by filthylittlesecret
Would be a lot better without the meaningless "so" at the beginning of the first and fifth paragraphs.
And adding 's does not make a plural. Basic grammar.
the two hot body's, puppy's, cleavage's, pussy's - all wrong.
Yes, there was some editing needed, but the story was sexy, believable and fairly well written. It was well worth the read, and made me eager to see what happens next.
"between Karen and I" is the same as writing "between we." It should be "between Karen and me." It's called "compound object of the preposition"--Junior High English.
Moreover, it's "she and Mandy," not "her and Mandy" when you have a compound subject. Again, very basic grammar.
Great detail in the writing, and while yes there were some grammar mistakes, assholes shouldn't be making their whole comment about it. I personally am eagerly waiting for more.
Now to get on with the rest of the Night and how the Relationship goes Together or Apart.
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