Of Hope Lost and Found Ch. 02

"My looks?"

"Well...yeah. Here you are, this...incredibly beautiful woman. It's all I can do not to stare at you sometimes. And somehow, this lecherous preacher man has manipulated you into marrying him. Oh, how worldly I am! I went for the pleasures of the flesh when choosing a wife!"

"Well it's a good thing you don't care much for the pleasures of the flesh, right?" I said in all seriousness. Glen looked at me in surprise, then just leaned back in full bodied laughter. It took him a minute to just calm down and catch his breath. We were sitting next to each other at the table, and he turned his chair to face me.

"That's funny, Dottie. Real funny."

I was curious. "But...I thought that wasn't a big deal for you...or something. I mean you've gone so long..."

"I've gone so long because I've been single. I was a free lovin' hippie before I converted and became a pastor. Dottie, I am big into the pleasures of the flesh. Just...in the right context- marriage."

"So you really want to...you know...with me?" I realized I had been a little foolish, thinking he just didn't care about sex. We were sitting next to each other at the table, and he turned his chair to face me.

"You're joking, right? Dottie, if you weren't asking for a wedding ceremony, I would call in Pastor Ed right now to marry us. I am...eager...to add the physical dynamic to our relationship. But..." he paused and stopped smiling like he'd won the jackpot, "I also want to be sensitive to your scars and to the way sex was...less than ideal...in your past. And I know that you don't necessarily have those kind of feelings for me yet, so I haven't wanted to move that direction until you're ready. I want to give some time for that to develop"

And then I understood part of why he wasn't pushing the physical relationship- he knew that would be a sensitive issue for me. I suddenly and unexpectedly wanted to kiss Glen. "So how do you think something like that develops?" I asked, genuinely wanting to know.

"Honestly, I don't know. I just know you can't force it. But I guess being around someone a lot, and enjoying time with them, and maybe letting your imagination help out."

"Imagination?"

"Yeah...you know, picturing a physical relationship can make you start to want it. And then wanting it makes you think about it more- it's like a cycle that fuels itself. You can't make yourself want, but you can make yourself imagine, which may kick start the process."

I thought about that, and I realized that, over the past few weeks, as I pictured myself being physical with Glen I had noticed that I started to desire that...just a little at first. Maybe that was OK.

"Glen, do you think everything should wait until marriage?"

"I think a lot of it should. You're talking about sex, right?"

"Yeah...so...if I was ready to try something physical before the wedding, that might be OK?"

Glen got a goofy smile and said, "Sure. Some things would be OK. The Bible doesn't lay out details on that, really, but some good advice I've gotten from people I trust is that clothes stay on and hands stay above the waist- but otherwise go for it, since we're engaged." I laughed at that- it seemed to be so puritanical by some standards and yet so much more liberal than I expected.

"So...if I wanted to kiss you right now...that would be OK?"

"Neither God nor I would stop you. And if Betty walked in and saw it, she'd probably give you a high five."

"Glen...I'd like to kiss you now. To help my imagination."

"I would really like that." Then he smiled and added, "But my imagination doesn't need any help."

Sitting in our chairs, I leaned towards him a bit. He leaned in to meet me, but before our lips met, we both paused. I giggled softly, feeling awkward. Glen lifted his hand to my cheek, gently holding me still as he brushed my lips with his. I closed my eyes and let my lips feel him. He had a very short beard- not much longer than the head of hair he kept buzzed short. The whiskers tickled and scratched a little, but not so much that it was uncomfortable.

After just a gentle touch of our lips, Glen pulled back and asked softly, "Is that OK?"

After a second or two, I whispered, "Yeah."

"Is that enough for now?" he asked.

My eyes still closed, I breathed in and out a few times, then answered, "No." Glen was the only man I had ever kissed other than James, and James had never kissed me like that. With James, a kiss was a forceful thing, passionate and strong, a fiery prelude to a vigorous fucking. When Glen kissed me, I felt like the kiss itself was the most special thing I could be doing. It had hints of something more, but it was also something that bonded us by itself.

Our lips touched again, and I put my hand on his, which was still on my cheek. With my other hand, I moved from his shoulder down his arm and took his free hand in mine. As our lips parted and our tongues touched, I squeezed his hand. We sat there like that for less than a minute, slowly opening and closing our mouths, tentatively exploring new territory, irreversibly crossing a line in our relationship.

It was Glen who pulled away, and I was surprised that I instinctively moved forward, trying to prolong the contact between us. Once he was sitting up straight again, I opened my eyes and blinked a few times, trying to regain my focus. I looked up at Glen- the man who would soon be my husband. He wasn't giving me the smug grin I expected. He instead looked a little scared.

"Are you OK?" I asked.

"That's the first time I've touched a woman in...12...13 years." He said, a confused expression spreading over him. "I just don't remember it being so intense. I guess...back then I had gotten to where sex was just a common thing...it lost all meaning...but kissing you...wow!"

I smiled, feeling a mixture of things I couldn't place. "I've never seen you at a loss for words before," I teased him.

"You might need to get used to it...if...wow."

*******

I can't say that after that I was crazy in lust with Glen. It wasn't like blinders had been taken off my eyes and I suddenly just wanted to take him to bed. But something did change. I liked kissing him. But once again, it felt like the opposite of what happened with James. I liked James because I wanted his body. I began to want Glen's body because I liked him. I wasn't sure if one of those was more right or more natural than the other, but what began to happen with Glen sure felt good.

We kissed as often as we had the chance to. It was distracting at times, because neither of us wanted to stop there. One time we were on the couch, and our bodies just naturally stretched out with Glen on top of me. Our hands were roaming everywhere they could reach when we heard voices on the porch- some of the girls were getting back from work. Glen and I jumped up and headed into the kitchen to straighten out our clothes. Glen looked especially flustered- I had felt his hardness pressing against me, even through all our clothes. In that moment, I had wanted to go much further than, "clothes on, hands above the waist." As if reading my mind, Glen gave me a chaste kiss on the cheek and said, "Three more weeks, love." I smiled, realizing I was starting to look forward to that.

*******

Our wedding was small and simple. All my family was there, including some extended family that didn't exactly know the story behind how I had ended up at Horton House. Glen's family was there, as were most of the members of our church. A dozen or so of the girls who had been through the House over the years came back, some of them quite surprised that Glen and I were together. It was so encouraging to see that more than one of them had gotten their life on track after leaving the House. Shayna laughed and shook her head every time I saw her. "You're a real Mother Hen now!" she teased me.

Among our wedding gifts were three lamps for me and one eye patch for Glen...

*******

Our wedding present from Betty, Clara, and the rest of the volunteers was a one week honeymoon in the mountains. They had reserved a cabin, gave us money for food and gas, and, most importantly, they all took on a lot of hours at the House that week so that we could get away. I didn't realize it, but Glen hadn't taken a week off in 3 years. That would have to change!

The wedding was a late morning ceremony, giving us time to drive to the mountains by nightfall. Glen unpacked the car while I took stock of the cabin. It was well supplied, so once we brought in the groceries we had bought, we were all set for a week. I went into the bedroom and looked around nervously. I pictured Glen and I on the bed, and despite my nerves I felt myself tingling with anticipation.

Glen walked up behind me and put his arms around me. I leaned back into him and sighed.

"How are you feeling?" he asked.

"Tired. Nervous. Happy. A lot of things," I answered him.

Glen kissed my neck and said, "Me too," he said with a yawn. "It's been a long day." Glen had driven most of the 6 hours we spent in the car. We stopped for a late dinner an hour before getting to the cabin, so it was almost 11pm and our bellies were full. The more I looked at the bed, the more I wanted to sleep.

Glen opened our bags and pulled out a few things. "How tired are you?" he asked.

"Pretty tired," I said honestly, "but we can still..."

"I'm exhausted, Dottie. I could and I want to, but there will seldom be times when I don't feel that way. As much as I can't believe I'm saying this, I'd rather sleep right now than have tired, sleepy sex for our first time."

"Then let's just go to bed...for sleep, I mean. We've got all week," I said, relieved by his suggestion. I, too, wanted to finally consummate our marriage, but I wouldn't be as into it as I wanted to be.

For the first time, we shared our nightly routines of changing clothes, brushing teeth, etc. It seemed normal and domestic. I crawled under the covers, and Glen joined me a few minutes later. I lay on my back, staring through the darkness at a ceiling I couldn't see. I could hear Glen's breathing next to me. After a few seconds, I heard him roll, then move closer to me. He put an arm around me, and I felt warmed by his touch. I rolled to my side and let him spoon behind me. Glen whispered a drowsy, "I love you," as we both were overtaken by sleep.

*******

When I awoke, the only light was a hint of blue out the window and the sun tried to break through the trees. I heard water running and realized that Glen wasn't in bed. It sounded like he was in the shower. I stretched out luxuriously, then hopped out of bed. I dropped my clothes as I got close to the bathroom, and stepped into the shower with Glen. I had never seen him without glasses- he looked younger. He was just soaping up his body, and he froze when he saw me. I was smiling shyly as Glen's eyes moved slowly down and up my body.

"Wow, Dottie...w-"

I surged forward and kissed him, the water running over our heads and down our faces. I put my hands on his waist, and Glen gripped my shoulders. He had been rinsing his mouth in the shower, so his morning breath wasn't as bad as mine.

Glen broke our kiss and looked into my eyes as best as he could under the running water. "Is it OK if I..."

"Yes. Yes, it's all OK." And to emphasize that point, I moved a hand down to his member. Since Glen wasn't built very big, I was surprised to find his penis to be noticeably larger than James'. I ran a soapy hand up and down his swiftly stiffening tool.

"Let's skip the rest of the shower," he suggested, breathlessly. I reached behind myself and turned off the water. Glen grabbed his towel and rubbed his face. We both stepped out of the shower and dried off quickly. Glen's hardness was bouncing around as he rubbed his body with a towel. I hadn't gotten very wet during my short stay in the shower, so I was already on the bed when Glen got there. He wasted no time lying down next to me.

"Dottie, I'm about crazy with lust right now, so I need you to tell me when to slow down, OK?"

"Would you believe I don't really want you to slow down right now?"

Glen raised an eyebrow questioningly. I smiled at him and answered his wordless question. "Glen, I like sex. It's not bad. I...I didn't like just being used for sex, but I don't get that feeling from you. So I'm kind of...looking forward to this. A lot."

"Are you ready?" Unlike during my first time with James, I knew what that question meant this time, and I could honestly answer with a smile and a hearty nod of my head. I reached down to help line his cock up at my entrance, and I paused to appreciate the warmth of it in my grip. Glen took advantage of that pause by kissing my nipple and teasing it to stiffness with his tongue. But once I had his tip in between my folds, Glen lifted his head an looked into my eyes. He started pushing in slowly, and I moved my hips around a little to help. He worked in and out of me with just his tip until we could hear and feel that my wetness was making me ready for him to push more.

With a gasp, Glen was quickly seated all the way inside me. I took a few deep breaths, a little surprised by the fullness of his size. Glen had been looking in my eyes as he pushed in, but once he was fully inside, he closed his eyes and trembled. He held that position for so long that I got a little worried.

"Did you forget what to do next?" I joked.

"No," he whispered, then cleared his throat. Opening his eyes again, he shook his head and smiled. "It's just amazing. You're amazing. This feels so perfect. I might not be able to wait for you this first time."

"Don't worry about it. I can't...I never cum from sex. Just...you know...from your mouth."

"Well," he said with a gasp, "I'll be happy to try to teach you otherwise this week." With that, he started a slow rhythm, slower than I had ever experienced. I put my hands on his smooth back and thought, Such a sweet guy. But I've had sex a lot, even in less than a year of marriage- it just doesn't do it for me. I hope he's not too disappointed at the end of the week.

Glen was anything but disappointed that morning, though. We knew it would be quick, and to his credit he delayed the inevitable for longer than I thought possible, but even that slow rhythm was pushing him towards his release. Most of the time, he kept himself propped up over me, and we both took advantage of that position to look down and admire the naked body opposite our own.

He kept leaning down to kiss my breasts, which formed goosebumps at his attentions. Meanwhile, I was observing his chest and stomach. His belly was soft but not fat. When I rubbed it with my hands, I could feel the tightness of his muscles just underneath. His chest showed signs of his hidden strength, and I would later come to learn that he had a regular exercise routine to keep in shape. I enjoyed watching the different muscles expand and contract as his whole body was engaged in his thrusting.

It wasn't long after he entered me, however, that he lowered his whole body, resting on top of mine. There was a comfortable familiarity to that masculine weight pressing down on me. His elbow on the bed kept me from being squished, but he was close enough that my hardened nipples were sent little shocks of excitement to my core as his chest rubbed against them. I heard the tell-tale sounds of quickened breathing, and Glen's hands searched frantically for something to hold. Hey ultimately landed on my hips, giving him the leverage for a few final thrusts.

Glen grunted and cried out softly as he approached his peak. "Ooh, baby you feel so amazing...ooohhh fffu-... Mmmmph... hngh, HNGH... I can't believe...Oh GOD!" I smiled thinking that I was seeing a side of the pastor that no one else ever saw. He was still a man, a man who loved sex and who would cum with a shout, his cock pressed deep inside his wife, pulsing and throbbing, just as he was now.

As Glen slowed down and just held his still-hard tool inside me, I rubbed his back and kissed his neck. My hands wandered down to his butt cheeks, which were then soft and curved. When he would again push into me a little, I could feel them tighten, and I would squeeze them gently in response. Once he caught his breath, Glen pulled out and lay on his side next to me.

"Dottie, is it OK for me to touch you, to use my fingers to help you?"

"Now?"

"Yeah. Are you even a little worked up right now?"

"I'm pretty worked up, yeah, but J-...but I'm not used to that right after sex."

"To me it's still a part of sex," he said, slipping his hands across my thigh. His fingers circled around my lips and moved up and down my slit. I was worked up, even more than I usually was after sex. The long time without, the excitement of being with Glen for the first time, and the soothing tempo of our love-making had gotten me wanting more attention down there. Glen seemed to know just how to help. His fingers danced around my clit, moving away and coming back as tension built up inside me.

When my breathing quickened and my thighs started clenching around his hand, Glen took a nipple into his mouth, flicking it with his tongue. My hand jerked up and wrapped around his head, holding him there. My other hand rubbed around my belly, and the multitude of sensations sent me crashing into orgasm. Glen slipped two fingers into my entrance just as I started cumming, and I felt my walls clench around them. I cried out each time I exhaled, my breaths sounding high-pitched.

"Ehhhn... Ehhhh!... aaAAHHH!"

Glen released my breast and put his mouth by my ear. He whispered to me as I came, "So beautiful...so sexy...so special...so strong...so wonderful...I love my wife...Dottie, you are amazing..." I closed my eyes as the sensations continued- less intense but still making my legs shake. My cum ended with a laughing exhale. I felt ecstatic, above the clouds. Even as I floated back down and felt Glen's arms around me, I still couldn't even take in my surroundings.

Still panting, I asked Glen, "Can we do that again this week?"

He laughed and said, "We can do that again this morning! But have mercy on a hungry man- let's go make breakfast."

"In a minute, baby. Give me a minute. I'm not ready to leave this bed."

"Well, you won't be saying good-bye to it. Just say, see you again soon."

*******

We spent the week alternating between appetites- sating our hunger for food, then quenching the fires of lust. We took a few walks through the woods and we talked a lot, yes. But much to our surprise, sex dominated our honeymoon. I guess I had expected to talk about work and other things a lot- the kind of stuff we normally did. And Glen expected that I wouldn't be as interested in sex as he was.

"I'm going to suggest sex every time I want it," he told me that first morning, "and you always have the freedom to say no without fearing that you'll upset me. I'm just going to be very up front with my desires, and I very much desire you."

I wasn't used to that kind of situation. James never really let me say no. I never did say it, but partly because I knew...or feared...how he might respond. He made me feel like sex was his right and my duty whenever he wanted it. Strangely enough, that was similar to what Glen believed, too- that sex was a mutual right and a mutual duty in marriage. "But we both try to make sure that we don't make the other person feel that way about it," he said. "If we're doing well, it feels like a mutual privilege and a mutual pleasure."