No Slave To Destiny

"Not much of an idea at this point. Susan is the COO of Wadkins, Walden & Associates. She made it sound like this is pretty big. They have an RFP out and some bids on file. If we're... if you're ... interested, you'll have to move quickly."

"When can you set up an introductory meeting ... for us?"

I hesitated for only a moment. "Immediately. No sarcasm intended, Arthur, but I'm open. How's your day tomorrow?"

"See what you can do," he replied. "I'll make the time. And Dave? Thanks."

"You're welcome. Let's hope it works out." There wasn't anything more to say and I hung up the receiver. One down, two calls to go. I drained the tumbler, found Susan's business card and dialed the number. Julie answered at reception.

"Hi Julie. It's Dave. You remember, Jen's Dad?"

"Yes of course, how are you?"

"Fine. Listen, is Mrs. Biddulph in?"

"Ms." replied Julie. "It's Ms. Biddulph. And, no, unfortunately Susan's out until this afternoon. Can I help?"

"Maybe. Who do I speak with to set up an appointment? I was hoping for something tomorrow."

"Let's see. Tomorrow afternoon, late, looks doable. She's booked solid until, say, 4 p.m. Will that work?" asked Julie.

"Perfect. I'll have another party with me. Fella by the name of Arthur Hewitt, Vice-President of TS&D with Gavel Technologies."

"Okay, we'll see you at 4:00 tomorrow then," said Julie. "I'll let Susan know."

"Great. And could you also mention it to Jen if you see her? I'd call her myself but I don't want to interrupt unnecessarily. Thanks Julie."

I called Arthur back to confirm the appointment, then refilled my tumbler. This next call would be the hardest to make, but also the most necessary. I knew that now. Dr. Armstrong answered his own phone, which I liked. I introduced myself as a referral from Susan Biddulph and made an initial appointment for the morning after the Wadkins, Walden meeting.

An afternoon introduction had been an option but I didn't trust myself to get that far into the day and still arrive sober at the doctor's office. The exploratory business meeting I felt certain I could handle. I was much less sure about the emotional probing with Dr. Armstrong. Perhaps 'inquisition' was a more accurate description of my expectations.

****

"Good afternoon, Susan" I said as she walked into the boardroom and I rose to shake her hand. Her grip was firm and cordial. Did she hold my grasp for just a moment too long? Her broad, open smile conveyed an honest and warm welcome. "So nice of you to make time to meet with us this late in the day."

"Hello Dave. Nice to see you again," Susan replied. "And this must be Arthur Hewitt," she said as she turned to take his hand. "Welcome to Wadkins, Walden."

"Thanks Mrs. Biddulph," said Arthur as he resumed his seat.

"It's Ms. actually," Susan corrected. "And, please, call me Susan. Shall we begin gentlemen?"

In the car ride to keep our appointment Arthur had encouraged me to take the lead during the meeting.

"It's your prospect, Dave. Call on me when you need to but I'll expect you to focus on getting the information necessary to complete the RFP."

Now that we were in the boardroom, I felt the weight of responsibility squarely on my shoulders. "Gavel offers a complete range of disciplines and competencies," I began.

"Yes," replied Susan. "I've done quite a bit of research on Gavel in preparation for our meeting today and must say I'm impressed with the data management, networking and hardware engineering systems you offer.

"I should preface our discussion by saying, confidentially you understand, that Wadkins, Walden is about to undertake an acquisition merger with a major competitor. There will be an announcement in the business press early next week," explained Susan.

"This merger will radically change our organizational structure and our market share, nationally and globally. Obviously a huge investment will be required in new Information Technologies to facilitate this merger and to position us for rapid growth afterward.

"We have a satellite office just outside of Turin, Italy which we established last year to tentatively explore the European market," explained Susan, "but essentially 85% of our customer base is here in America along with two offices in Canada, one in Toronto and the other in Calgary.

"Once the acquisition goes through we expect to expand our activities in Italy and will also have satellite operations we'll be responsible for in The Netherlands, Spain and Asia, specifically Hangzhou, Hong Kong. That's the biggest challenge as we see it. Implementing compatible and fully integrated IT systems in several international locations without compromising the secure transmission of financial data through our global enterprise network. It goes without saying that data security is our first and highest priority."

I looked at Arthur, inviting him to participate at any time. "What I envision would be a three server set-up. One main server based here to control internal operations at Wadkins, Walden. A second remote server dedicated to public files ... your private investor and public company account internet access server, if you will ... and a third server, the engine of the entire system managed by yourselves and Gavel for troubleshooting and maintenance purposes."

At this point, Arthur steered the conversation more directly towards global network connectivity issues including the need to establish foreign IT sub-contractors for networking and programing outside of North America, setting up new protocols for Administrators and file access capabilities, and insuring compatible hardware and software applications. It was well past 6:30 by the time our discussions had covered all the main points we needed to establish clarity around the full scope of the opportunity.

"Gentlemen, I think that about does it," concluded Susan. "We've covered a lot of ground in a few short hours. If you have any further questions over the next few days, just give me a call."

"When do you need our proposal, Susan?" I asked as we prepared to leave. "I know you're pressed for time on this."

"If you could let me have at least a preliminary draft by mid-week, I will include it in my presentation to our Assets Acquisition Committee on Thursday. Can you get it done by then?"

Arthur glanced in my direction and was about to respond, fearing another Hayworth fiasco, but held back as he saw me smile. "I will deliver something to your desk by no later than close on Tuesday," I offered. "What's the target date for implementation?"

"Three months for the U.S. operations and Canada. Then we focus on the satellites."

"Twelve weeks!" cried Arthur.

"Thirteen," I corrected, "if it's a calendar quarter. I know it's a push but, frankly, we've done it before," I continued, echoing Arthur's words from the Hayworth meeting.

Arthur's relief was plainly visible in his body language as he walked towards her with a discernible jig in his step. "It's been a pleasure, Susan," he said extending his hand. "We'll be in touch."

"I look forward to seeing what you two come up with," replied Susan. She turned to me. "Dave, I particularly appreciate your initiative on this. I know this is a very difficult time for you personally."

"We're very excited about the opportunity and grateful for this chance to compete. Thank you Susan," I replied. Our eyes locked for an instant and I thought I read in hers a knowing smile, compassion and in a strange way, hope. Certain I had not misread these signals I was equally sure I had no earthly idea why Susan and I had established this unspoken connection.

Out in the parking lot, the city's night lights had come alive. "Dave, I particularly appreciate your initiative on this," mimicked Arthur, smiling broadly. "Is there something going on here I should know about?" he asked lightly.

"Ah, now, c'mon Arthur," I responded. "Let's not get carried away here. It's purely professional I can assure you."

"Whatever you say, Dave. But I'm thinking we may have an inside track on this one."

"Wishful thinking," I said.

"What, yours or mine?" Arthur joked. "Anyway, we land this baby and you'll be seeing a lot more of Susan. Man, this project has got to be worth a couple of mill, wouldn't you say?"

"Yeah, something like that I would think. I'll need to crunch the numbers but your guesstimate is not far off. And then there's all the after-market contract work we get. This would really take Gavel Technologies to the next level."

Arthur dropped me off at home and drove away aggressively, kicking up a dust storm as he went. A not so gentle reminder that the driveway still needed paving. I unlocked the front door, dropped my coat and briefcase in the hallway, walked into the living room and went straight to the bar. This would be a celebratory drink, nothing more I assured myself. I had a lot of work ahead of me over the next few days and would need a clear head.

Several drinks later I thought to give Jen a call at home to bring her up to speed about the outcome of the meeting. She was pleased but concluded our brief discussion by telling me to put the bottle away and start working on the proposal first thing in the morning.

"I can't Jen. Not in the morning. I'll start tomorrow afternoon."

"Why?" she asked, her frustration evident.

"I have an appointment. With Dr. Armstrong."

Jen's squeal of delight through the receiver hurt my ear. "I love you Daddy," she said as she hung up. If I'd stopped to think about it, I'd have known her next call would be to Mark.

****

"Dave, I'm a behavioral psychologist," explained Dr. Armstrong. "I offer my clients strategies for dealing with loss. That's my specialty ... cognitive behavioral therapy for those who are grieving. From the little you've told me so far, I don't believe you're an alcoholic. Or that you're depressed.

"Your dependence on alcohol grew as a direct response to pain, emotional and spiritual pain. If I felt yours was a physical dependence there are other resources that could help and I'd be happy to refer you. But as I said I think your symptoms of fatigue, anxiety, inability to concentrate and your sense of hopelessness come from emotions deep within you.

"It's a very personal yet normal response to a traumatic event that has changed your life unexpectedly, completely and permanently. It's a change that you haven't yet fully internalized and accepted. When faced with these kinds of life-altering tragedies, people respond in all sorts of ways. One might become a shopaholic, for lack of a better term. Another becomes totally reclusive and unreachable. I've had clients who became very religious. Others turned to gambling as a distraction. Many, like you, seek refuge in alcohol or even hard drugs.

"So you see, what you're experiencing is not at all uncommon. We only need to understand your situation better and introduce influences to guide your emotional responses in a positive way, replacing the negative impulses that presently drive your behavior. Let's start there."

"Okay, Dr. Armstrong," I said. "I've got nothing to lose at this point and everyone I know seems to think I need your help. So I'm in your hands."

"Good," he responded. "Now, please call me Justin. We're going to get on very intimate terms over the next little while so we might as well get comfortable and informal." With that he stood up and walked over to the bay window of his high-rise office overlooking the downtown core of the city. He drew the drapes and returned to his recliner chair, paper and pen in hand. "So, let's start at the beginning shall we Dave? Tell me about Peg, how you met, what she was like."

For almost an hour I talked at length about our early married life, our children, our careers, our hopes and aspirations for the future. Rarely did Justin interrupt and when he did, it was only to get clarification or to probe more deeply into something I had said. All the while he kept notes, nodding his encouragement as I rambled on topics ranging from the purely pragmatic to the frankly philosophical. It all seemed important to Justin and for the first time in a long while I enjoyed the attention of openly communicating with someone ... someone other than myself.

At the end of our first session Justin asked how I felt about the time we had spent together. I told him I had rather enjoyed it. He suggested a series of half-hour appointments over the following eight weeks and I readily agreed. We would do a progress assessment at that time.

"So now we have a schedule and I encourage you to stick to it whenever you possibly can Dave," he concluded. "It's important if we hope to make progress going forward. I say this because not all the sessions will be as easy as this first one. Some will be tough to get through and I don't want you to become discouraged or disillusioned. A disciplined approach is needed so that the benefits of one session builds on the previous one and contributes to the next. Does that make sense?"

Stepping out into the sunshine as I left Armstrong's office I felt rejuvenated and more positive than I had at any time in the past several months. I stopped in at a small bistro on a nearby corner and had a light lunch and a cup of coffee. It was time to go to work and I was in a hurry to get started.

"Where to?" asked the cab driver as he pulled up alongside the curb outside the bistro.

"Work," I said. "Gavel Technologies. 1221 Feathermount Street. Don't spare the horses," I instructed, reveling in the connection... work and Gavel. Arthur had suggested I use my old office to prepare the RFP backgrounder. That way I would have access to the company's product brochures, spec sheets and other data I would need to complete the plan and prepare a total project cost estimate and line item budgets for implementation. I was happy to accept, not because it put me back into a business environment but rather because it kept me away from what was waiting at home.

"Afternoon all," I said as I made my way down the corridor to my old office. Fortunately Arthur had prepared the staff for my arrival. No-one dropped anything. Nobody stared. It was as though I had never left, except that now my smiles were being returned.

It was almost midnight by the time I turned out the lights and closed the office door behind me. I was tired to the bone and couldn't help wondering if my work so far would pass muster in the morning. What I had right now was only an outline of a proposal, short on facts and long on intention. But the abstract and skeleton needed to be right.

Once home, I poured myself a stiff drink. Then another. Again, celebratory in nature. To unwind, I told myself. After the third drink I went to the refrigerator, pulled out some sandwich meats and cheese and settled down to dinner, such as it was.

I awoke the next morning without the alarm well after 7 a.m. feeling refreshed and eager to get back to work. It was Saturday and the office would be especially quiet. Just the way I liked it.

The weekend quickly became Monday afternoon and then Tuesday morning. I had consulted closely with Arthur along the way. The submission was pretty much complete and, thankfully, on time. I offered to hand-deliver the package to Susan's office, just to be sure it got there. Arthur raised an eyebrow but didn't question my motives further.

I arrived at Wadkins, Walden to find that Susan was away until the following morning. I had some difficulty hiding my disappointment. "Oh, that's too bad. Never mind. Could you please make sure she gets this," I said to Julie as I handed over the brown envelope.

"Sure. I'll take good care of it until she gets in," replied Julie, smiling as always. "Exciting, isn't it?" she asked.

"What's that?"

"The announcement yesterday about the merger. Did you see it?"

"Yes," I lied. "Big things on the horizon for your company by the sounds of it. Anyhoo, gotta run. Tell Susan... um... Ms. Biddulph... tell her I... could you let her ..."

"I'll tell her you said 'hi'", offered Julie.

"Yes, okay. And give her my package."

"And give her your package," she added, smiling more broadly than ever.

"Thanks," I said and walked quickly towards the elevator to hide my embarrassment. How did she know what I meant to say? Women. Note to self. Never underestimate them. And pick up a copy of the Financial Times. With my focus on the RFP submission the Wadkins, Walden merger press release had completely slipped my mind. How inexcusable was that?

Exiting the elevator I crossed the street, turned right at the intersection and began making my way to Justin Armstrong's office to keep our next appointment. Stick to the schedule, he had said. I was determined to do so.

****

It was evening by the time I arrived home to receive Mark's call. "Hi Dad. How are you?"

"Good, thanks Mark. How about yourself?"

"Doing just fine, Dad. Just fine. Jen tells me you're keeping busy."

"Oh, with the submission, yes. Quite a windfall to get the opportunity. Of course we don't know if we have the project yet. In fact, as I understand it, we're up against some pretty stiff competition. But we've put in what I think is a very good bid and I think our chances are excellent. We'll know if a few days, I guess."

"And?" inquired Mark.

"And?" I asked.

"And what else?"

"What else? Well, nothing much really. Been pretty tied up with the...."

"Jen tells me you're seeing a psychologist," interjected Mark.

"Actually, yes. Had my second session today."

"How did it go?" he asked.

"Fine. Well, pretty rough actually. At least today's session was. But I was expecting it. There's a lot of healing to do."

"I'm proud of you Dad. Everything's going to be alright now, even if you don't feel like you've turned the corner just yet. Listen, my boss wants me to take some leave. Can I come up and see you?"

"Of course, Mark. I'd like nothing better. Would be great to spend some Father-Son time again," I replied enthusiastically.

"Father, son and other. If that's okay," said Mark.

"Other?"

"That's right. If you don't mind, that is. There's someone I'd like you to meet."

"Okay, I suppose. Who is it?"

"Her name is Wendy. She's someone I've been seeing for a while now."

"Are you serious? Not about bringing her. I mean seriously dating?" I clarified.

"You always encouraged us not to put labels on young relationships, remember Dad? So I'm not going to say 'serious' but, yes, it could be developing that way. I just thought it was time to introduce you two."

"I think that's great news Mark. I'll look forward to it. When are you coming?"

"My vacation starts Monday next week so we could be there by the weekend. How's that for you?"

"Perfect. See you then," I said. "And, Mark. Thanks."

We both knew why he was coming. It wasn't only to introduce Wendy. That was the cover.
'I'll be there to help you, Dad. But only when you're ready to help yourself,' he had said. And he was being true to his word.

The call came late Friday afternoon. But it was to Arthur, not me. I was at home working on my second sundowner, anticipating Mark and Wendy's arrival, when the phone rang. It was Arthur.

"Dave. Great news. We got it, you big lug. We got the Wadkins, Walden account. Oh my God. I just got the call from Susan. She said to pass on her congratulations. I got to give it to you. That was a fine piece of work you did on the RFP. Oh geez, I can't believe it. We got it. I just have to keep saying it. Oh, man."

"Arthur, that's fantastic," I said as soon as he paused to breathe. "Shoot, I can hardly believe it myself. This is the best news ever!" Then, as an afterthought: "Wonder why she didn't call me too?"

"Politics," ventured Arthur. "And, besides, if you want my opinion I think it's also about a little thing that shareholders and the keepers of business ethics frown upon if you aren't careful. It's called conflict of interest."