All Comments on 'My Older Sister'

You threw this together quick to beat off to, why subject us to it?

This is what occurs when one wasn't there for the experience. Much is excluded ; otherwise dialogue, what lead up to the sexual encounter, etc. is vividly remembered and included. It is generally quite difficult for most of us to create a story & author it in the best interest of good literature. Again, Bogus/ fabricated.

Make a story going into it just dont get right into it :P

whats te point in doing it if you are only going to do it once you just wasted your time then and now mine

DBRS

But you need more background build up, character development, and a lot more dialogue.

Thanks for your first story and I bet the next one is better!

How about some dialog! Conversation is a wonderful way to converse between two people. Try it.

where is the begining you give no background as to what their relationship was like before did they ever do anything before are they married why did they get together you left a lot unsaid go back and do a rewrite and fix the gaps and use a good editor

or fantasy, but if it's true, then make another move. It's not like she's going to get pregnant at the age of 56. Now is the time of your life to enjoy your sexuality. My 54 year old sister flirts with me all the time. If she wasn't married, I think we'd start something we'd both enjoy.

This wasn't a bad story, especially for a first time, but describing everything in a 1st/2nd person perspective often kills the eroticism, you're better off building in more dialogue.