tagHumor & SatireNews Flash about Big Cocks

News Flash about Big Cocks

byMiddleagepoet©

An anonymous man named Harry Hou woke up early one Saturday Morning and began his morning ritual by reaching into his nightstand, pulling out his tape measure and checking out the length of his cock. It had been nearly two weeks since Christmas and Harry's cock had grown each day, nearly doubling in size each of the two weeks he'd taken the pills that Santa left in his stocking. Sure enough, after taking the pill last night, his cock had grown again.

Originally Harry was not very concerned about the size of his cock, it seemed to fit his hand fairly well and the women he had been with never mentioned his size. It wasn't until one day, when he decided to walk past the Salvation Army bell ringer and drop his seventy three cents in change directly in the hands of some desperate soul, thereby bypassing the middlemen, when Harry first really thought about the size of his cock."

When the coins clinked into the beggar's cup the man smiled, scratched his scraggly white beard and stood up, saying, "Why thank you sir. May I take a moment of your time to talk to you about the size of your dick?"

"My what?" Harry asked, wondering if he heard the pathetic man correctly.

"Your dick, your cock, schlong, wacker, woody or whatever. Have you ever thought about what women think of when they think of your cock?"

"I never really thought about it."

"Well they have."

"They have what?" Harry asked, still wondering if he was hearing right.

"They have been thinking about the size of your cock."

"Oh I don't think so."

"Oh for christsakes! Don't you get it, it's the biggest misconception of all that size doesn't matter to them. Yeah, yeah, I know, they say it doesn't matter, some will even say that big cocks are bad. You see, it's just their way bolstering their self-esteem. While truly embarrassed when they marry a man with only an average size cock, they act like it doesn't matter, some pretend they are happy, while they realize they simply weren't good enough to marry a man with a big cock, get it?"

"I don't think..."

"That's just it, most guys don't think, but women do. It hurts their self-esteem if they can't snag a man with an extra large tool."

"Are you saying..."

"Listen man, what I'm saying is that women love to fuck the biggest cocks, hell they want to fuck the most mythological sized cock they can dream up. Those poor desperate souls simply WANT to be impaled by tree-size dicks."

"I don't know..."

The chubby man interrupted Harry again, "Look, it's like taking a shit. Imagine how it feels when you take the biggest massive dump ever. Okay, now multiply that pleasure by 100,000 and you're getting close. It's as simple as that."

"Okay, okay I think I get what you are saying. They tell us we are big enough trying to fool themselves, is that it?"

"Exactly, it's just their stupid fascination with what a man can stick into a woman. Stupid, stupid, stupid, but oh so true. Kind of like poetry, they all fall for poetry, especially at Christmas. Pretty damn lame if you ask me, but even the prettiest damn dames are like that."

"Okay, but what can I do about my size," Harry asked.

"Ho, ho, ho. Well now you're talking. Just leave it to me," he told Harry as he turned and walked back into the parking lot, the lights reflecting off the white fringe on his dingy red suit. "And hey, look in your girlfriend's stocking too. I'll leave her a monster dildo with instructions on how to use it on you. With all your juices it'll feel real good."

Harry then heard what sounded like a car door, but he didn't see a car pull out of the lot. He continued walking toward the bus stop when an odd silhouette passed over the moon. He pulled a cloth out of his pocket and wiped off his glasses before climbing onto his bus.

Harry didn't think much about the encounter until Christmas morning when, sure enough, he found a bottle of pills in his stocking, along with a prescription for more. "Damn doctors and their signatures," Harry mumbled, "Looks like Santa Clause signed this one." Harry didn't make the connection until his girlfriend called him so excited about the huge dildo she got in her stocking.

"And it's got straps and everything," she squealed.

Only then did he realize who that old beggar was. Harry rushed to grab his pills and swallowed one right away. Since then he has been growing day by day. It was a wonderful thing for him, but he was especially happy at how his girlfriend's self esteem has improved.

Harry did get a little worried when he picked up the daily paper and read the headlines titled, "News Flash about Big Cocks." However, when he finished reading the article he noted it was written by a woman. "Undoubtedly a woman working on her self-esteem," he thought.

***

PS - With my thanks to Anonymous for the idea and some hair-brained quotes.

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byMiddleagepoet© 3 comments/ 22774 views/ 0 favorites

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