All Comments on 'Noah's Salvation'

More postings please!!!

Here is one paragraph in your story:

"Clint made the introductions that day and Catalina smiled when she offered a hand to Noah that he shook in the instant before she bombarded him with questions as only an open, affection twelve year old could; where was he from...why had he come to Rapture Island...how old was he...did he like working for her father and did he know that she helped her daddy out during the summer...the questions were fired rapidly and Noah answered them as best as he could, keeping the answers simple, knowing there was no gentle way to explain to such a sweet child what had really prompted him to leave his life in Chicago behind."

That one paragraph has only one period. That is a single sentence that contains over a hundred words!! There are other paragraphs equally long and complex in this story that contain a single sentence. The writer's 7th grade English teacher would have attacked those paragraphs with a red marker pointing out that periods belong here, here and here.

The complexity of the sentences in this story make it almost unreadable. And sorry, but the opening of the story is practically "It was a dark and stormy night" - but far more complex and less direct.

Greeneyelove you should try to learn the value of a simple declarative sentence. Your story has a nice plot. Your ideas seem good. But the reader is assaulted with a barage of words so intimidating that it is a challange to reach the end.

I encourage you to try again, perhaps even re-write this story. You have the talent. It would be worth the effort.

Such a fabulous story. So complete!!!!!!!

Really loved it....spoilt only by poor spelling and grammar, but the description and feeling was superb.

However, I do agree with all the comments so far, you do need to take the offer of free volunteer editing that is provided by wonderful people on the Literotica Forums. The sentence structure did cause my eyes to cross as I often had to read the sentence four or five times to understand the point you were trying to make. It was worth the wading through as I can see you definitely have natural talent that only needs a bit of tweaking, so your words can be true carriers of the power of your thoughts.

this is the best story i have read so far here, so what a few mispelled words easy to correct but the talent behind this far outways that, i was so into this story beautifully written you could feel the love and i hope you write more, excellent

the storyline was outstanding, but poor spelling and grammar made it less enjoyable to read. with an editor, i look forward to your upcoming posts!

all i need to say is in the title. BORING! i have never read such a shallow story. Next time, make more of an effort to write sex stories, will ya?

This was just a damn good love story. It was great to know that they finally came together, and expressed their feelings for each other.5***** toby9790.

I am blown away by how great you write. The feelings and emotions you put into your stories is absolutely wonderful. I hope to see more romantic stories from you because you have such talent writing them. Great Job!

I don't mind the grammar or spelling, for heavens sake this is not a pay site. A really good writer does NOT need to write a sex scene for the sex to come thru as very good. You have that gift author. I wish you would write more romances, but thank you!

Johnny