Nature or Nurture?

"So pretty baby," my biological mother cooed and I looked into her eyes while I played. She looked like she was crying.

"Oh fuck," I grunted, "What is it?" I asked, moving my hand away from my clit.

"Don't stop," she said and I kept moving. I couldn't stop now. I was no longer in control of myself, "All I have ever been good at in my life, is fucking and playing. I am just so happy I could teach my daughter something like this." She said. It felt strange. This was somehow almost maternal to her. And to me, I felt so close to her right now.

"Thank you, mother," I said. Even as I said it I felt like I betrayed my actual mother, but I needed to say, it felt so right. "Can I put my finger in now?" I asked. But she was so moved or something by me calling her mother than she seemed almost frozen.

"No baby, I want to do something for you," she said. Then she leaned forward on the bed, until she was lying on her stomach. Her cute little butt was up in the air and I admired it. Her tits mashed against my bed and her face was now only a foot from my pussy. I didn't know what she was doing.

She reached up and took my hand away from my pussy. I whimpered. I still wanted it there. But she looked up at me from the bed with sexy eyes and a wicked smirk and inched forward. I felt her hot breath on my pussy. I was frozen. I had an idea about what she was going to do, but I didn't know if I wanted it. She didn't wait to find out.

I felt the hot wet stab of her tongue on my clit and my fists rolled into balls. I looked down between my legs and saw my biological mother's thick black hair cascading over my legs, I saw her beautiful eyes looking up at the under side of my breasts, and I saw her ass sticking up into the air. And the whole time and felt the soft, sexy stroke of her rough wet tongue against my clit. She swirled her tongue around my clit, and stuck her tongue hard up under my clitoral hood. The whole while she gently massaged my thighs with her small, elegant fingers.

I felt the tension building suddenly. I couldn't even make noise, all I could do was open my mouth and close my eyes. I put my hands onto her head, running my hands through her long hair. I heard a croaking sound and then the most intense feeling of my life. It had that crazy vibrating feeling that a sneeze gives you, and that same disorientation, but 10,000 times more powerful. And it somehow felt wet and hot at the same time. And it radiated out from my pussy in waves all over my body until I felt weak. As soon as the feeling stopped, I fell back against my bed, panting.

For a few moments it was quiet in my room. Then I noticed that Tiffany was lying next to me, holding me in her arms. I hadn't even noticed her moving. I felt her sweaty skin against mine, I could smell my pussy on her breath, and I could feel her large fake breasts huddled against my body. She was cooing wordlessly at me and I felt tired and satisfied. A little voice deep inside of me was warning me that this was wrong, but I was too content in that moment to really listen to it.

"Thanks Tiffany," I said, "That was incredible."

"Want to return the favor?" she asked hopefully. I was a little afraid. I didn't know what to do. She seemed to sense my unease, "just do what I did. Believe me, there is no way for this not to feel at least a little nice. You can't fuck it up."

"Ok," I said shyly. My biological mother rolled over on my bed so that she was lying on her back and spread her legs. I could still smell her arousal and it weakened any resolve I had to stop myself. I got between Tiffany's legs and looked down at her pussy. I looked up at her and she was smiling and nodding. I was about to bend over and get between her legs like she'd done with me. Instead, she lifted her legs up and hooked knees over my shoulder. Her pussy was just inches from my face. I could see her reddened pussy lips and smell her intoxicating aroma.

"Lick your mother's pussy," Tiffany moaned, almost begging.

"Whatever you want mother," I said and leaned my head forward. My nose touched her hot skin just above her clitoris. I opened my mouth and my tongue rubbed against the soft, sticky skin of her pussy lips. Her juices were hot, salty, and delicate. It tasted like the essence of woman, and I wanted it inside of me. I began to lap at her pussy, running my tongue up from the bottom of her slit to the top. I could hear her moaning even as her legs tightened on my head.

Then I remembered what she had done for me. With my tongue I found the hard little nub of her clitoris. I popped it into my mouth, swirling my tongue over it. I felt her body get rigid against mine. I kept her clit in my mouth, moving my tongue over it, making my tongue hard then soft. I slipped my tongue under the hood of her clitoris, rubbing it gently. I felt her wet pussy dripping onto my chin as her body rocked back and forth. Finally, she let out a loud screech and I felt her entire body tense.

"Oh fuck me Ella!" my biological mother moaned and a surprisingly large amount of liquid shot from her pussy, drenching my face and covering my breasts. Then her body went limp. I carefully slid her legs off of my shoulders and she lay in a panting heap on the bed, looking gorgeous.

I got down on the bed next to her and sort of curled up around her, with my leg draped over hers and my head resting against her massive breasts. I felt her hand stroking my hair and I could feel her heart beating in my ear. I felt her shift slightly and when I opened my eyes her nipple was near my face. I opened my mouth and took the erect teat into my mouth. I sucked on it, like a baby would. I was suckling at my birth mother's breast, while she stroked my back and hair and moaned softly.

My pussy was lying against Tiffany's leg. I didn't even realize that I was doing anything, but I started to grind my clit against her leg while I sucked. I could feel the tension building again and that was the first instance that I realized what I was doing.

"Good girl," Tiffany whispered and I started to rub against her harder. Her leg felt so smooth and warm. And her nipple tasted dense and warm. Her breast was soft again my face.

Then the feeling came again. I moaned loudly around Tiffany's breast, but I kept the nipple in my mouth. And that world stopping pulsation was on me again. It burst like an electric shock from my pussy, almost stronger before. I felt Tiffany's arms around me, holding me tight while my body shook and my voice screamed into her breast. And then finally, I stopped. And Tiffany and I just lay in bed, breathing heavily.

For the first time since Tiffany took her clothes off, I thought about what was going on. The sudden realization of the gravity of the situation shocked me. But not as much as I felt it should have. I knew that I'd just had sex. I knew that I'd lost my virginity to the woman who'd birthed me. But it didn't feel entirely sexual. It felt like I was finally getting love from the woman who'd made me. I guess I didn't feel as dirty as maybe I should have.

"I love you Ella," Tiffany said, "I've always loved you and I am sorry. I wish I knew an easier way to say that, but I don't. Sex is all I am really good for."

"It's okay Tiffany," I said, "I love you too." I said and I think that I actually meant it. And then we wrapped our arms tightly around one another and fell asleep. When the alarm went off the next morning, Tiffany slipped out of the house before my mother got home from work.

My mother came to my room that morning. I was still naked but luxuriating under the covers, I'd never felt so good in my life. She saw me and smiled.

"I am sorry again honey, I didn't mean for you to miss your game. I want to make it up to you," she said.

"Don't worry about it mom," I said, "I found other ways to occupy myself."

Chapter 3: Real Motherly Love

I was sitting on the couch in my living room, looking out at the driveway. Waiting. There were tears in my eyes and I felt like they were about to start running down my cheeks at any moment, so I carefully dabbed them away with a napkin. I could almost feel my mother's eyes burrowing into me from the kitchen. She was concerned; she didn't know what was wrong.

But I did. Tiffany had broken a promise to me. After she promised never to do it again. She'd called me on the day after we'd made love to make sure I was okay. She told me that she loved me again and that she was sorry for everything. And then she said, she said twice, that she was done letting me down. And that I could count on a promise from her like I'd count on a promise from my mom.

And for a while that'd been true. Tiffany and I began to spend a little bit of time together. We'd never had sex again. That was more like an icebreaker or something, I don't know. It showed us that we had a connection, and allowed us to be comfortable with one another. Instead, we went shopping together and she took me out for dinner. She went to a football game with me. In general, we had a sort of big sister-little sister relationship. I told her secrets I couldn't tell my mom and she filled in the gaps in her life story.

More importantly, she'd kept her promise by stopping, or at least seriously cutting back, on her self-destructive behavior. She stopped talking to this Carl character and she stopped drinking (except on the weekends). And while I would occasionally get drunken phone calls from her early on Sunday mornings, she would always apologize and she would never miss anything we planned.

My mom didn't say a lot about it. I didn't know what she thought of the situation. I didn't know if she was happy that I was connecting with Tiffany or upset that I was forgiving someone who'd betrayed my father. But she didn't get in the way. She let me go with Tiffany and was supportive. But I could always sense that she was nervous, that she didn't believe it would last. And now she was right.

In high school I was a pretty accomplished cello player. There was a small liberal arts college about three hours from my house that had an excellent orchestra program. I desperately wanted to go to that school and be a member of the orchestra. My mother had worked very hard to get me a try-out. If I did well I might even get a partial scholarship.

The only day available for the try-out was a Thursday, so I'd taken off of school. My mother offered to call into work to so that she could drive me there. I called Tiffany and she said that she didn't have any plans for Thursday and would be happy to drive me. Knowing that my mother was saving up personal days to go on a vacation with me, I decided to go with Tiffany and let my mom go to work. I think my mom was a little hurt that I went with Tiffany instead of her, but I knew I'd make it up to her on our vacation.

Then Thursday arrived and my mother went to work. And I sat down in the living room and waited for Tiffany to swing by. And then I waited some more. Then more. Then more. Finally, when my try-out was just two hours away, I called my mom at work. But she was in surgery and they couldn't reach her. So I left a message and kept waiting. Then the time for my recital passed. An hour later my mom returned my message and rushed home. But it was too late. I'd missed my recital. Tiffany had disappeared again.

And I was looking out the window, waiting for her to show up so I could tell her off. My mom was in the kitchen, angry with me for allowing this woman to do this to me again. I knew what she was thinking; she'd been willing to take off of work to get me to college. I'd rejected her. Now I'd missed an opportunity and it was my fault and Tiffany's fault. When the sun went down behind the trees in my front yard, I started to cry. Not just cry, but completely fall apart. I dropped onto the couch and just let go to my frustration. How could I be so stupid? For a long time I heard and felt nothing but my own embarrassment and anger. Then I noticed my mother's hand on my back. She was gently rubbing my back and making soothing noises.

"It's okay honey, we will call the school tomorrow and explain," she said softly and then cooed at me. But I wasn't even really upset about that. I was upset about getting betrayed again.

"I'm so sorry mommy," I said and my breath hitched as I spoke. I rolled over and sat down on the couch next to my mother. She put her arm around me.

"You didn't do anything wrong," she said and grabbed my hand with her, holding me tight, "I am proud of you for who you are. You are such a smart and beautiful girl. And the best thing about you, the absolute best thing, is how loving you are. Tiffany came back into your life and where I, or most people, would have told her off and never spoken to her again, you let her back into your heart. You don't deserve to be punished for that. I am so sorry honey." And then she wrapped me up in a big hug and kissed me on the top of the head. And I felt sick. She didn't know the half of it.

"I shouldn't have trusted her," I said, rubbing my eyes with my balled up fists, "I am an idiot."

"Don't say that. We can fix this. People understand. I will call tomorrow and explain. And if you don't get into this school, we will get you into another one. You are so smart, you will get in somewhere great," she said. Any anger she had at me was completely gone. She was just soothing me now, doing what a good mother could do.

I felt ashamed. I don't know if I'd ever consciously thought about it, but on some level I'd been excited by Tiffany not just because of her attractive body and her outgoing personality, but because she was everything my mother was not. She was exciting, where my mother was boring. She was passionate where my mother was soft. But now I'd learned she was inconsistent where my mother was steadfast. My mother, my actual mother, the woman who'd raised me, deserved all of the love I had. Any love I'd given to Tiffany was a lie and I hated it. I owed my mother the truth.

"It isn't just that," I said, my shoulders shuddering. I really didn't want to tell her this, but I had to let her know the depths of Tiffany's betrayal, so she'd know why I'd acted the way I had.

"What do you mean honey?" She asked and I looked over at her. She had a look of grave concern in her eyes. Now I needed to tell her. I needed my mother to make it all better.

"It isn't just this. It isn't just that she forgot about this. It's that she betrayed me again, in the most personal way," I tried to explain and she nodded her head.

"I know that Ella. She did, but it isn't your fault. She..." She started, but I cut her off.

"No Mom, you don't know. It isn't just that she abandoned me as a friend. Or that she betrayed me again as my birth mother. It's that..." I started and my voice faltered.

"What is it Ella? You can tell me anything," my mother said and she sounded almost scared.

"Mom I lost my virginity to Tiffany. I had sex with her!" I said. I felt light-headed as the words came out of my mouth. I looked over at my mother and she looked dazed. Like she'd been hit. Then she shook her head, like she couldn't believe what she'd heard.

"Wait, what happened? Ella I don't understand," she said and then her voice trailed off. I felt her hand release mine and her arm fell off my shoulders. It was then that I realized what I'd done with Tiffany. She wasn't just some person she was my biological mother. I'd committed incest. I'd had an incestuous lesbian affair with my birth mother. My stomach turned. I was disgusting. I was like Tiffany.

"Oh god!" I said and the tears came hard again. How could my mother love me now? Now that she knew how unworthy I was of her love, "I'm so sorry mom. I'm sorry!" I said. And before she could say or do anything I was up off the couch. I ran to my room in a blur of tears. I threw my door closed and locked it behind me. Then I threw myself on the bed and wondered if I'd ever be able to feel clean again.

* * * * *

It was about an hour and a half later when I heard the knock on my door. I ignored it; I didn't want to see anyone or anything. I was angry with myself and I was angry with Tiffany and I was scared about my mother. But the knocking persisted. Every ten minutes or so there would be a few gentle raps on the door followed by silence. Then, ten minutes later, another knock. Finally, I couldn't take it anymore. Just as the knocking started, I shot up from my bed and threw open the door.

"What?" I screamed, "Can't you figure it out that I want to be alone." My mother didn't even say anything. She just walked through the door and put her arms around me. For a long moment we stood there and cried while she held me. I was so confused. I was dealing with problems no one is supposed to deal with, let alone an 18-year-old girl.

"Shhh..." she said finally, "I love you Ella. Nothing changes that. Any problems you have, we are going to fix together." And slowly she walked me over to my bed and we sat down. My mother's arms were around me again and she squeezed me tight.

"I am so disgusting," I said finally and she shook her head. She looked at me sternly.

"You are still the most wonderful daughter in the world," she said. Then I knew what it felt to experience unconditional love. I couldn't even love myself and my mother forgave me all of my faults.

"I'm so sorry," I said and looked into her deep blue eyes. She smiled and I could see the smile in her eyes.

"No. Let's not talk about sorry now," she said, "And it's Tiffany who should be sorry." I could sense disgust in my mother's voice when she talked about Tiffany.

"I...I wanted it as much as she did," I said and I blushed. My mother didn't say anything she just nodded. Then she stood up from the bed and stood in front of me. She grabbed my feet that were dangling from the bed and swung them up. She pulled the covers back and gently tucked me in to bed.

"I am sorry that this happened to you," she said, leaning over and smoothing my hair. I noticed the way her hand felt against my skin, warm and smooth. She leaned over and kissed me on the forehead, "Today has been a stressful day. I need to think about what we should do next. I want you to go to sleep and we can talk about anything you want in the morning." As she finished she stood up to leave. I reached out and grabbed her hand.

"Mom," I said, "Please don't go." I scooted back in the bed and pulled her. For a second she looked like she was going to try to pull away, it was still early and she had things to do. But I must have given her some pathetic look because she smiled and lay down in bed with me.

For a while I lay on my back, staring at the ceiling. I saw my mother doing the same. Finally, she rolled over onto her side, facing away from me. I rolled over too, so that I was lying against her back in a spooning position. I reached around her and squeezed her around the stomach. She reached back and patted my thigh and then held my wrist lovingly. It was a comfortable position and in a few minutes we were asleep.

I awoke about two hours later. The lights were out in my room and the last drips of light from the sun had dissipated while I'd slept. It was dark in my room. I felt my mother's chest rising and falling evenly against my arm and I knew she was still fast asleep. I couldn't believe this woman. She wasn't even related to me, at least not by blood, but she loved me so much more completely than my birth mother. She was kind, and she was giving, and she forgave me when I was wrong. While I was thinking about this I nuzzled up to her neck and breathed in, smelling her fruity shampoo and flowery perfume.

And I thought about the love I'd wasted in this bed. Tiffany didn't deserve to be loved. Anything I'd given to her belonged by rights to my actual mother. I squeezed my mother tight in my arms and she felt reassuring somehow. Warm. She didn't stir, however. She was fast asleep.