Nighttime Confessions Too

Temptation is an insidious thing. Sometimes it can be hard to notice as it creeps up on you. All of a sudden you are faced with a choice. It's easy to get caught up in the moment. You don't think about future consequences, all you think about is the now. What's in front of you. When you are faced with an offer that seem too good to pass up; it's only later that you realize that spur of the moment decisions can have long lasting consequences.

To make matters worse, sometimes the circumstances conspire to hide potential consequences. This can make the temptation even harder to resist. Your emotions take over or you are forced into a hasty decision. This can be the most dangerous situation of all.

When a situation seems to good to be true, human nature asks, "What's the catch"? You look for the consequences and can avoid the spur of the moment decision. When you can be spot the potential consequence, you have a basis on which to make your choice. But if the consequences are hidden, you go with the moment and forget to look for the catch. When you discover the consequences, it might be too late.

For example, we have all heard of instances where someone "does the right thing" and returns a found wallet, a large sum of lost money or an expensive piece of jewelry. These are the situations that are too good to be true. It's easy to spot the consequences that will flow from the decision that is made. You can see the harm that will come to the person who lost the item and the potential consequences if you are caught keeping the money or the item. You can imagine the potential rewards of doing the right thing. There is the temptation to keep the money, but you make your decision with knowledge of the consequence and this makes it easier to resist.

But we have all found a quarter or a dollar on the street and picked it up without a second thought. How much effort do we expend to find the rightful owner? It's not even thought of as a temptation. You don't think about that money belonging to someone else, you just think that it is your lucky day and walk on. For each of us, the line where we stop thinking of it as a lucky find and start thinking about the person who lost the item is drawn in a different place.

There are other examples as well. We all speed because we know it is safe to drive 5-10 miles over the speed limit. Yes it is breaking the law, but how many of us think of it that way? Our expectations have led us to believe that it is acceptable. Similarly we all fib in small ways every day from our taxes, to our bosses to our wives. We don't do this to be dishonest. We know it's safe so therefore acceptable.

To understand why Meg had given into Phil, I had to think about what had happened, how Meg viewed the temptation. Meg had told me that she hadn't thought about the consequences before she slept with Phil. She acted on the spur of the moment and gave in to her emotions. She never looked for the catch.

When she did think about the consequences, her reaction was what I would hope. She had deep regrets when she realized what she had done. She refused to have sex with him again and avoided him for the rest of the conference.

As I thought about what Meg had done, I began to hope that there was still a future for us. It hurt to know that she had fucked some other guy, but I could understand how she gave in to temptation. Meg had touched on the issue of temptation last night and had asked me some troubling questions that I had ignored. There have been occasions where I have faced similar temptations. I can understand how hard it is to stay in control.

There has been three times during my time with Meg that I have faced temptation, with varying degrees of success. The first time was when Meg was pregnant with Sarah. Roger from the office had invited me to a bachelor's party that he was putting together.

My first mistake was accepting the invitation. I knew that Roger had a reputation for outrageous parties. He was wild and I should have known that he had something special planned, but I believed him when he told me that the party would just be drinking and watching some skin flicks. In retrospect, Roger had plans for me from the beginning. He always told me that I needed to let my hair down.

After we started to get buzzed, Roger convinced the groom to submit to being handcuffed to a chair in the middle of his living room. It was obvious something was going to happen and I stuck around to make sure that the groom wasn't going to be humiliated. That's when the two strippers showed up.

I should have left then and that was my second mistake. Over the next half-hour the strippers gave us a highly erotic show. They stripped each other completely and kissed and fondled both each other and the groom. They were using him as a stage prop. As they stripped, they took turns sitting on the groom's lap and teasing him unmercifully. Then they started to strip the groom as well and gave him one hell of a lap dance.

The groom gave into temptation. He didn't think about his fiancé or his upcoming marriage; all he saw was their tits and pussies. Of course he reacted, the dancers were gorgeous and they were doing everything in their power to tease him and get him off. They were rubbing and touching him in ways that would have gotten them arrested if they had tried it down at a club.

He wasn't able to stop the dancers as they undressed him and started to fondle him. He sucked when they shoved their nipples into his mouth. When one dancer shoved his face into her pussy he didn't hesitate, but started lapping eagerly as the other one sucked him and got him hard. He may not have had much of a choice when she slid a condom on him and mounted him, but when they took off the handcuffs, he was eager to continue.

My third mistake was not leaving when Roger announced that the girls were ready to do the rest of us as well. At the time, I told myself that I was only staying to make sure that things didn't get too out of hand, but I was lying to myself. I had gotten pretty worked up watching the dancers do the groom and was not thinking clearly. I didn't plan on doing anything with the dancers, but I was having fun watching the show.

Roger made sure that I was approached quickly. I was standing there, rock hard watching the one of the girls play with the groom and a couple of the other guys. Suddenly, I felt this small hand reach into my pants. The other dancer had come up from behind and had gotten my zipper undone. Once she got her hand on my prick, she used it as a handle to pull me into a bedroom.

I tried to get away, but she wouldn't take no for an answer. She was all over me and I told myself that I couldn't pull away without hurting her. Roger had promised her an extra $100.00 if she could get me to fuck her or allow her to blow me. She was determined to get that extra money. She worked on me begging me to fuck her as she continued to pump my prick. I finally gave in to the temptation; the hand job felt good and I forgot about consequences. I didn't want to fuck her but I did get a blowjob.

There was nothing erotic about it. I wasn't looking for it. I didn't plan on doing it again. It wasn't even that much fun. The release was purely physical. I felt nothing for the dancer except some pity. But, whom am I kidding. I gave into the moment. I'm not proud of it, but it is hard to resist a naked woman who is begging you for sex.

After she finished, I left as fast as I could. Even as I shot off on her chest, I felt incredibly guilty for what I had done. I vowed that I would make it up to Meg and that I would never let myself get in that type of position again. It was a one-time occurrence that I had no desire to repeat, but I still felt like a heel.

The second incident came after an office Christmas party about eight years ago. Meg was out for the evening with the kids and I was riding with another guy from the office. I had had a few too many and was feeling no pain. My ride and I decided to join our co-workers when the party ended up at a local bar.

By 9:00 P.M., the group had thinned out and most of the happily married people had already headed home. I found myself sitting with Peggy, a cute red headed co-ed who was doing an internship in our office. Peggy was pretty sloshed and, as the night went on, she started to come on to me.

Peggy loved to dance and she kept dragging me out on the dance floor. She was rubbing herself against me and was doing some amazing things with her body. My chest had been intimately introduced to her breasts and she had worked her ass tight against my crotch. She knew that she had made me hard and she liked what she was feeling. In the booth, she sat pressed up against me with her hand caressing the inside of my thigh.

I'll admit it. I found the attention flattering and did not discourage it as much as I should have. I grabbed a few feels too. It's not often that a middle age man has a cute co-ed come on to him.

It got serious when Peggy trapped me in the hallway by the toilets and gave me a kiss that had smoke blowing out of my ears. She propositioned me. She cuddled into me and whispered that her apartment was close by and invited me to go home with her. She wanted to show me a good time.

This was an offer I could resist. I knew that nothing good could come of having an office romance with her. I was happy with Meg and knew that an affair would screw up my marriage. Peggy was cute, but the risk wasn't worth it. I could see the potential consequences and this allowed me to think instead of just going with the moment. There was nothing that she could offer me that could overcome my resistance. It wasn't a hard choice. I told her no thanks and decided to catch a cab for home.

The next day, Peggy thanked me. She admitted that she was attracted to me, but she was mortified when she realized what she had done. It was a classic case of alcohol reducing her inhibitions. For the rest of her internship, Peggy would blush whenever she had to deal with me.

I was able to see the consequences of accepting Peggy's proposition. I was able to avoid the ultimate temptation. But, I still felt guilty. My behavior at the bar had gone over the line. I did flirt with Peggy that night. I didn't stop her when she pushed the limits. When she ground her ass into me on the dance floor, I enjoyed it and pushed back. I enjoyed the mutual groping. I didn't pull away from her kiss. For most of the night it just seemed like harmless fun, but I was brought back to reality when she invited me to her apartment. I'm just glad her proposition came in a public place. I'm not sure I could have resisted if she had done so privately.

The third time was with my next-door neighbor Barb. When Barb moved in next to us she was an emotional wreck. She had just gone through a bitter divorce and needed a friend to help her get back on her feet. Somehow, I ended up that friend.

For over a year, I spent a lot of time with Barb talking to her and building up her self-confidence. Meg and I talked about what I was trying to do and she supported my efforts. She told me that she was proud of me and loved me even more for caring enough about a friend to try to help her.

I'm not sure how proud Meg would have been if she knew the whole story. What Meg didn't know was that Barb would flirt and come on to me on a regular basis. Barb had caught her former husband in an affair with a woman from his office and had a low sense of self-esteem. I always considered her flirting a way to recover her confidence and re affirm that she was still an attractive woman.

I wasn't sure how to handle it. Barb was in a fragile state and rejecting her abruptly could be devastating. But, I was not tempted to take her up on her offers; I had learned my lesson with Peggy. I was careful not to flirt back. If an office romance was dangerous, an affair, a fling or even ongoing flirtation with a neighbor was a recipe for disaster.

After long thought, I did decide not to talk to Meg about the flirting. I didn't do it to hurt Meg; I was caught up in helping Barb. If I told Meg about Barb's coming on to me, then Meg might get jealous and that would be the end to my helping Barb. So, I carefully tried to thread the minefield of assuring Barb that she remained attractive while reminding her that I was unavailable.

It almost became a game. Barb would flirt with me and got more blatant as time went on. She was trying to get a rise out of me. She took to wearing sexy clothes when we talked and would tell me how much she was attracted to me. She told me how much she envied Meg. She "accidentally" flashed me quick glimpses of her breasts or her panties and let me catch her partially undressed.

I'm a man. I'm not going to say that I didn't enjoyed looking at what Barb wanted to show me, but I thought she was just playing. I believed that she respected my desire to remain loyal to Meg. Barb had first hand experience of the pain caused by a cheating spouse. She told me that she didn't want to become the "other woman" in an affair, but I thought she was only teasing me when she said she liked the idea of a fling.

In some ways it was my fault. I didn't discourage her as much as I could have and looked at what she was showing me with obvious appreciation. I didn't flirt back, but I did tell her that I was flattered and found her extremely attractive. It is entirely possible that she got the impression that I would have acted on her offers if I could do so safely. My mantra was that I would not do anything to hurt my marriage to Meg.

When Barb told me that she had accepted a job in Spokane and was moving I was happy for her. I felt that she had finally placed her divorce behind her and was getting on with her life. I was also a bit relieved. Her flirting had gotten to the point where I was getting uncomfortable. I was worried that Meg would notice.

When Barb planned her going away party, Meg and I were the first people she invited. I didn't think that Barb would flirt too much in front of everyone so I wasn't worried. I let go and started to have a good time. It was just another neighborhood party.

I got separated from Meg when she got caught in a discussion with the neighborhood know it all. He wanted to give Meg his ideas on saving the school system. I mingled by myself for a while and then went upstairs to use the bathroom. Barb followed me upstairs and pulled me into her bedroom.

Barb had decided that this was her last chance. She wanted to thank me all right; thank me on her back. As soon as the door shut, Barb was pushing herself against me as she tried to count my fillings with her tongue. Barb's reasoning was simple. I wouldn't fool around with a neighbor because I didn't want to hurt Meg. But now that she was leaving town, she thought she could convince me to give her a one- time command performance.

Barb's method was very direct. Before I knew what was happening, her blouse was off, her tits were out and she was on her knees trying to get my pants off. She was pretty graphic in describing what she planned to do to me. She wasn't giving me time to think about Meg, she knew what she wanted and she was going after it.

I did try to stop her at first, but it's hard to think about consequences when you have an attractive lady fishing around in your pants. I liked Barb and was attracted to her. I had real incentive to accept her statement that nobody would be hurt by a quick fuck. Meg would never have to know. My resistance was crumbling. I was sitting on the edge of her bed and she had managed to get my pants down and had my cock in her hand. I had just given into the temptation to start licking her nipples when I heard the doorknob rattle.

That doorknob brought me back to my senses. Yes, I was still tempted, but the potential consequences had raised their ugly heads. There was too much of a chance that we would get caught. No matter how much my libido was screaming at me to fuck Barb, I knew it was not worth screwing up my marriage to Meg.

Barb wanted to continue, but I was able to resist and I stopped her. I thanked her but I told her that it was crazy. I wasn't going to give in and have sex with her. I finally told her something that I should have told her a long time ago. While I found her attractive, I had no desire to be with her or with anyone else because I loved Meg. I wasn't looking for a safe way to have an affair. I didn't want one period.

Barb finally got the message and apologized to me for her actions. She didn't want to leave on a sour note. I forgave her and gave her a kiss on the cheek and told her that I thought that it was time that I left. Barb laughed and told me that she would check if the path were clear. She teased me that she didn't want anyone to get the wrong idea. She waved me out of the room and I went downstairs and found Meg. That party was the last time I saw Barb.

So there you have it, my litany of shame. One tawdry blowjob and two abortive grope sessions over twenty years. I had never actually fucked anyone else, but I couldn't take pride in that statement, nor could I claim moral superiority over Meg. While I hated to admit it, had the circumstances been different, I easily could have ended up fucking one or more of these women.

I wasn't proud of myself. My reason for refusing to fuck the dancer had nothing to do with right or wrong, I was put off by the situation. I knew that she didn't want me; she just wanted the extra $100.00 that Roger promised her.

With Peggy and Barb, my awareness of potential consequences saved me from my own stupidity. I knew that had the circumstances changed, I might have fucked them both. I would have regretted it as soon as I realized what I had done, but I wasn't thinking of consequences until they were rubbed in my face. I was well on my way to fucking Barb when Ruth rattled that doorknob. I never set out to be unfaithful to Meg, but I'm human and I had given into temptation on some occasions

I asked myself how I would have responded if it had been me in that suite. If I had been in Meg's situation with Judy, Rachel or Dee Dee, would I have given in? I didn't know. It would have been hard to resist. Meg did not have the outside intervention that showed her the potential consequences. She acted on the spur of the moment and screwed up.

This group was almost the perfect temptation for Meg. Their views on sex and love were an extreme version of opinions that Meg had expressed to me on many occasions. Meg views sex as just another bodily function. What she views as important is the intimacy and closeness that comes with an emotional attachment. She has told me on many occasions that she feels we make love every time we cuddle and caress each other. While she enjoys sex, it's not an obsession with her, it is just one of the many ways that we show our love for one another.

This group shared her views of the difference between love and sex. The difference however, is that they acted on their belief by having sex with other people. They told her it was all right to have sex as long as she kept it casual. They encouraged her to treat sex as just another physical activity.

I'm familiar with Meg's beliefs about the difference between making love and having sex. We have discussed it over the years at various times. Before she met me, she was a person who lived the saying "its just sex." When she wanted release, she would agree to have sex with her date or her boyfriend of the time, but kept it casual. But after we met, she has always respected our relationship and stayed faithful to me.

I don't share her belief that there is a difference between sex and making love. The act of having sex creates such an intimacy that I cannot view it as just another physical activity. The mere act of copulation is so personal that it necessarily creates a bond. Further, the mating dance to get to sex creates another type of bond. I might be a hypocrite because of what I have done, but even when I had been tempted, I've understood the consequence of my actions. I felt the guilt because I knew that I had betrayed both Meg and my own beliefs.