by Eroticdreamescape
Aside from some benign grammar issues that can be cleaned up ("loose/lose") this is a hot story. Thank you so much. Some of the description is electric (e.g., " His eyes were glazed but glowing hot like two pieces of coals just tossed into a raging inferno"). You are highly gifted, and your words reach a level of eroticism that is absent in most stories on this site. Five stars.
This is an excellent story line and leaves room for several more chapters. Hope you continue.
One note of constructive criticism: you need to make use of a good editor who can clean up the punctuation errors and typos (i.e. "pubic hair" became "public hair", etc.)
That said, please continue to write; you are too good to stop now. And if my comment angers you, please delete it. I just want to help.