Nemesis - Penny

The following day I called the people who supplied the CCTV system from my office and arranged for them to send me a couple more cameras by an overnight carrier. I didn't get a chance to check the recordings that day as Brooke and Stephone came to dinner and then Stephone and I played snooker until the small hours. I didn't want Penny or him to get any suspicion that I thought they were playing around. If they didn't and my suspicions were wrong and they were innocent, I would definitely have found myself well up to the neck in the brown sticky stuff. Not a place to find yourself when Penny is involved. I know from previous experience!

The cameras arrived at my office on the Friday morning. But that night and for the whole weekend I just didn't get the chance to fit them. Penny or the kids were around me all the time. I needed about an hour in the house alone to install each camera. The opportunity just never came up.

So I had to come up with a plan "B" for the Monday. I settled on the idea of fixing the beds in both of the guest rooms. A simple operation really that involved carefully positioning the duvet that was covered by a bed spread. The odds on someone not disturbing the duvet if they even sat on the bed must have been a million to one. If they got in the bed it was doubtful they would get the duvet or the bedspread back exactly in the same position.

Monday evening, when I came home from work I hit pay dirt. The duvet and bedspread in one of the guest rooms had been disturbed whilst the other hadn't. Now I had to take into account that Penny might have just remade the bed. So I didn't go jumping to conclusions. I just set the bed up again for the next day.

I still didn't get the opportunity to fit the cameras. But I did find time to check the recordings. Every weekday there was about three-quarters to an hour when Penny and Stephone were in the house but I couldn't locate them. The following evening I was convinced the guest bed had been disturbed again. So now what was I going to do?

I didn't bother to fit the other cameras; I knew what was going on. But I didn't know what I was going to do about it. You see, I love Penny and I certainly didn't want to lose her. We're a team and have been together for 26 years. Oh, we haven't been married that long but we've lived together for most of that time. For the first eight years we weren't married and there were a couple of times when we were first together when we had silly arguments and separated for a couple of months at a time. We even dated other people whilst we where apart but we always seemed to finish up together again.

We had a bit of a problem back then, as both of us had been married before. I suppose it could have been a trust thing but I think we were both worried about making another mistake. Once you've been bitten, you're a little dubious about committing yourself again. Penny's and my love for each other isn't and never was that swooning gooey eyed, can't be without teenage stuff. It is more very close friend and confidante thing. The kind of love that is just there and stays there. Now Penny was "playing games" with Stephone. I was quite sure that was what she was doing.

Mind I didn't like the idea and I wasn't going to put up with it. But I didn't want an explosion that would destroy our marriage if I could help it. If I could quietly bring it to an end and make sure it didn't happen again, I would be happy.

Look, let me explain how Penny and I got together. I got married the first time when I was eighteen pushing nineteen. I thought that, in Michelle, I'd found the girl of my dreams. She was a year younger than I was; I have to admit I did know she had a bit of a reputation. But love is blind and I had a father who was what most people thought at that time "rich." Michelle most probably took that into account when she tipped her hat in my direction. We got married and for two and a half years everything in the garden was roses. That was until I found a letter from an abortion clinic. Michelle had had a termination without my knowledge. After the smoke cleared it turned out that she hadn't been sure that I was the father and she hadn't taken any chances. There had been a high probability that baby could have been coloured.

Well, the divorce was an interesting and nasty affair. Michelle was awarded alimony but that didn't last for long as she soon got married to some other stupid jerk. Apparently he caught her in bed with yet another guy in less than a year and for all I know he could still be doing time for manslaughter. The guy Michelle was shagging apparently fell from the sixth floor window of their flat. At least that was her husband's story, according to the newspapers. I somehow don't think the judge saw it the same way.

So feeling not too happy with the world or my life, I kicked around as a bachelor for awhile until I was nearly twenty-six. I was at a party at an old school friend's house one night. One of the other guests was a bloody Neanderthal whom I remembered from school. A complete and utter tosspot who liked to think he was a tough guy. You remember the sort. He bullied all the little kids in school but, when there was a proper punch up going down, he was nowhere to be found.

Anyway the arsehole had this girl with him who, I was informed, was his wife. The way he spoke to her had to be heard to be believed. I suppose the guy was still trying to play the tough guy. But as there were no little kids about, he bullied his wife. I'm not exactly sure what happened, I think Penny - who was his wife - had wanted to go home or something. Anyway she must have said the wrong thing. The Pratt upped and backhanded her right there in front of everyone.

Now sometimes fate plays a hand. I had never liked the arsehole or his bullying ways. I was generally pissed off with the world and as far as I was concerned striking a woman is not only not done, it is definitely not acceptable in my presence. So without more ado, I laid him out. Just like that! One punch. Down he went, out for the count.

When he recovered and with me standing over him and everyone else watching, he apologised to Penny who had said nothing since he had struck her. Then he apologised to me and everyone else at the party, then they left. One of my other friends commented that he thought the prick would kick the shit out Penny when they got home. So thinking I might get an excuse to have another pop at him, I thought I'd follow them home ostensibly with the intention of calling the police if I heard any untoward noises coming from their place. A couple of blokes came with me. Whether to help or to watch the fun, I'm not quite sure.

Anyway Penny's husband didn't wait to get her home. He laid into her in an alleyway just down the road from the party. Well, I laid him out for a second time that evening and someone called the cops. Penny was not in the best condition so she was taken to hospital.

The next day I went to see her and she told me she was frightened stiff of her husband who, as I had guessed, was in the habit of using her as a punch-bag whenever the mood took him. Don't ask me why the women put up with that sort of thing. But Penny wasn't the first or the last woman whom I came across in a similar position. The cops in those days just classed the whole thing as a "domestic" and quietly forgot about it. I'm glad to say the powers that be have had a rethink on that strategy since then.

Penny was terrified of going home so I somehow finished up taking her home to my flat with me. Now don't go getting the wrong idea. I was still playing the knight-errant and Penny had her own room at that time. To cut a long story short, Penny never really moved out again. Not for more than a month or two at a time, anyway.

Over the years our relationship changed from flat owner and house guest, to near brother and sister, to lovers. Eight years later and with our first child on the way we walked down the isle together. And for eighteen years we had been devoted to each other. No, that's a lie; it sounds like we never fight. Of course we've had plenty of bust ups over the years.

We've teased each other and flirted with other people. I'll be honest. I have sailed pretty close to the wind a few of times with some of the ladies down the sports club. Too bloody close a couple of times, but I'm pretty sure Penny doesn't know about either of them though. So fair is fair if Penny was having a little fun I couldn't in all honesty climb too far out of my pram.

So there I was trying to work out what I was going to do about Stephone. I figured that if Mohammed was at the mountain already, the best thing I could do was remove the bloody mountain. So the following weekend I caught Brooke when she was alone.

"Brooke, I don't know how to say this to you," I told her, "but there is a clause in the rental agreement that says if there is a clash of personalities, I can give you thirty days to vacate the property. And that is what I intend to do."

Brooke looked at me, obviously stunned.

"Why, Tim, what the hell has happened? I thought we were all getting on so well together, considering the close proximity of the houses."

"Shall we just say that they are too close together for my comfort."

"Oh, shit, he hasn't, has he? Has Stephone said something to upset you or Penny?"

I thought for a few moments before I put the cat amongst the pigeons. "He's not upsetting Penny. No, Brooke, far from it actually. Let's just say I believe Stephone is keeping her very happy and by doing so he's upsetting me. I would like it if Penny and I were still married when you two move on."

To my amazement a smile came over Brooke's face. I must have looked angry because the smile promptly disappeared again.

"I'm sorry, Tim, but I think have you got it all wrong. Although I suppose Penny could well be being entertained. But if you think that Stephone is fucking her, I can tell you there's no chance of that. But he is very skilled in the art of keeping a woman happy I have to admit. But only to a point!"

"Tim, will you please come into the house and let me explain?" Brooke said as she led me into the lounge. Brooke picked up a video camera, turned it on and placed it on a bookshelf pointing at the pair of us. Looking at the camera and not at me she said. "Tim, what I would like to tell you is a secret that must not become public knowledge. I would like you to promise me on this recording that you will tell no one what I'm going to tell you now. I'm not sure if the recording will stand up in court. But if you divulge to anyone what I'm going to tell you, I'll have my lawyers sue the pants off you. Do you promise?"

I looked at the camera a little confused and then at Brooke. "I promise, Brooke." I said.

"Right, here goes, and I pray that you are a man of your word. There is no way that Stephone is having sexual intercourse with Penny, or anyone else for that matter. You see in that accident Stephone had, he lost the required attributes!"

"Don't make me laugh, Brooke! I've seen that bloody great bulge in his swimming trunks."

"If only, Tim. But all that glitters isn't gold. What you see is all down to some very clever plastic surgeons. It's all apparently there and looks great but I'm afraid nothing works. He has no feeling in it at all. At least none of that type anyway. He can't get it to stand up on its own and there's no way he could fuck anyone with it. Tim, Stephone is completely sterile and has complete erectile dysfunction."

"I don't understand. For erectile dysfunction you can have implants and things fitted. I remember reading about some bloke who had a little pump fitted so he could pump it up. Why hasn't Stephone had one of those fitted?"

"Tim. Shephone's career as an actor has been built on his looks. He's the big Romeo who sweeps the girls off their feet. What do you think would happen if this got out? The tabloids would have a bloody field day. His reputation would be ruined. Now Stephone is a fool but he's not that big a fool. He knows he couldn't trust himself not to try and shag one of his little starlets or one of those pretty little tart fans of his. Just think what one of the little bitches could do to him if they spotted him pumping his bloody cock up. Can you see the headline in the News of the World? No, they all assume Stephone's so much in love with me that he's unmoveable. Because no matter how hard they try, he never rises to the bait. Sorry for the pun."

"Oh! Shit, then, what the hell is he doing with Penny then?"

"Ah now, there's the bloody catch. Stephone does love the ladies and I'm sure that Penny is getting her pleasures from him. Stephone loves to see a woman have an orgasm and he has become an expert at cunnilingus. Christ, what that man does with his tongue is indescribable. But he sure isn't fucking Penny."

"What are you going to do, Tim. Penny is being unfaithful to you in a way, the same way Stephone is being unfaithful to me. Look, if you want us to move out, we will. But I'm asking you, can't we come to some kind of a personal arrangement over this?"

+++++++++

So four months later, Penny and I were watching the last news summary on Brooke's TV show that season. Brooke has just told the world how happy she was that she was three months pregnant. My Penny just didn't know quite what to make of it and I'm trying my best not to have a smirk on my face.

I've found these last few months quite tiring so a rest will be welcome, but Brooke promises me she's coming back for a rematch next year!

Life goes on.