by Michael10166
really good story cant wait for the next chapter could may be be a little longer
You seem to write well enough, so I wonder why you cut the story off so quickly. For such a short piece, the sex scene should be much hotter and more intense. Yet this does not seem to be a short piece, only a piece that has been needlessly cut up into segments. I think I like this storyline, but there really isn't enough story here for me to tell.
Now I see that everyone is saying don't go the short route, which maybe true, but if I were the writer I would think your going for a "teasing effect" which makes me come back, cause I really want to know what happens in this starting series!
All I can say your very good.
And maybe you could make the chapters a couple paragraphs longer(;
Garrrgggghhhh!!! It's called "proof-reading"! Give it a go, see the difference it can make.
Da-vid
be-came
kitch-en
Just annoying reading.
I got ill the past few days and am just now working on part 3, please bare with me as I try to get my bearings again and get back on track. Thank you all for your wonderful comments. I should be posting part 3 by the beginning of next week.
Chapter 2 was really good, thanks for sharing it with us!