My Sexual Awakening

The next week we had an argument in the middle of our date, so neither of us was in the mood to get romantic. Our relationship was becoming strained, but neither of us was willing to end it just yet. In hindsight, I think we both knew that we needed to finish our adventure before we parted. We had invested a year and a half in this relationship and all of it just foreplay.

The very next date, we began teasing each other with suggestive talk.

"My panties are pretty wet, why don't you take them off."

'You know that talk like that makes me very horny."

"That's too bad, I guess you will have to figure out what to do about that," she said with a wicked grin.

"You are a tease!"

"Yes, I am a tease, but I like the way you act when I tease you," she replied wantonly. "Sometimes I feel guilty about it, but I can't stop doing it. It is so much fun"

I found a place behind a barn to park. After heavy kissing, feeling her breasts and she rubbing my penis, I took her panties off. Once more I tried to penetrate her with my finger, but, instead of resisting, she pushed her pussy hard against my exploring finger. At last her cherry gave way and I was inside her. Slowly, making sure I was not hurting her, I started to move my finger in and out of her pussy as she kept moaning and getting wetter.

"Do you think you are ready to go all the way?"

"It's tempting, but I don't think I am ready yet" but I could hear regret in her voice. "My body is telling me one thing, but I can't ignore the fear the nuns put in me while I was at school. They made me feel like sex was really dirty if you aren't married. Each time we do something like this it is harder and harder for me to say 'no'. I am so mixed up; I don't know what to believe any more. It feels so right when we are alone doing things, but the next morning I feel the guilt that I was taught." As she said this, she seemed to be getting smaller, pulling herself inward.

"I don't want you to give in just for me, but if you are ever ready, I will be ready also. This is not easy for me either. I really love to turn you on, but I can wait until you are ready."

We now had done everything sexual that we could do except actual intercourse. I knew it was just a matter of time until that would happen.

The mixed feelings were really putting a stain on our relationship and she started to drink too much. We had always had drinks parties, but now she was getting drunk on occasions. Being honorable, I refused to take advantage of her intoxication; I wanted our sex to come from passion and not intoxication.

One night, we ended up at her house and started to make out on the living room couch. She was the most drunk I had ever seen her, so I didn't push things. She excused herself to go to the bathroom and a short time later, she called me from the other end of the house. I found her in bed, in her nightgown with a devious grin on her face.

"Please do something or go away," she breathed.

I wanted to have sex, but she was drunk. I pretended not to understand, so I unzipped my pants, took out my aching erection, and knelt beside her bed.

"Is this what you want?" I asked, breathlessly .

She did not reply.

"Please kiss my penis."

She soon had most of my penis in her mouth, but having never done it before, she had no idea what to do next. I was oh so close to an orgasm when she pulled back and said angrily, "If you are not going to sleep with me, go away."

I couldn't do it. She was too drunk. So I left. She never mentioned this incident again.

The next week we were at a party where she started to drink too much again. I didn't like being around her when she was like this, so I kept wandering away. One time I came in and she was flirting with my younger brother. It was just innocent flirting, so I told her to cut it out and left the room. The next time I entered the room, she was in my brother's lap, passionately kissing him, rubbing her breasts all over his body. The top buttons on her blouse were undone. There was nothing subtle about what she was doing. I could tell from my brother's body language that he was not comfortable. She must have been the aggressor.

"What the hell do you think you are doing?"

"I am trying to make you jealous."

"Well it's is not working, you are just pissing me off."

"You were ignoring me."

"I was ignoring you because you are getting drunk again; it is time for me to take you home."

I grabbed her by the hand, practically dragged her out to the car, shoved her in the front seat and slammed the door.

I left her at her on front porch without so much as a kiss or a good bye. I was the angriest I have ever been in my life. The next morning, my brother apologized, but I told him that was not necessary as I knew who was at fault. I also knew that my relationship with Nora was over.

I did not call Nora all week. I felt, because of what she had done, that she did not deserve my virginity. I was still upset with her and, in my mind, she had lost that right.

I wanted and needed sex. I was pretty sure that if I played my cards right, the week would end with my desire satisfied, but not with Nora. I made up my mind that I would not go out with her again until I had sex with someone else. The next Friday, she finally called me at home, but I refused to talk to her.

Instead, I called Cathy, an older woman I knew from Community College. We had a very close, but platonic relationship. We were famous for our double entendres and teased each other all the time. We often ended a conversation by one of us saying, "One of these days I'm going to call your bluff." I had known Cathy since before I met Nora; in fact we were on student council together. There was always an underlying sexual tension between us that I never felt comfortable reacting to. We had cooled things while I was dating Nora, but at the time, we were probably one dare away from having sex. She was at least five years older than I was and I felt so young around her most of the times. She was a woman of the world, but I was not a man of the world, I had lived a sheltered life.

Cathy was a down-home country girl who lived on a ranch in the desert and who was a rough and tumble cowgirl. She was tall and slender with small, but firm breasts. Her long, strawberry hair was always in a ponytail. I had never seen her wear a dress or make up. When she got worked up, she could make a cowboy blush with her language. Though I had not talked to her for a while, I knew she would be glad to see me. I called her up and asked if she wanted to have a drink with me. She agreed and we made arrangements to meet at a roadhouse near her. It was raining hard, so it took me a while to get to the bar.

The place was crowded, smoky, and full of cowboys. Willy Nelson was on the jukebox and I found Cathy in a booth in the back. She already had a drink, so I ordered one for myself. In almost no time, we were back where we had left off with the double entendres flying back and forth. She was ratcheting up the sexual innuendo with each one, getting more and more graphic. Her language was so much more colorful than mine.

She had the most infectious laugh that always made me feel good inside. I know that there were more than a few people who overheard and were following the banter, as we had to talk loudly in order to hear each other. I could see a couple giggle to each other while looking in our direction. Neither of us cared that we were being overheard, in fact, we were enjoying it. After an hour, a couple of drinks, and a bowl full of peanuts, I was feeling loose and good.

Finally, Cathy let go with a real zinger, making me blush. I put down my glass, leaned forward, looked her right in the eye, and said, "Cathy, I am calling your bluff, right now."

A big smile came across her face as she said, "Alright big boy, do you know what you are getting into?"

With my own smile I said, "I don't care."

Smiling even more she said, "You may regret saying that."

"I am willing to take my chances."

My penis was fully erect, straining painfully against my plants. I didn't dare reach down and adjust it for fear that I would give myself away.

"I know a place, go get your car and meet me out front.," she told me with much excitement.

I had played my trump card and it had worked. I was so excited that I almost tripped rushing out of the bar. After I got in the car, I unbuckled my belt and reached in my pants to adjust myself into a more comfortable position. I zipped up and met her at the front of the roadhouse.

The storm was in its full furry, wind blowing, rain pouring, lightning and thunder that shook the very ground we were on. It was difficult enough driving in these conditions without my excitement for what was about to happen.

Cathy said, "You won't believe this place we are going to. Growing up out here, I explored every hill and valley and know them really well. Turn right up here at the next street."

She directed me along some back roads until finally we came to a section of the old highway that had been cut off by the new freeway below.

"This is one of my favorite places to come to when I want to be alone. I don't think anyone else knows about it. This place I call 'Cathy's Lookout'," she said with the pride of ownership.

The section was a short piece of the road that did not go anywhere in either direction. We parked with a view of the entire desert before us with one of the most spectacular light shows I had ever seen. The rain was so hard on the roof of the car that we could hardly hear each other talking.

I sat there for a while, not knowing what to do next. My breathing was becoming shorter. I almost panicked, as I was sure I was going to give away the fact that I was still a virgin. I turned to her to say something and she just reached out and gently pulled me to her. Within seconds, we were kissing passionately. It happened so fast that I felt out of control. I pulled back to catch my breath and then started to nibble on her neck, working my way up to her ear.

She whispered to me, "Not my ears, I can't stand that," so I returned to kissing her on the mouth with both of our tongues in a furious wrestling match. I reached down, unbuttoned her shirt, and slipped it off her shoulders. I was proud how well I did it as I didn't want Cathy to know how inexperienced I was. My move on her bra was equally smooth; both garments were now on the floor of the car.

My internal monolog was in supper high gear, please don't let this stop, I hope I don't screw up; I hope I know what to do next. With her freckled breasts now fully exposed, I moved my hand down to massage them and as I brushed across one of her nipples, she sucked in air and moaned loudly. Her excitement and noises were really turning me on and the erection that had started about 45 minutes earlier became even bigger and harder. I slowly moved my kisses to her breast, eventually landing on her nipple, which grew and harden in my mouth. I was in heaven. The harder I sucked on her nipple the more she moved and moaned. Finally she pushed my head back and brought it down on her other nipple and said:"Don't forget about this one, she gets jealous."

I reached down between her legs. She moved them apart to let me have room to work. Cathy was not dainty, she was wearing heavy jeans, and I could hardly feeling anything of interest.

Cathy said, "Here, let me help," as she reached down, unbuckled her belt and jeans, and started to slip them down her legs. I took the hint and got completely undressed, the first time I was totally nude in front of a woman. My erection stuck out as I had never seen it before, being the largest and hardest it had ever been. It was a wonderful mixture of pain and delight. I had no idea that my penis could be so large and so hard, but had no way knowing how it compared to others, as I had never seen a man naked. My balls were tight with weeks without release, hanging low and begging for relief. Cathy had left her underpants on, (no panties for this cowgirl), so I started to rub her pussy through the thin cotton material. Her reaction almost scared me as she started chanting, "Oh my God" over and over and louder and louder.

She finally lifted her hips so I could remove her underpants; we were both now totally naked. The thought of what was about to happen almost made me have an orgasm right there. Cathy reached up, grabbed me by my balls, and stated to massage and squeeze them. She moved the seat back putting it in a reclined position without letting go of me, spreading her legs as far apart as the space would allow. My finger slipped into to her very wet pussy without any resistance and I worked it back and forth, in and out, slow at first, but soon as fast as I could. Louder and faster, in and out and finally my thumb found her clitoris which I rubbed as I kept my fingers busy deep inside of her. I withdrew and re-entered her with two fingers moving them both in and out, but I felt she wanted more so I continued with three fingers, filling her pussy. I moved them in and out, wiggling them in different directions as I did so.

I felt that Cathy was about to turn inside out when she said, in a deep, throaty voice, "John, fuck me." This was not a request, it was an order.

I needed no further directions; rolling over on top of her I placed the tip of my penis at the opening of her wet pussy. Oh my God, this is really happening, this is it, I am about to have sex with a woman. I entered her slowly; amazed at how soft and warm she was in the inside. She squeezed me with her muscles as I got deeper into to her. I never imagined that anything could feel so good. She was so wet, so slippery, so soft, and so warm and I was inside her. I stared off slowly, going in and out than began to pick up the pace. The faster I pumped in and out of her the more she screamed to God.

There were so many new sensations. I was losing track and losing control. She grabbed my arms tight as her whole body went into a spasm. She screamed "yes" over and over. Wanting it to last as long as possible, I tried to hold back but finally I exploded deep inside of her, depositing more sperm than I thought I could produce. Just as I climaxed, a huge thunderclap exploded over the car, causing it to shake even more. Was this a sign from the gods?

"Wow, that was good'" she said, "and the storm really made it even better."

"I couldn't agree more."

If she had taken advantage of me, it is exactly what I wanted. I was no longer a virgin and it felt wonderful. I felt that I had finally grown up. I am certain that Cathy had no idea it was my first time, but it was obviously not her first time. Part of me wanted to tell her and thank her, but the other part did not want to let her know how innocent I was. Relaxing in her arms, I felt protected, wanted, and complete. She was softly stroking my hair.

"John, what is the problem?"

This blew me away. I had no idea that she was so insightful, but she knew me better than I thought. Without going into too intimate detail, I poured out my heart to her, telling her about the demise of my relationship with Nora. Cathy knew Nora from school.

She just held me for a long time and said, "I have no answers for you, though I know from experience that things will get better in the future. I understand Nora is a good person, but I can't really see you together, the two of you are so different."

"I just can't be the person she would like me to be, I wouldn't be me if I changed. Even after all we have gone through, I still have feelings for her, though I am no longer in love with her. "

"That is one of the most important life lesson anyone can learn. Be yourself and you will be a better person for it."

I don't think the two of them could have been more different. One was frills, lace, makeup and status, the other was down to earth, practical, with jeans and cowboy boots. While I had loved Nora before, it was no longer true. I also knew that I loved Cathy as a friend and respected her but was not sure I wanted anything more. I think Cathy and I knew we could never be lovers, but would remain special friends.

I drove her back to the bar, feeling so alive. When I got to her car, she leaned over and kissed me on the cheek and said, "See you later, " with a look of contentment on her face. Then she was gone.

I floated all the way home, sleeping the most peaceful sleep I had had in a long time. I felt no guilt or shame, knowing it was something that needed to be done. But it was also lovely, I couldn't have asked for a better encounter for my first time. I felt fortunate to have experienced so much pleasure.

The next day, I called Nora and told her we needed to talk, so I made arrangements to pick her up that evening. We went to a coffee shop to talk. Not a word was spoken to each other until after we were served. She sat in the booth twisting in her seat, looking around, and avoiding my eyes. I felt uncomfortable because I knew what I had done and was feeling awkward about it. I did not try to make eye contact.

Still not looking at me, she finally said, "John, I am truly sorry for the way I acted last week, I don't know what came over me. I had too much to drink, but I know that isn't an excuse."

"What you did hurt, but I don't know how I am supposed to react now that it has happened."

"I don't know either, but I know I hurt you. It appears that I am angry all the time and I don't understand it. I am not angry with you, but I seem to take it out on you. My life just isn't turning out the way I expected"

"Do you think we have a future?"

"Maybe, I don't know."

We drove around for a while, and then I took her home. We sat in the car in front of her house for a long time, neither one of us knowing what to do next, so I pulled her to me, hugging her, she melted in my arms.

At last, I whispered in her ear, "Nora, I have something I need to tell you. I am no longer a virgin."

I expected an outburst, but all she said was, "Who?"

"I am not going to tell you."

"Is it someone I know?"

"Yes."

But instead of getting angry, she was obviously getting very turned on. She started to squirm in her seat. She took my hand and placed it on one of her breasts holding it in place.

"If you do that you're going to make me hard."

"You're not hard yet?"

"Not yet."

"Can I see?"

I unzipped my pants. She took my penis in her hand and it immediately came to attention.

She smiled and said, "Let's go someplace dark." There was so much excitement in her voice, it was obvious that she knew what she wanted and wanted it as soon as possible. This I was not expecting.

I drove to the college as fast as I could to an area behind the gym that I knew. As soon as I turned into the campus, she started to take off her clothes, flinging lace and silk around the car and was almost naked by the time we got to our detention, with only her panties on. The look in her eyes was pure, unadulterated lust.

We hopped into the back seat. I placed my hand between her legs. Surprisingly, she opened them wide, exposing very wet panties. I rubbed her pussy while I found one of her nipples with my mouth. She was acting like an animal, almost attacking me with her kisses. Things were moving fast. I had never experienced such a turned on woman. She squirmed and moaned. She was out of control and was really turning me on.

"Are you ready," I asked, wanting to be sure.

"I think so, but I am scared."

"I'll be slow and gentle."

"I don't know."

"How about if I just put it in once and hold it there?"

"I guess so, OK."

I turned her in the seat until she was on her back, but she was shaking.

She finally she calmed down a little and said, "Alright, I'm ready, just once."