All Comments on 'One More Day'

Great story. I could feel the his sadness.

Liked your story and good luck in the competition.

My best wishes

My goodness Sweet! I don't think my emotions have been so helter-skelter since I've been on my medications. :) This was beautiful, erotic, loving and touching. Really one of the best I've read lately. Thank you for inviting me to share it.

B.F. Redd

Writer of Your Fantasy

I think this was a beautiful story, so bittersweet, it brought tears to my eyes.

His pain was so evident,

what a wonderful way with words you have.

What a tender, sweet, loving story. You must realize that you've touched quite a few hearts with this one. I'm in admiration of your talent. Why is it that we seldom realize the value of what we have until we lose it?

Not sure about your choice in subject matter - Im not a big believer in sad makes for deep and I definitely lean more towards the sweet than the bitter. I surely cant fault your execution though. It was a real tear jerker.

Thanks for writing.

The perfect family suffers a devastating loss. This story tugs at the heartstrings the whole way. If you like an endearing sweet wonderful Christmas tale - you'll like this one. Terrific Write!

Good luck in the contest!

It does give one something to think about.

Sad but well executed.

Regards, Jack

I must admit I am a 53 yr old man an I too cried like a baby. It was so sad but could be very true. Good job......

Paul

Loved the story. Thanks for writing.

Phil

And wow again! Brilliant submission.

This story had captivated me from beginning till end.

I don't want to count the tissues, I've needed while reading.

I'm very impressed. Topstory.

THIS is a Loving Wives story. Putting something such as this with the stories of cheating and such just doesn't seem right, from either side. I assume there are people who will pass on this story because of the category, but if there was one dedicated to cheating (both wives and husbands) such things would not occur. As is, maybe it should have been under Romance.

Hi Sweet,

Thank you for letting me know you had posted this deeply touching and very well written story. I look forward to reading more of your work.

Vincent aka HH Self

or you're going to give Loving Wives a GOOD reputation!

I loved your story and I'm looking forward to seeing more of your writing.

Very enjoyable.

According to your bio, you have had a lot of photographers in your life (including your husband). If it wouldn't cause a scandal, how about putting up a picture or two. I find it makes the story more interesting if there is a photo to relate to the author.

I think that you caught the sorrow that one might feel in these circumstances perfectly. Great submission. Thank you

Magnificent... fabulous... powerful

More please.. dont stop writing

If this is your first, what a talent you've been holding back. This is more a "romance" than a "loving wives" story, given the normal tenor of Loving wives stories. This was a great read, very tender, very romantic, you made me feel his pain. I thought how I would have felt if it had been my wife, & I don't believe I would have survived what he had gone through. Keep writing, you have too much talent to stop.

Short, concise and powerful comes to mind as I read your story. Truly a loving wife! A great reminder to us that for those who have lost loved ones we need to extend our love to them during this holiday season! Thanks!

SleeplessinMD

I've rarely been as moved by a story here as I have by this one. I suspect that while this is your first submission to Literotica, you are no stranger to quality writing.

I gave it a 5, and a 100, so don't take the following comments as criticisms. This story made me think so deeply that I found myself picking at it, somewhat like you'd turn a piece of crystal to see the different facets and the way the prism comes through to show the various colors of the rainbow. I had a lot of random thoughts about this story, as I often do with good literature, so here goes:

1. This was a very bittersweet story, but much more bitter than sweet. Even at the end, we're left with the bitter ashes of knowing that Allen is still alone, that his one day of bliss was a mirage. I know his taking down the portrait was supposed to symbolize that he was moving forward with his life, nevertheless, it was a sad, poignant moment. His family is still gone, and he's still alone.

2. I know why you plotted this the way you did, but I have to wonder if it was almost crueler in the end to give him his "one more day" then take it away from him. If it was me, I'd almost rather keep the dead in the past and not get such a tantalizing taste of such joy, only to know that it wasn't meant to last.

3. I'm very much on the fence about whether you should have given us more details on what exactly happened in the wreck. I confess, the voyeur in me wants to see the scene, wants to know how an innocent little trip to the frame shop ends up in a wreck that kills four people. You hinted at it when the police showed up with the portrait, and talked about the crumpled mass of metal. On the other hand, the mystery of what happened helps build the emotional tension, because it's really irrelevant. Allen's family is gone, and at the worst possible time, and it doesn't matter how they died.

4. One thing that I did feel was missing was any sense of Allen's wider world. All we see of him is at home. We know he's a compassionate man - even in his grief, he buys Christmas gifts for the needy - but I'd like to learn a little more about him. For instance, why three years after the fact is he still immobilized with grief to the point where he's sitting in his home alone sucking down scotch? Where is his support group? All we know is that he has nieces and nephews that he spends Christmas with to "put on a happy face." I get the real sense that he feels like family and friends let him down in his hour of need. But we really don't know that, and I for one would have liked to have seen that brought out.

5. Finally, I definitely get a sense that this story isn't over. I would really like to see a sequel, where Allen does move forcefully forward, where he finds love again - and some measure of happiness. In other words, I'd like to see you sweeten this story up a little. This is a tremendous work of art, but it left me, a grown man, on the verge of tears with its relentless sadness. A little sugar would do nothing to detract from the emotional impact of this original, and I hope you will consider it.

Ya now, I'm all set to sit down and read about some cheating bastard/slut or some cuck and what do you do? You leave me blubbering like a GODDAMN baby.

THAN YOU!!!!!!!

It is all to rare that we get to read a story that touches so deep, I hope to see more of your writing.

I need to go hug my wife and kid now.

CW

Superb writing with deeply emotive scenes sketched with excellent prose.

The characters are finely drawn, real people and the author shows us who they are. They're strong in their love for each other and for their children, joined together, one heart, one mind, one soul.

The plot is woven around the main character's devastating sense of loss at the tragic death of his family. He's trying to cope with the impossible but each day is filled with pain and longing. The resolution is the magic of Christmas and her love for him transcends the veil of death to release him to live again. It's wonderfully touching and affirms that love is its own reward.

Excellent fiction this is. This 100's for you, sweethomealabama, for a story well-told. I thank you.

Your story moved me.

I can only wish that for one day I had the level of Love he had.

We both long for the same thing. One for something they lost and one for something they never found.

Nice job.

This story is definitely an emotional rollercoaster. It tugs at every emotion to almost the darkest depths. It is moving and heartbreaking at the same time. When finished, a reader may feel as if they need to "put their head between their legs and breathe" due to the rise in both blood pressure and emotional torment. It definiely addresses the saying, "Better to have loved and loss, then to never have loved at all." As with every piece of literature there are positive and negative comments to be said, I like to start with the negative and end on a good note!

Negative

1. At the beginning of the story it is obvious that something has happened to this man and the reader may want to "hurry" through the story to find that out.

2. The plot is structured well, but there is a lack of characterization. We see the characters only in the time span of the story. Maybe a little more background information on the family (i.e. careers, time spent together, childrens relationship with the father, etc.)

3. Maybe a little too sad? Personal opinion but, I feel that by the end I have focused so much on this man's pain that I forget entirely about the wife and kids. I found myself focusing on his well being and what was next for him (sequel hmmmmm?) Is this about a loving family and how love can stretch over any obstacle, or the wrenching pain that one feels over a devastating loss? I know that he gets his "one more day" but does he put the painting away because he has finally come to terms with it, or can he just not stand the pain anymore? I see strong ties to both themes.

4. A few grammatical errors in participle usage and sentence structure, but overall grammatically well written.

* Look into using antonyms for certain words.

Positive

1. Great erotic scenes, well written and not overdone. Perfect agreement between sensuality and sexuality. (There is a difference)

2. Great description of surroundings. The reader can visually see the kitchen, living room, etc. Great job with descriptive words.

3. Essentially covers all parts of a good plot; introduction, point of rising action, rising actions, climax (no pun intended), falling actions. The resolution is open for interpretation which liking this literary device or not really comes down to reader preference.

Overall good story with little tweaks that need to be made. No matter what always keep writing! As I always say, "Put your thoughts on paper and they can never leave your mind."

What a wonderful Christmas present!

Boyd

To only feel the love that i felt in this story.... I almost stopped reading it because i knew it would make me cry, but knew i couldn't stop...

It is a beautiful story, wish all couples are this happy in their love/marriage. It is that time of the year, where dream sometimes comes true. Wishing all readers of this great story telling site may your dream becomes reality too.

VERY NICE INDEED...THANK YOU FOR SHARING YOUR TALENT...

But sad. There is no way I could tell a man how to get past the loss of his family. I do believe he had a realistic dream but it was enough to satisfy him!

A great read.

But it sure brought tears to my eyes.

Sweet:

There's nothing I can write that hasn't already been eloquently expressed by so many before me. You gave me just enough information. No more or less was needed. I'd advise against a sequel. It would only dilute the impact your magnificent story has had on so many readers. This story should stand alone.

My best,

Philip

Three years and three weeks ago I lost my wife/friend of almost 56 years. I still have the glow of her love and fristy behavior, in and out of bed, and I feel the void while the positive feeling of all our experiences. Forunately I have our son, granddaughters and great-grandchildren, but I miss her. You caputured much of the feelings. Happy holidays.

I thought was so moving i just broke down crying but why didnt you just let him keep his wife and kids after the dream why take them away from him on a christmas day i recently lost my dad and i dream of him being with us again its not fair for the husband to lose his family why didnt he ask for god to let him stop her from leaving to pick up the painting ? did they ever find out how they were killed ?

Pat Murray

Atlanta,Ga

this is why you should NOT believe in religions.

people get out from a collpased building and they utter "God did it! Thank the Lord!"

yet when something like this happens, you never hear them say, "God did it!" Or, even, "God let Satan did it. I hate you, God, for letting Satan take my loved ones like that."

fact is, EVERY THING --- every motion and process --- in the known universe is GOVERNED by probabilistic laws, which in turn are probabilistic.

religious superstitions are invented to soften our hearts, to give us fantasies about destinies and probabilistic laws, and other finalities. in reality, we have NO grasp of any such things and are AS FRAGIL as butterflies, in both clear days (proned to be picked off by birds) rainy days (to be weighed down, smashed against objects by winds, and washed away by water),,,

Sweet

Thanks it kept me reading,I am ready for another.

the emotions are raw and real, and this was well worth reading. You are extremely talented!

Fantastic story. Both heartbreaking and heartwarming. Well done.