you know I'm more worried about Amy than Kara. If that son-of-a-bitch goes near her, I swear I'll kill him."

"Easy now, Brad. I'll keep you updated as soon as I find out anything. Whatever happens, don't do anything stupid. Amy needs you."

Now I was worried about my little girl. The bastard beat her when she was just a baby, I'd hate to think what he might do to a fourteen-year-old girl. I decided not to approach Kara on the subject of Kurt just yet. I needed more information before going on the attack. After all Amy still wasn't my flesh and blood.

I stayed around Amy every night. We watched TV together and even went to the movies. I didn't want to let her out of my sight. On Saturday she had soccer practice and I had some repairs to do at the garage.

At just around noon my cell phone rang. I answered it.

"Daddy, mommy's dead!" It was Amy screaming into the phone.

"What! What is it, Amy? What did you say?"

"Mommy's dead in her bedroom. Please, Daddy, come home. I'm scared. I don't know what to do." I could tell she was almost in shock.

"Honey, get out of the house. Go sit on the front porch. I'm on my way. I'll call the police and they might even get there before me. Just get out of the house, Honey."

"Please hurry, Daddy. I'm scared."

I told my guys to take over at the store. They had heard part of the conversation as I jumped into my truck. I had 911 on the phone.

"Please, my daughter just called and said my wife was dead. Please send a squad car to 2775 Rose Lane. Please hurry. My daughter is there all alone."

"Can I have your name, sir?"

"Brad, Brad Collins. My daughter is Amy, Amy Lake. Please hurry. I'm on my way there now."

"Okay, Mr. Collins, the patrol is already dispatched; they should be there any minute."

"Thank you, thank you so much. Let them know I should be there in another five minutes."

I was in panic mode. It was all I could do to keep my wits about me. I never asked how Amy knew her mom was dead. Whether it was a heart attack or some sort of crime. I would know shortly; I was about to pull up in front of my house.

I could see my house ahead. There was a patrol car and an ambulance parked haphazardly in the drive. I pulled up in front of my house and jumped out. Amy came running to me.

"Daddy, Daddy, Mommy's dead, someone shot her. There is a dead man in bed with her. Daddy, I'm scared, I'm really scared."

Amy was shaking as she and I walked to the house and a patrolman asked who I was.

"I'm Brad Collins. I live here. I'm the one who made the call to 911. Where's my wife? Can I go in?"

"I'm sorry, sir, but we can't disturb the crime scene. You'll have to wait out here."

"Crime scene? What crime? I live here, for Christ's sake. My prints are all over the damn house. I need to know if it's my wife. My daughter said she was shot. I demand to be let in."

"Sir, please, let us do our job. I know how you must feel but please wait a few minutes. The detective will be out to talk to you and your daughter."

It was no use arguing with the officer. I knew he was just doing his job but I was kind of messed up myself right now. I took Amy by the hand and we sat together on the porch swing. She seemed to be going into some type of shock. Another ambulance pulled up and the paramedic came over to attend to Amy. He took her over to the ambulance so she could lie down while he ran a few tests, blood pressure, pulse and whatever vitals they run. He said she needed to rest, that she seemed to be in shock.

About that time the head detective came up to me.

"Mr. Collins, I'm Detective Hurley. I was told that it was you that called in the report. What can you tell me?"

"My wife, what about my wife? Is she dead? Is there a man in there also? Is he dead? Why don't you answer me?"

"Mr. Collins, I'll tell you everything you need to know but first I need you to answer my questions. Now, did you call in the report?"

"Yes, I did. I was at my garage working when my cell phone rang."

"Who called you, Mr. Collins?"

"My daughter, Amy. She must have come home from soccer practice and saw her mother dead. I'm not sure what she saw. She just called me and said, 'Daddy, mommy's dead.' I had her repeat herself and then I told her to go outside and wait on the porch and that I would be right home."

"What did you do next, Mr. Collins?"

"I called 911 and told them what my daughter said and told them to hurry and get here. I then told the operator I was on my way here also."

"Did you know your wife was shot, Mr. Collins?"

"No, not until a few minutes ago when Amy told me. Was she shot? Was there a man with her? Was he shot also?"

"Mr. Collins, there are a man and a woman in the bedroom of the house. Yes, they were both shot and killed with a twenty-five-caliber revolver. Do you own any guns, Mr. Collins?"

"Yes, I collect guns. I have about fifteen in my collection."

"Are any of those twenty-five calibers, Mr. Collins? Can you show us your collection?"

At that moment they were bringing the bodies out of the house. Both were in body bags so I knew they were dead.

"Mr. Collins, could you identify the woman's body for us?"

The paramedic unzipped the top of the bag and I looked at the blood-covered face of Kara. "Yes, detective, that's my wife, Kara." I started crying.

We might not have had the best marriage but to see her lifeless body got to me. I wept as the detective continued to ask me questions.

"Would you identify the man if you will?"

He unzipped part of the bag. The man was shot in the face.

"I'm sorry, detective; I have no idea who that man is. Being shot in the face doesn't help much either."

"We have his identification. We'll run it through our records and see if it's legit. Mr. Collins, I know this might be hard for you but we have a number of very personal questions for you to answer. We would like you to come down to the precinct for questioning."

"What? Do you think I did this? Do you think I murdered my wife? I was at work! I have a number of people who will back me up that I was there since seven this morning."

"Mr. Collins, no one is accusing you of anything yet. In any type of murder, which we feel this is, the spouse is always a suspect. I'm sorry but that is just a fact. I assure you we will talk to all your witnesses to verify your whereabouts after finding out how long ago this shooting took place. Now, will you co-operate with us or do we have to do this by force?"

"Let me call my sister to be with Amy. She's only fourteen and saw her mother dead. She needs someone with her."

"I talked to the paramedics and they suggested she spend the night in the hospital. If you like, feel free to call your sister and tell her to meet the ambulance there. So you know, I will have to talk to your daughter soon. Since she discovered the bodies, she might have seen something else too," explained the detective.

I called Kate and told her about Kara being killed. I know she was distraught even though she wasn't a good friend of Kara's. I had talked to her when Kara and I kind of went our own ways. She didn't know how I could live this way, but I told her I did it for Amy's sake. She loved Amy also and agreed to meet her at the hospital and stay with her till I arrived.

I went over to the ambulance to talk to my daughter. They had given her a sedative and she was about half asleep. "Amy, Honey, I have to go to the police station and talk with them..."

"Daddy, don't leave me, please don't leave me."

"I'm not leaving you, Honey. You're going to the hospital and rest. Aunt Kate will be by to stay with you until I arrive. You'll be fine."

"I love you, Daddy."

"I love you too, Honey. Now you get some rest and I'll see you later." I kissed her forehead and turned to see the detective who I knew was listening to my every word.

"Mr. Collins, before we head to the precinct can you show me your gun cabinet?"

We went inside and I took my key out of a drawer in the bedroom. I saw the messed up bed and the blood all over everything. There was a crime crew looking through everything and taking possible evidence and pictures reached in my socks drawer and took out the key and handed it to the detective. We went down the basement and he opened up my gun cabinet.

"Quite a collection you have, Mr. Collins." He took out a twenty-five-caliber revolver and smelled the barrel. "Do you have any other guns that are not in the cabinet?"

I hesitated before answering, "I have a twenty-two pistol I keep in the bottom drawer of my night stand."

The detective sent an officer to my bedroom to see if the gun was there. The officer brought back the gun and showed it to the detective who set it in the gun cabinet. The detective could read my face; he knew I was hiding something.

"Mr. Collins, you have another twenty-five caliber pistol, don't you? Where do you keep it?"

"In the garage, bottom drawer behind the wrenches," I answered.

We all walked into the garage and the officer looked in the bottom drawer and there was no gun. He continued to look through all the drawers and the gun was missing.

"Where is it, Mr. Collins? Did you shoot your wife and throw it in the river? Where's the gun, Mr. Collins?"

"God, no, I didn't kill anybody. I don't know where it is. I have always kept it in that drawer."

"When was the last time you saw it?" asked the detective.

"I can't remember. Maybe six months or even a year ago. I can't honestly say."

"Who else knows you keep the gun in that drawer?"

"Kara knew. That's about it," I answered.

"What about your daughter? Did she know you kept a gun in the garage?"

"No, I never told her. She does know about the one in the night stand. I told my wife and daughter about it in case they ever needed it for protection."

The detective looked me in the eye. "Mr. Collins, we have to do a complete search of your house. Is there anything you want to tell us before we start?"

"I have nothing to hide. Are you guys just going to rip our place apart looking for anything to blame me for something I didn't do?"

"Mr. Collins, you've seen too many movies. We will go drawer-by-drawer, closet-by-closet, mainly looking for the pistol. We will disturb your house as little as possible. Do we have the permission to start the search or do we need a warrant first?"

"Look, Detective, I didn't kill my wife or her lover. My only concern now is to help my daughter get through the murder of her mother. Do what you have to do. I have nothing to hide."

He said he still wanted me to come down to the station and answer questions. He was honest with me and told me I was still his prime suspect and that anything I could show him that it was someone else would help my case. Right now he didn't have enough evidence to charge me but would keep looking for the truth.

"Detective, if you want the truth about my wife's life I suggest you get the briefcase out of my bedroom closet on the top shelf. All I ask is that you not let too many people see that folder. It will give you plenty of suspects."

He went and got the briefcase out of the closet and told me to follow him to the station so I would have my car to go to the hospital and see my daughter after our talk. I believe he felt in his heart I wasn't going anywhere but he had a job to do.

---------------------------

We arrived at the police station and instead of taking me to the interrogation room; he took me to his office.

"Mr. Collins," he said as he opened the briefcase. "What am I to find in this briefcase and why don't you want it known?"

"My wife's lovers over the past three plus years. She has been cheating on me and I had her followed by a private investigator."

"Mr. Collins, that's just another reason that makes you the prime suspect."

"Detective, my wife knew that I was aware of her affairs. She didn't know that I still had her followed on a number of occasions. The reason I thought you might want to keep this quiet is because there are a number of prominent people on that list, including a judge and several police officers. Also, for the sake of my daughter, she's only fourteen and in high school here. If all this gets out, it will crush her."

"Mr. Collins, for the life of me, I can't understand why you would stay married to a woman like this. Why didn't you just divorce her instead of putting yourself through all this?"

"My daughter, I did it all for her..."

"...but Mr. Collins, any court in the country would have let you have your daughter. Your wife was an unfit mother. Any woman having this many affairs should..." He didn't finish his sentence; I could tell how upset he was getting.

"Detective Hurley, Amy isn't my blood daughter. In fact she isn't even my adopted daughter. I married her mother when she was six. Her biological father was recently released from prison. I am worried that he might come here and try to see Kara and take my daughter from me. You see, no court would grant me rights to a stepdaughter over her mother or her biological father for that fact.

"I could have left but Amy is my life. There is no way I could forsake her. What was I to do? I made an agreement with her mother that, if she kept her affairs private, then we would stay married. I figured I would stay with her till Amy graduated when she was eighteen and then divorce her using all the information I had accumulated. So you see, if I just wanted her dead, I would have done it years ago."

"My God, what a strange relationship," said the detective.

He looked through the list of men and knew he would have to question just about all of them. There were over thirty in all. Each one might have a reason to take Kara's life. It could be anything from blackmail to a spouse getting involved. None of them could deny the affair since he had the photographs linking them to Kara.

While we were sitting there a patrolman asked to speak to the detective in private. He stepped out of the room and looked a bit disturbed as he came back in.

"Mr. Collins, the report came back on the man your wife was with. It was Kurt Lake, her ex-husband. Christ, I hope your alibi holds up. It sure isn't looking good for you."

"I didn't kill anyone. I didn't know he was in town. My P.I. just told me a few days ago that he was released and I told you that. Damn, what else can I do to prove I had nothing to do with it?" I had tears in my eyes, and I could tell the detective wanted to believe me.

"Mr. Collins, I'm not going to hold you now. I have to advise you to not leave the county and that we will be talking to you some more after we check out your alibis. We'll also be talking to your daughter tomorrow. On another note, there was no evidence found in your house. No gun, no recognizable finger prints other than your family and the deceased male, and your rear door was pushed open. We feel the perpetrator could have run out through the rear door. There were cigarette butts, but they were the same type found in the trousers of the deceased, Kurt Lake."

"Detective, you said they were having sex when they were shot. I need to know exactly what my daughter saw."

"The fellow was on his back, the woman was straddling him. Of course he was penetrating her. She was shot three times in the back and once to the back of the head. He was shot point blank twice to the face. It was definitely a revenge shooting. She was of course lying across his body. As I said, Mr. Collins, don't leave town and we will be talking to your daughter tomorrow."

I was troubled when I left the police station. Was it someone after Kara or maybe someone after her ex-husband? Right now I had more important things to attend to. I had to make sure Amy was all right.

When I walked in she spotted me. I saw a smile cross her face. My sister Kate was there with her.

I spoke to Amy. "Hi, Honey, how are you doing?"

"It was awful, Daddy; I don't think I'll ever get that picture out of my mind. Who was that man, Daddy? Why was Mom with him?"