All Comments on 'My Sister's Friend Ch. 01'

Some grammatical errors, but you have a great way of building a story. Very good first effort! Please keep it up!

But worth reading nevertheless. I'd suggest a slowing down of the action (the sex scenes), taking it step by step by step, lingering over the foreplay, dialogue during it: do you like that?, do you know what I'm going to do now?, do you like this or that better?, etc.

good story sofar cant wait for the next part.

This story was almost too flat to read. You had excellent opportunity in the sequences to make it very erotic but it is not clear as to why you did not.

Is this supposed to be literate?

Second paragraph.

"Looking over his shoulder toim dry when his orgasm has subsided. Then she lets see who it was, he was greeted by a blonde-bombshell. "