All Comments on 'New Year's Eve: Jealousy'

As suggested, I read the first 3 - thought Kanga40's chapter very well thought out and written. Yours is at least equal and you should be proud of yourself - as should mischevious & Kanga40.

IT's DYNAMITE!!

Jack we'll have to send you through the archives.

There are lots of stories on Lit that authors have given up on. You apear to be able to pick up any story and make a hit of it. I remember reading the first parts sometime back.

You know the ending is right up my street!

Nice one!

DC

Enjoyed the read. Thanks for the finish.

for a happy ending, and twins..well as long as they aren't mine are a wonderful thing.

good story I love happy endings

i have been waiting for this story to be ended.

you do seemto have a nack for taking extablished characters and being able to squeese out an amazing story from them.

I liek that.

I also second the writer who said you need to be the guy who finishes all these old 'orphaned' stories....

Thanks Jack for a well thought out ending which didn't turn the original characters 180 degrees as so often happens.

This is quite different from the ending I am writing, so mine will still be done - whenever.

I have seen too many story endings completely stuffed by authors who have merely decided to end the story as quickly as possible.

I have my ending about 75-80% done, but haven't been able to get back into that particular groove, and I am NOT going to do just a quick one or two hundred words for the sake of ending it.

Those for whom I edit know my passion for them completeing their stories and posting them in one piece - quickly posting Ch3 of NYE really reinforced that for me. So no more dribbles of this from me - it will be posted whne it is complete.

Part of the reason I have been a bit slack in finishing my version is because Rob Conner posted 'The Real Deal' in three chapters soon after my previous submission – it was a great ‘non wimp’ story, and he followed it with several other good submissions. Now many other authors are writing good stories where the husband is not such a wimp, so my burning desire for a manly husband in these stories was quenched by so many other good authors. Now it is quite usual for the cheated on husbands to have some backbone, and that was not the case way back.

Also, I changed the thrust of my story while watching lots of daytime TV late last year after my heart surgery. I was amazed at the number of variations of 'Days of Our Lives' type shows that proliferate on afternoon TV - quite mind numbing if you aren't already bombed on painkillers! Their plots are incredibly convoluted - especially for someone like me who has not watched them regularly and are conversant with ten years or soof background. After watching a few I got some ideas for Gary (Marie's husband) and his dilemma. My version will develop like a 'soap opera', so be prepared for lots of revelations about the families from over a period of quite a few years. But in true 'soapy' fashion.

Last but not least I had a bit of a problem writing the story from “my” point of view, specially as I am not a guy. So for the last chapter I am changing to ‘third person’, and will tell the story from the perspective of an impartial observer able to explain the thoughts and emotions of the main players in this little melodrama.

It will not be posted here until I am sure I've ended it the way I originally intended.

You turned the story around nicely. I am anxious to see how Kanga handles this now. Thanks, Jack, and keep the stories coming!

I really enjoyed how you continued this story and ended it. Though looking forward to other endings as well.

I enjoyed this and am more than pleased that you decided to complete the thing - it's been hanging in limbo for much too long a time. You fleshed out the characters nicely and made the reader care about what happens to them. Thanks for an interesting story.

You did an excellent job of blending the two previous versions - first one showing the husband's love for his wife and sexual adventure and the second one reflecting the husband's anger and outrage on how he was treated by his wife and brother.

The only part which seems inconsistent was how the parents treated the kids. The husband does not call or check on his kids for months? The wife rather than bringing the kids back to the house leaves them at the in-laws? God bless those grandparents to act as parents for 3 months!

You nailed the emotional fallout for these two people on the day after the party. Congrats on making this story your way!

I await your next story. Thanks for a great read.

SleeplessinMD

and Pregnancy's worse! Came to mind a strange and funny saying among young girls of my acquaintance during my own youth, a seriously long time ago. Point being I think, they would rather deal with issues of jealousy than pregnancy, but the author here has really hit it on the head how the negativities of jealous feelings fester into something quite un-controllable if left unattended.

I'm one of many that have asked Mischievous and Kanga to complete NYE, which were also very well writen and enthralling as to portrayal of emotion in that situation. DJ, I truly enjoyed thoroughly your version and the places and courses you took the characters. I did however find myself wondering about the relevance of a mile and half of fishing line to catch some fish served with it's teeth!

I always felt the original defining moment that gave Kanga's NYE Ch03 such power was Gary?(Chance?) bashing down the door, extricating Marie and giving the three, Marie, his bro and wife the ultimatum ie sleep it off now and carry on Sunday if you want. DJ has done a great job from there, reprising both central characters' thoughts and feelings from that point on. Her leaving really spelled it out for him, and his reactions were I felt quite in tune with reality. Marie's reactions too, I felt very realistic, and for the reasons that showed through in the story...the female sensitivity causes a different type of reaction than it may in males. Thats' why so few of us(men) understand women. What made the story so enthralling is that the author so skillfully had us assuming what Chance assumed, that she had indeed gone to David, an assumption borne of a dominant male trait. One that is at the centre of many stories of this genre. One that is majorly so incorrectly portrayed in those stories. A trait in many males that encompasses a predisposition to jealousy and a lack of confidence of their ability to prevail, stemming from when he suggested the ultimatum, him or me. It is the assumption he then made on Sun morn, that in the cold light of day Marie would go to David, rather than consider an alternate reason for her earlier behaviour, and the likelyhood of her later remorse, her own feelings of self revulsion and desperate sorrow as her consequences for acting crazy under the influence. I found it very refreshing to have Marie's reaction portrayed so realistically, an accurate account of a strong female trait to retreat from the disaster scene and logically attempt to deal with things from a calmer place. I liked that Marie is not a braindead nympho, ready to cast aside a marriage and family for a lustful fling......as many females are so incorrectly portrayed here. I also liked that Chance was forceful in intervening on NYE, and so acted in that character to get away and deal with his issues stemming from his foolish sumation that she'd left him. These issues are so borne out in real life....how many divorcee's out there wake up days after the annulment and wonder 'what the @*&# happened there? One minute I'm happily married...and now? We should have talked about it'.

Sorry to have rambled, but it gets you in...good writing that is. Congrats DJ, looking forward to more.

Good story, very enjoyable. I do think you softened the character of Marie making her more sympathetic than the previous authors did. After reading the first 3 chapters I got the distinct impression that she was a little colder and more calculating that you drew her. That’s not meant to be a criticism, just an observation.

I’m not only late, but way behind in commenting. Of course it didn’t help having to read three previous stories to just catch up to this one. Mischevious wrote a very weird and interesting story. As I was reading the first chapter, my first thought was why is everyone in the cheating wives section so interested in this “let’s get drunk, party, play strip games, and have group sex between consenting adults”. I’ve read hundreds of stories like this. Then knowing that I’d never be able to read and understand DJ’s story without it, I read chapter two. Interesting cracks begin to appear in this unusual sex story. I do so wish that Mischevious had completed his story, but wondered if maybe he did, we just didn’t want to accept that ending. Now enters Kanga40, who readily admits she doesn’t like Mischevious’s character and writes her own. No problem, she told us that she was going to changeup the story, and she did. I do hope she does finish, it is a good read up to this point. Finally, Dynamite Jack strolls in. Does he capture any of the original characters, absolutely not, no relation to the originals or to Kanga40’s, but then he doesn’t have to, he warned us that this was an ending that he was sure neither one intended. Again, we have a great read though, and I for one am just glad someone finished the damn thing. Salamis is correct, no one could have read the story without wondering about the children, and we didn’t know their outcome until the husband returned home. It left a bad taste in my mouth also. Still all in all, it was well written, showed good imagination, and brought a happy conclusion to a story that I believe Mischevious never intended to have a happy ending. We’ll just have to wait on Kanga40’s ending to see if it’s a happy one or not. Good work Dynamite Jack, keep it up, a fan always.

Dynamite :

You've done a great job and told a fine tale. Thank You. Ronnie W.

See Affairs Ch 1 & Ch 2 by MrsA. It's been hanging for about 18 months!

I thought the story was good but didn't feel that the characters or the story followed the last by Kanga. I like reconciliation but in the previous stories Marie was not all that nice - she was stubborn and used to her getting her way. I could see them having problems when she walked out but I couldn't see Chance leaving his family as he loved his children so much. It didn't make sense to me and that is why I am mixed. Still, thank you for your words.

Having enjoyed the 'originals' bu Mischevious and Kanga40, I must say that I found your happy ending to be up to their standards. You are really a writer of great tales and I look to you to keep us happy for years to come.

thankyou for finshing this story, a great ending,very good story , i guess i just like happy endings. thankyou !!!!

These happy endings are the best. Too bad real life can't always be like that!!

I have wondered through the end what she could have expected Chance to assume when she walked out of the house, suitcase in hand, and never saying word one to him. I know I would have thoght the same as the author had Chance thinking. She left to join David, that was the terms, timewise.

NON-COMMUNICATION can ruin any relationship!

well written but from my read of the original chracters not in anyway believeable. she wnated to fuck his brother...

and will do so again with some other man in the future...

the problem the wife lost respect for hubby.a piece of shit for brother and sister in law.

Who established the literotica rule that husbands and wives who are having marital problems are forbidden to communicate with each other for months or,in some cases, for years. This seems to be the standard on this site and after a while it gets irritating as hell especially when it becomes obvious that a brief conversation would have resolved a problem that goes on for years. the Ct. Yankee

I went back and followed the trail from mischievious, knowing all the time how much I liked your endings and wasn't disappointed. I noticied that mischievious did eventually write a conclusion but I didn't care for it. All night sex with brother and sister-in-law and then the hint of repeating it was a slippery slope.

Another excellant job.

The overall of the story is good, but as the entire story is written by 3 different authors, I find that the characters' behaviour have changed. Very difficult to focus on the story as one standalone story. --- Thor.

Very good & l did NOT read the earlier stories....which were unnecessary (possibly the reason why l had no character continuity problems). The story worked well on it's own. BTW: are you aware how few Lit. readers have any idea who Doris Day is or what que sera sera is about?

Thank you so much.I have just reread it and feel it is wonderful.

I,n answer to good stories comment ,he said she wanted to screw his brother and she will again being shes thought about it, I wonder how many times i,ve wanted to screw some guy other than my husband ,and even gave it some thought ,but I never have done it,will I ever do it, who can say,I,ve learned long time ago never say never,as it is right now,no I don,t think I ever will,but you can,t condemn someone for what they want or wonder about,I feel the whole story was a good read and the ending was a just one, after all he cheated on his wife on the cruise,and she forgave him,

I haven't read the earlier stories in the series but I love the ending. Thanks. -- Jim

Awwwwwwww, shucks.

They had trouble way before that drunken night where things got out of hand. Marie must have been under some kind of mental conclusion that she could do anything she wanted before the night of drinking. She must have been on drugs to just run off without her children, and the same goes for him. Who just goes off for three months without taking care of their children. Their a strange pair for sure. I did enjoy reading about the trouble they had. The story was well writen and move very well. Thanks for the good chapter.........Rich

Thanks. i kept waiting for you to throw a nasty wrench in to the mix to permanently destroy their marriage. I'm a family man so I had a hard time at how badly the chilren were treated in the story. I know you tried to smooth it out for the kids. But good parents would not do that to their children. the parents looked really selfish in the story. Keep them coming, I loved the story.

...my parents leaving for several months would have broken my heart as a child. In my mid-twenties, I still talk to them at least once a week. I love your stories, but parents can't take off for extended periods of time without it hurting children (especially young children).

Other than that, it was great.

about how women and men fuck up. She was wrong in what she did and he went overboard; understandably, in his reaction. Many wounds remain open, but you have dealt well with conflicting emotions.

I liked the ending. On some level there is the expectation that retribution, consequences, and revenge are the only solutions. Humans, especially males, are made that way. But, as you have developed here, sometimes when all the facts are known by everyone involved a happier ending can be found.

I do like reading about the other endings and I also appreciate reading a feel good one on occasion.

Well done and thanks for your effort.

All affects, no cause.

It read like that. Really felt like something was incomplete.

4*

it passed the time. better luck next story.

Reading this, there is no way that a human being with a Y chromosome wrote this. Well, maybe Matt Moreau or Danielle Q Steele.

That way I could skip it

A well written lousy sob story.

This story illustrated the effects of having no communication in a relationship. A simple conversation would've ended the conflict prior to any dramatics at the party on New Year's Eve. Then, the morning after on New Year's Day, while having coffee a conversation could've ended the conflict. However, the story would've ended with a dilemma for the author. This story had emotion and pain and plenty of drama based simply on no effective communication on the part of this couple. The author worked wonders on steering around this apparent farce of a drama with unfounded betrayal.

Essentially two brothers and their wives, got drunk and fucked around with each other. Since the couples had not discussed what was OK and what was not when sober, there were a lot of hurt feelings because of misunderstandings, and drink befuddled brains. I is to be expected.

As you found the story, there were no illicit love interests, just four drunk people doing stuff they regretted the next morning.

1 Surly they would have talked in the morning, if only to blame each other or justify what they did.

2 A mother, Marie, running away and leaving her kids not likely at all

3 His children being abandoned by his wife, now he runs away. What irresponsible ass holes

Changing the character of the principles to make them uncomunicative, idiots with no consideration for their children made for a lousy story. The offenses were not marriage breaking in and of themselves. IMO

For stories written by 2 other people with very different points of view -

Quite a challenge I think you did well -

Just because some people do not read when they read -

Marie did not abandon her children to be a;lone she left them to their father - then made sure her parents took care of them because she was not capable - a good act -

Chance did not abandon them he made sure they were ok and ran from his anger and left them with HER - he had no clue about the truth.

They were all stupid - it all cascaded with no conversation about limits - of course little brother had no limits he wanted to fuck her. It seems like a cop out to me with the alcohol (she had no clear history of this much lack of control before) but I expected it was a little help from his brother - (GHB maybe) but whatever.

She left that morning (as explained) because of her shame after her arrogance the night before. That is a problem she needs to out grow BTW, and may have??

It is a viable and even reasonable overall ending and the task was unenviable - nice work!!

Others have already said it well, but it bears repeating. LW authors think of another gimmick for creating emotional tension is your stories.

but Lick-Her is definitely better, TK U MLJ LV NV

What the hell is wrong with these people? They have kids and they simply drop them and run off? Forget about the cheating, these two are terrible parents and completely unlikable on that basis alone! Their total lack of love for their own children is despicable.

it was a little confusing in the beginning, but then it played out well. I find that some people will always look down on a story when reconciliation is involved, and praise the slash and burn story without even a look at the story situation.

decent basis to start with. Seemed to me that it got away from you at the end. I don't know why the men all have to take part of the blame for their wives cheating on them. The only blame that can be attached is if they put up with it. She wanted to fuck the brother, she screamed at her husband telling him to go home and then when he did get the door open, his brother was able walk out of there. Should have started with David and then when he was through with him, he should have taken her somewhere and left her. And the next day when she just ignored him, well that should have told him all he needed to know. And thank God for psychologists because without them we wouldn't know that it is alright for the woman to cheat if...whatever they can pull out of their asses. No basis for reconciliation. She refused to talk to or even acknowledge him in any way. Hell, she nearly ran over him.

a very good ending. Well written.

I had a problem with the plot. The whole explanation for their lack of communication was weak. It almost seems like an excuse for him to go on a holiday, fuck red and forget the children. Yeah, what about the children? These people do not seem like responsible parents at all! In fact, walking out on your job for three months is not too responsible. Silly.

As others have pointed out it was weak. Too many loose ends. I like a love story in which a couple finds their way to each other, but this one didn't fit the bill. It just seemed like the author was making up ways to keep them apart.

She didn't hear him or register what he was saying when he confronted her. She simply walked away, even when he threw a cup against the wall. Really? This seemed like an excuse to create misunderstanding to drive them apart, but still have them love each other.

She leaves without telling him where she is going, so he assumes that she is going to his brother. Okay, I can buy that. But to have him further assume that she is "David's girl" when he is already married and obviously loves his wife is stupid and idiotic. If he was to assume that she was going for a quick bout of sex, okay. But to assume that she is going to move in and become a third wheel is an asinine assumption that only an idiot would make.

She desperately wants to see him, but keeps running away everytime she has the chance.

To top everything off, both parents just leave the children. They are an inconvenient remnant of the original story that the author just glosses over to fulfill his agenda. Sorry author. If you take over someone else's story, you can't just choose which parts to throw away. When you do that, you are not respecting the original author's intentions. Why not just write another story that is similar and exclude the things that you don't like?

All in all, not a well done continuation.

Gave it 4* for writing but what a screwed up bitch!

Worthy of a 5* for the story save but the woman is so screwed up there could never be a normal life for them. She's about 1 feline short of a crazy 'cat lady'. And the guy should have stopped everything before it got as far as it did. And David should live in fear of his life for many years.

well written 5*

"As The Stomacb Churns". Chance (asshole name anyway) is presented as the victim, the wounded husband, betrayed by brother, Ann and especially that total slut Marie. BUT go back to mischievous' original. Chance wanted to see Marie get liquored up and loose. Chance is the opportunist who, without hesitation, put Marie and Ann into nude sexual acts. This was all unplanned sexual interaction and no one objected. Chance got his nut in his sister-in-law's mouth with no hesitation. I still don't understand what the big deal was about his drunken short fuse!

Kanga's follow up was totally off the hook for the initial scenario too. So, while I gave 3 stars for a valiant effort I don't see this as a continuation.

But all around a well written and edited story. Plausible plot.

Too bad some of you basement dwelling haters just can't stand any semblance of happiness Tsk Tsk

Unbelievable melodramatic bleah.

This author took the challenge of continuing another ones work. Not only is it well written, the story dovetails quite nicely from the original. Respect.

Good continuation of the.original. Maybe a bit too happy ending. Not.sure Marie deserves it.

Disjointed, unrealistic, stupid.

No one behaves this way. Two big big cowards. Stupid. Did i say that already.

And the babies birth. Timeline doesn’t match. And Phoenix isn’t that hot in April.

I liked this one better than any of the other endings to this tale. Okay, it wasn’t perfect, but it was better than anything that came before. One thought I had: I’m not sure Chance’s problem was jealousy. When two people get married they pledge theirselves to each other and become one entity. At least that’s my understanding of marriage. So when David decided to take Marie, he was taking something that belonged to Chance. Doesn’t matter if Marie wanted it or not, what David committed was theft, pure an simple. Theft of something that Chance valued above almost anything else. Chance should have pounded David into a bloody damn mess before he left, because that’s what a thief deserves.

Petfect dovetail finish from the original. Respect. *****

Maaany years ago in college, someone would remark

He crammed 4 years into 5 (or 6) years.

The author of this story crammed 1 (1 1/2?) page of plot into 3 pages of drawn-out, irritating (to me) introspection, food menus, and meandering.

At least, unlike mischievous's and Kanga40's contributions,

It was brought to a proper conclusion.

And was well written.

Paul in Oklahoma

This isn't bad, but I need to see the original.

Cucks get one star

.

So she didnt go thru with fucking his brother - she wanted to and that is reason enough to jettison the whore, then she keeps running away from him

.

Also humans gestation is 40 weeks, to give brirth on new years you have to be pregnant by the last week of March, according to the story he 'went away' for a few, few being defined as 3 to 5, months, and between getting back and the closing and tracking her down and talking and finally getting back together she has to have been two to three week pregnant before the first time they had sex again

.

That or the author is a moron unfamiliar with how linear time works

I didn't believe the day after fallout and the extreme reaction without sitting down and talking. I suppose the non discussion was needed for this ending but it just seemed ridiculous. Also why did his brothers wife participate so willingly? Never explained. Writing was fine but story was implausible.

Cough, pussy

Absolute crap, lost too much time reading a badly written story

Potential cheater, wimpy husband who abandons his children! Nope, not a very good story. Sorry!

10 stars aren't even close, WONDERFUL STORY. Now they roved their love- with TWINS!

Well written but you missed a great opportunity with Ann and not going into anything there. She seemed ok with all this and what Marie planned ... that doesn't make a whole lot of sense, but we needed to know her mind to really complete an otherwise well written & conceived story. Without Ann's pov it's becomes a contrived RAAC. The whole thing doesn't work w/o Ann's point of view.

Good Loving Wife story. 4*

Bloody awful drivel

Confusing end.

Sorry I just could not get into or feel anything for your MC..I have no respect for anyone who thinks a bottle is the answer to problems or is a requirement to have a good time.The story was actually not attention crabbing or able to draw a reader into the story as presented. 2 stars for effort.

Just another turd to put on the pile. This was even worse than the previous crap.

Horrible RACC! This worse than the other 3 chapters. Not well written.

You wrote well grammatically but i really dislike "Oh John, Oh carol, Oh baby, Oh anything"! Two very weak characters made it difficult to get involved with the story. I enjoy both BTB and RAC stories but not RAAC so this was OK. Why do commentors keep using RAAC when it is not? Are they that stupid or just that messed up in their life?

Decent... But you changed the character of Marie too much. She was a cheating slut wanting to cuckold her husband in Ch. 1 and 2, and a defiant shrew in Ch. 3 and then in your Ch 4. she became a submissive regretful wife taking 110 % responsibility for everything.

1 star - alcohol or violence are never acceptable excuses for stupid behavior or cheating partners.

Well, I liked this nice ending to a convoluted tale of poor and drunken communication. The writing was just fine. The ending was a nice surprise from the end of the second chapter. I had a little trouble with the math from a reconciliation in the middle of April to the birth of twins on New Years' Day. Otherwise, I'll put it on my list to read again.

Ed

Well;as the saying goes. Can't plz everybody. So screw um.. The stories are Free to read. Folks don't like um;they can go some place else! Are...

They can Try and write Their own.. Then let Us;see how THEY stack up... But;alas;your no longer ... Hope y'all R ok.. and thks for your time.. 👍👌😉😁🎉🍻

Pretty decent ending. Getting into her head space showed hoe paralyzed with guilt and fear she was, causing her to not act rationally. He just ran away as he was afraid of what he would do. They suck at communication.

Both assholes abandoned their children!! Her mother was a bitch who didn't know she had a skank for a daughter!! He should have bust David's balls anonymously

A very good ending, thank you for sharing. 5 stars from Xluckylee

Wow. They are both bad parents. Abandoning or almost abandoning their kids for months. Zero communication. A foundation of a great marriage. This is why they can't have nice things. By luck / fate, they reconcile.

Nahhhh,go find Murininn, a tall redhead that can keep her legs closed for over 5 years? That's the move. Btw these are some of the worst parents imaginable, he goes on a cruise and she goes to hang at a B&B, the kids just looking around like whaaaa?

Chance: cIt was only remembering the kids that kept me away. All I could think of was running, escape!"

===> Nope. You didn't think ofnthr kids at all. You ran like a coward. And well the wife saw the kids once per week for 3 months. So kids to her! /sarcasm off. What crappy parents. So hey have more! The rest of the story was ok but seriously the part abandoning the kids for 3 months is just a gaping wound. They are both highly flawed characters. She out of her unrelenting guilt and shame, and him with his thoughts of rage and murder and then cowardice. No payback for David? Uggh.