by Young_Lust
A perfectly solid erotic story. A spellcheck and grammar check will always improve things. The dialogue was fine in itself but consisted of interactions one has read so many time before - I'd suggest trying to change it into something fresh and original; use turns of phrase that are new and have impact. But it was a hot story, was short and snappy, and I liked the idea of a young, skinny girl being dominated by a powerful, older man. I'd love to see more like this involving your teacher fetish. Thanks for a sexy little story!
I suggest you slow down and add some discription. The story line was good but way too matter of fact. String the story along a little better and maybe you could get 5 stars,
i think it's a wonderfully erotic and sensual story. i could feel your lust, anxiousness, desire, worry and passion! well done...5 stars and keep writing!
xxxxx
Thank you all so much. I'm going to continue the story so look out for the next chapter in a few days! Enjoy!
its a nice erotic story. thanks for sharing. please describe more about your body, feeling of kissing, sucking,fondling & intercourse. waiting for read your next story
Welcome to Literotica Young_Lust and what a great first submission.
I really felt the passion & sensuality in your writing. Please continue to write for us, I long to read so much more from you. You have a great style.
Jimmy
I enjoyed this. It was hot and innocent at the same time, if that makes any sense. I hope you write much more!