Not My Type: Felicity Ch. 07

Nate sat at Adele's feet with his head resting against her knee and his guitar in his lap. He strummed softly, almost without meaning to. I recognized several songs, but I couldn't bring myself to sing along. Occasionally Nate let the words slip from his mouth, creating gentle background music to the hushed discussions. Every once and a while I'd look up to find someone smiling at me and while there was a certain underlying discomfort, I did feel better being with my friends.

I wondered what everyone thought about the situation between Matt and me. They all more than likely guessed what had happened the night of the wedding. Did they view me differently now? Did they still see Matt as the proverbial class clown armed with a joke to crack, a quick smile, and a loud laugh? They couldn't guess there was another side of their brother and friend—the side that was tender and intensely intimate. The side that had made me feel like the most beautiful and desirable woman in the world, if only for one night.

I half listened to Nate sing while the cribbage game took place across the room. Matt counted aloud in terse, short sentences. From what I could follow, he was winning.

Nate's fingers strummed over the guitar strings as he sang a song I didn't recognize. The few words I caught about a couple taking their last stroll along the shoreline went straight to my core.

I swallowed hard, trying to ignore the tale about love coming to an end, but the more Nate sang the more the lyrics got to me. I don't think he did it on purpose; his head was bent so he couldn't see the effect the song had on me. I clutched my trembling hands in my lap and tried not to let any tears surface as Nate sang quietly.

I couldn't take it another moment. I bolted out the door before I remembered it was still raining. I was soaked to the skin by the time I made it halfway down the beach, but I didn't care. I stood barefoot at the shoreline and took deep, shuddering breaths, trying to calm myself.

It hurt so much sitting there pretending nothing had happened, that nothing was wrong. It was a lie I couldn't keep telling myself, because something had happened and everything was wrong.

What had I done when I'd followed everyone's advice and taken what I wanted for so long? Had I ruined the best friendship I'd ever had? Had I forever pushed from my life the one person who always made me laugh? Always made me feel better? I felt like I was just getting to know all the sides of Matt, the secret parts of him he didn't show just anyone. And now it had slipped away from me and I couldn't see how to get it back. As long as Matt pretended that nothing had happened, as long as he avoided talking about our night together, all of the good things between us no longer existed and without them I felt lost.

I didn't know who I was anymore.

I wanted to stamp my feet. I wanted to scream. I wanted to do something, anything to make this hurt go away, to bring some life back into my numb heart. The waves pounded the beach, just as furious as the turmoil inside of me. The crashing sound drowned out everything, even the sound of my sobs like none of it mattered, like the way Matt must feel. None of it mattered.

A strong hand landed on my arm and whirled me around.

"What are you? Crazy?" Matt yelled over the sound of the pounding surf. "You'll catch your death out here!"

The rain had plastered his auburn hair to his head, making it look so dark it was almost brown. He was just as soaked as I was, his polo shirt moulded to his chest. I had to swallow hard to force the lump from my throat. He hadn't touched me in a week and the feel of his hand on my bare, rain-chilled arm had awoken my senses.

I didn't care if I did freeze to death out in the rain; it was a welcome change from the pain of tasting happiness for one night then having it ripped away. Why couldn't he have just said "no" when I asked him to take me home? Why did he have to kiss me? Make love to me? Why couldn't I have stayed invisible to him?

"What are you doing out here, Felicity?" Matt shouted.

Felicity.

I was still Felicity to him. It was appropriate really because the Flick I'd been was gone now. One night with Matt had changed all of that, had changed me.

"I don't know!"

Matt just stood there with the rain pouring down over him, and the surf crashing at his feet. His eyes never left my face. Thank goodness for the rain washing down my cheeks because I couldn't let him see me cry.

*

To be continued...

My dear readers... like me, Nate has a soft spot for David Gray. The song Flick hears him sing, "Shine", is my absolute favourite song ever. If you don't know it I urge you to go out and download it this instant (legitimately of course, please pay for your music!). Thank you as always for your continuing support and love. ~ firstkiss