Now It's My Turn Ch. 03

"Yes kids you have to wash up, Amber you can help Jack junior. Your mum and I will be in the lounge if you need us. Megan you'd better come in."

The kids ran in ahead, Jack junior sternly telling Amber that he was big enough to wash up and he didn't want her help. They were growing up fast and I was missing an important part of that process.

Once settled on the sofa I had a flash back to that fateful Sunday and started to shiver.

Jack's stern voice brought me back to the present, "Well Megan what do you want to see me about?"

Forcing my voice to remain firm I answered him, "Jack there are a couple of things. The first is that my mum is in hospital, she's just had surgery on her back and hip and she wanted to see the kids. I promised that I would ask you if they can visit her in hospital."

Jack's indifference changed to concern, "What's wrong with your mum? Is she ok? What sort of surgery? Why didn't you let me know earlier? Of course she can see the kids. What happened between us doesn't change how I feel about your parents, you know I have always liked them."

I gave him a quick run down on mum and what had happened. Half way through he excused himself and went to check on the kids, returning to tell me they were happily playing some new video game he had bought them.

He could see how upset I was and took pity on me.

"You look like you could use a coffee, hang on and I'll get us both some, I know I could use one too."

Returning with two cups he sat down opposite me and I noticed he'd discarded his tie.

"You said there were two things you wanted to talk about?"

"Yes there are. Jack I know now how much I have hurt you, I finally got it into my thick head what you must have gone through. It took me finding out that you were dating to make me feel what you must have felt. The thought of you with another woman was the last thing I wanted to know about. I just wanted to die."

Pausing to sip my coffee I collected my thoughts then continued, "You asked why I didn't let you know earlier, well I was going to. I came over to see you but you were out on a date. Kelli told me. Don't blame her it wasn't her fault, she let it slip. Once I got over feeling sorry for myself it hit me what I was going through must have been what I put you through."

Jack was watching me intently, unsure of where I was going with this.

"Jack I have told you that I still love you and that what I did was a big mistake. Well now I realize that it was more than that. It was a stupid self-indulgent act that lost me the one person that meant the world to me. I have no excuses for what I did, I'm not even sure that I really understand why I did it. I do know that I owe you an apology for everything I put you through. I am truly sorry. I know it won't make up for what I did but I am so sorry. I never thought that you would be so hurt. I guess I just didn't think things through."

Jack wasn't sure if he should believe me or not. My cheating had made him suspicious and he wasn't yet ready to believe me let alone trust me.

"Is this another of yours and Sylvia's plots to get back into my good books?" Uncertainty was present in every word.

"No I haven't spoken to or seen Sylvia since that Sunday we came here. She seems to have dropped out of sight. I did try to call her to tell her that our friendship was over but I haven't been able to contact her. I don't blame you for being suspicious but what I just said is straight from my heart."

"Megan you can't just expect to come here and tell me you're sorry and everything will be ok. My forgiveness can't be bought that cheaply. If you are trying to make me feel guilty it won't work. As far as I am concerned you cancelled out our vows of fidelity when you screwed Steve. Yes I have dated other women, however I don't count that as cheating so I have nothing to feel guilty about."

My resolve wasn't shaken and I surprised myself with how calm I was. Accepting the truth about what I had done gave me back some self control and a modicum of self respect.

"Jack I'm not asking for your forgiveness, at least not now. I don't think I have earned it yet. I am upset that you are dating but I agree that you are free to do what you want. I lost any right I had to your being mine exclusively. I can't give up on trying to win you back and all I ask is that you don't lock me out entirely. Please give me a chance to prove to you that I mean what I say. To try and earn back the right to your forgiveness."

Jack sat in silence staring at the floor. His head shook slowly from side to side while his strong right hand rubbed his stubble covered chin. The turmoil he was going through was clearly written on his face. I gave him the time he needed, there was nothing else I could do for the moment.

Jack coughed to clear his throat, a habit he had picked up from his father.

"Megan I just don't know. I want more than anything for us to be a family again like we were before, but I know we can't. I want to forgive you but the memory of what you did won't let me. I want to trust you again, but how can I?"

Jack stood and his body language told me our meeting was over.

"I'm going to get dinner ready for the kids, if you want you can talk to them while I prepare it. You're welcome to stay and eat with us if you want, I know the kids would love to have you."

I did stay, and talk around the table that night was all about my mum and how she was. The kids were sad that she was ill but happy they were going to see her. Being young they couldn't understand how serious it might be. Jack was concerned about how my father was and asked me to tell him that they were always welcome in his home.

"Tell your parents that Amber and Jack junior are their grandkids and I won't deny them access to see each other."

It was almost like being a family again, we ate, then I helped clean up and tucked the kids into bed.

Once we were back downstairs again I started to gather my things. Jack just looked on. I wanted him to ask me to stay, but I knew he wouldn't. Even if he wanted me to he couldn't.

He saw me to the door, and in his soft quiet voice said, "Tell your parents that I am thinking of them and they are in my prayers. I know your mum is going to be ok, she's a strong lady and will fight this. I'll take the kids to see her tomorrow if that's ok."

"Yes of course it is. She wants to see them so much, so does dad."

Opening the door to leave I turned on impulse and kissed him softly on the cheek. For the first time since we had split he didn't turn from me or cringe at my touch. He accepted my kiss but didn't return it. At least he hadn't rejected me totally, that was something.

I had almost made it to my car when he called to me, "Megan, I enjoyed tonight and I know the kids did, Thanks for staying."

A small ray of hope lit up my dark world. Like the first ray of sunshine after a storm it gave me hope of better things to come. I was realistic enough to know that like after a storm there was a lot of cleaning up to do before things got better. I was willing to do what was necessary.

True to his word Jack took the kids in to see mum not just once but every day she was in hospital. They talked about happier times and the future but never about the separation. It was almost like there was an unspoken agreement that this subject was taboo until mum was back on her feet. We all knew we would have to face it eventually.

Once mum was home I left work and stayed home with her. I divided my time between looking after her and visiting the kids. Once or twice a week Jack would bring the kids over to see us. Saturdays I would spend the day with them while Dad looked after Mum.

As spring changed to summer our gatherings became more frequent and went from just dinner to family barbeques. For hours at a stretch I could forget we were no longer a family as we played together. The down side was that Jack was still dating and wasn't trying to hide it.

"Megan we have to talk."

We were sitting in my parent's backyard watching the kids play around mum, while dad cooked on the barbeque.

A sudden apprehension gripped me. Was this it? Was he about to tell me that we were through, he had found someone else? Our divorce was progressing and I expected to receive the final papers any day now.

"Ok Jack, lets go inside. I'll ask dad to keep the kids out here and not to disturb us."

Once inside we sat at the kitchen table. I had fully expected him to sit opposite me but instead he took a seat beside me. Thoughtfully he sipped his beer while I toyed with my wine.

"Megan this isn't working for me. I need some sort of resolve but it isn't happening. You know I'm dating but that isn't working either. I can't settle or enjoy myself. Sometimes I make a date then ring and cancel, other times I go but just have dinner then take her home. I seldom have a date that goes full time."

Hearing those words made my heart leap in my chest. I reached over and placed a hand on his. Instead of pulling away he placed his other hand on top of mine, holding it in place.

Jack smiled a thin smile then continued, "Megan for the last month I have been seeing a counselor to help get me through this. Dave and Betty have been a great help and they recommended that I get professional help. She, the counselor, has been able to ease some of my worries but I've reached a point where I need more. She suggested that joint counseling might provide me with some of the answers that I need."

I jumped at the chance, eagerly I responded, "Of course I'll go see her with you."

"Don't be so quick to answer, it may not be what you think. It's possible that the closure I get allows me to move on, away from you. With our divorce coming soon I need answers and this is the best way for me to get them, but they may not be the answers you want."

I gave him a reassuring smile though it was far from what I really felt.

"I know but it's what you need, it's the least I can do. I'm willing to take that chance. Who knows it may work out for us. I'm willing to give it a go. Now we should be getting back to the kids."

Smiling he nodded. Rising I followed him from the kitchen, away from the sadness.

For the next three months we attended therapy. Sometimes together, sometimes individually. This was meant to be about Jack getting closure but it worked equally as well for me. As I answered his questions I was finding answers of my own, answers that let me see why I had done this. The answers did not make me any happier but at least I now knew why. So did Jack.

Our life together had become plain, clean almost sterile. The excitement and naughtiness of youth had been replaced with predictable behaviour. It seems that I had wanted to replace some of that sterility with a little dirty action. Unfortunately instead of getting my husband to agree I had followed bad advice and listened to Sylvia.

The counselor pointed out that this wasn't unusual in marriage as evidenced by what was referred to as the 'Seven Year Itch'. She also convinced Jack and I to try to work through it.

"Guys I have sat here and listened to both of you, and there is one thing I am sure of, you both still love each other. Megan you know this, Jack you know it but need to accept it. I'm not saying it will be easy but it will be easier than going through with a divorce you will both regret."

She paused to let what she had said sink in, then continued, "Jack when you came here first you were a mess. I watched you floundering in self pity and despair. Now look at you. You're still angry but at the same time you are happier in yourself. What or who do you think is responsible for that?"

Not giving him time to respond the counselor laid it out for him, "You miss being a part of a full family group. These family gatherings and barbeques have given you back part of what you lost. If that can have such a profound effect on you then imagine what it will be like if you can get the whole thing back. Then again, imagine what it would be like if you go on with the divorce and lose the happiness you have rediscovered."

Jack agreed and put a temporary hold on the divorce until we had time to sort through the issues. If things didn't work out then we could still sign them and it would be all over.

She was right it wasn't easy. It took a further six months of talk and anger. Jack would listen then vent his anger or worse just get up and leave. What gave me hope was that he always came back. He never apologized for his outbursts, expecting me to accept them as part of my penance.

Then one day he and the kids disappeared. It was after a particularly bad session during which he got up and left. They were gone for over a week and I was becoming desperate. Dad had tried to find them through his work with the police but to no avail.

I even called his parents but they either didn't know or weren't telling me. They were polite but distant and so I didn't push, just asking that if they heard from him to let me know he was ok. They agreed but I had my doubts they would do it.

Jack had missed two sessions with the counselor so imagine my surprise when I turned up for our regular meeting to see him sitting, waiting for me. As I entered he rose and came towards me, taking my hand he kissed me. A small kiss, not on the cheek but on the lips. He was different, almost his old self, confident and assured.

Confused I sat and listened taking little part in the session. Jack did most of the talking telling us where he had been and why.

"I was mad as hell after that last session. I decided I couldn't continue and needed to get away. I rang work the next day and arranged for some emergency leave then took off with the kids. We ended up in the mountains camping, fishing and walking. The kids had a ball and it gave me the space I needed to think. Megan I hate what you did to me but I also love you. The kids and I miss having you at home with us. Sheila," he addressed the counselor. "You are right, divorce isn't the answer. Not for us at this stage."

He paused and looked into my eyes, searching for what I don't know. "Megan I'm ready to give us a second chance. I know this may not be quite what you want but it is the best I can offer for now. I want you to move back home, into the spare room. We need to see if we can live together and get over this before we make a full commitment."

Sheila beat me by a split second, "Jack are you sure you are ready for this? We have come a long way but there is still a long way to go. This may be a bit premature."

"I'm sure, I need to get on and this is the best way to do it. I only hope that Megan feels the same. There are some conditions attached to this offer. First Megan must get a check up from her doctor for STD's. Secondly, if you ever cheat or lie again then we are through, no more chances. I couldn't go through this a second time."

"Yes Jack. It isn't what I wanted but it is a step in the right direction. Before I agree though I need to know why the sudden change."

"As I said I had time to think up in the mountains. I thought about life with you and without you. When I thought about you I was happy, when I considered life without you I was depressed, sad and lonely. One day I was sitting on the banks of a stream fishing with the kids. Amber caught a small trout and was so excited, jumping up and down she almost slipped into the water. I grabbed her and it flashed through my mind what if I hadn't and she had drowned, she wouldn't have had any time with you. I started to cry and the kids comforted me. Amber said what we had all been thinking. 'I wish mummy was here'. I told her so do I baby so do I. And it was true I really did wish you were there with us."

Jack turned to me and said the words I had longed to hear, "Megan I do love you, I can't forget but I think that I have reached a point where I can forgive. I ask one thing, that you are always honest with me from now on. Talk to me and tell me what you want. If you can do that then I think we can get over this."

I was so overcome with emotion I could hardly answer. Just when I thought I had finally lost him I had the second chance I had begged for.

"Yes Jack I can do that. I'll spend the rest of my life making it up to you."

Jack shook his head, "No that is the worst thing you could do. That would only make me remember. I want a partner in life not a subservient slave who only wants to make me happy."

I moved back home the following weekend. We had our ups and downs but they were only minor hiccups compared to what we had been through. It was almost four months after I had moved back home before I was welcomed into Jack's bed. Our first sex was desperate and far from the love making I craved, but it helped to put some of our fears to rest. Gradually over the coming weeks we returned to the gentle love making I remembered and wanted so badly.

The night it happened was almost like our first time. We'd been sitting together on the sofa watching some soppy old movie. Jack's arm had found its way around my shoulder and I had snuggled into him, my head resting on his chest. As the movie ended I had tears silently running down my cheeks. He kissed them away then kissed me gently on each cheek. We looked into each other's eyes then gripped with a passion we hadn't felt for a long time we kissed as if there would be no tomorrow. Our tongues dueled with each other and our hands explored the other's body. Buttons popped as clothes were discarded while we were still connected at the lips.

Jack's hands were gentle but firm as he explored my breasts, tweaking each nipple in turn. Slowly he moved his mouth down my neck nibbling his way to my ear then over my shoulder. Each nip sent electric shocks through my body to concentrate in my pussy. By the time he got to my breasts my panties were soaked and I was ready for him. He was ready too, I could feel his hardness pushing against my leg through his pants. I wanted him inside me but he had other ideas and wasn't about to be rushed. I knew then that this was to be a special night, one we would remember for a long time.

He must have spent twenty minutes licking and sucking my breasts, bringing me to a near climax but never letting me quite make it. Finally when he had teased me enough he moved further south kissing his way down my stomach but avoiding my pussy. He proceeded to kiss and fondle my legs and thighs focusing on my inner thighs and behind my knees which are especially sensitive. Moving his mouth to my pussy he still withheld direct contact. Instead parting my legs he gave himself complete access opening up my inner self. He proceeded to blow small puffs of air directly onto the sensitive inner lips and around my clit. The feeling was exquisite. At that point I felt my first small orgasm ripple through my body, my gasps and whimpers giving Jack the signal he had waited for. Wrapping my fingers in his hair I tried in vain to pull him into me. I wanted that contact so badly.

Taking a break he moved back to my knees but this time he alternated his kisses with small tentative licks working his way back to my pussy. By now I was leaking so badly I could feel it running down my butt cheeks.

My whimpers and gasps only seemed to make him go even slower.

At last he reached my pussy and dove straight in licking and sucking each lip then forcing his tongue deep into my secret place. I was still feeling the effects of my first orgasm while building quickly towards another more intense feeling. That was all I needed to take me over and my head filled with a blinding flash of exquisite pain as I erupted, filling his mouth with my juices. Jack still hadn't finished with me as he moved to my clit and licked and sucked me again. I wanted him to stop. I wanted him to continue. I didn't know what I wanted and it didn't matter, I was in his hands. My last conscious though was one of total bliss and happiness. I had my Jack back.