Nia Ch. 02

I slumped down, winded and exhausted by my exertions, and Nia rolled into my arm, resting her head on my chest as she listened to my heartbeat slowing to normal, drumming her fingers on me as she looked up into my eyes, a small smile playing on her lips.

"Five minutes, Polar bear, then you need a shower, oh boy, do you need a shower! I'll join you, then we go, OK?"

+++

"Are we actually going somewhere Nia, or are we just aimlessly roaming the storied streets of London until mum calls?" I asked her as we threaded through a maze of streets in Clapham Old Town that I'd never seen before, and I'd lived here all my life.

"Patience, Jamie, we're going to see a friend, someone you know, who actually likes you, because I need to talk to her, just a couple more minutes, OK?"

We walked up to a small 'workers cottage' type house in a little side street and Nia rang the bell. The door opened and it was Julie. She grinned and ushered us into the small sitting-room, Nia sprawling over the back of the armchair I sat in, resting her chin on my shoulder and grinning at Julie.

"So Nia, you said you needed to see me, you and Lover-boy over here!" she nudged me with her foot. "What can I do for you, babe?"

"Jules, Jamie told me you twigged what was going on with the two of us, and that you'd been there. Why didn't you tell me, Jules, was it Mark?"

Julie looked sad for a second. "Yeah, it was Mark, and when he was told to go, he went, and he left me behind; he got what he wanted, told me what I wanted to hear, and fucked off at the first open gate. You're lucky, Jamie won't go anywhere without you. Your parents obviously don't know, which I'm guessing is what you want to talk about."

Nia looked relieved. "Jules, how did your mum take it when you told her, how did you deal with it?"

Julie smiled, but there was no humour there. "She dragged it out of Mark, not that it took much effort, he was always under her thumb, then she came for me, screaming like a fucking banshee, telling me I'd seduced my own brother like a little whore, that normal people don't do things like that, that even if he was older than me, Mark was so innocent and I was such a conniving little slut..."

She stopped, tears rolling down her face at the remembered pain, and Nia climbed off me and sat next to her, holding her while she cried.

She mopped her eyes, stopping crying with an effort, while I went and got her a glass of water from the small kitchen.

"When did this happen, Jules?" asked Nia softly.

"Easter, just before I moved here; I had to, mum told me to go, said the sight of me made her sick..." replied Julie, her eyes welling up again. Nia caught her before she started crying again, hugging her close and stroking her hair, making little soothing noises.

Julie pulled herself away from Nia, knuckled her eyes. "You're lucky Nia, your dad's a human being, he won't go psycho on you like my bitch mother, at least he'll try and understand. I think after you tell him, you should maybe come and stay here a few days, 'cause he might accept that what you tell him is how it's going to be, but he may not want to be reminded of it too much, and seeing you draped around Jamie, well..."

It sounded like a good idea to me, but Nia balked at it. "No, I'm staying with Jamie, we're both in this, and I'm not telling him then hiding in case he gets freaked by seeing us together. Mum already knows, and she has no problem with us being together, so he'll just have to take his lead from mum!"

Julie looked at Nia. "You're telling him tonight, aren't you? Why else would you want to talk about this with me?" Nia smiled. "Actually, mum's telling him, breaking it to him gently, and she wanted us out of the house until he's ready to see us, so we may be crashing on your couch tonight, Jules!"

Julie looked unperturbed. "Be my guest, I had Shelagh on there last night, hating men until she went to sleep, and you were top of her hit-list Jamie!" she smiled maliciously. Nia and I exchanged glances. Julie grinned "Don't sweat it, she's already fixated on someone else, in a week you'll be so completely off her radar she'll never trouble you again! I helped her in my own small way, we bitch-slapped you until she got tired of it, then I pointed her at some of our friends' older brothers, and she's resetting her sights as we speak!"

I suggested we went out for a drink, as the conversation on this particular subject seemed to have run its course, so we headed out to the Windmill Tavern, a huge pub over on Clapham Common itself, and we slid into a corner booth, waiting for mum or 10 o'clock, whichever came first. A couple of guys I recognised from school came in, and came over to say hello. They didn't know Nia, of course, and gave her the once-over, some very admiring looks, nudging me to introduce them. So I introduced Nia to them as my fiancée, getting a very warm look from Nia and some very envious looks from my school friends. Julie just grinned broadly. That incident seemed to lighten Nia's mood considerably, and she and Julie got down to some serious yakking about people I'd never met, school days etc etc. I clock-watched; I was keyed-up and waiting for Zero-hour, when this would all either be resolved, or blow-up in our faces. Either way, Nia and I would stick together, with or without dad's blessing, but I also had faith in mum; she'd never let things go that far.

So Nia chatted, and I second-guessed mum until, suddenly, Nia's phone went off, she looked at it and it was the house number; mum. She picked up, and spoke briefly and hung up.

"Jamie, that was mum, she wants us to come home now, says everything is fine, dad's anxious to see us." I gulped down my drink, a little Dutch-courage never hurt anyone, and we left, walking Julie back home before carrying on to our own. When we dropped her off, she hugged Nia, whispered something to her, then reached up and pecked me on the cheek. "Cheer up Jamie, you're not dead yet!" she grinned, hugged me and waved us off.

When we came in, mum and dad were in their night clothes, mum in a nighty and dad in his sweat pants and dressing robe, which I thought was odd, they never got changed for bed until they actually went to bed.

Dad cleared his throat. "Jamie, Nia, please sit down." When we had, he continued. "Your mother tells me you have something you want to tell me, so please, whenever you're ready."

I started. "Dad, Nia and I, we, that is...I wanted to tell you how I feel...about Nia, about how we feel about each other..." Dad raised an eyebrow. "Go on."

"Dad, I love Nia...and she loves me, and we want to ...be together." I dried up under that calm stare.

Dad flicked his gaze over to Nia. "And you, Nguye't, what do you have to say?" Nia gulped and moved closer to me, slipping her hand into mine. "Dad, Jamie's right, everything he says is true. Tôi yêu anh ay rat nhieu, Cha, xin vui lòng không ghét tôi!" (I love him very much, father, please do not hate me!)

I didn't understand what she said, but dad obviously did, because he looked closely at her. "Is that what you think I would do, Nugget, really? Anh em là con cua tôi và tôi yêu em, tôi không the ghét ban!" (You are my children and I love you, I cannot hate you!)

I don't know what he'd said, but suddenly Nia was crying, and she took her hand out of mine to walk over and stand in front of where he was sitting. "Tôi không muon dieu này xay ra, Cha, xin vui lòng không do loi cho Jamie! (I did not ask this to happen, father, please do not blame Jamie!)

Dad ran his fingers through his hair, and looked closely at Nia, and I could swear I saw tears glimmering in his eyes. Nia had said something about 'blame', and 'Father' and me, but my Vietnamese was way too sketchy to follow the rapid fire conversation they'd had. She held out her hand, and he took it, gently pulled her over to him, and rested his head against her, his arm curled around her waist.

"Jamie, what do you and Nia intend to do or have you even gotten that far yet?" he asked me, "because you're in no position to support my daughter, and you can't live here as husband and wife, or whatever. So what do you plan to do?"

I marshalled my thoughts; I hadn't banked on this. "I will be looking for a job as soon as I can, once I get a job, I'll find a flat, somewhere we can live, until then Nia will have to live here, and I'll find somewhere to stay until I can get my own place."

Nia looked stricken, and mum gasped, but dad just nodded. "Seems like a reasonable plan. I presume you and Nia have talked about what you're doing, what the law says you are doing, how were you planning on getting around that?"

I replied with the answer I had come up with while pondering this same question. "I know we can't get married, but we can live together. We have the same name, and we're not obviously related, so people can assume we're married if they wish to, we just take care not to correct them." Dad nodded again. "And children, have you thought about children, and what it means to them to have parents who are as closely related as you are, the possible risks to them?"

Nia spoke up. "I checked up on this. As we both only have one parent in common, we only share half the DNA, which means our children would probably have the same risk of genetic issues as children born to first cousins, and those risks are small in the first generation cross. I looked up the studies, and a risk does exist, but it's low."

Dad looked at both of us. "It appears you have been giving this some thought, but it's a big ask, asking me to accept this...relationship. I can't have you living here as a couple, but I don't want my children to leave. Neither one is compatible with the other, so this is what you're going to do. While you live here, you live here like brother and sister, at least while I'm around. That means no sneaking around and swapping bedrooms or playing musical beds in the middle of the night."

"When I'm not here, I expect you'll do what all young adults do, and I have no control over that, but you will both have to decide, live here as siblings, or move out and do your own thing. If you decide to move away Jamie, you become two people; my daughter's boyfriend, and I expect you to behave like a respectful one, and, when you're here, with Nia, in my house, you become my daughter's older brother, and again, you should behave appropriately."

Nia looked stunned, and mum drew herself up and stalked out of the room, slamming the door behind her, while dad looked shocked at her reaction.

Nia broke the silence, "So that's your...solution, is it?" she asked him, eyes narrowed and glittering like spikes of blue ice. "Jamie, come and help me pack, we are leaving!"

I mutely rose and followed her, looking at dad one last time, his face confused and worried. "Jamie, I thought...!" he began, and Nia cut him short. "I thought you would at least try and be human about this, see what it's doing to us, but no, you just hand down pronouncements from on high as though your word is divine law. I thought that you could just be my dad, but instead you decide to be some, some...some Roman Judge! Jamie and I are leaving, now!"

I trailed after her, feeling groggy; it had all gone so horribly wrong, and now we were leaving, because dad was more concerned about how he felt than about his children, more specifically, about his daughter. As I passed mum's door, I heard faint sounds from inside and stopped. I listened closely and heard the unmistakeable sounds of crying. I knocked softly. "Mum, mum, it's Jamie and Nia, may we come in?" There was no reply, so I edged the door open, and saw mum, sitting cross-legged on her bed, crying. It made me feel very peculiar; I'd never seen mum cry, and it was both distressing and very worrying. Nia bolted past me and flung herself on her, crying and gabbling Vietnamese, while I sat on the bed, passing them both tissues while I waited for the machine-gun dialect to finish. Mum finally reached over and stroked my hair, which was a bad move, because I started crying then, partly because I felt so let-down, mostly because seeing mum hurting had rattled me so deeply.

"It OK Jamie, not cry any more, I am very sorry, I thought he better man than that, I was wrong, now I make you hurt as well, not want to do that to my little boy..." she trailed off and looked up. Dad was standing in the doorway, and mum's eyes flashed.

"Get out! Shut door and go away, this not your room, this not your family! Get out!" He looked stunned, and backed out of the room, closing the door as he retreated.

Nia burst into tears again, and I resumed handing out tissues, mum holding her with one hand, and stroking my hair with the other.

"I think perhaps I come with you, wherever you go, I want be with you, cannot stay here if I cannot have my children, stupid man, very stupid man, make children very unhappy, make children leave, children important in family, no children mean no luck, children run away, good fortune leave with them!" her indignant muttering went on, lulling me as I listened to the rhythm of her speech. I had heard her speak all my life, and I had never been able to tell she had an accent; when kids at school said to me "your mum talks funny!" I'd look at them like they were mad, but now, I understood what they meant, her clipped, rise and fall tones almost sing-song, hypnotic. Mum never usually put long sentences together, using two or three words to convey meaning that other people couldn't get across with a whole essay, and listening to her talking non-stop was novel and compelling. I had always believed she was so brief because her English wasn't that good (and how good was my Vietnamese after living with her for close on 20 years?), but that was just how she spoke, believing brevity was the soul of communication.

There was a knock on the door, and mum slid off the bed and stalked over, flinging the door wide.

"I tell you once, this not your room, you sleep in spare room or greenhouse, I not care, I with my children, they need me, not need you, you hurt them, not love them, not care about them, neighbours more important, now you go away, ban là mot nguoi dàn ông rat ngu ngoc!" (You are a very stupid man!)

Dad looked like he was going to burst into tears. I'd never seen mum so angry, and presumably neither had he, judging by the look on his face.

His face worked, and when he finally spoke, it was in a whisper.

"Anh, Jamie, Nia, I'm so sorry, I thought...!"

Mum flashed back at him. "What you think, that your children like your employees, you make rules and they jump around? They your children, James, they special, rules not apply, family come first, without family, there is nothing, you not know that yet? When you learn that?"

Dad really had tears on his cheeks this time, and mum was crying as well, but she was still furious.

"Anh, I just thought that we shouldn't...!" he began again, and again mum cut him short. "Should not what, James? Should not let them be in love? Try and make them not love each other? You not listen to your children, No, just say stupid things and watch them leave. Perhaps it time for me to go too; my children are crying, and you are making rules; when you stop loving your children and start loving rules so much? It time for you to go now, my children need me, and you not sorry, you just want to explain stupid rules. You promise me that you not drive my children away, that you listen to them, be their father, help them when they need you, now you drive them away. Go away!"

Dad looked at Anh, and slowly shook his head. "No, not until I apologise to Jamie, and Nia...and you. I was wrong, I wasn't thinking, and I'm sorry. Can we go back downstairs, start again, work something out. I don't want the kids to leave, I don't want you to leave me, please!"

Mum looked slightly less angry, but her face was still set and her eyes were flinty, sharp and hard as they bored into his. Eventually she nodded, and dad turned to go back downstairs.

Mum looked back at the two of us, and nodded. "Children, we go, talk some more, maybe he have better idea. We see!" God, she was tough, I'm just glad she was on our side!

We trooped back downstairs, Mum with that set expression on her face and Nia still dabbing at her eyes, and filed into the sitting room. I sat on the sofa opposite dad, and Nia huddled behind me, her arms around my neck, glaring defiantly at him. Mum sat on the arm of the sofa next to me, her arm over Nia's shoulder, and we waited for dad to begin.

"Anh, kids, what am I saying, you're not kids anymore, Jamie, Nia, I'm sorry, I overreacted, I let the whole situation get away from me. Jamie, I haven't seen you in almost a year, and I haven't even said hello yet, just went straight into it; I'm sorry, I missed you, I know Nia did, she spent the last 3 years moping around, crying whenever we mentioned your name; I suppose with hindsight, I should have seen this coming. I wanted to say I was wrong, I made a mistake; I just thought I could make this not be happening, that my children didn't really feel like that about each other. I know your mother sees it differently, but I just looked at it one way, and I got it wrong. Of course I want to help you, and I would never ask you to leave, either one of you, I would cut out my own heart before I drove either one of you away, and if you want to be together, I can't stop you and I won't stand in your way. I only have one condition. I meant what I said about musical beds, I can't have that, so what you'll do is, the pair of you will move into the top floor of the house, that will be your space, what you do in there is none of my business. I want my children to feel wanted in their own home, and this is the best I can do. Tomorrow, Jamie, you and I will clear it out and move whatever you want up there. Later, you may want to find a place of your own, do that, if that's really what you want, but this is always going to be your home. I didn't mean to hurt you, either of you, and I don't want to hurt you again; every man's entitled to make a complete bloody fool of himself once in his lifetime, I think I just used up my quota!"

Mum stood up and walked over to him, kissed him on the cheek. "Now you making sense, at last!"

He looked at Nia. "Is that good enough for you, Nugget?" he asked with a small smile. Nia grinned at him. "Thank you daddy, Jamie and I accept, we'll both help you tomorrow!"

Dad grinned at us. "I meant what I said, no musical beds, tonight you're still brother and sister, so your own rooms, please, tomorrow night, well, we'll see!" he rubbed his chin. "I must be mad, this is so...so...I don't know what this is, there must be a name for it but I'm buggered if I know!"

There was one thing I had been meaning to ask dad, ever since mum had told us her story.

"Dad, what was my mother like, my birth-mother, and why didn't you tell me she and mum were friends, or anything about her?"

Dad looked pensive, eyes far away for a second.

"Jamie, your mother, your birth-mother, and I were married for almost a year. She was a trainee-teacher, learning to teach primary school 5-year olds. You look a lot like her. She was a lot like you, quiet, funny, patient, happy. She got pregnant soon after we got married, and Anh lived with us – your mother's parents had passed away, and Anh was like her young sister, the only family she had. Soon after you were born, she began having headaches, blurred vision, nausea. The hospital said she was suffering from migraine, kept giving her painkillers, but nothing helped, and the headaches got worse, so they did a CAT scan, and found she had a tumour, a large one, and it was inoperable. She passed away less than a month later. She gave you to your mum, told her she was your mother now, and that's how we kept it. Your mum was the only mother you knew, I didn't want you to be confused when you were small, and after a while it didn't matter, your mum was your mum, she looked after you, fed you, changed you, did everything for you. The rest you know."